Author Topic: Omarov keeps up the win!  (Read 943 times)

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #75 on: January 22, 2019, 06:47:10 AM »
Just now reading your journal--you've got some great inspiring thoughts, so thanks for sharing! Keep on keeping on!

Thanks man. I was really active a few weeks ago with posts nearly everyday. Now I'm in zombie mode due to exams. I'll come back with full force in the coming weeks.

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #76 on: January 22, 2019, 06:57:29 AM »
Status:
Success: 22 days no pmo. More and more resolved to put an end to this kind of wasted life. I've installed a rewire tracker on my phone and it has a feature that you press during panics when you feel you're about to fall. It gives you some awesome encouraging quotes from veteran rebooters and it also has a forum like that one, but one forum is more than enough for me. :D 4 days nofap so far.
Fails: HELLISH urges. I try to keep myself busy where I should be resting, even during free times I keep myself busy with stuff that consumes my energy and that compromises my ability to concentrate on studying the following day. during my 22 day streak, I searched porn twice but kept navigating for a couple of minutes while looking either at the address bar or at the faces of the wretched actors. Why did I click on porn then? I don't even know. But at least I got a glimpse of what post-relapse guilt would look like. at least I needed that at the moment.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #77 on: January 22, 2019, 09:32:35 AM »
Stay strong, friend! I think we're in a pretty similar spot: I'm on day 22 today, and I'm feeling the urges creep back in. That's when it really counts, and I think that's where this community will help the most. We can get through this together.

And good luck with your exams!

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #78 on: January 26, 2019, 03:07:55 PM »
Successes: 26 days no pmo! I'm more hellbent on healing and rewiring my mind. I don't want to think of porn ever again. I don't want to objectify women ever again. I want to be normal, the normal person everybody I know thinks I am.
Urges are less these days than they were before. I don't care if that's called flatline or not, but the most important fact is that urges will come and go, there will be some hard days and some easy ones. That doesn't mean I should act on the urges when they're so hard on me, there will come another day where they're easier to handle.
Fails: I've been hovering on the border of relapsing during my 26 days of no pmo. I sometimes search porn but don't stare. I know it's stupid, but sometimes it's not all useless; when I do this, I feel some guilt and this resolves me more to refuse to pmo and fend off the urge. Another benefit is that it somehow tricks my mind that I've already fulfilled its craves, so it stops asking me to search porn. I'm not planning to keep doing this though. I've also restarted my nofap streaks several times. It's been hard for me to stay as clean as I wanted because I have a plan in mind that applies for the next 4 months (so I'm kinda giving myself a break from hard more except for avoiding pmo)
Ok, so that's my plan for the coming 4 months.... I'm a muslim, and we're expecting the month of Ramadan on the 5th of May. I've rarely ever relapsed during that month. It acts as a safe haven for me when I want to take a break from relapsing or as a kickstart for one of my long no pmo streaks. But in the previous years I've always relapsed shortly after the month ends. Now, it's almost 3 months till the safe month starts, so my plan is to restart my longest ever streak (90 days) which I've wasted days after I started posting on this forum. I know I can do 90 clean days because I've done it before, and once those 90 days end, the safe month will start, and at the end of it I'll be left with 4 absolutely clean months plus one month (this January) which has not been so clean, but at least it was pmo free.
It's my absolutely last chance to change my life. If I go back to pmoing after all that gearing up and all the big guns of logic I have and all the panic buttons I can click when I'm in danger, then nothing else will rescue me from the trap I've fallen into since uncensored internet was installed in our house when I was a kid.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #79 on: January 26, 2019, 09:09:40 PM »
26!

It sounds like you have a great plan. More than that, though, it sounds like you have a huge desire to beat this. I think that's key. One time, someone told me that desire makes the difference. We can wish that things were different all day, but it's only when we find real desire and actually start changing--and want a life without porn more than we want porn--that we can really get ourselves out of this mess.

On some level, I guess your fails are fails--but they are a sign that you want to stay clean more than you want to view porn. Even when you're there searching it, you can stop yourself and get away. I've done similar things and know that guilt, but I have to say that it is progress and a sign that things are improving.

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #80 on: February 10, 2019, 04:04:18 PM »
I'm not busy at last!
Well... Heyllo  :)
I'm at a key point in my fight against the disgusting, loathed, cursed and abhorred devil that is pornography! 41 Days no pmo, 10 days nofap and no porn searching and looking at the address bar on my clock.
It's a strange moment really, I've reached some realizations and I've been through very strange feelings.
At times like this, when I've gone a long long time without porn, I crave pmo to the point I can't think of anything else in the world, which puts me in a huge risk to fall victim to another relapse each and every moment I'm awake. But strangely enough, when I withstood a few days like those at the end of January, I woke up next day (around the 3rd of February) with absolutely no urges to view porn, even more repelled from pmo.
That makes me more sure about a theory I had but couldn't prove for a long time: At least in my case, the unbearable urge will only endure for a maximum of 2 weeks. If I hold it well during those 2 weeks, they will effectively subside for a long period of time. But then they will start coming again (they started in a significant strength today). Now all I have to do is to wait for them to subside.
Urges come and go. When they come, all I have to do is to wait till they subside. All the thoughts I have during unbearable urges, namely the idea that I will explode if I don't pmo now, or that I won't be able to endure my frustration without another pmo session, are not true. because I've experimented that and I've succeeded in living a good number of days with absolute freedom from urges and contempt for porn. I even tried thinking about porn to see how my brain would receive it: Will it like it and ask me for triggers? And the result was in the negative. My brain just wasn't a tiny bit excited. I can live happily without porn. That's a proven fact now!
I've never been more ready!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #81 on: February 10, 2019, 08:15:00 PM »
That's all great to hear! Congratulations on the progress that you're making!

I know it can be hard for me to believe that urges will subside. It's actually really helpful to hear that they last two weeks. i think sometimes I expect them to last for a few minutes or a few days at the most, so then when they go longer, I lose hope that they ever will and end up giving in.

Thanks for the inspiring thought--and good luck in the days ahead!

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #82 on: February 11, 2019, 03:04:59 AM »
Thanks for your support my friend!
When your brain keeps incessantly asking for a crave (any crave, even certain types of food) and you keep ignoring it with the same stubbornness, it starts giving up at a certain point.
I'm starting to feel urges these days too. But I feel the frustration and hesitancy in them. They're not as confident that they can order me around as they were in the past. I hope they will keep getting weaker as I keep ignoring them each time they start knocking on my door.
And believe me, it's all about your state of mind. Be confident enough and you'll see urges as an enemy you can confront. Urges hate your confidence.

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #83 on: February 13, 2019, 07:00:03 AM »
No urges today or yesterday. The only urges (or desires, to be exact) I have is the desire to have sex. I'm a virgin. And if you ask me what is the single most thing that you'd want to do I'd say: to have sex. I feel that if I do it my mind will become clearer and sharper and productive activities will become more appealing to me, because I feel my sexual frustration is clouding my brain somehow.
It's not about porn. It's really interesting and weird. Something I haven't experienced before is happening with my brain. I get the desire for sex and my hormones keep bustling and fussing inside my blood screaming for sex, but then I try doing what I've always done before, which is to think of sex in terms of porn actresses and erotic photoshoots of the sexiest women on the internet. In the past, this would wildly turn me on, my brain would find the answer to my sexual frustration in seeking erotic pictures of women so that I can masturbate to them. In the past, that was always the case, BUT NOW IT ISN'T! I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO PORN!
Honestly, I still can't fathom what's happening with my brain. Where are the porn neural pathways? How aren't they seeking dopamine? They're supposed to be really thirsty now, why aren't they screaming? why aren't they in dismay? I, myself, keep knocking on their door to check whether they're still alive. I knock so hard but they don't answer. Are they dead? or are they just asleep? What has happened to them? Who/ what stupefied them to that extent? I can't remember the instance when they got such a very stupefying hit.
In the past, around this time of no pmo/ no porn streaks. They'd be starting to get really active and demand their fix of porn induced dopamine surge. What made them so apathetic now? I'm not so happy as much as I'm extremely baffled. Because I haven't for a fraction of a second imagined that something like that would happen too soon and so effortlessly. I mean, I've just won my first round of the first battle against the first wave of urges after my last relapse. I did that before that's true, but I have never felt like that in my life. After all I'm nowhere near my record of 88 days no pmo yet.
Anyway, let's not jump to conclusions. As much as I'm excited I'm still extremely cautious. The last thing I wanna do now is to be carefree and careless. After all, porn has always been my archenemy and the most nefarious monster which has tried all it could to destroy my life. I still expect another wave of urges. I'll keep expecting the next wave till my brain rewires with natural sex.
All my weapons are ready for any coming skirmish. It's what I've been training for my whole life. It's my field of expertise.

Fapstronaut2019

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Re: Omarov keeps up the win!
« Reply #84 on: February 14, 2019, 02:06:32 PM »
When the next wave of urges comes, I should know this:
1- I'm gonna feel more fear than I've ever felt during my struggle against porn. I'm gonna be like "Here it comes again, even after feeling repelled from porn for all this time, it seems like there's no shaking this thing off". At this point all I have to do is to avoid despair at all costs and to avoid losing my confident state of mind. A confident state of mind is ALL it takes for a porn addict to overcome the urge, and despair has always been the main trigger for a relapse.
2- As I said before, urges come and go in waves. Since the first wave came and went (and I've suffered a lot during its 2 week rein of terror), then the next wave will stay for a while and will eventually go. Imagine how decisive such a win is gonna be, now that I've been surprisingly confidently repelled from porn for 2 weeks, the confidence after overcoming the second wave will be much higher, and the repel from porn will be much more powerful and probably longer. That might actually be it. It might take only another victory against a wave of urges for my brain to rewire. That's how not giving in for the next wave is so extremely important.
3- I should always remember how relaxing the restrictions on staring at women, on fantasizing and on being okay with minor triggers on the internet is damaging. After all, minor triggers were always the starting point of all the relapses. Forgetting to put those restrictions can make the trigger build up and eventually cause the urges to make a comeback.