Author Topic: Changing my lifestyle & environment  (Read 1090 times)

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #25 on: December 14, 2018, 11:27:30 PM »
Update day 6

A few days ago I joined a gym, got a basic program and had a go doing weights, cardio etc. I feel different already. Not that I have gains or anything, just that I have another purpose, and another task I can go and work on any day.

I also have a renewed sexual energy, it feels different. I walked around the shops yesterday and was very interested in the women there... Making lots of eye contact and having a few natural chats with retail girls.

This sexual energy thing feels like in my early teens. A time when I was watching porn, but it wasn't full-on video stuff, and there was still a real desire for real women. This is exciting, because for the first time since then, I am able to imagine something better than porn.

changemylife

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #26 on: December 15, 2018, 05:42:03 AM »
Porn can definitely make us be satisfied with only this. We might lose interest in trying to find girls cause our "reward system" in the brain is triggered by porn. Also, too much dopamine high causes low dopamine and we lose the mood for doing things in our lives. I'm trying to get my "satisfaction" by doing things that human beings are supposed to do. I don't want to "make myself happy" anymore with artificial things. I want to do normal things like play an instrument, go to the gym, play football, stuff like that. This is what people have been doing since ancient times, not watching porn all day.
Peace.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2018, 05:31:21 AM »
Porn can definitely make us be satisfied with only this. We might lose interest in trying to find girls cause our "reward system" in the brain is triggered by porn. Also, too much dopamine high causes low dopamine and we lose the mood for doing things in our lives. I'm trying to get my "satisfaction" by doing things that human beings are supposed to do. I don't want to "make myself happy" anymore with artificial things. I want to do normal things like play an instrument, go to the gym, play football, stuff like that. This is what people have been doing since ancient times, not watching porn all day.
Peace.

I can say trying more normal things has helped me a lot. Even if i'm still not out of the woods yet, trying a variety of activities (especially group ones) gives a taste of a balanced way of living.

changemylife

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #28 on: December 17, 2018, 05:40:16 AM »
Porn can definitely make us be satisfied with only this. We might lose interest in trying to find girls cause our "reward system" in the brain is triggered by porn. Also, too much dopamine high causes low dopamine and we lose the mood for doing things in our lives. I'm trying to get my "satisfaction" by doing things that human beings are supposed to do. I don't want to "make myself happy" anymore with artificial things. I want to do normal things like play an instrument, go to the gym, play football, stuff like that. This is what people have been doing since ancient times, not watching porn all day.
Peace.

I can say trying more normal things has helped me a lot. Even if i'm still not out of the woods yet, trying a variety of activities (especially group ones) gives a taste of a balanced way of living.

That's right. That's what I'm talking about.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #29 on: December 17, 2018, 07:46:23 AM »
Update, slipped up today, but making the most of it.

I was only 8 days in, and had a much higher sex drive than normal. This may be due to my increase in exercise.

Anyways, at the shops today there were plenty of attractive girls and i started to get aroused! This was somehwat uncomfortable, but also good news i guess? turned on by real women. But i don't have the know-how to approach girls and just chat, so ended up being a frustrating experience.

Finally at home, i very briefly gave in to PMO, but only for a few minutes. This at least is a big change for me... I didn't binge for hours (like i have almost every time i lapse). As a result i don't feel completely wasted or disheartened. Just have to get back on track.

Looking forward, i need to figure out what to do next time i'm interested in some girls IRL.

I do have a book 'the game' which i believe has a 30 day challenge to get into this stuff. I have to try something, online dating doesn't do it for me, speed dating is much the same. Got to figure this out like our ancestors did lol.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #30 on: December 19, 2018, 04:47:03 AM »
Day 2 now

Have started a book 'the game' where there's a 30-day action program to getting better social skills. The challenge? get a date in 30 days or less.

Today was just going up to people and starting idle conversation, or a comment. Went out to the shops, got it done.

I'm not too worried about getting a date straight away, but by following this book as a guide, i will at least be guaranteed a bit of experience on the ground.

I'm fucking tired of looking at women walking around in real life, going home feeling frustrated, and then watching naked women on a screen.

It sucks so much, that the idea of being extremely uncomfortable in front of strangers as i attempt to get a date is actually APPEALING!

Just for fun, i have been working on my eye contact. Now i can often hold eye contact until girls look away. This has resluted in a few smiles and flick of hair yada yada. Small steps. Just have to approach and DO SOMETHING.

I'll follow this book through. It's actually great motivation to get another 30 days CLEAN. Something i've done a few times, but not in a long time.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #31 on: December 21, 2018, 05:27:09 AM »
Changing my lifestyle...

I'm not the kind of guy that just goes up and talks to strangers, or am I?

Going forward, trying to let go of limiting beliefs that are in my mind only. Today I went out and had a few casual chats with people.

In short, I can really feel a re-wiring going on. Usually I over-think a conversation before it starts, and avoid saying anything. Now I don't have any expectations, nor any agendas, I just have a conversation.

I can actually imagine a scenario where I meet someone, have a fun chat, and go on a date. It's not some difficult task, or something i'll never learn. It's just something that is more likely to happen, the more I put myself out there.

It is my hope, that by continuing down this path of real action & real reward, I will become reconnected with something that fake sex can never replace.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #32 on: January 02, 2019, 08:38:19 PM »
Hey guys, haven't updated this in a while, have been doing a bit of regrouping.

I lapsed twice since last post, and am now just over a week PMO free.

The days leading up to new years, and just after, have been very busy. Forcing me to get out of the house and engage. I've spent a lot less time online as well.

One day when I had a few hours free one day and everyone else was sleeping, I got very busy pulling my car apart and fixing one small issue... I believe attacking small projects, even just cleaning my room, is going to be a great tool to avoid lapses in the future.

Yesterday I wrote down what I have accomplished in my last few years, with this issue, and in general. I also wrote down what still challenged me. This gave me a good perspective, and peace of mind for the future. As despite not being completely free of porn, I am using it far less than ever before, and I have made more changes in every day life that before as well. It's slow moving, like struggling up a hill, it is progress none the less.

I'm not one for new year resolutions normally, and I don't want to put too much emphasis on the start of the year, but it does still feel like the time to make a greater effort to overcome this issue in my life.


I am genuinely curious, to see what I can achieve when my mind is balanced. And how simple pleasures in life can be enough.

I know I get happiness through solving problems, so for now I will just concentrate on a heap of small tasks and challenges in my life, nothing overwhelming, just get things done one by one.


Wishing everyone great progress in 2019. Cheers!
« Last Edit: January 02, 2019, 08:46:03 PM by Reborn16 »

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #33 on: January 09, 2019, 05:45:19 AM »
Keeping clean & productive still...

Summer is definitely here now and that's bringing some challenges. With my free time in this study break and no job, it's not great being outside for a lot of the day when it's so damn hot... And for the last few days I've been inside, still reading and exercising, but also on the TV and PC a bit much.

Still, I have kept up my gym efforts and am finding a rewarding natural pathway to channel the energy gained from not fapping lol

I wrote in another thread I try to see my PC and phone as just tools... and despite gym being full of nice women, I try to look at that place as simply an area to get my fitness back in shape.

About 6 weeks of study break left - trying to shift my mindset from thinking it's too much free time, to recognising all the personal values i can work on in that time. Reading, exercise, hobbies mainly.

That's all for now

Rengaw

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #34 on: January 09, 2019, 08:15:06 AM »
Hey man,

You have the right mindset to conquer this habit!  You're right about your PC and telephone being mere tools and the gym a place to work on yourself.
Focus on getting stronger and getting the great endorphin rush from the gym. After a while you will gain confidence and you will talk to strangers. You just wait for it to happen, you'll be impressed by what you can do!


Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #35 on: January 11, 2019, 11:16:47 PM »
Cheers for the encouragement Rengaw :)

I've been to the gym a few days in a row now, and while I sometimes feel shitty and low, the high and recovery from exercise helps a lot!

To sustain that exercise, I've been advised to eat more food, but importantly healthier food, and no doubt this helps with a balanced mind as well.

My hobbies and thirst for knowledge has dominated the last few weeks. Which is a nice change, as I haven't been as tempted to fill the time with sexual stuff.

However, there's still a strong desire for female company, so patience (or taking risks and talking more) will be needed from now on.

A few posts back I mentioned a 30 day dating challenge... That's been put on pause. But being in a better mindset, it's time to revisit that. I feel compelled to at least see that through.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #36 on: January 15, 2019, 03:31:44 AM »
Not too much to update, still keeping busy, having a variety of activities seems key to keeping my mind occupied.

If I am busy throughout the day, going to sleep early and actually falling asleep comes a lot easier.

When on youtube randomly looking at stuff, I can feel how it's negatively effecting me, despite gaining some knowledge, there's still the element of social isolation with it. Time to slow down on that I think.

15 days into this year clean, plus a few days the other side in 2018, I'm starting to think of porn as a wasteful activity, like eating chain fast food (something that I haven't touched in years). There's two reasons I appeared to justify it before:


1 - distraction from social isolation and lack of girls in my life
2 - distraction from personal responsibilities

Both instances would give short-term pleasure, followed by short and long-term negative effects, from brain fog to shame... And yet, both problems 1 & 2 would still remain, worsen even.

Closing off this source of cheap pleasure, is the only way I will pay enough attention to what I actually value in life.

I hope everyone is doing well, I don't comment here often, but I read and get a lot of encouragment and comfort in the stories shared!

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #37 on: January 20, 2019, 02:32:08 AM »
Okay not sure on the day, getting close to a month I think. A few things have changed.

Really slowed down on youtube, almost zero social media use now!

Slowed down on alcohol and takeaway.

Had a few days in a row feeling sexually frustrated. Say I might smile with a shop girl, and then go home and have that natural desire for SOMETHING sexual to happen. Realised I hadn't exercised in a week.... Hit the gym and instantly felt better! Have to remember to use up that energy, especially on bad/frustrated days.

Overall feeling a lot healthier though. Much more energy in the day, and looking forward to sleep.

Prefrontal lobe seems stronger most days as well. For example I felt pretty low a few days ago, computer on a blank search engine, and I had a few thoughts about typing in some search terms and looking at pics, just to escape that feeling of boredom....... Decided 'no, I know how that ends'. Turned off the computer and walked away.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #38 on: January 23, 2019, 03:29:30 AM »
So I went on a blind date today, met a girl online and agreed to go for a coffee, and it was a no show from her.

On the one hand, I'm not annoyed, the more I read about dating the more I expect it to be very hit and miss. More miss lol.

Yet on the other hand, I'm getting the familiar feeling of rejection. Even if it's mostly coming from my own tired stories in my mind...

This would be the perfect chance to get instant gratification from anything sexual online. Today though, it's replaced with cooking, watching a movie, and having an early night.

If this sexual frustration gets too much, I am giving myself permission to MO using imagination only. But that's just a last resort to avoid the screen being a sexual outlet.

Myabe I should focus on dating more, so there should be an abundance of possible dates, rather than one every few months like now. Even a bad date is good experience!

Nikola Numez

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #39 on: January 23, 2019, 06:55:50 AM »
online dating is the worst idea when you are rebooting because those girls like to post sexy pictures. when you say you should focus on dating, i hope you think about dealing with approach anxiety or social anxiety and not about hooking up with girls online.
Pick up your weapons and fight... Fight... Fight.... AND DANCE WITH THE DEVIL

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #40 on: January 23, 2019, 07:13:33 AM »
I agree Nikola, it really was a blind date as neither of us had posted pictures, only describer ourselves lol.

But my rational side is with you 100%, despite in the past when I do try cold approaching, the anxiety and frustration would mean a near guarantee of a lapse.

However, turning up to a cafe in person only to be ghosted, and coming home without feeling too done over, might mean I'm ready to just try real world stuff instead :)

Nikola Numez

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #41 on: January 23, 2019, 04:38:15 PM »
so when you chat with girls online and arrange a blind date and fail, its okay, it means you are ready for real world stuff... but when you approach a girl offline you are not ready and its guaranteed relapse? okay then, not relapsing is more important i guess, so keep doing you.
Pick up your weapons and fight... Fight... Fight.... AND DANCE WITH THE DEVIL

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #42 on: January 28, 2019, 02:02:25 AM »
I'm not sure Nikola, by chance I've had a bit more real-world social interaction with girls in the last few days, and my emotions seemed more balanced... I will give the online stuff a miss completely now. And just see what happens in real time lol.



Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #43 on: January 28, 2019, 02:16:29 AM »
4 weeks until I go back to study now, and so far I am still on track...

I've been a lot more social these past few days, one way was just through community volunteering, and that's no doubt partly what's helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Despite this, I have felt low on the odd day. But now instead of going online, I am turning to family/friends and exercise. The results are night and day. Social isolation, and unused energy, are like flipping a coin for a possible relapse.

I am used to getting novelty and comfort in that old habit. That's why I think it feels like something is missing some days.

But it's the genuine interest and curiosity for how life feels with a normal balance of emotions and urges, that is my reason to keep going right now.



Null1011

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #44 on: January 28, 2019, 06:17:19 AM »
Good going man. I really liked your last sentence which I am quoting on here "But it's the genuine interest and curiosity for how life feels with a normal balance of emotions and urges, that is my reason to keep going right now."

For me life was kind of a single day game till now. Its been just 1 day till my last relapse and I feel quite more energetic. I am also trying to go out and improve the social skills. I also need myself to be fit. I think it is going to be a real long journey to the summit. There is a lot to learn from here on, instead of just passing the day.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #45 on: January 29, 2019, 11:36:18 PM »
Thanks for the comment Null, I think you will find this process very good for both social and fitness gains!

I only recently started at a gym, so similarly I am starting slow just doing basic stuff, no point comparing myself to others there, only comparing myself to myself the week before.

If you can find some group fitness/sport/dance then it's two birds with one stone, exercise and social practice!

I hear ya, there's a long way up the summit, but do we ever stop climbing? I don't think so... the reward is in the climb itself :)

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #46 on: January 29, 2019, 11:50:15 PM »
Quick update as I came close to going back into my old habit yesterday...

What happened:

Didn't give myself enough things to do, spent a few hours online, got bored, decided to 'research' sex workers in an attempt to get human connection and sexual release without using porn, then talked my way out of that 'too expensive etc.', and briefly (about 30 seconds) looked at a provocative video on youtube.

What was different to previous times:

I didn't continue for minutes or hours, didn't get that 'numb/connection' feeling I associate with porn. Instead I paused what I was doing, and thought through the pros and cons...

Pros - lots of sexual imagery, eventually will orgasm

Cons - overwhelming regret, massive brain fog, shame, doubt towards my goal, having to recognise my first relapse in 2019, push back my social progress, compromise my ability to study with a clear head, compromise my ability to attract a job, compromise my ability to attract a partner, I think that's it...………

TL/DR

Got bored/frustrated and looked at sexy stuff
Didn't binge like every time in recent memory
Have a new experience of saying 'no'

I probably need to add a few more things to my day to keep busy!

Null1011

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #47 on: January 30, 2019, 02:53:49 PM »
Objectively analyzing the outcome by weighing the pros and cons is really a good strategy Reborn16. Don't give in. It's a long way but with determination we can make it.

For myself, I am trying to find some group but I think would take some time as I am as of now deeply introverted (maybe due to years of consumption). And I am also newly enrolled in an university. The coursework is overwhelming which is keeping me busy. So I am thinking just to focus on just the fitness part now, like going for a run in the morning for some time, and later on focus on the social part. Its a strategy. Couldn't get any better than this. Let's hope we can break the shackles we build for ourselves.

Thanks for the nice reply to my comment.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #48 on: February 15, 2019, 09:31:19 PM »
That's a good method Null, I think a lot of us that have spent countless hours on this habit over years will need to learn many life skills. And we can't be expected to learn it all at the same time.

I know social skills with women is a shortcoming of mine. I'm reading red pill stuff, watching videos on youtube about the nature of women, but I know this will take a while so I concentrate on other things in the mean time.

Besides, progress in one area will transcend into other areas. I.e. work out at the gym = feel better = naturally become a little bit more extrovert.

Reborn16

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Re: Changing my lifestyle & environment
« Reply #49 on: February 15, 2019, 09:38:52 PM »
Update on progress:

I while ago I ended up lapsing, I had made it about 40 days, but a few things weren't done right.


For starters, I was procrastinating on some tasks. And leaving myself with too much free time in the day. This will be out of my hands shortly, as I go back to full time study in a week... But even so, for now I am making sure I have more things to do.

Secondly, I was remote from my values. Instead of working on my car, I was wasting time online. Instead of socialising, I was wasting time online. Etc.

So I need to keep busy - and make sure what I am doing is aligned with what I believe in.

But I've also learned that the novelty we crave (remember that from YBOP?), that novelty should be found in real life!

This would translate to going out of our comfort zones and pursuing what we are interested in. Trying new things. Breaking the habit loop.

That's all for now, again not keeping a strict day counter but it's roughly 2 weeks in now.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2019, 09:43:34 PM by Reborn16 »