Author Topic: I need to change.  (Read 2891 times)

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #75 on: February 18, 2019, 11:25:53 AM »
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That's why I never test anything! My brain try to trick me to test because it know that it can find the crack in the system. A thing that may help you is to go out as much as possible to try to get a new job.

That's my idea and continue to add opendns for all your devices to help in last resort!

Keep going man, you can get back on the track!! It's a bump and that happen, dob't beat yourself to much because of it!!



it is true man. the tests I believe is an unconscious desire to have some contact with some kind of erotic content. I will not be deceived again. Thanks a lot for the tips and the support. Today I start a new reboot.

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #76 on: February 18, 2019, 11:29:12 AM »
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Tomorrow is another day! Sorry to hear about your relapse, but you're 70 days stronger than you were the last time you watched P. It's a setback, but not a restart.

Just keep learning and just keep growing--one day at a time

Thanks for the wise words Blue. I've already spent the weekend clean and today I start a new reboot.

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #77 on: February 18, 2019, 12:20:21 PM »
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You are absolutely right about this. Reminds me about the story of old Cherokee. I had been thinking about this for a while, there is so much going around in the country where I live, I have been hearing bad news since  2-3 weeks and one thing which made no sense to me was "why people behaved like this which led to such bad news?" and the only answer I was able to come up with was "It's easy being an animal". The rational part of our brains make us human and different than animals but it does ask us to wait for a while, think and decide what to do that would be best in our interest. On the other hand, there needs to be no thinking for the animal instincts that we have inside ourselves. I imagine our animal instinct to be a chained dog whose chain is held by our rational brain. The dog wants to bark and bite everyone but the rational part doesn't want that. It orders the dog to be quiet. Now, what if the dog is way too strong and not properly train, it would defy the orders and bite everyone but If given proper training by the rational part it would eventually be a good pet and listen to the orders. All we need to do is to train the dog.

It's easy to act like an animal. that sentence is precise. It's easy being an animal. It's easy to stick with the old habits. it's easy to keep us in a comfort zone and on and on. but this easy life takes us where? that is the question.

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I would like to highlight a part you have mentioned: "pleasure as pornography". This is our stupid addicted brain who is not able to distinguish between pleasure and pain. Pornography under no circumstance can be a pleasure, it's a drug and that's what it would always be. There are healthy pleasures in life which give no pain and also there are pains which give no pleasure. Our brain is just confused with the concept of pleasure and pain due to the fake pleasure it has received through this addiction. All we need to do is to find the real pleasure that is in living our lives.

You have rightly said that it explores us to find the gap and then to dominate us. For me, this drug had always been a way to fill the gaps within myself, I made the way for pornography to dominate me. And I believe the only way I gonna get rid of this is to find the gaps I have and fill them with life and get rid of them. If I can not get rid of them, then I must reduce them and even if the gaps are still there, I would gladly accept them as a part of myself.

Sure. There are many true pleasures in life that can be availed. The pleasure / pain that I am referring to is more related to our willingness to repeat irrationally pleasurable experiences. This can happen with food, drink, sex or any kind of entertainment. Yoga / meditation has taught me how to read my real needs of body and mind. I see in your journal that you have practiced them too and I hope that it helps you in the same way.

I agree that pornography is a false pleasure. In fact, everything is false in P. It's a fictional movie and it's causing a lot of problems among young people when confronted with reality as I read in a interesting article recently. The only thing missing was to say that it can cause addiction.

Anyway, thank you very much for the words of support and reflections. I really aprecciate. I'm back on the boat for a worthwhile life.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #78 on: February 18, 2019, 08:46:30 PM »
Anytime, buddy--you start this reboot stronger than you started the last one! Let's show this garbage who's in charge!

blueRaccoon

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #79 on: February 19, 2019, 08:37:32 AM »
Happy to help brother. Stay strong, stay clean and we'll win.

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #80 on: February 27, 2019, 04:05:00 PM »
I've had a few days of relapse in the last two weeks and those last two weeks have been pretty tough for me.

I was putting off installing dns on my computer. I managed to install one with success, but in the other I just could not install I don't know why.

The last time I watched P. I searched for other types of porn that I never used to watch, which gave me a disgust and an even greater sense of depression because I know that there are people struggling against addictions in more extreme genres and this is the last thing that I need now. Our mind is really something difficult to understand.

I'm looking for psychologists because I do not want to spend another year of relapses from time to time. Unfortunately, I do not have the money at the moment to pay for therapy, but I'm already researching anyway.

I asked someone else to put a password in my blockers so I could no longer cheat the system and I hope this has some effect in the next few days while I can not install DNS.

I apologize for the bad news but I needed to unburden in some way. I stayed more than two months without porn last time and knew that a relapse could make me go back to porn more intensely. but I also know that it is possible for me to go back to clean days and have self control again. it's just my old brain making me repeat bad habits to deal with pain.

Let's do this one more time with a smaller goal.

0/30 days
« Last Edit: February 28, 2019, 03:57:06 AM by Kaingang »

Rebooter2019

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #81 on: February 28, 2019, 01:31:42 PM »
Man! Sorry to hear for your relapse you were doing so great!

But it doesn't matter, get back with us man! Stop right now all this crap and get back with us! You're stronger than this shit and can beat it!! We're with you to support you!

Btw, I reached a point around 2 years ago where I was in some of the extreme genres! There was not much else below where I was, but we can do it! I'm almost at 2 weeks now and you did 2 month!!

Like I said above, we're with you brother!! Get back with us so we kick this shitty things out of our lives!

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #82 on: March 01, 2019, 02:10:45 PM »
Thank you for your support @Rebooter2019

I'm already back with you. After a long time without P. I believed that I already have a control over this addiction. But for those who have had this addiction for over 10 years the truth is that two months is very little.

Thanks for the support and for telling us about your experience. I'm glad you've been cleaned for two weeks. Let's do this together. One day at a time.

Btw, my first clean day was without major problems and urges.

1/30

Pete McVries

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #83 on: March 01, 2019, 02:14:18 PM »
The truth is, we will be addicted for life. These pathways might go dormant and we are able to control the addiction but it'll be there forever. Those pathways won't go away unfortunately.
eleven months clean and counting...

blueRaccoon

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #84 on: March 02, 2019, 09:32:11 AM »
The truth is, we will be addicted for life. These pathways might go dormant and we are able to control the addiction but it'll be there forever. Those pathways won't go away unfortunately.

It's a great relief to realize this. Wondering whether I am rebooted or not is somewhat disturbing, it's always better to adopt the porn free lifestyle for the rest of our lives. It gets more things clearer in this journey.

Pete McVries

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #85 on: March 02, 2019, 05:04:50 PM »
The truth is, we will be addicted for life. These pathways might go dormant and we are able to control the addiction but it'll be there forever. Those pathways won't go away unfortunately.

It's a great relief to realize this. Wondering whether I am rebooted or not is somewhat disturbing, it's always better to adopt the porn free lifestyle for the rest of our lives. It gets more things clearer in this journey.

Exactly. I was discussing this with a friend yesterday. Even if I never have the chance to have sex again in my life, being porn free is much better in so many ways.
eleven months clean and counting...

BlueHeronFan

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #86 on: March 02, 2019, 09:35:30 PM »
Sorry about the relapse, Kaingang!

I've hit a bit of a rough patch in the last couple days. But I guess we've only lost when we quit trying.

Onward and upward!