Author Topic: Changing my lifestyle & environment  (Read 595 times)

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #25 on: December 14, 2018, 11:27:30 PM »
Update day 6

A few days ago I joined a gym, got a basic program and had a go doing weights, cardio etc. I feel different already. Not that I have gains or anything, just that I have another purpose, and another task I can go and work on any day.

I also have a renewed sexual energy, it feels different. I walked around the shops yesterday and was very interested in the women there... Making lots of eye contact and having a few natural chats with retail girls.

This sexual energy thing feels like in my early teens. A time when I was watching porn, but it wasn't full-on video stuff, and there was still a real desire for real women. This is exciting, because for the first time since then, I am able to imagine something better than porn.

changemylife

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #26 on: December 15, 2018, 05:42:03 AM »
Porn can definitely make us be satisfied with only this. We might lose interest in trying to find girls cause our "reward system" in the brain is triggered by porn. Also, too much dopamine high causes low dopamine and we lose the mood for doing things in our lives. I'm trying to get my "satisfaction" by doing things that human beings are supposed to do. I don't want to "make myself happy" anymore with artificial things. I want to do normal things like play an instrument, go to the gym, play football, stuff like that. This is what people have been doing since ancient times, not watching porn all day.
Peace.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2018, 05:31:21 AM »
Porn can definitely make us be satisfied with only this. We might lose interest in trying to find girls cause our "reward system" in the brain is triggered by porn. Also, too much dopamine high causes low dopamine and we lose the mood for doing things in our lives. I'm trying to get my "satisfaction" by doing things that human beings are supposed to do. I don't want to "make myself happy" anymore with artificial things. I want to do normal things like play an instrument, go to the gym, play football, stuff like that. This is what people have been doing since ancient times, not watching porn all day.
Peace.

I can say trying more normal things has helped me a lot. Even if i'm still not out of the woods yet, trying a variety of activities (especially group ones) gives a taste of a balanced way of living.

changemylife

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2018, 05:40:16 AM »
Porn can definitely make us be satisfied with only this. We might lose interest in trying to find girls cause our "reward system" in the brain is triggered by porn. Also, too much dopamine high causes low dopamine and we lose the mood for doing things in our lives. I'm trying to get my "satisfaction" by doing things that human beings are supposed to do. I don't want to "make myself happy" anymore with artificial things. I want to do normal things like play an instrument, go to the gym, play football, stuff like that. This is what people have been doing since ancient times, not watching porn all day.
Peace.

I can say trying more normal things has helped me a lot. Even if i'm still not out of the woods yet, trying a variety of activities (especially group ones) gives a taste of a balanced way of living.

That's right. That's what I'm talking about.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #29 on: December 17, 2018, 07:46:23 AM »
Update, slipped up today, but making the most of it.

I was only 8 days in, and had a much higher sex drive than normal. This may be due to my increase in exercise.

Anyways, at the shops today there were plenty of attractive girls and i started to get aroused! This was somehwat uncomfortable, but also good news i guess? turned on by real women. But i don't have the know-how to approach girls and just chat, so ended up being a frustrating experience.

Finally at home, i very briefly gave in to PMO, but only for a few minutes. This at least is a big change for me... I didn't binge for hours (like i have almost every time i lapse). As a result i don't feel completely wasted or disheartened. Just have to get back on track.

Looking forward, i need to figure out what to do next time i'm interested in some girls IRL.

I do have a book 'the game' which i believe has a 30 day challenge to get into this stuff. I have to try something, online dating doesn't do it for me, speed dating is much the same. Got to figure this out like our ancestors did lol.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #30 on: December 19, 2018, 04:47:03 AM »
Day 2 now

Have started a book 'the game' where there's a 30-day action program to getting better social skills. The challenge? get a date in 30 days or less.

Today was just going up to people and starting idle conversation, or a comment. Went out to the shops, got it done.

I'm not too worried about getting a date straight away, but by following this book as a guide, i will at least be guaranteed a bit of experience on the ground.

I'm fucking tired of looking at women walking around in real life, going home feeling frustrated, and then watching naked women on a screen.

It sucks so much, that the idea of being extremely uncomfortable in front of strangers as i attempt to get a date is actually APPEALING!

Just for fun, i have been working on my eye contact. Now i can often hold eye contact until girls look away. This has resluted in a few smiles and flick of hair yada yada. Small steps. Just have to approach and DO SOMETHING.

I'll follow this book through. It's actually great motivation to get another 30 days CLEAN. Something i've done a few times, but not in a long time.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #31 on: December 21, 2018, 05:27:09 AM »
Changing my lifestyle...

I'm not the kind of guy that just goes up and talks to strangers, or am I?

Going forward, trying to let go of limiting beliefs that are in my mind only. Today I went out and had a few casual chats with people.

In short, I can really feel a re-wiring going on. Usually I over-think a conversation before it starts, and avoid saying anything. Now I don't have any expectations, nor any agendas, I just have a conversation.

I can actually imagine a scenario where I meet someone, have a fun chat, and go on a date. It's not some difficult task, or something i'll never learn. It's just something that is more likely to happen, the more I put myself out there.

It is my hope, that by continuing down this path of real action & real reward, I will become reconnected with something that fake sex can never replace.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #32 on: January 02, 2019, 08:38:19 PM »
Hey guys, haven't updated this in a while, have been doing a bit of regrouping.

I lapsed twice since last post, and am now just over a week PMO free.

The days leading up to new years, and just after, have been very busy. Forcing me to get out of the house and engage. I've spent a lot less time online as well.

One day when I had a few hours free one day and everyone else was sleeping, I got very busy pulling my car apart and fixing one small issue... I believe attacking small projects, even just cleaning my room, is going to be a great tool to avoid lapses in the future.

Yesterday I wrote down what I have accomplished in my last few years, with this issue, and in general. I also wrote down what still challenged me. This gave me a good perspective, and peace of mind for the future. As despite not being completely free of porn, I am using it far less than ever before, and I have made more changes in every day life that before as well. It's slow moving, like struggling up a hill, it is progress none the less.

I'm not one for new year resolutions normally, and I don't want to put too much emphasis on the start of the year, but it does still feel like the time to make a greater effort to overcome this issue in my life.


I am genuinely curious, to see what I can achieve when my mind is balanced. And how simple pleasures in life can be enough.

I know I get happiness through solving problems, so for now I will just concentrate on a heap of small tasks and challenges in my life, nothing overwhelming, just get things done one by one.


Wishing everyone great progress in 2019. Cheers!
« Last Edit: January 02, 2019, 08:46:03 PM by Reborn16 »

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #33 on: January 09, 2019, 05:45:19 AM »
Keeping clean & productive still...

Summer is definitely here now and that's bringing some challenges. With my free time in this study break and no job, it's not great being outside for a lot of the day when it's so damn hot... And for the last few days I've been inside, still reading and exercising, but also on the TV and PC a bit much.

Still, I have kept up my gym efforts and am finding a rewarding natural pathway to channel the energy gained from not fapping lol

I wrote in another thread I try to see my PC and phone as just tools... and despite gym being full of nice women, I try to look at that place as simply an area to get my fitness back in shape.

About 6 weeks of study break left - trying to shift my mindset from thinking it's too much free time, to recognising all the personal values i can work on in that time. Reading, exercise, hobbies mainly.

That's all for now

Rengaw

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #34 on: January 09, 2019, 08:15:06 AM »
Hey man,

You have the right mindset to conquer this habit!  You're right about your PC and telephone being mere tools and the gym a place to work on yourself.
Focus on getting stronger and getting the great endorphin rush from the gym. After a while you will gain confidence and you will talk to strangers. You just wait for it to happen, you'll be impressed by what you can do!


Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #35 on: January 11, 2019, 11:16:47 PM »
Cheers for the encouragement Rengaw :)

I've been to the gym a few days in a row now, and while I sometimes feel shitty and low, the high and recovery from exercise helps a lot!

To sustain that exercise, I've been advised to eat more food, but importantly healthier food, and no doubt this helps with a balanced mind as well.

My hobbies and thirst for knowledge has dominated the last few weeks. Which is a nice change, as I haven't been as tempted to fill the time with sexual stuff.

However, there's still a strong desire for female company, so patience (or taking risks and talking more) will be needed from now on.

A few posts back I mentioned a 30 day dating challenge... That's been put on pause. But being in a better mindset, it's time to revisit that. I feel compelled to at least see that through.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #36 on: January 15, 2019, 03:31:44 AM »
Not too much to update, still keeping busy, having a variety of activities seems key to keeping my mind occupied.

If I am busy throughout the day, going to sleep early and actually falling asleep comes a lot easier.

When on youtube randomly looking at stuff, I can feel how it's negatively effecting me, despite gaining some knowledge, there's still the element of social isolation with it. Time to slow down on that I think.

15 days into this year clean, plus a few days the other side in 2018, I'm starting to think of porn as a wasteful activity, like eating chain fast food (something that I haven't touched in years). There's two reasons I appeared to justify it before:


1 - distraction from social isolation and lack of girls in my life
2 - distraction from personal responsibilities

Both instances would give short-term pleasure, followed by short and long-term negative effects, from brain fog to shame... And yet, both problems 1 & 2 would still remain, worsen even.

Closing off this source of cheap pleasure, is the only way I will pay enough attention to what I actually value in life.

I hope everyone is doing well, I don't comment here often, but I read and get a lot of encouragment and comfort in the stories shared!