Author Topic: Metanoia, a journey of faith  (Read 1683 times)

Joost!

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #25 on: February 23, 2019, 05:58:18 AM »
February 23, 2019
REMORSEFUL
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It's been a while. Slowly i'm sobering up.
My brain is grasping for new connections, my spirit burdened by the weight of the past and confused by the now.
I was in the grips of lust. My voracious hunger bordered the impulsive drifts of serial murderers and rapists.
Let's think for a minute about the porn industry. The majority of the girls involved, if not all, have suffered some form of childhood abuse and carry some unhealed emotional trauma.
What we are watching is the covering up of this pain through the act they put up in front of the cameras in exchange for fake validation and money.
It's rather despicable and we're so used to watching it we can't even see the reality clear anymore.

"Is she not more than the curve of her hips?
Is she not more than the shine on her lips?
Does she not dream to sing and to live and to dance down her own path
Without being torn apart?

Does she not have a heart?"

https://youtu.be/n-lBmpz8Iso?t=136

It's only through the love of God I haven't experienced the desire to watch any woman naked the last weeks.
My own efforts fall short in reaching this state and are futile compared with how God wants to reshape our lustful hearts to long for which truly brings us joy, happiness and peace.
There is a reason most of us have felt some sort of shame after masturbating spurred on by the lust in our heart.
And it's not because we're made to feel guilty about sexuality by our religious upbringing.
It's witnessing our dirty conscience in the divine light of God.

« Last Edit: April 19, 2019, 02:16:51 AM by Joosh »

Georgos

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #26 on: February 23, 2019, 06:09:00 AM »
Here is what an American practitioner of MADness told me:

Porn and other forms of entertainment are pretty worthless if your market doesn't exist. - We live in the golden age of porn. When I was growing up, VHS tapes were cutting edge and the young women were all robotic and traumatized in playing their roles. Nowadays, besides being numerous, they're authentic, at ease, grunting, giggling and squirting. It warms my heart and gives me hope for the future of man.

There have always been madams, in the temples of Aphrodite, female priests would sleep with broken men to heal their trauma, of course temples used to have a business side to them as well, porn is not just about money, people upload their own porn that they have made themselves as a form of self-expression, to summarize his basic point, porn is becoming a means for the people acting in it to work through their trauma, the problem is that those watching it are either being fleesed or oppressed. I have said in a post many months ago that anything is permitted if you are at a sufficient level to understand it, watching porn as a practitioner, helping to heal the wounds of the participants requires an exceptional level, most had better not strive to reach there, those that do are kidding themselves that they are experiencing pleasure through doing it, thank you.

Joost!

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #27 on: February 25, 2019, 10:57:58 AM »
There have always been madams, in the temples of Aphrodite, female priests would sleep with broken men to heal their trauma, of course temples used to have a business side to them as well, porn is not just about money, people upload their own porn that they have made themselves as a form of self-expression, to summarize his basic point, porn is becoming a means for the people acting in it to work through their trauma, the problem is that those watching it are either being fleesed or oppressed. I have said in a post many months ago that anything is permitted if you are at a sufficient level to understand it, watching porn as a practitioner, helping to heal the wounds of the participants requires an exceptional level, most had better not strive to reach there, those that do are kidding themselves that they are experiencing pleasure through doing it, thank you.

There is no healing taking place without love and let that be the exact thing porn is totally devoid of. Exhibitionism or putting your body to the sexual service of others isn't coming from a place of love either. At best it is fooling yourself feeding your ego by letting others worship your outer shell in admiration. Temples built by human hands never truly had anything to do with God or becoming whole. Or maybe they had in ancient days. Logically, we can argue that due to omnipresence being one of the characteristics of God, it's rather ridiculous to limit God to one physical place. It's my belief we are called to treat our bodies as the temples for the holy spirit of God to dwell in. Lusting after the bodies of other beings, as in pornography is not only defiling your physical home making it unable to receive Gods spirit, it's also a serious violation against the image of God, in which we're all created.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2019, 11:05:31 AM by Joosh »

Georgos

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #28 on: February 25, 2019, 01:58:10 PM »
The principle of perfect exchange is empty. Interest cannot be calculated. It is either equal or it isn't or it is both at the same time. Panta Rhae. Ask and it is given is a sentence from the Bible I am told. I am ashamed to ask for sex, it feels too much like buying porn, and if I do then the price goes up, either in my head or my partners or both. What is the art of asking a loving question of love?

Georgos

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #29 on: March 01, 2019, 04:05:21 PM »
Joosh, I feel like I've given my girlfriend a choice, but in reality I'm still putting pressure on her to make the first move towards sex. She keeps hinting that she wants it, and once she actually said "do you want to have sex with me?" but I still feel physically unmoved. Am I love shy in the true meaning of the psychological term or just an salos (fool for God)?
« Last Edit: March 01, 2019, 04:07:24 PM by Georgos »

Joost!

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #30 on: March 05, 2019, 02:23:01 PM »
Am I love shy in the true meaning of the psychological term or just an salos (fool for God)?

Let's flip it around. We might be all a little God shy and fools for 'love.' The love of money ain't compatible with the love for God, and God's love for us individuals isn't on the same level as the romantic love we get entangled in as humans. So we usually suffer heart-ache. Then we settle for less and deal with the complications of relationship. Maybe it be a wise to thing to seek the heart of God before attempting the heart of a woman.   :)

Georgos

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #31 on: March 05, 2019, 03:01:31 PM »
Thanks Joosh, have you read "Colours of Love : An Exploration of the Ways Of Loving" by John Alan Lee, it's a book I've been meaning to read, which I'm told, amongst other things, outlines seven classical terms for love, each with their different attributes. All seven can be found in the Bible, and though I wouldn't say I'm particularly Christian, I would like to learn to practice all seven. I don't think love of money is one of them, but practical love is, and money can be useful if put to the right purposes. Thank you.

Joost!

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #32 on: March 07, 2019, 03:25:49 PM »
March 7, 2019
THE RECOVERY WORKSHOP
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Some things i've learned over the past few days by doing the first two lessons of the Recovery Nation Workshop, that I'll share here.

- the roots of addiction are tangled around the core of our identity

- escapism became my primary emotional management strategy

- for many addicts passion is the driving force in decision making


So those are three statements that rang true to me.
The state of being an addicted slave is very much a state of not knowing your true identity, for no man was born into this world to die as a slave.
We do all become slaves to the flesh in one way or another.
Though the belief in Christ's completed mission is the one thing that can set us free and transmute our slave ID anchored to the certainty of death to an identity anchored in an eternity with God.
 Obviously this is a process.
But it all starts with belief.

When is was younger I often said I longed for there to be a magical door into eternal nothingness through which I could step and escape my suffering bodymind-spirit.
Since there wasn't such a door and suicide ain't painless, I chose various forms of escapism as the way to manage my emotions.

I was a passionate drifter!
Driven by passionate impulses.
Drifting from one alley into the next dead-end.
I need to develop depth to maintain a steady continuous passion.

For those who are serious about working out their emotional issues:
 http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_contents.php

« Last Edit: April 19, 2019, 02:16:36 AM by Joosh »

Joost!

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #33 on: March 11, 2019, 01:20:07 PM »
March 11, 2019
JUST SOME THOUGHTS
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Something many people don't realize your thoughts are not your own. You don't own them.
They come and they go, source unknown.
Sure, we can speculate about the source.
Many of us battle with self-defeating thoughts. Mental down-talk.
We might argue these thought patterns originate from low self-esteem and are a direct result of the addict lifestyle,
but we want to quit right? So why do we let our minds be bombarded with shitty thoughts?
And if it's not US allowing them, then WHO is?
Who is accusing you of being a dirty lowlife who'll never be able to stop wanking?
Certain is when we concede with such thoughts we'll stay trapped in the vicious cycle.
Yet, we, as in humanity, can't seem to get out of it on our own strength.

« Last Edit: April 19, 2019, 02:26:36 AM by Joosh »

Joost!

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #34 on: March 28, 2019, 10:16:24 AM »
March 28, 2019
METANOIA
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Hi folks,

Just giving a small update, since its been a while.

It must be more than a month now that I haven't watched nudity.
Best of all, the time passed without craving.
So there wasn't much of a physical-mental struggle.

I've come to realize Christ already won the battle and calls us to give up our fleshy cravings and renew our spirit under the guidance of Gods love.
This might sound a whole lot like vague religious talk, but it's a highly practical process and the one thing that can really set you free from bondage.

Let me tell you I have been highly addicted to porn and cybersex for about ten years from which half of those years have been a real ugly life to death suffering.
I'd be so defeated by every relapse I'd go through and over the years I tried various strategies to overcome without success worth mentioning.
At best I'd make 3 weeks without sexual release, straining my willpower to its limits, but the desire for cybersex would remain.
I've tried meditation and breath-work and plunged my Self into the world of occult meta-physical practices to gain control over my sexual energy, only resulting in a more dangerous sexual hunger.
All that is over now. This day to day battle with lust no longer is mine.
My heart is changing and so are my desires.

« Last Edit: April 19, 2019, 02:26:23 AM by Joosh »

Joost!

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #35 on: April 04, 2019, 02:13:05 PM »
April 4, 2019
SLEEP PARALYSIS
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Memories they haunt me, they follow me...
I suffer from a vague sleep disorder ever since I seriously made progress in giving up this crutch named porn.
Thats about three years of waking up exhausted, mildly paralysed, mentally gripped.
Some nights it felt like I had fought with a bear.
Often I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep.
A good nights rest I consider a luxury. Still im struggling at night.
For years I’d spent the nighttime hunting girls in the cyber arena.
When in the morning It hadn’t worked out I resorted to porn and soon after fell asleep while the birds started chirping.
I had turned night into day flipping around Gods natural order.
And I payed dearly for this foolishness.

Metanoia can be seen as a change of mind.
To go beyond our limited and stern point of view and make room for Gods perspective.
Relying on my own intellect I will not overcome this battle,
 but with Jesus as my shepherd I can safely lay down in the grass and fall asleep carried by the comfort and reassurance of Gods gentle presence.
That is my belief and that is what gives me hope I just might wake up replenished the next morning.

« Last Edit: May 15, 2019, 02:14:31 AM by Joost! »

Joost!

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Re: Quest for Innocence
« Reply #36 on: April 09, 2019, 04:21:03 PM »
April 9, 2019

Quote

Just checking in for today.
I can't remember my last relapse which is great.
Upon opening the browser I was slightly tempted to watch some nudity, but given it deeper thought it seems absurd.
What gives me the justification to arouse myself using the images of some one's body? I'm mildly repulsed.
Not too long ago it was normality for me to do so, but all is different now.
Sure, I can still be tempted by the attractiveness and charm of women, but my heart longs for a woman who is modest, loves God and has her mind on family.
Porn is the antithesis of those things.
It leads to gluttony, it spits on the image of God and it destroys families.

Besides all that, i'm enjoying the fact that I can get stuff done successfully, no longer suffer from brain fog.
Here and there my mind freezes, but it's far from the total neurological apathy I was in 5 years ago due to constant porn consumption.

Get real guys. If you're addicted to this evil, you're in a spiritual battle.
The lusts of the flesh are a result of the fallen creation we find ourselves in.
Seek the Kingdom of God and if you do with all your heart, you can be sure Christ will open your eyes and guide you through the healing of your broken spirit.
 You'll be amazed of how your world will change for the better.

« Last Edit: April 19, 2019, 02:34:22 AM by Joosh »

Joost!

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Re: Metanoia
« Reply #37 on: April 15, 2019, 04:14:30 AM »
April 15, 2019
CRUX OF THE MATTER
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Last friday I was overcome by temptation and gave in.
The flesh can't overcome its own desires.
That is why Christ calls all men to die to Self.
Our carnal desires are to be crucified with Him, so we can be reborn in spirit and receive new appetites.
This is the process of metanoia.
It's a recognition of the corrupted nature of ... well nature.
A turning away from our own wicked mental schemes and a deliverance unto God.
It's saying: "I can't do it, please lead me in your perfected ways."
Needless to say this asks for us to lay off pride.

My desires still burn for a girl. I had set my mind on her possessively, yet I claimed love.
My inner nature was torn apart by not being able to have what I wanted.
My mind corrupted by the images of porn.
My heart closed off like foreign territory.
I still love what you did to me.
How you changed me by simply being true.
No mask of deception.

Only God could bring us together.
My schemes have proved themselves false.


I can't let these desires burn on
Uncrucified lusts of the flesh
I wanted your body, mind and soul
but more than that my spirits rest.

I liked you, I loved you, I lost you and went insane
Pride brought me before the devil
I tried to play his mental game
But as it is, it's foolishness, to trick or treat that ancient snake
He wrapped me in his hollow hurt, his weeping was a lie

I danced in flames, refused to cry, my sorrow black as tar
A hellish dance, I chose to lie and bottled up my heart

"Now, cometh as you are, my weary child"
a gentle voice said from afar.
I took His hand
the Prince of Peace, the One who guides me home.
I live by Faith, i'm saved by Grace, not-a-thousand rosary's
can add to what's already done
by Gods eternal Son.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2019, 02:19:04 AM by Joost! »

Joost!

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Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« Reply #38 on: May 02, 2019, 02:53:13 AM »
May 2, 2019
THE LOGOS vs. A.I.
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"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made, and without Him nothing was made that has been made.
In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
  [Gospel of John]

The greek term used for 'Word' is Logos. A well known philosophical term in the days John wrote these verses.
The Logos in Greek thought was seen as some divine principal order, from which all life that is, originated, lives through and will return to.
John identifies Jesus Christ as the Logos made flesh. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us... [John 1:14]
In contradiction to Greek thinking the Logos wasn't just an impersonal overarching principal. No, it was a man, known as Jesus Christ.
And we all know what happened to him. The world rejected the perfect blameless Son of God and put him to death.
Yet, because sin wasn't found in him, he was immediately resurrected by the spirit of the eternal Father (God) and appeared to those disciples that did believe in him, in heavenly form.
Now He lives and rules over us as the only righteous king.

Now enter the modern world we find ourselves in.
Instead of submitting our fragile lives to the living Logos of God we either live according to the standards of our flesh or let our minds be dictated by the increasingly aggressive A.I. structures.
Where Jesus is alive, A.I. is a cold intellect computing system. It's a dead 'thing', mimicking life.
Where Jesus promises eternal life to those who believe in him and submit to his divine guidance, A.I. promises us 'eternal life' by hooking our minds into a lifeless computing matrix in which we can be our own gods without having to report back to the One who birthed life.   

We are sinners in need of righteous King. A righteous King is one that acts out of love for his people.
Who judges fairly yet forgives our transgressions when we repent. You won't find that King within this world.
My Kingdom is not of this world, Jesus said. But of the world to come. And it is that world that I long for.
But it takes action on our part as well. It all starts by realizing we're not sufficiently strong to overcome sin within our own power.
This we all have experienced time and time again in this battle against the sexual desires of the flesh.
Ask the one who took all sin of the world upon him despite being sinless for help in your struggle.
In His eternal righteousness He already knows your heart and is willing to transform it from darkness into the Light, which is Himself.
Than you'll know he loves you, despite having transgressed His eternal law. For he knows you are weak.
And it's within that weakness you'll find strength within Him.

« Last Edit: May 04, 2019, 01:02:54 PM by Joost! »

Joost!

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Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« Reply #39 on: May 06, 2019, 04:18:33 PM »
May 6, 2019
The Spirit, the flesh
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Take heed my fellow sufferers. I'm talking to those who hate their own behavior.
Those who realize they are slaves to their flesh. You are called to be free.
God knows your weakness and knows its the strength of his Holy Spirit you need to resist temptation.
If you live according to the desires of the flesh, you'll die spiritually.
For the flesh alone can not know God and all its attempts to get closer to Him are futile. 
You masturbate and feel empty. You have sex and feel disconnection again.
You think this is life?
Seems a rather cruel pointless thing.

Maybe some of you were like me.
You've heard the stories about Jesus when you were young and thought "hell no, if I submit to Him I can't do all these fun things."
I was like that. I had experienced God's love but chose to follow my own nature. So what's God to do?
He loves His creation, so He let's us free. Now seriously, think a minute about that. That's love.
He isn't going going to grab your hand and forcefully pull you towards Him.
He longs for you to discover your true heritage. He made us with a spirit.
That's what we live through, even though many are either numb or blinded spiritually.
We are taught to take care of our bodies, maybe our brains, but what about our spirit?
Who gave it to you? Do you nurture it?
Do you listen to it as you listen to the signals of your stomach?

I know I don't do that nearly enough.
There's so much distraction nowadays, I get confused.
But I know Jesus is there for us amidst all of the noise. Amidst all of the hissing snakes.
He comes in the spirit of His Father and brings incredible peace. A peace that's not of this world.
A peace in which you feel totally covered and there's absolutely no need for anything. No chase, no restless tension.
 An eternal peace for the weary soul.
I'm thankful for having experienced it, but it's so easy to forget.
It's so easy to get trapped in the old patterns again.
To live according to the standards of the flesh instead of living by His gentle lead.
Please Lord Jesus, light the way for me, so I can see clearly again.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2019, 01:53:31 AM by Joost! »

Joost!

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Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« Reply #40 on: May 11, 2019, 02:47:34 PM »
Mai 11, 2019
Quote

It's been almost a month since the last relapse. I haven't had any desires to watch porn.
One night I almost gave in to tempting thoughts of fantasy, but I got corrected in mind and spirit. I went to sleep and that night I was attacked by something in my dream.
It has been said this is a battle in the mind and there's a lot of weight to that.
Ever since I got out of occult practice and the darkness of lust was shown to me in Gods light, I've been battling disturbing thoughts.
'Random' pervertedness trying to get me to lose concentration when reading. Convicting thoughts. All kinds of demonic poison.
It's the ancient liar, trying to pull me back into the dark. 

Truth is and stays that Jesus is King and I've submitted my life to Him.
With that assurance I finally can rest after a decade of 'soul-searching.'
It might take time to break down all the treacherous thought patterns but I have trust in that God will renew my mind.

Again I'm going to say, don't fool yourselves guys. A life guided by the desires of the flesh isn't worth it.
Gods Holy Spirit is available for those who chose to repent from their selfish ways. It's turning back to what you once all longed for.
Try to see past your religious programming. This is about being the man you are meant to be in Gods divine light, instead of conforming yourself to the standards of society.
This is about true freedom, love and peace. This is about the children of wrath becoming children of light. Take it from someone who was deeply embedded in darkness.

Might have to write a testimony sometime :D

« Last Edit: May 25, 2019, 01:58:34 AM by Joost! »

Joost!

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Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« Reply #41 on: May 15, 2019, 02:11:48 AM »
May 15, 2019
PORNOFIXATION
Quote

In this post I want to make the argument that porn (etymological meaning: prostitution), masturbation and all forms of sexual lust are idolatrous practices that lead to death.
Most of us start out with masturbation. We hold an image in our mind of another human being and use it for what is pure self-gratification. This is where the trouble starts.
The taking of living being created in the light of God and reduce it to a mental fantasy for our own sexual pleasure. It's egoistic and a form of idol worship.
Basically while masturbating you worship the body and/or personality of that human being in the false hope of it bringing you happiness.
An (mental) image obviously never can bring you true happiness, for it's just a shadow of the actual human being.

Now to watching porn (prostitution) and having casual sex out of lust.
In the latter there is human contact, but it's lacking love and thus again the gratification sought by both persons is selfish.
The 'love' of self is not the love of God.
And where the one leads away from a life with God, logically resulting in death,
the other is the realization that God is love and as long as live is lived through the love of God, it's an eternal life.
For God is eternal.

In no way I want to condemn anyone. We have all fallen short when it comes to loving God, listening to His voice and doing His word.
Blessed with a rich imagination I've misused my mind in countless ways as I was a slave of my lust.
When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment in Gods Law was he answered the following:
 
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.”


Let's put the second commandment next to the practice of masturbation or watching porn.
Are you loving that girl who's images you masturbate to by having reduced her to a mere fragment of who she really is?
Would you want to be reduced to an object of someone else's pleasure?
Love isn't unhealthy fixation.
Love gives more than it takes.
Love first looks to God and asks for His guidance, for we weren't created to live by ourselves.

Have a blessed day.

« Last Edit: May 25, 2019, 02:05:39 AM by Joost! »

Joost!

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Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« Reply #42 on: May 27, 2019, 07:57:24 AM »
Abstaining isn't recovery.
What's the point being 'clean' for several months when you haven't changed your life values? You'll just end up going down the same destructive route again sooner or later.

Here are some of the negative values that made up my character while being an addict:

egocentrism
weak-willedness
calculativeness
vanity
shyness
pretentiousness


They all fed into the stronghold called addiction and without replacing them with some healthy life values that 'building' is still standing somewhere in me.
The Recovery Nation Workshop works with pro-active action plans instead of simply abstaining. The goal is to actively commit to plans which strengthen positive values.
This will create a structural backbone in your life, so in times of hardship you won't have to rely on your old values. I recommend it to anyone taking this serious.

Then on here I see those who want to quit porn to get laid more often. The level of self-deception is high in that one. 'Getting' woman will never make you feel more of a man.
Unless you consider Hugh Hefner the epitome of manliness.
I see people pridefully talk about their sexual encounters with women, reminiscing those days, not realizing this hook-up lifestyle is the very reason they have become slaves to the porn.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2019, 03:04:31 AM by Joost! »

MaterDeiOraProNobis

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Re: Metanoia, a journey of faith
« Reply #43 on: May 28, 2019, 10:46:17 AM »
Abstaining isn't recovery.
What's the point being 'clean' for several months when you haven't changed your life values? You'll just end up going down the same destructive route again sooner or later.

Here are some of the negative values that made up my character while being an addict:

egocentrism
weak-willedness
calculativeness
vanity
shyness
pretentiousness


They all fed into the stronghold called addiction and without replacing them with some healthy life values that 'building' is still standing somewhere in me.
The Recovery Nation Workshop works with pro-active action plans instead of simply abstaining. The goal is to actively commit to plans which strengthen positive values.
This will create a structural backbone in your life, so in times of hardship you won't have to rely on your old values. I recommend it to anyone taking this serious.

Then on here I see those who want to quit porn to get laid more often. The level of self-deception is high in that one. 'Getting' woman will never make you feel more of a man.
Unless you consider Hugh Hefner the epitome of manliness.
I see people pridefully talk about their sexual encounters with women, reminiscing those days, not realizing this hook-up lifestyle is the very reason they have become slaves to the porn.

Great post, I completely agree. Sexuality should be used in marriage and in the context of potential procreation. Otherwise, it is improper and leads to the qualities you mentioned. I absolutely have experienced being calculating when thinking of times and ways I can look at porn alone. It's crazy.