Author Topic: Sexual fetishes are not natural. What are your thoughts? Any good books on this?  (Read 1350 times)

nexusoflife

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I need some help in learning about the psychology of sexual fetishes. From what I have read and studied it would seem that sexual fetishes are not natural. They do not occur at birth. To my knowledge they are primarily the result of early childhood sexual imprinting due to various circumstances as a coping response to stress in early developmental stages which is later sexualized after puberty. Another cause of sexual fetishes is that they are also socially and culturally created phenomena. Lastly fetishes can develop from over exposure to pornography.

Many people think that fetishes are things like the foot fetish, bondage, masochism, pedophilia, vore, inflation fetish, balloon fetish, furries, necrophilia, pregnancy fetish, fat fetish, hair fetish, fetishes for bodily excretions, fetishes for body injuries, burping and coughing fetishes, asphyxiation, etc.; essentially strange and unorthodox sexual triggers. However even attractions such as breasts and butts and even hair are fetishized by our society. Reason being in tribal societies sexual attraction specifically linked to breasts and butts is nonexistent. Breasts are simply something to feed babies. And while the pleasure center in the female brain is triggered by nipple stimulation, it is likely that this is to build a connection between the mother and her child in breastfeeding.

Additionally being that for the vast majority of the evolutionary human experience our species was completely naked for all our lives it would seem that any and all sexual fetishes associated with nudity are relatively recent phenomena for our species only coming into existence with the invention of clothing. Due the fact that the vast majority of humans wear clothes nearly 24 hours per day in society actually can generate and exacerbate sexual fetishes. It is because of the fact that clothes hide the body and thus we often imagine those we are attracted to naked and as is the imagination we tend to exaggerate and emphasize body parts that are fetishized. Thus when a sexualized and fetishized body part is revealed it creates tension and excitement towards said body part thus strengthening the neural rooting of the fetish.

People who have been nudists for some significant length of time generally do not get horny at the sight of a naked person because they realize that the human body is not intrinsically sexual. Additionally these people spend a significant amount of time naked every day and are around naked people quite often as well. Thus they are desensitized to nudity. They do not have to imagine those they are attracted to naked as they are usually already unclothed. Because of this, sexual stimulation leading to arousal only occurs when their partner explicitly behaves in an erotic and specifically sexual way towards them. In truth it’s the psychological aspect, the hormones and the sexual behaviors which get the act of sexual intercourse going for people who do not have entrenched sexual fetishes. Now I am in no way at all saying that being naked all of the time will desensitize one to their sexual fetishes. Nor am I saying that nudists are not subject to circumstances that can cause the formation of sexual fetishes. I am saying that because so many fetishes are linked with nudity in some way due to the fact that we wear clothes almost all of the time, it is beneficial to actually have a mindset that is desensitized to nudity as this would greatly diminish the potential for the formation and strengthening of sexual fetishes.

With this being said while a sexual fetish can become deeply rooted into one’s psychology it is not impossible to dissolve from one’s mind. Being that the overwhelming majority of fetishes are the result of early onset childhood sexual imprinting, if one manages to find the deep imprint that it is connected with then they can consciously work through the fetish and eventually no longer be stimulated by it. Most fetishes have a deep intrinsic link with emotions. These consist of but are not limited to things like attention, stress, security, control and approval. Because of their intrinsic emotional root, the cause of a fetish can be identified if one manages look deeply enough and mentally work through whatever circumstance may have led to the development of said fetish.

In truth if not for childhood stresses causing sexual imprinting, overexposure to pornography, cultural and social preferences and our clothed society, sexual fetishes in all likelihood would not exist. Fetishes result in behaviors that are very strange and sometimes even detrimental and destructive to one’s body and mind. I mean you’ll have grown men having sex and sucking the breasts of their female lovers. Is that really natural? No. It’s the result of a fetishized body part having an emphasized attraction towards it. I suspect the reasons why people passively accept sexual fetishes are because firstly, society says it’s ok as long as it is not harming you or anyone else, and that we all have our weird thing that sexually turns us on. Secondly sexual fetishes result in sexual pleasure as the end result. So even if the fetish is harmful in some way, is in direct conflict with one’s core values, or is just inconvenient since it generates pleasure as an end result of indulgence it is accepted as just a part of who someone is. Lastly sexual energy is extremely powerful and when we are in the act of having sex or masturbating we are quite literally in an altered state of consciousness, especially when we reach climax and orgasm. It’s almost hypnotic as time is of total irrelevance and one’s awareness is entirely present in the act. Due to the power of sexual energy it can cause even the most logical and rationally minded people to come down to their base animal instincts and let the subconscious mind take over; and in this state of consciousness do whatever it takes to obtain that sexual pleasure and eventual orgasmic release. And this is why it is so difficult to dissolve sexual fetishes that have been a part of someone’s sex life for years. The association between the object of the fetish and sexual stimulation is well established and very strong in the mind.

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t overcome a sexual fetish. You can. However it is going to be a long process that at times will be extremely difficult because sexual energy is a very difficult thing to handle if one is having to undo several years of crimped flow due to an out of alignment fetish. It will require very deep digging within one’s self and facing some demons; however if you stay the path and continue to work through these things eventually you will no longer be sexually stimulated by the fetish you have. This is great news for those who have sexual fetishes that are in direct conflict with their core values and beliefs. Sexual energy is extremely powerful as it is the energy of creation. For many with fetishes that are inconvenient, conflict with core values or are harmful this flow of sexual energy has been in a crimped flow. Additionally the sexual issues of society at large do not help this at all; it often makes things more difficult. Also the fact that sex has been taboo for so long makes it something that is even more enticing. This can also build up sexual frustration and play a part in the formation of fetishes.

Please let me know your thoughts on this subject. I would love to get feedback on this. I would like to expand my knowledge and base of information regarding this subject and while I have read books on sexual psychology I have yet to read anything specifically on how natural or unnatural sexual fetishes are. If anyone knows of any books, documentaries or other resources that could help me to learn more on this subject, or just books you think I should look into, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Have an amazing day!
« Last Edit: May 21, 2018, 09:19:13 PM by nexusoflife »

DoneAtLast

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This is a very good post, and you clearly have put a lot of thought into this.  I'm sorry to say I don't know of any books on the matter, and studies are rare, if not non-existent.  I've searched around myself, because the last remnant of a weird fetish still lingers for me and I would love to know more about it.  The best I've found is discussion on Your Brain On Porn about "HOCD".  I do think that your post has given me ideas and I've learned a bit from it.  I have some thoughts if you don't mind.

First, I think you need to define "fetish" to differentiate it from "tastes", and to differentiate it from "cultural norms of attraction".  To the cultural stuff, I can remember finding breasts attractive pretty much as soon as I hit puberty, and I had no early life reasons to... I just "found out" about them at that age.  It is possible that the TV and movies' fixation on breasts as a focal point of female sexuality played a big part in it, but regardless I would be hard pressed to see that as a "fetish" as is typically understood.  As far as tastes, there is equally good work to be done there.  Sometimes I will think women of type A are the most beautiful until I meet a certain woman who doesn't fit the mold, and then it is type B that is most beautiful to me.  This strikes me as cultural and experiential.  An example from my life: I never found redheads attractive until I basically fell in love with a redheaded young lady some 10 years ago, and for a long time after that, redheads were the most beautiful thing in the world to me, even after she had left my life.  It is a good example of a learned sexual taste, but again, I feel it is a stretch to call it a fetish.

Another example: I prefer average to thinner women.  I don't deny the beauty of larger women, I just have a preference.  I believe it is in part because I myself am quite thin and lanky, and people do seem to be attracted more to like body types.  I wouldn't say in a million years that I have a "fetish" for average to thinner women.  I'm not trying to rag on you, but I think in contemplating "what IS a fetish?" we may find some really good insights along the way.

I'm shooting from the hip, but I'd define "fetish" as something that somehow sits above plain ol' sexual attraction.  In my porn days, the mediocre fetish stuff was better than the best normal stuff.  Does this mean that the only difference is that when it is in an disordered state we name it "fetish"?

A couple definitions I found from the internet:
  • a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.
  • an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion
  • an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression
    any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

I get where you're going with this... namely, the brain is our most active sex organ.  Regardless of whether it is classified as cultural norm, taste, or fetish, it is that specific blend of "nature/nurture" that you get with brain training and hormones.  I do think some forms of beauty transcend this, but we'd be getting into the realm of the spiritual.  When I'm in love with someone and we can make and hold eye contact, that is true beauty in my mind... not a fetish, not anything else.  I would say that certain types of attraction transcend this learning, but do the data support or deny me? 

The nudist analogy has two sides to it, I think.  One side is that concealing something prompts arousal.  The other side is that revealing something prompts desensitization.  A counter argument could be made that we naturally find breasts attractive, but by them being exposed so much in certain cultures, they become dull and boring.  What we know about porn would support this: boredom and desensitization is most definitely a thing.  I am not saying that I come down on either side, but it is an important to not get carried away with one paradigm.

Another point is to look at tastes and attractions that are to gender specific attributes.  If I find the smooth female skin arousing, it is in large part because that is a trait of females, and, as a male, one I do not possess.  The sense of "otherness" and complementarity in sexuality shouldn't need explanation.  Similarly, female features that are not shared by men could be considered attractive but not fetishized so long as they are not out of control.  Finding butts attractive for example, because women carry fat differently, their hips and legs are shaped differently, and skin texture is different, making it all carry differently.  Does the existence of yoga pants and stretchy jeans increase this?  Of course, but in this case fetish may be more a matter of degree than anything else.  Finding a butt attractive and needing serious focus on the butt to achieve any arousal are two ends of a spectrum.

I think (and your posting this thread likely means you agree with me) that intense study of fetishes is desperately needed.  If someone has fetish X, what happened to cause it?  It would take lots of psychotherapy to figure out perhaps, but specific examples of the childhood imprinting would be helpful.  The fetishes that go past normal evolutionary drive and frankly are sort of senseless are the ones that intrigue me the most. 

Good post, hopefully more people contribute!

DoneAtLast

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Posting again to add I did find some stuff...

https://www.healthline.com/health-news/what-causes-sexual-fetishes#1 (make note of the study linked within the article)

I read something somewhere about foot fetishes being so common because there is supposedly a crosslinking in the brain for body mapping that puts feet and genitalia really close together, so the brain responds with a similar arousal.  I'm not sure if I buy that, but not being a foot fetishist I am not sure I can really say for sure.

Hard to search for, as most results are either pop psychology websites which are horrible, or gossip magazine sorts of things.

nexusoflife

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Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I like that you bring up those definitions of fetishes and it is primarily the first definition that I am seeking to address with my post.  You’re right, it’s important to differentiate between tastes and preferences from full blown actual fetishes I should have elaborated on that. Thanks for clarifying. The psychology of the individual definitely dictates what we will prefer in the opposite sex and I agree that preferences are in no way fetishes. I agree that one can get visual and sexual pleasure from viewing fetish porn without it imprinting onto them and developing into a fetish if they are not overly exposed to it. However the fact that pornography has the potential to create and perpetuate fetishes in people’s psychologies is more than enough reason in my opinion for people to work towards being porn free.

Exactly the brain is the most active sex organ I like how you put it. I feel that this is something that really deserves more attention in the field of sexology. I have seen in my personal experience and general that people typically associate fetishized attraction as fundamentally intrinsic towards sexual release. It is not even within the paradigm of the majority of people (at least in western culture) to think of being sexual without some sort of fetishized attraction involved in sex. This is why I brought up the psychological aspect being the main component of arousal. I am not adverse to bringing spirituality into this discussion if that is ok. In my perception the spiritual awareness of someone goes far beyond any physical beauty they have; as well as beyond any level of attraction towards a sexual fetish.

Indeed the degree of attraction is yet another good point. Preference in sexual attraction can have its degrees and this is quite healthy in my opinion. However if taken to a point where a particular body part or object is needed to climax then it could be labeled as a fetish and if the attraction gets out of hand (as is the potential of all sexual fetishes) then it can become detrimental to one’s enjoyment as it may come into conflict with one’s core values. This is something I have read countless times on No Fap forums. This is where pornography comes in as a cause of suffering for so many people trying rewire their minds from fetishes.

Yes it is so frustrating that seemingly nobody is doing any real research on this subject. I have looked for peer reviewed literature and quite frustratingly it seems to be nonexistent. I hope I am incorrect about that. Much study of this subject is needed as it would shed light on many of the more unclear aspects of sexual fetishism.  Indeed most of the websites that talk about this subject only do so lightly and do not provide anything remotely useful or with any depth.
The proximity of neural mapping may be a part of the reason however I think it is only a relatively small part of the puzzle. I’d wager that after the initial imprint for the fetish has been made before the onset of puberty then the close neural routing only serves to further solidify it deeper into the psychology of the individual.

Here’s a few interesting books I have come across relating to the subject.
Sex at Dawn
History of the Breast
The Complete Guide to Nudism and Naturism
Also there is a website called broadblogs.com that does a good job at breaking down why many fetishes are culturally created.

DoneAtLast

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I'm flipping through the website now.  Lots of opinions and thoughts, but very little I'd take terribly seriously, as they seem to come from a very specific vantage of a very particular person.  She seems overfly fixated on the breast issue.  She has way too much politics and pop-psych in there for me to really give it much weight.

Two things you said got me thinking.  The first:

"I agree that one can get visual and sexual pleasure from viewing fetish porn without it imprinting onto them and developing into a fetish if they are not overly exposed to it. However the fact that pornography has the potential to create and perpetuate fetishes in people’s psychologies is more than enough reason in my opinion for people to work towards being porn free. "

We can agree that a fetish in its overblown state is not natural.  But, is the seed of it natural?  If someone strangely found pregnant women attractive years before they had access to porn but once they got porn they "gave it a shot" and wanted to see how it was and they got hooked, then the fetish isn't created by porn, strictly speaking.  Some fetishes do seem like they'd have to originate outside of porn in order to take off.  Others seem much more likely to be stumbled on by chance in an attempt to escalate.  Switching to harder kinds of sex or transgender stuff or whatever... I can see that as a click-out-of-curiosity thing, but something like a pregnancy fetish seems like a strange thing to reach via escalation. 

Message boards like this could be helpful - people could talk about their particular fetish and report whether it was there before porn or not, if they can remember back that far.  My suspicion is that there will be good examples for both.  The problem is that specifically talking about fetishes can be real triggers for some people, and that is why (until this thread) I've avoided talking about it too much.

The second:

"I have seen in my personal experience and general that people typically associate fetishized attraction as fundamentally intrinsic towards sexual release. It is not even within the paradigm of the majority of people (at least in western culture) to think of being sexual without some sort of fetishized attraction involved in sex. "

I think we compare western society with other societies on shaky premises.  If we take the assumption that fetish A is innate, but needs to be fed and encouraged by a sexualized culture and a pornified culture, then if we take a culture that does neither of those things it is hard to say that fetish A does not exist.  For example, if we ask some guys in Iran if they had a fetish for wearing diapers and pretending to be babies, what would they say?  They likely had never heard of it.  But, that is a good example of a fetish that seems to come from deep rooted psychological issues, and it may be more likely that they simply never knew it was a thing, and are just confused by having it brought up.  The "seed" of that fetish might exist as they may have the same psychological issues, but the seed never got fertile soil in his society.  So, functionally the fetish may not exist in Iran, but using the data to prove that it is purely created by western society might be a conclusion a little too far beyond what we know.

Another topic entirely might be violence against women in various forms in other cultures... anger and hatred towards women can be expressed sexually in a number of ways, and sex addicts have tended to have real issues with women in their early life, at least in the anecdotal stories I've heard.  Given that violence against women exists in every culture, it might be an interesting thought that it is a pipe with too much pressure, but it bursts in different ways.  But, I think that tangent might drag us off into a strange place... I just wanted to mention it to point out that comparing cultures apples to apples is going to be tricky.

Also, to the idea of sex on its own being good enough without extra things thrown in... you'll find that in western culture, as well.  The problem is that they're often labeled as repressed or "sex negative", but again the politics get in the way of the science.  For example, Catholics who wait for marriage, practice NFP (known as the "rhythm method" to the outside world), and avoid "abnormal" sexual practices rate satisfaction with their sex lives higher than anyone else.  (as an aside, if you want good reading on the spiritual side of sex, JPII's "Love and Responsibility" is as close to a sex manual as Catholics will get).  It leads to an idea that fetishes step in when satisfaction is down or anxieties are high in normal sexual activities.  Porn escalation is an obvious one, but maybe lacking emotional readiness for real relationships is one as well. 

mousemat1

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This is a very interesting discussion. I have often wondered where and why my fetish originated. Sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced for me if my partner is wearing high heeled ankle boots. The kind of footwear that triggers this enhancement must be of a very particular type. Anything lower than a certain heel high just doesn’t do it for me. The form of the heel must be of a specific type. Ankle or calf sign boots have the largest impact, whereas thigh length boots are not so exciting for me (I get a bit of thrill out of them).

I don’t recall my mother ever wearing anything like this kind of footwear so I can’t attach this fetish to her. This kind of fetish for an object is quite interesting. Obviously, I can only speak for myself. The object in itself doesn’t really trigger sexual desire. When I’ve been alone at home and studied my girlfriends boots I get no real rush. There must be a woman inside the boots, animating them. I really don’t understand what need high heeled boots fulfil for me.

Many men have the same excitement for stockings and suspenders. It would be interesting to conduct a survey to see if young men get the same thrill from seeing women in stockings and suspenders as older men. I’m in my 50s and it seems quite a common idea that men like women wearing these kinds of things in the bedroom. Do young men, say in their 20s, get the same thrill? If not what is the new fetish for them? Tattoos perhaps?

Object fetishes are particularly interesting because they can in no way be primitive. I can’t see how rubber fetishism, for example, is triggered by some deep rooted primal sexual impulse. I read once that rubber fetishism only started to appear when children born during the second World War reached maturity. This was explained as being due to the child being forced to wear gas masks (or a respirator which encased the whole body in the case of very young children) during the bombing raids. This seems to make some sense. The hightened sense of fear and tension coupled with the protective arms of a parent (probably a mother) and the smell of rubber seem to match some of the prerequisites for porn addiction, namely shock and novelty. Of course that doesn’t ring true for children who never experienced bombing raids either in the UK of Europe. While I find some women in rubber clothing sexually appealing, I’ve never felt the urge to buy rubber clothing for either myself nor my partners.

DoneAtLast

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This is a very interesting discussion. I have often wondered where and why my fetish originated. Sexual pleasure is greatly enhanced for me if my partner is wearing high heeled ankle boots. The kind of footwear that triggers this enhancement must be of a very particular type. Anything lower than a certain heel high just doesn’t do it for me. The form of the heel must be of a specific type. Ankle or calf sign boots have the largest impact, whereas thigh length boots are not so exciting for me (I get a bit of thrill out of them).

I don’t recall my mother ever wearing anything like this kind of footwear so I can’t attach this fetish to her. This kind of fetish for an object is quite interesting. Obviously, I can only speak for myself. The object in itself doesn’t really trigger sexual desire. When I’ve been alone at home and studied my girlfriends boots I get no real rush. There must be a woman inside the boots, animating them. I really don’t understand what need high heeled boots fulfil for me.

Many men have the same excitement for stockings and suspenders. It would be interesting to conduct a survey to see if young men get the same thrill from seeing women in stockings and suspenders as older men. I’m in my 50s and it seems quite a common idea that men like women wearing these kinds of things in the bedroom. Do young men, say in their 20s, get the same thrill? If not what is the new fetish for them? Tattoos perhaps?

Object fetishes are particularly interesting because they can in no way be primitive. I can’t see how rubber fetishism, for example, is triggered by some deep rooted primal sexual impulse. I read once that rubber fetishism only started to appear when children born during the second World War reached maturity. This was explained as being due to the child being forced to wear gas masks (or a respirator which encased the whole body in the case of very young children) during the bombing raids. This seems to make some sense. The hightened sense of fear and tension coupled with the protective arms of a parent (probably a mother) and the smell of rubber seem to match some of the prerequisites for porn addiction, namely shock and novelty. Of course that doesn’t ring true for children who never experienced bombing raids either in the UK of Europe. While I find some women in rubber clothing sexually appealing, I’ve never felt the urge to buy rubber clothing for either myself nor my partners.

Wow, that's a great example of something hard to understand or explain.

In the name of science, let me ask you this:  Did you have any fixation pre-porn?  Obviously it would have exploded and become huge once porn hit, but before porn, was it something attractive to you?  And, did you have any fixation pre-adolescence?  That is, can you remember a time before hitting puberty where that specific type of boot fascinated you... if not in real life, then maybe a movie character or comic book character?

I genuinely want to know... I'm not trying to lead with the questions to a specific place. 

mousemat1

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Hi DoneAtLast

I think I was always somehow attracted to high heels. I'm pretty sure it started pre-porn although I can't be 100% sure about that. I also remember finding painted finger nails erotic. I can almost remember the moment that one hit me. There was a girl in a local shop with blue painted finger nails and I remember getting a hard on looking at them. I think this was during the period of my life where I was waking up to my sexual instincts so perhaps it was just by chance that I noticed her nails when I got aroused. That was definitely pre-porn. Interestingly, I'm not particularly turned on by women fingernails anymore.

A comic book character? You know, you've asked a very interesting question. I remember a character in a 1970s Spiderman comic called Black Widow. I've just checked and she didn't wear heels.

Fetishes are a real mystery. I'd love to know why I find women in heels so much more arousing. It actually makes no sense and I know it.

DoneAtLast

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Hi DoneAtLast

I think I was always somehow attracted to high heels. I'm pretty sure it started pre-porn although I can't be 100% sure about that. I also remember finding painted finger nails erotic. I can almost remember the moment that one hit me. There was a girl in a local shop with blue painted finger nails and I remember getting a hard on looking at them. I think this was during the period of my life where I was waking up to my sexual instincts so perhaps it was just by chance that I noticed her nails when I got aroused. That was definitely pre-porn. Interestingly, I'm not particularly turned on by women fingernails anymore.

A comic book character? You know, you've asked a very interesting question. I remember a character in a 1970s Spiderman comic called Black Widow. I've just checked and she didn't wear heels.

Fetishes are a real mystery. I'd love to know why I find women in heels so much more arousing. It actually makes no sense and I know it.

That is interesting.  I wonder if just the weird fascination/fixation in childhood, even if it isn't sexual, can leave enough of an imprint.

I mentioned comic books only because I was trying to think where a child might see boots like that... I don't know your age, and as such don't know what pop culture you'd have been exposed to, or what the level of censorship was.

Where are you in your reboot?  I'm curious how it lasts during recovery.

A guy going by "coyote" has started a thread on the other forum, which I'm replying to now.  He's a rather thoughtful guy, so that thread might reveal things as well.

mousemat1

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I have developed other fetishes over the years, (although I think fetish is too strong a word to describe them). I'm on day 142 of my reboot and all other fetishes have faded away. The boot fetish still exits though. I'm not sure it is a fetish though. As I said previously, it's not so much the boots themselves as how women look in them.

We all have preferences for a particular body type, hair colour, hair length, etc. I suspect that my thing for boots is more of a preference than a fetish.

DoneAtLast

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I have developed other fetishes over the years, (although I think fetish is too strong a word to describe them). I'm on day 142 of my reboot and all other fetishes have faded away. The boot fetish still exits though. I'm not sure it is a fetish though. As I said previously, it's not so much the boots themselves as how women look in them.

We all have preferences for a particular body type, hair colour, hair length, etc. I suspect that my thing for boots is more of a preference than a fetish.

Yeah, I think you phrased, more succinctly, something I was trying to say earlier.  I'm not sure that preferences, when not exaggerated by porn, are unnatural.  The nudist theory that we're only aroused by concealing doesn't make sense to me.  So, without clothes we don't find any body part of the opposite sex attractive...?  I get that clothing trends alter what we find attractive, but to say sexual attraction is created by clothing gives no actual origin to sexual attraction, because clothing in itself is not sexual, but the human body is.  It is a bit like saying that my microwave makes food, while saying the farm from which it was raised is irrelevant.

I won't pry because it is too personal and perhaps trigger worthy, but I am wondering if the boots you prefer simply accentuate women's legs (as different from men's) in a way that is attractive; thus, the attraction is the female form, and the boots are part of a larger distortion.  Of course this goes off of my own theories of attraction.  So, a bra makes breasts more attractive for many men, but it isn't the bra itself that is the point of attraction, except perhaps in a small subset of "fetish" people. 

A post on the other forum talking about long term psychotherapy got me thinking about my own situation.  (I posted this bit over there, too)

I struggled with a pregnancy fetish. I have unpacked a few things: my life growing up in the 80s/90s had a lot of public health stuff/psas/health classes that were basically pregnancy scare tactics, and the image of the pregnant teen was almost like a shot from a scary movie. It is hard to describe, but those who went through it know what I mean. It was just the conventional wisdom on how to prevent unwanted pregnancies, I guess. I also had an ex-girlfriend in high school/college with an abusive boyfriend/husband who had something of a pregnancy scare (more rumor, really) that troubled me deeply. As life went on and my peers had families and I didn't have any, I'd become more and more anxious. There are other things, though I won't go into all of it. So, so incredibly odd to me. It is a surprisingly common fetish too, but I've never been able to find any real explanations for it. It is common enough that my searches generally turned up message boards of women complaining about weird pervy co-workers or so forth that seemed oddly interested.  (as an aside, I'd advise any pregnant women wanting to post pictures of themselves that there will be many who will hyper sexualize those photos... be warned).

mousemat1

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I think you hit the nail on the head when you say:

the image of the pregnant teen was almost like a shot from a scary movie.

Just like escalating porn addiction, there is a shocking event which has raised your dopamine. I suspect that at some point in my childhood there was a shocking event and either consciously or unconsciously my mind took a snapshot of the type of footwear I spoke about. The next time I saw similar boots perhaps my brain replayed the anxiety and I got another shot of dopamine.

Before my PIED I never had any issue with women not wearing boots during sex. I've never asked a partner to wear them for me when we had sex because it seems absurd. So my preference doesn't really have a negative effect upon my sexual pleasure.

It's a really interesting discussion. Why do people prefer blue to red? What creates these preferences in our minds?

I'm happy that my other fetishes have disappeared now that I'm almost 4 months into my reboot. I knew they were porn induced because they were things which had never interested me before. Thanks for your comments.

DoneAtLast

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I think you hit the nail on the head when you say:

the image of the pregnant teen was almost like a shot from a scary movie.

Just like escalating porn addiction, there is a shocking event which has raised your dopamine. I suspect that at some point in my childhood there was a shocking event and either consciously or unconsciously my mind took a snapshot of the type of footwear I spoke about. The next time I saw similar boots perhaps my brain replayed the anxiety and I got another shot of dopamine.

Before my PIED I never had any issue with women not wearing boots during sex. I've never asked a partner to wear them for me when we had sex because it seems absurd. So my preference doesn't really have a negative effect upon my sexual pleasure.

It's a really interesting discussion. Why do people prefer blue to red? What creates these preferences in our minds?

I'm happy that my other fetishes have disappeared now that I'm almost 4 months into my reboot. I knew they were porn induced because they were things which had never interested me before. Thanks for your comments.

You know, it wasn't until you posted this that I realized that the fear/anxiety/weird factor might have come into play for me... it seems obvious for other fetishes but my own just felt more... at home?  Maybe because the anxiety was so deep rooted to begin with, I wasn't aware of it.

Even with all of that, having a "preference" like this isn't really justifiable and is likely a fetish regardless of its degree.  No one in their right mind goes into a bar or onto a dating site looking for the pregnant girls.

I've had other preferences/fascinations that have disappeared completely.  Certain body types/ethnicities aren't unattractive to me now, but they don't even prove themselves different.  Even my primary fetish seems decoupled from sexualization... it is just kinda there as a weird fascination.  Hard to describe.

This has definitely gotten me thinking.  I hope more people weigh in.

Wabbajack

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This discussion got me thinking what made me into a man with certain fetishes, although I wouldn't call them fully fledged fetishes, or maybe I should? At the moment I can only write a quick "stream of conciousness":

- Feet - this is the most sinister one for me, because I knew somehow that I was attracted to attractive female feet (not to boots, just nice, clean and lean feet) BEFORE I could be influenced by porn. My first MO to any image was to girls in high school magazines, leaflets, anything but sexualized, and I immediately knew I liked feet, the images with them (again, not all) immediately caught my attention. This is more of a preference, I am not a "foot worshipper", but when feet are nice, I like it veeeery much. I have absolutely no idea what caused it (if anything) but this is definitely my first and main fetish
- Anal sex and annilingus - this definitely can be traced back to porn, but when I actually tried both of those things, it was with the girl I loved really much and she had a certain body type, short, lean, generally petite girl, very beautiful. After actually trying the fetish got tied to girls with her body type (which generally is my preferred one, but I don't consider it a fetish, though it seems to affect them as well), I believe I tied them with being very hygienic down there (like the ex of mine) and my brain made a connection. Plus she had really nice feet, so her and the body type got tied a bit to both of those preferences...

I wonder if any of this "tying up" happened to you guys?

Wabba
http://bit.ly/1Nslpen -> MY JOURNAL, read and comment :)

NoPron4U

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I need some help in learning about the psychology of sexual fetishes. From what I have read and studied it would seem that sexual fetishes are not natural. They do not occur at birth. To my knowledge they are primarily the result of early childhood sexual imprinting due to various circumstances as a coping response to stress in early developmental stages which is later sexualized after puberty. Another cause of sexual fetishes is that they are also socially and culturally created phenomena. Lastly fetishes can develop from over exposure to pornography.

Many people think that fetishes are things like the foot fetish, bondage, masochism, pedophilia, vore, inflation fetish, balloon fetish, furries, necrophilia, pregnancy fetish, fat fetish, hair fetish, fetishes for bodily excretions, fetishes for body injuries, burping and coughing fetishes, asphyxiation, etc.; essentially strange and unorthodox sexual triggers. However even attractions such as breasts and butts and even hair are fetishized by our society. Reason being in tribal societies sexual attraction specifically linked to breasts and butts is nonexistent. Breasts are simply something to feed babies. And while the pleasure center in the female brain is triggered by nipple stimulation, it is likely that this is to build a connection between the mother and her child in breastfeeding.

Additionally being that for the vast majority of the evolutionary human experience our species was completely naked for all our lives it would seem that any and all sexual fetishes associated with nudity are relatively recent phenomena for our species only coming into existence with the invention of clothing. Due the fact that the vast majority of humans wear clothes nearly 24 hours per day in society actually can generate and exacerbate sexual fetishes. It is because of the fact that clothes hide the body and thus we often imagine those we are attracted to naked and as is the imagination we tend to exaggerate and emphasize body parts that are fetishized. Thus when a sexualized and fetishized body part is revealed it creates tension and excitement towards said body part thus strengthening the neural rooting of the fetish.

People who have been nudists for some significant length of time generally do not get horny at the sight of a naked person because they realize that the human body is not intrinsically sexual. Additionally these people spend a significant amount of time naked every day and are around naked people quite often as well. Thus they are desensitized to nudity. They do not have to imagine those they are attracted to naked as they are usually already unclothed. Because of this, sexual stimulation leading to arousal only occurs when their partner explicitly behaves in an erotic and specifically sexual way towards them. In truth it’s the psychological aspect, the hormones and the sexual behaviors which get the act of sexual intercourse going for people who do not have entrenched sexual fetishes. Now I am in no way at all saying that being naked all of the time will desensitize one to their sexual fetishes. Nor am I saying that nudists are not subject to circumstances that can cause the formation of sexual fetishes. I am saying that because so many fetishes are linked with nudity in some way due to the fact that we wear clothes almost all of the time, it is beneficial to actually have a mindset that is desensitized to nudity as this would greatly diminish the potential for the formation and strengthening of sexual fetishes.

With this being said while a sexual fetish can become deeply rooted into one’s psychology it is not impossible to dissolve from one’s mind. Being that the overwhelming majority of fetishes are the result of early onset childhood sexual imprinting, if one manages to find the deep imprint that it is connected with then they can consciously work through the fetish and eventually no longer be stimulated by it. Most fetishes have a deep intrinsic link with emotions. These consist of but are not limited to things like attention, stress, security, control and approval. Because of their intrinsic emotional root, the cause of a fetish can be identified if one manages look deeply enough and mentally work through whatever circumstance may have led to the development of said fetish.

In truth if not for childhood stresses causing sexual imprinting, overexposure to pornography, cultural and social preferences and our clothed society, sexual fetishes in all likelihood would not exist. Fetishes result in behaviors that are very strange and sometimes even detrimental and destructive to one’s body and mind. I mean you’ll have grown men having sex and sucking the breasts of their female lovers. Is that really natural? No. It’s the result of a fetishized body part having an emphasized attraction towards it. I suspect the reasons why people passively accept sexual fetishes are because firstly, society says it’s ok as long as it is not harming you or anyone else, and that we all have our weird thing that sexually turns us on. Secondly sexual fetishes result in sexual pleasure as the end result. So even if the fetish is harmful in some way, is in direct conflict with one’s core values, or is just inconvenient since it generates pleasure as an end result of indulgence it is accepted as just a part of who someone is. Lastly sexual energy is extremely powerful and when we are in the act of having sex or masturbating we are quite literally in an altered state of consciousness, especially when we reach climax and orgasm. It’s almost hypnotic as time is of total irrelevance and one’s awareness is entirely present in the act. Due to the power of sexual energy it can cause even the most logical and rationally minded people to come down to their base animal instincts and let the subconscious mind take over; and in this state of consciousness do whatever it takes to obtain that sexual pleasure and eventual orgasmic release. And this is why it is so difficult to dissolve sexual fetishes that have been a part of someone’s sex life for years. The association between the object of the fetish and sexual stimulation is well established and very strong in the mind.

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t overcome a sexual fetish. You can. However it is going to be a long process that at times will be extremely difficult because sexual energy is a very difficult thing to handle if one is having to undo several years of crimped flow due to an out of alignment fetish. It will require very deep digging within one’s self and facing some demons; however if you stay the path and continue to work through these things eventually you will no longer be sexually stimulated by the fetish you have. This is great news for those who have sexual fetishes that are in direct conflict with their core values and beliefs. Sexual energy is extremely powerful as it is the energy of creation. For many with fetishes that are inconvenient, conflict with core values or are harmful this flow of sexual energy has been in a crimped flow. Additionally the sexual issues of society at large do not help this at all; it often makes things more difficult. Also the fact that sex has been taboo for so long makes it something that is even more enticing. This can also build up sexual frustration and play a part in the formation of fetishes.

Please let me know your thoughts on this subject. I would love to get feedback on this. I would like to expand my knowledge and base of information regarding this subject and while I have read books on sexual psychology I have yet to read anything specifically on how natural or unnatural sexual fetishes are. If anyone knows of any books, documentaries or other resources that could help me to learn more on this subject, or just books you think I should look into, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Have an amazing day!

I disagree, oh wait you're advocating we all run around naked so as to be O Natural... Nevermind, I agree wholeheartedly, when do we start?

UsualMood

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Not only did I take the time to read it but I am more than grateful to have come across something so helpful to me. I dont know where did you collect all this knowledge , but it speaks directly to me. That is the reason I am rebooting.

I associate with the feelings of stress during very early years being translated into fetishes , I think I personally have located mine. But like you said , it is such a powerful addiction that even rational and logical people go into animal mode , searching for what they need in order to orgasm. Many relapses because of this fact. And then goes the sexual energy , how much different our lives would have been if it was genuine and not conflicted with our values and with nature above all. I realize this now as I am forming into a different person slowly. But it really hurts... It really does
 Sexual energy is indeed as heavy as the reason it exists which is to create.

Sorry if I got poetic , thanks for that post.....!!

Frank123

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The brain that changes itself from Norman Doige. Is very good. a good part dedicates it to the adaptation of sexual tastes by repetition. if we expose ourselves frequently we would like it even if we have previously hated it. Certainly a good book of psychology that addresses the issue of pornography. read it completely. I'm interested in reading another. someone can recommend
« Last Edit: November 13, 2018, 11:36:33 AM by Miltonfrank »

Finwë

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I suppose it depends on the particular fetish. Sexuality is potentially extremely malleable, so many things can arise that are not exactly innate. I would say that BDSM type activities are fully natural for many people. There have been studies going back to the 1970s and earlier (before the advent of internet porn) and around 30-40% of men consistently preferred violent porn to non-violent. The numbers are more or less similar for women, although women typically prefer story to video.

HumbleRich

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In my own admittedly limited experience, fetishes are not natural.  This is just my take.  Here is what is natural.  Man sees woman.  Man is sexually excited by woman.  Man approaches woman.  Man and woman hit it off.  (Or vice versa).  Everything else is unnatural. 

I never got into most of the fetushes.  I either got repulsed by them and seemed other material or I just never got exposed to them.  The only fetishes I really got into were downblouse, cleavage, and groping.  To me, what makes these fetishes is that I do not endorse them and am repulsed by them in real life. 

When you get clean and stop using porn these fade away.

Hope this helps.

Rich