Hey, just reading through your diary. You're making good progress,keep it up. And don't kid yourself that a minor relaxation is a good idea. Don't convince yourself that Insta is fine because it's not porn. Set your mind on better things. And enjoy your real life relationship. Wishing you all the best.
Day 19Me and me girlfriend had a great chill evening yesterday, just great not doing anything sometimes. Today has felt a little bit easier to ignore the urges and not wandering off on the internet and looking at pictures of girls. Thanks guys! Means a lot for the encouragement, we just need to readjust our behavior and not falling for temptation. I remember quitting snus wich is tobacco you put under your lip, it took more than a year for me to quit. And I haven’t used it since.. Just need to keep pushing and working on my psychological thought progression in this as well. Knowledge about obessive behavior and addiction is a great deal of help. As you guys say, the other voice we have in us trying to convince us stuff is okay.. ”just one more time it’s okay” And ”what if I can’t get rid of this?” I’m sure everyone with addictive personality faces these false thoughts.
Day 30I get pictures in my mind of things I’ve been watching and yesterday went in to have a peek at some pics on google. I stopped myself, I’ve had the feightening thought of not ever using pmo again, that’s the only way to go. It’s not about doing 30-60-90 days, it’s about not coming back again to pmo. It’s great goals but I think I need to get familiar with the thought ”for the rest of my life”.That’s scary right now, but as these days goes it will probably fade, the fright of letting go. Relapsing is part of recovery, as long as we don’t give up when we’ve had one relapse. I’ve done so multiple times before. But at last if I can stay strong and just keep away, it will slowly go away. Got to keep myself busy, and do things instead of peeking on my phone.
That’s a good explanation, thanks changemylife! Day 31 in the books here, this is crazy, never gone this long without pmo. Today as the latest days I’ve been feeling easily irritated and angry. Definitely feels like this is because I can’t calm myself with pmo.