Author Topic: Determined to reboot  (Read 309 times)

Andy9120

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Determined to reboot
« on: November 05, 2018, 02:04:37 AM »
I have been here before and lapsed. The lapses turned into binges and I lost my life to porn again

Last summer I rebooted and it was amazing - I lasted over 50 days.

I am a porn addict and I have been binging again lately. I lost the last couple of months to it.

This is yet another day one. I need to start again. I can’t aim at day 50 but I need to get to day two or three.....

I know you will try and help me.

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2018, 07:43:49 AM »
Half way through day one. Busy day and going well.


Tomorrow will be the first test. Must stay busy.

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2018, 05:21:23 PM »
End of day one. Need to keep engaged tomorrow

Being home alone is the trigger.

Need to stay in communal areas

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2018, 02:37:37 AM »
Start of day two. Need to stay focussed, busy and engaged. Sounds ridiculous but lately day two has been where things go wrong previously

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2018, 12:40:25 PM »
I made it to the end of day 2.

ddmmyyyy

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2018, 02:30:43 PM »
Congrats! Like you I made it to day 50 (and a few more) once and it was amazing. But now I'm struggling to repeat this run. But we are still here fighting. That's all that's important. Sooner or later we will make it!

All the best for your day 3!

Hopin4Better

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2018, 03:55:07 PM »
It took me a few tries to get to 50. Keep trying and learn from past mistakes and you will make it.

PE30

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #7 on: November 06, 2018, 05:18:29 PM »
Good to have you back. And well done for getting back on it. One day at a time.
Porn free since 2 February 2018.
Chat room and M/MO free since 28 July 2018.
Fighting on.

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2018, 03:06:08 AM »
I genuinely find the support on here quite emotional. I am struggling at start of day three.

I just need to make it through the next few hours.

ruuddejong

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #9 on: November 07, 2018, 06:07:44 AM »
I am in day 4 and finding myself staring at women much more than usual AND finding myself quite irritated/angry. Like I need a release!

However, I know it is just my brain trying to trick me - as long as I do not go to bathroom with my phone (which is where things happen) OR stay alone at home without wife and kids, I know I will manage to resist. Also I try really hard to not oogle and keep distracting myself whenever I feel the urge.

So hang in there and try to avoid triggers and places that you used to PMO.

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #10 on: November 08, 2018, 04:57:26 AM »
DAY FOUR - Morning

So this is the furthest I have been in months.  I am avoiding the triggers - which is being on a certain desktop PC when I am home alone.  I am staying away from that room and working in communal area.  I have found a place to sit where I am visible in the window so I can't be led astray by a moment of madness.

Thank you so much for all your support.

There is a clear reason for my reboot this time around.  A few nights ago I couldn't stay hard in my wife.  It was so embarassing and I knew exactly why it was.  I was suffering the familiar symptoms of PIED.  Its funny how sometimes a moment like that brings things home.  That you realise what cost this addiction is having.  Ultimately my behaviour could lead to my wife being hurt and that is the last thing I want.  Just thought I would share this motivation.

PE30

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #11 on: November 08, 2018, 01:17:03 PM »
I think it sometimes takes a bit of a shock to stir you into action.

Day 4 is a great start. Keep it up :)
Porn free since 2 February 2018.
Chat room and M/MO free since 28 July 2018.
Fighting on.

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #12 on: November 08, 2018, 03:34:02 PM »
End of DAY FOUR - I made it. Now just need to remain focused. I’ve got a busy few days now so If I am careful day four could easily turn into day eight.

Thanks for your support!

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #13 on: November 09, 2018, 05:14:21 AM »
DAY FIVE - Morning.

I am shortly leaving to go on a short family holiday.  I will be engaged and occupied for the next three days.  All being well I will be homing in on day eight by the end of it.  Quality time with my wife too.  I have found this reboot easier than previous reboots so far.  I think that the shock and revulsion that I felt that I referenced previously impacted on that.  I recently listened to something on the radio regarding this condition too and I heard all the horrible things that had happened to people who didn't sort this problem out.  I love my wife so much and care about my family.  I cannot let this addiction wreck things.  It is that revulsion which has inspired the determination that has spurred me on so far.

I have been here before.  And I know - as many of you do too - that weeks 2-3 are where things become difficult.  Where that determination starts to ebb and this evil sickness starts to slip back in.  That is my challenge. 

I would be glad of your support.

ddmmyyyy

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #14 on: November 10, 2018, 06:49:38 AM »
Getting away for a few days is always a good distraction. Have a great holiday!
Just make sure to check back in an stay alert as soon as you are back ;)
(Its always dangerous for me, when I return from holidays. I get used to feel good and in control and let my guard down. So I need to be extra cautious for about two days when I get back in front of my computer...)
« Last Edit: November 10, 2018, 07:08:36 AM by ddmmyyyy »

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #15 on: November 11, 2018, 04:15:52 AM »
DAY SEVEN - back from holiday but today have another day with family so should be all good.  I am struggling this morning badly.  Getting porn cravings. It was a tiring and frustrating weekend so far with family members.  It just underlines one of the reasons that I am in the situation that I am in.  It if a fine line between blaming myself for my addiction or finding excuses.  I know that I use porn when I am feeling scared or frustrated.  I use it to escape from the difficulties of real life.  Being really honest there is probably an underlying issue also that I have a much higher sex drive than my partner.  I tried to initiate three times in three days now and have been rejected due to her being tired or not in the mood.  This is normally where I would resort to using porn.  But its complicated.  I guess that some people would use porn to get that one off release when their partner is not available.  But for me.... it's not that simple.  I know that a lot of you reading this would understand - we don't just use porn to get a quick release. We spend hours, days and weeks binging on it.  It's not an option for us.

Day seven post isn't turning into a positive one and I feel sorry for that!  But please let's all keep strong.  I am fighting the porn cravings which are so strong this morning.  Let's all try and stay positive together.

ddmmyyyy

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #16 on: November 11, 2018, 06:47:32 AM »
Sorry to hear that your weekend doesn't go too well, but hang in there buddy! Better days are just around the corner. Take it as a challenge that can make you even stronger - tough days are inevitable. The more often you can make it through them and resist to give in, the more confident you will get! Don't feel sorry for struggling - the easy days of a reboot feel good, but the tough days are the ones that get you to the next level!

ruuddejong

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #17 on: November 11, 2018, 07:42:19 AM »
Keep it up Andy, do not giving in. We are both doing great on a similar day count.

Andy9120

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #18 on: November 12, 2018, 06:01:43 AM »
I bloody lapsed. Feeling so angry with myself.

Need to stop this becoming a binge.

ddmmyyyy

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #19 on: November 12, 2018, 05:30:21 PM »
That's bad news. It's fine to be angry about it, for a few hours or a day. Just don't dwell on it. And don't beat yourself up too much. Self loathing would just pave the way for binging. This time your lizard brain won, but in the end, the logical part of your brain will be stronger! Try to analyze it without emotion - what were your initial triggers and what can you do differently next time. Maybe you already know the triggers. But the more often you remind yourself about them, the more you will stay alert and become able to fight them!

ruuddejong

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Re: Determined to reboot
« Reply #20 on: November 13, 2018, 02:18:40 AM »
I bloody lapsed. Feeling so angry with myself.

Need to stop this becoming a binge.

Shit happens, just continue - it is still a progress, if you just do it once and continue your reboot. Much worse if you let it repeat.