Author Topic: Now or never  (Read 9065 times)

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #400 on: February 13, 2019, 09:23:44 AM »
Yeah it is, but you can do it. Try just not to be too hard with yourself. We all start somewhere I was at that point around 2 years ago, 'cause I already knew that I needed to lower my P use. Even before I knew about the Reboot stuff. It took my 2 years to get to a point where I manage to get to 2 week regularly! It was mostly due to misconception on my part.

All that to say, keep going man! You can do it, and Pete as a point it will help you tremendously to get out slowly and with time increase that duration by small amount!
We sometimes forget that we can do more than we think. In the beginning we think we could not achieve 1 week but then we do it and this proves us wrong. Maybe if we start with this mentality, that it's not impossible for us, it could make things at least 20% easier which is always welcome. Any slight advantage is good. The mental does a lot, you know. If you start with the mentality that you can't, I don't think you will succeed.

Rebooter2019

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 195
    • View Profile
Re: Now or never
« Reply #401 on: February 13, 2019, 10:36:42 AM »
You're right, you just have to know that you can! I know I can get out of this I've proved myself so many time that I can abstaint for P that I know that I can recover.

You have to start believing it too brother :)
Keep going and stay strong!!
« Last Edit: February 13, 2019, 12:54:52 PM by Rebooter2019 »

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #402 on: February 13, 2019, 12:01:02 PM »
This addiction is annoying. Last time I had no urges after 6 days but I have now after only 2. They are not strong, I would say 5/10 but they are noticeable and the voice in my mind tells me urges = pleasure. The bigger the urges, the bigger the pleasure. That's what it tells me every fucking time.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2019, 12:08:35 PM by changemylife »

Rebooter2019

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 195
    • View Profile
Re: Now or never
« Reply #403 on: February 13, 2019, 01:07:39 PM »
This addiction is annoying. Last time I had no urges after 6 days but I have now after only 2. They are not strong, I would say 5/10 but they are noticeable and the voice in my mind tells me urges = pleasure. The bigger the urges, the bigger the pleasure. That's what it tells me every fucking time.

I know, me it's telling what I miss by not giving into these urges. But they won't get me. Fuck them!!! I know they're lying and that it will only be short and barely pleasurable shit that will get me nowhere. Like this morning, I had some they we're telling me what to write on the search engine that was literally next to my fingers... I had to redirect all this shit to something else like my warmup before my training and not being late. It was so hard, but I did it!

Don't listen to them they're not your wishes they're the wishes of your addicted brain. What meditation taught me is that you are not your thoughts! They will try to get you!! If you're carefull and redirect your attention to something else you can avoid relapse. It's not easy, but it's doable!

Stay strong brother!

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #404 on: February 13, 2019, 01:42:41 PM »
I know, me it's telling what I miss by not giving into these urges. But they won't get me. Fuck them!!! I know they're lying and that it will only be short and barely pleasurable shit that will get me nowhere. Like this morning, I had some they we're telling me what to write on the search engine that was literally next to my fingers... I had to redirect all this shit to something else like my warmup before my training and not being late. It was so hard, but I did it!

Don't listen to them they're not your wishes they're the wishes of your addicted brain. What meditation taught me is that you are not your thoughts! They will try to get you!! If you're carefull and redirect your attention to something else you can avoid relapse. It's not easy, but it's doable!

Stay strong brother!
It's absolutely unbelievable how this voice from the mind can make me believe that the urges equal a great pleasure when I haven't had any fun with this shit for a long time. It's always the: "this time it will be the way you want it, even if the last 1000 times sucked." Why did they suck? Because when I relapse, I feel depressed and you can't feel depressed and good at the same time. Therefore, the depressed episode interfered with the pleasure from the O. And the voice tells me to try one more time.

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #405 on: February 13, 2019, 02:15:59 PM »
I have a lot of things to do and the anxiety and mental mess this addiction gives me won't help me at all.

Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 378
    • View Profile
Re: Now or never
« Reply #406 on: February 13, 2019, 02:45:46 PM »
Yo change, you still didn't provide me with information about what activities you would like to do. I'm still very curious!
My Journal

Seven months clean and counting...

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #407 on: February 13, 2019, 02:47:52 PM »
Yo change, you still didn't provide me with information about what activities you would like to do. I'm still very curious!
What's so urgent? Why would be so curious about something I haven't even started.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2019, 02:50:40 PM by changemylife »

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #408 on: February 13, 2019, 02:58:08 PM »
The sun doesn't shine. I light a torch to guide me through the darkness so I could move forward. I never stay in one place for too long. I want to see what's at the end of the road. Because you could die in the middle of the road.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2019, 03:03:03 PM by changemylife »

Joost!

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 53
    • View Profile
    • My journal.
Re: Now or never
« Reply #409 on: February 14, 2019, 02:58:43 AM »
The sun doesn't shine. I light a torch to guide me through the darkness so I could move forward. I never stay in one place for too long. I want to see what's at the end of the road. Because you could die in the middle of the road.

At the end of the porn-trip road there is a sign saying "Turn back and gather all the pieces of your lost mind."

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #410 on: February 14, 2019, 05:23:57 AM »
The sun doesn't shine. I light a torch to guide me through the darkness so I could move forward. I never stay in one place for too long. I want to see what's at the end of the road. Because you could die in the middle of the road.

At the end of the porn-trip road there is a sign saying "Turn back and gather all the pieces of your lost mind."
Nooooo, I don't wanna go back. I'll live without a mind.

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #411 on: February 14, 2019, 05:39:03 AM »
The torch is lit with the fire in me.


changemylife

  • Guest

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #414 on: February 14, 2019, 08:30:31 AM »
NSFW rant

So, a slut uploads softcore pictures on F(uck)acebook and only guys post in the comment section. Nobody says "Whoa, what a fucking slut! Delete this fucking filth!" They say "Wow, you're so hot! This is the best picture" and then take their pants of and start jerking off. But the pictures are not softcore P, they are "just pictures". And the sluts are not sluts, they are models. The boundaries are pushed further every year. The pictures are closer to P. I'm waiting for the day when full P pictures will be allowed on F(uck)acebook because I've seen some of this on Instagram. Literally, the pictures were full P from behind. And that "wasn't P" because she was turned around and we couldn't see the tits.

Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 378
    • View Profile
Re: Now or never
« Reply #415 on: February 14, 2019, 09:15:10 AM »
All of social media is a nest of serpents. The sooner you realize and leave it for good, the happier you will be. Personally, I quit all social media 8 years ago and never looked back. For me, the main reason was that some of my "friends" and acquaintances acted totally different online from what they were doing real life. Fake shit everywhere. It made me angry, and then I decided, I won't need it any longer. Since then, I'm a much happier person.
My Journal

Seven months clean and counting...

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #416 on: February 14, 2019, 09:26:20 AM »
All of social media is a nest of serpents. The sooner you realize and leave it for good, the happier you will be. Personally, I quit all social media 8 years ago and never looked back. For me, the main reason was that some of my "friends" and acquaintances acted totally different online from what they were doing real life. Fake shit everywhere. It made me angry, and then I decided, I won't need it any longer. Since then, I'm a much happier person.
Social media is fake and full of drugs injected through your eyes. Fuck 'em! Fuck this, fuck that.

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #417 on: February 14, 2019, 09:48:28 AM »
I have a big problem with edging and I'm so frustrated. It's like edging is what my brain wants; The arousal. I am obsessed with pleasure and that little voice likes to tell me that a little edging won't hurt. Before I know, I have been edging for 3 hours and I feel exhausted and desperate for more. This desperation for more then makes me despair.

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #418 on: February 14, 2019, 04:53:58 PM »
Never think that things will happen when they'll happen. My wasted 10 years with this mentality have proved me wrong. Things happen when you start doing something. Never leave for tomorrow what you could've done yesterday.

Josh_

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #419 on: February 14, 2019, 07:05:53 PM »
I have tried edging for three years and simply found that it doesn't work. I go back to the O in PMO again and again. Maybe different for you, but I find it's impossible to start at M and not reach O, so I don't masturbation to begin with and I do suggest the same for you.

I also find that you claim that there is no overdose in pornography use. I beg to differ. At the height of my 12 year addiction to porn I was using porn 3-4 hours a day for maybe 3 months straight. I was lonely, as you constantly post, and committed a detrimental parasuicide where I barely escaped death. Now, one might feel that using porn doesn't instantly cause death - say like alcohol use. But, we all here can acknowledge that alcohol use is through the digestive tract and our problem with porn is through the eyes, primarily. Seeing that these two are very different, it's easy to see that, indeed, porn use has a different overdose type than a brick and mortar addiction like alcohol. After using the computer daily for 4 hours, I had such low self esteem (a side effect attributable to addictive porn use), that I thought I be better off dead. This, to me, is an overdose of the substance if there is a clear pattern of use porn and them immediately want to not exist, loneliness, whatever descriptor you want to put there.

My continual advice for many years, seeing that I have gotten 6 years porn-free, is to look at it like a Football player. He falls down, he gets back up, and he falls down again and he is back up again. We need to see this as a continual chain of progress in recovery and not a idealized version of ourself that suddenly doesn't fall down anymore or doesn't have to think about avoiding porn ever again. GET BACK UP and I feel we earn the respect of this porn addiction. It's saying something like: "whoa, not messing with him." I have fallen countless times, probably about 12 good ones with significant amount of time away from porn. 3 months - 2 years each time. I scared the shit out this addiction because I refused to stay down and I suggest you do the same. Good luck.

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #420 on: February 15, 2019, 04:51:29 AM »
I have tried edging for three years and simply found that it doesn't work. I go back to the O in PMO again and again. Maybe different for you, but I find it's impossible to start at M and not reach O, so I don't masturbation to begin with and I do suggest the same for you.
Well, years ago I didn't know that P was an addiction. I saw that I couldn't stop masturbating on a daily bases and I thought I was addicted to masturbation. In an attempt to quit masturbation, I started edging, because I said that as long as I didn't O, I was safe, not knowing that I shouldn't have watched P and I shouldn't have edged either. Edging for me became a way to turn myself on but I have periods of time (I don't know why) when I can't turn myself on at all, no matter how much edging I'm doing (like last time). I feel completely empty, as if the ability to arouse myself didn't exist at all. That's why I don't always O in the same day after edging when I can't turn myself on as much as I want. I have this obsession with the "biggest high" and when my arousal is not up to this, I don't want to O because this makes me feel like the urges will go away and I won't be able to get my best high tomorrow. I don't know, it's complicated. But I eventually O anyway, even if it comes after a few days, out of frustration and impatience. Even if it seems like my brain enjoys the edging more, the O is still the ultimate goal for us.

Quote
I also find that you claim that there is no overdose in pornography use. I beg to differ. At the height of my 12 year addiction to porn I was using porn 3-4 hours a day for maybe 3 months straight. I was lonely, as you constantly post, and committed a detrimental parasuicide where I barely escaped death. Now, one might feel that using porn doesn't instantly cause death - say like alcohol use. But, we all here can acknowledge that alcohol use is through the digestive tract and our problem with porn is through the eyes, primarily. Seeing that these two are very different, it's easy to see that, indeed, porn use has a different overdose type than a brick and mortar addiction like alcohol. After using the computer daily for 4 hours, I had such low self esteem (a side effect attributable to addictive porn use), that I thought I be better off dead. This, to me, is an overdose of the substance if there is a clear pattern of use porn and them immediately want to not exist, loneliness, whatever descriptor you want to put there.
Well, you know what I mean by "no overdose in porn". It doesn't kill you like injecting more heroin than you should and dropping dead. That's what I mean. At least I don't know anybody who literally dropped dead after PMO. But who knows. I can PMO like 7 times a day, I just don't continue cause I can't anymore, I'm completely exhausted but I can't kill myself. Near death experience from PMO can't scare me. Sometimes I just wish I could overdose on PMO.

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #421 on: February 15, 2019, 06:17:18 AM »
Relapse
« Last Edit: February 15, 2019, 07:33:05 AM by changemylife »

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #422 on: February 15, 2019, 10:52:35 AM »
3 times after 4 days. I edged all day yesterday. I'm completely fucked up. I haven't counted how many binges I had this month. I don't even want to.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2019, 10:55:25 AM by changemylife »

Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 378
    • View Profile
Re: Now or never
« Reply #423 on: February 15, 2019, 10:59:20 AM »
My Journal

Seven months clean and counting...

changemylife

  • Guest
Re: Now or never
« Reply #424 on: February 15, 2019, 11:31:20 AM »
Fuck everything