Author Topic: I need to change.  (Read 482 times)

changemylife

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #25 on: January 04, 2019, 06:24:29 AM »
1 month! That's outstanding progress, man! Keep going.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #26 on: January 04, 2019, 01:39:05 PM »
thanks bro!

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #27 on: January 08, 2019, 01:10:35 PM »
(1 MONTH AND ALMOST 1 WEEK OF REBOOT)

ok.

the plan on meditation and yoga is going well. every day I try to do some practice or read something about these practices, which have created me a greater well being.

Now what I need to improve is my time on the internet. I'm looking for apps that help me identify my use on the internet during the day on my cell phone and on my notebook.

In addition, today I started a big challenge this year. I've been out of my professional area for a long time. One of the reasons is that I've been out of my country for a while. Since I came back though I have realized that I really want to get back into it.

After more than a year postponing to pursue this and contented with the first job that appeared for me, it is the first time that I really will seek to return to my profession: journalism.

I'm even thinking about writing a story about internet addiction, something I've read a lot about.

It is a great challenge and I hope to be able to overcome it with persistence and wisdom. And, of course, far from pmo.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #28 on: January 08, 2019, 09:59:56 PM »
Congrats! It's exciting that you're a month and a week into reboot and also exciting that you're moving back towards journalism! I know I do better dealing with porn when things are progressing in my real life, so that's awesome for you--boa sorte, amigo!

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #29 on: January 09, 2019, 05:30:36 PM »
muito obrigado, my friend!

I am also very excited about these two situations (being able to stay away from porn and pursue the profession that brings me greater satisfaction although it may be a more difficult path). really thank you for your support!

changemylife

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #30 on: January 09, 2019, 05:33:42 PM »
Think about this: If you don't quit porn, you won't have too much mood to pursue anything. You are in the middle of a streak that I wish I had. Don't waste it.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #31 on: January 09, 2019, 08:29:22 PM »
thank you man. you're absolutely right. I can not miss it. I will not. tks a lot!

BlueHeronFan

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #32 on: January 09, 2019, 09:00:17 PM »
muito obrigado, my friend!

I am also very excited about these two situations (being able to stay away from porn and pursue the profession that brings me greater satisfaction although it may be a more difficult path). really thank you for your support!

You're welcome! I'm glad we have this group to support each other: I think it's something that my recovery efforts have been missing. I'm excited to see your updates--in both situations!

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #33 on: January 11, 2019, 02:02:37 PM »
Today has not been a very easy day. I started to fall into some dangerous triggers. So I decided to research some apps and extensions  (not sure if is the right word) to use on my cell phone and computer that can help me avoid any sexual content, whether explicit or not. There were some measures I took and I'll start testing from now on.

- I've enabled safe search on google.
- I installed the auto control extension in the chrome of my computer so I have control of the time that I stay on the internet and in each site.
- I installed an app site called Block Site on my phone and put all the porn sites I used to access.

Previously, I had already installed the adult blocker extension on my computer chrome as well.

Of course it is easy to cheat these tools. However, I believe they help in times of big urges and to remind ourselves to stay away from triggers and adult sites before being absorbed by those damn sites.

Let's continue to focus our energy on what is really important and meaningful to our lives.

changemylife

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #34 on: January 11, 2019, 02:56:06 PM »
That's right, man. It's critical to do anything you can to stay away from P. Activating safe search, installing blockers, softwares etc. All help a lot. I've done this too. Of course you can uninstall/deactivate them anytime you want but installing them means commitment to the process. It means you are serious about it. When I wasn't 100 % determinate to quit P, I had no blocker installed because I liked to live in denial and tell myself I could handle it because deep inside I knew I would click on P again. Installing the blocker was my decision to be 100% committed to this. Nothing inside of me wants to click on P again. And these tools help with the hard urges when you might lose control and go looking for P. They stop you and then you realize you have to uninstall them if you want to have access to P and you remind yourself you don't want that. It's that first minute where you could stop and think and not act on impulse because the impulse is stopped by not being able to access your favorite website.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #35 on: January 11, 2019, 02:58:55 PM »
Sorry it hasn't been easy--hang in there! We're rooting for you!

I like the idea of blocking websites. I've done something like that before. Lately, I've switched a little, though, and chosen to block everything except for certain websites on my phone. I don't know if that's possible on every phone, but, rather than blocking porn sites, I block everything and only allow some things that I need on a regular basis--recipes, school stuff, etc.

Before, it just seems like I could always find a site I hadn't blocked yet and get myself into trouble. Now, it's harder to find porn intentionally or accidentally because there are only like 5 websites I can even use. It's been helpful for me because it seems like I usually end up using porn only when I've stumbled on it or close to it by accident. Giving myself access only to certain sites means I'll never be surprised by something I'd rather not see.

changemylife

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #36 on: January 11, 2019, 03:01:48 PM »
Sorry it hasn't been easy--hang in there! We're rooting for you!

I like the idea of blocking websites. I've done something like that before. Lately, I've switched a little, though, and chosen to block everything except for certain websites on my phone. I don't know if that's possible on every phone, but, rather than blocking porn sites, I block everything and only allow some things that I need on a regular basis--recipes, school stuff, etc.

Before, it just seems like I could always find a site I hadn't blocked yet and get myself into trouble. Now, it's harder to find porn intentionally or accidentally because there are only like 5 websites I can even use. It's been helpful for me because it seems like I usually end up using porn only when I've stumbled on it or close to it by accident. Giving myself access only to certain sites means I'll never be surprised by something I'd rather not see.

Hey, man, do you think I could do the same on my PC? Only writing the websites I want to access and block everything else.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #37 on: January 11, 2019, 07:56:30 PM »

Hey, man, do you think I could do the same on my PC? Only writing the websites I want to access and block everything else.

Yeah, I bet you could. I don't know as much about that, but I'm sure there are browser extensions and things like that that let you whitelist certain sites and block the rest.

I also know there is a way, at least in Windows, to edit something called the hosts file to block whole domains. I blocked some repeat-offender sites that way so that I can't access those sites no matter what browser I'm using. It's been helpful for me and might be worth looking into. (Plus the file is so hard to find and edit back that it's been as good as a permanent change for my PC.)

changemylife

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #38 on: January 12, 2019, 04:23:14 AM »

Hey, man, do you think I could do the same on my PC? Only writing the websites I want to access and block everything else.

Yeah, I bet you could. I don't know as much about that, but I'm sure there are browser extensions and things like that that let you whitelist certain sites and block the rest.

I also know there is a way, at least in Windows, to edit something called the hosts file to block whole domains. I blocked some repeat-offender sites that way so that I can't access those sites no matter what browser I'm using. It's been helpful for me and might be worth looking into. (Plus the file is so hard to find and edit back that it's been as good as a permanent change for my PC.)

Kaspersky anti-virus has a function where it blocks all the websites included in a category. For example, the category "alcohol, narcotics". If you choose to block this, you can't access any website that talks about them. I wanted to read a website about staying sober as an alcoholic and it was blocked. Yes, of course, you can choose to allow access to the website right away but the idea is that once I chose to do this, I chose to be 100% committed. I won't unblock anything and uninstall anything. It's that first minute where you realize you are doing something wrong. You get those hardcore urges, you open your browser and write the name of your favorite porn website but it's blocked. Now you can have a moment of: "Hold on, man! I shouldn't be doing this! What the fuck am I doing?" Or, if you can't have at least this control, Kaspersky asks you if you want to put a password (right now I don't have one), and you could ask someone to write a password there but never tell you. When the website is blocked, you click on allow access but it asks for password and you don't know it. You get my idea. Everything that helps if you don't have self control to stay away. The only "downside" is that you have to pay but hey, you want your life back and you don't want to pay 20 bucks or so?
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #39 on: January 13, 2019, 09:05:07 AM »
I also didn't know of this possibility to choose some sites and block the rest.

I'll try using these adult site blockers for now. they have been very helpful to me.

It's as they said here. it is helpful to stop to think and see what you are doing.

but it is not the only thing to be done... I need to focus on my work, live offline moments, deal with difficult emotional times, doing exercise, avoid triggers ... it's a lot of work to do.

BlueHeronFan

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #40 on: January 13, 2019, 07:21:45 PM »
Yeah, it's definitely helpful to have a blocker to give me a second to stop and think about what I'm doing. I also installed an app that limits the amount of time I use the internet each day. I don't usually use the internet on my phone--but it is where I find porn. Having an app check in with me after 15 minutes is also a good reminder that I should probably find better things to do.

I've been working a lot on dealing with difficult emotions. I'm not sure I've found a tried and true way, but I'm trying various different kinds of meditations to figure it out. It is a lot of work--but I'm happy to hear that you're doing the work! Keep it up!

Kaingang

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #41 on: January 18, 2019, 10:38:05 AM »
1 month and 2 weeks

I have made great progress here, but I can see that I am still far from being able to say that I am recovered from this addiction. I can say, however, that I am now well aware of this addiction and how it harms me and I am quite willing to understand and overcome it.

but what I would like to talk about in my journal today is about my mother in law. she is in a really difficult situation. after recovering from a rare cancer, she will have to have a surgery because a tumor has been found on her brain and its has grown quickly according to the exams.

she is mid-50s so still young and very active person. she is always laughing and loves his family and making people feel good (especially with her food).

I wonder how scared she is with this surgery that can take her forever or cause her huge sequels. Everyone is very scared in her family, including my girlfriend.

Your life is not perfect. but there are many moments of happiness that I can witness when I go to your house.

I imagine that she would give everything to recover this illness and to be able to follow her ordinary life and be able to participate in the life of her two daughters and her husband, to see their future grandchildren, to know of the difficulties of their daughters with the adult life, to be able to advise them with her experience, etc.

it seems to me that most of people (including me) only value their life when take this shock with some disease or some death of someone close.

perhaps we should look at these cases and value our lives much more and do everything to live in a better way. we have the chance that many would like to have.

so if there are a lot of people who really would like to live but don't know if this will be possible due to their health, I feel that it is up to me (us) to value much more what I have and to enjoy my passage here in a worth way.

« Last Edit: January 18, 2019, 10:42:11 AM by Kaingang »

BlueHeronFan

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Re: I need to change.
« Reply #42 on: January 18, 2019, 09:24:56 PM »
Congrats on your progress!

I like what you said about valuing our lives more. That's definitely something I'm learning to do better at