Author Topic: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable  (Read 2034 times)

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #50 on: January 03, 2019, 05:11:51 AM »
Day 61!

No progress in my libido at all. I guess I am still in flatline. However, wife tells me she is much happier these days (even though we aren't having sex more than before, which is like once or twice a month). Not sure if it is related to my reboot or her own stuff.

In any event, I will continue and hope libido will come back at some point.

Also I should note that, looking at women or occasional hot photos on Instagram, do not give me brain fog or anxiety any more. So it is much easier to say no to PMO. Again, I am not sure if it is because I am in flatline or because it just gets easier with time. I go to gym often these days and meditate sometimes, so something must be working.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2019, 08:38:21 AM by ruuddejong »

imaquitter

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #51 on: January 03, 2019, 05:58:15 AM »
Quote
However, wife tells me she is much happier these days (even though we aren't having sex more than before, which is like once or twice a month)

Your wife recognizes your progress. That's obvious.
Do it for her, if not for yourself! She deserves better than the man you was (are)!
« Last Edit: January 05, 2019, 02:35:40 PM by imaquitter »
First reboot, august 29, 2018 (49d, 3xPMO slip, no binging)
2nd attempt, october 19, 2018 90 days w/o PMO!



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imaquitter

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #52 on: January 05, 2019, 02:34:20 PM »
From topic: Secret sex addict seeking a life of truth

... sex with random people, which is a lot worse than porn.

I'm so happy for you ruuddejong, that you fight your battles. You can clean up your mess and become a man worth your wifes love!
First reboot, august 29, 2018 (49d, 3xPMO slip, no binging)
2nd attempt, october 19, 2018 90 days w/o PMO!



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ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #53 on: January 06, 2019, 07:09:42 AM »
Thanks man! I am at day 66! Going strong but also in deep flatline, no wood or anything and absolutely no desire to have sex with my wife. Though since she is happier in general, she doesn't mind if we have sex or not for a bit (even though she doesn't know anything about my problem).

Hopefully she will be even happier when finally my libido comes back to life :)

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #54 on: January 13, 2019, 07:28:45 AM »
Day 71!

It is going quite well in terms of no PMO - very easy to stay on course when you limit the triggers, however, I do not see much benefit in sexual side of things so far. Still no libido. However, I do spend more time with my wife and kid and they're happier in general, which is the main thing but I still need to solve the desire part of the problem.

I think I am gonna go get my testosterone levels tested.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2019, 08:38:43 AM by ruuddejong »

imaquitter

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #55 on: January 13, 2019, 02:27:12 PM »
Relax. Stress makes it worse.
Your brain needs to learn that love is the trigger on your libido. Not porn.
First reboot, august 29, 2018 (49d, 3xPMO slip, no binging)
2nd attempt, october 19, 2018 90 days w/o PMO!



HM from 10. feb 19

malando

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #56 on: January 13, 2019, 03:21:24 PM »
Hey RDJ, I'm interested to know your own headspace around your relationship with your wife. I've seen you mention that she is happier with the time you're spending together, but what about yourself? How is spending time with her for you? How do you actually feel about her? You've mentioned that she is "hot", but that's more a statement of how you think the world sees her, but is that how you actually feel when you look at her?

It seems to me like there might be problems in your relationship that aren't being acknowledged. Keep in mind that you might not be alone in this: even though she seems happier, and she's starting to initiate sex with you again, doesn't mean that it's all fine and dandy on her side. She might be worried too, and trying to get things back on track with you by trying to be normal and enthusiastic. But it's very rare that one person in a relationship is totally happy while the other is feeling strange about it. I think you both might need to have some honest conversations about what's working and not working in your relationship. I know this is a tricky subject because you have alluded to your wife having a delicate state of mind recently, but it sounds like it's taken its toll on you - maybe this is what's changed your attraction to your wife? Maybe you view her more with concern and worry now more than interest and fascination. Domestic life can do that. It's not easy to maintain an illusion when harsh reality keeps poking you in the eye. Once a relationship gets to that stage, the illusion can't be rebuilt, so the only way through is to move to a deeper connection, with more communication, more intimacy. This can reignite the sexual flame if it's done properly. But in my experience, once you feel that "nothing" feeling, it doesn't get better unless you get closer and change some things about the way you talk and what you talk about. Keeping things the same doesn't increase attraction. In fact, these situations become intolerable after a while because you feel like sex with your own wife is a disgusting prospect.

malando

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #57 on: January 13, 2019, 04:44:25 PM »
By the way, I don't mean to play down the possibility of a flatline. That can last for a long time. You might be battling on multiple fronts. The flatline will eventually pass, then you have the relationship itself to work on. I seriously doubt a testosterone test will show up anything. It rarely does.

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #58 on: January 14, 2019, 01:54:03 AM »
Hey RDJ, I'm interested to know your own headspace around your relationship with your wife. I've seen you mention that she is happier with the time you're spending together, but what about yourself? How is spending time with her for you? How do you actually feel about her? You've mentioned that she is "hot", but that's more a statement of how you think the world sees her, but is that how you actually feel when you look at her?

It seems to me like there might be problems in your relationship that aren't being acknowledged. Keep in mind that you might not be alone in this: even though she seems happier, and she's starting to initiate sex with you again, doesn't mean that it's all fine and dandy on her side. She might be worried too, and trying to get things back on track with you by trying to be normal and enthusiastic. But it's very rare that one person in a relationship is totally happy while the other is feeling strange about it. I think you both might need to have some honest conversations about what's working and not working in your relationship. I know this is a tricky subject because you have alluded to your wife having a delicate state of mind recently, but it sounds like it's taken its toll on you - maybe this is what's changed your attraction to your wife? Maybe you view her more with concern and worry now more than interest and fascination. Domestic life can do that. It's not easy to maintain an illusion when harsh reality keeps poking you in the eye. Once a relationship gets to that stage, the illusion can't be rebuilt, so the only way through is to move to a deeper connection, with more communication, more intimacy. This can reignite the sexual flame if it's done properly. But in my experience, once you feel that "nothing" feeling, it doesn't get better unless you get closer and change some things about the way you talk and what you talk about. Keeping things the same doesn't increase attraction. In fact, these situations become intolerable after a while because you feel like sex with your own wife is a disgusting prospect.

Hi malando, I think you are onto something and I have been doubting this myself.

Since she has been quite depressed for quite some time now (lost her last family member), I often asked myself if that is the reason I feel no desire anymore, because I think I (my brain) associated her with complaints, responsibilities and sadly, with sadness. Instead of fun. She is starting to feel better, now that it has been almost a year, so I think even without porn, we will need to do some work together. Also, I did notice that on vacations, I have more erections and desire to have sex with her, which probably explains that "fun" association part.

I asked her countless times (without being pushy) to go see a therapist but she refuses it. So only time will heal her own pain. The question is, when she finally starts to feel better, and when I finally get rid of porn, will things start to go back to being normal/good, or not? That I have no idea and cannot really control it, however I can control my addiction and myself, so that is what I am going to work on.

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #59 on: January 15, 2019, 04:17:23 AM »
Day 73, after weeks of no morning wood, today I woke up with one, which was a nice surprise. Hopefully it will become consistent.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2019, 08:38:58 AM by ruuddejong »

imaquitter

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #60 on: January 21, 2019, 11:15:32 PM »
Don't give up buddy, you can make it!
First reboot, august 29, 2018 (49d, 3xPMO slip, no binging)
2nd attempt, october 19, 2018 90 days w/o PMO!



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ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #61 on: January 22, 2019, 06:11:32 AM »
Don't give up buddy, you can make it!

Thanks mate. I won't!

Day 80. Had one of the strongest woods ever this morning again, after a week or so break.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2019, 08:39:08 AM by ruuddejong »

imaquitter

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #62 on: January 30, 2019, 02:28:43 PM »
How's life?
First reboot, august 29, 2018 (49d, 3xPMO slip, no binging)
2nd attempt, october 19, 2018 90 days w/o PMO!



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ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #63 on: February 03, 2019, 01:41:43 AM »
Life is good! Day 92 without PM! I realized I kept writing no PMO but I did O a few times during sex so this may be why my progress is slow but I have not used any P or M'ed with or without P.

I am yet to see any benefits on the desire part though, I will continue on my path but my problem could very well be something else (as discussed with malando above) OR it is simply still a flatline.

malando

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #64 on: February 03, 2019, 09:01:36 AM »
Nice work, man! 90 days is a great effort. Keep going and I suspect you'll get to where you want to be. And if there are any other issues, you'll know what they are and you can address them accordingly. Good luck.

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #65 on: February 05, 2019, 07:51:59 AM »
Nice work, man! 90 days is a great effort. Keep going and I suspect you'll get to where you want to be. And if there are any other issues, you'll know what they are and you can address them accordingly. Good luck.

Thanks! I am not really focusing on a specific number, I do not believe there is a magic to 90. I hate to quit it forever, that is the only way. That said, I will still count the days and report progress here :)

Day 94.

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #66 on: February 07, 2019, 05:19:30 AM »
Day 96.

Today I found myself trying to find (online presence of) a really hot girl that I was supposed to meet a long time ago but I never did. When I eventually did find her, I did nothing about it. I didn't want to contact her or anything, but I did spend like 20 min trying to find her.

Lesson: Important to not get complacent regardless of day count.

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #67 on: February 10, 2019, 01:33:42 AM »
Day 99.

Morning erections are becoming more frequent, which must be a good sign. Also it is A WHOLE LOT easier to say no to urges compared to early days.

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #68 on: February 13, 2019, 07:23:47 AM »
Day 102.

Someone sent me a Twitter account full of material that I would spend hours and hours on back in days, I looked at it for about 30 seconds and closed it. I didn't get brain fog or that crazy rush.

Pete McVries

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #69 on: February 13, 2019, 07:47:51 AM »
It's liberating isn't it? I've came across some suggestive material myself a few days ago and I felt nothing. That was an amazing (non-)feeling. And I'm only 39 days PMO free.

imaquitter

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #70 on: February 13, 2019, 04:56:26 PM »
Day 102.

Someone sent me a Twitter account full of material that I would spend hours and hours on back in days, I looked at it for about 30 seconds and closed it. I didn't get brain fog or that crazy rush.

Great! I'm so happy to follow your progress :D
First reboot, august 29, 2018 (49d, 3xPMO slip, no binging)
2nd attempt, october 19, 2018 90 days w/o PMO!



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ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #71 on: February 14, 2019, 04:25:57 AM »
Day 102.

Someone sent me a Twitter account full of material that I would spend hours and hours on back in days, I looked at it for about 30 seconds and closed it. I didn't get brain fog or that crazy rush.

Great! I'm so happy to follow your progress :D

Thanks man, now it is your turn to do the same :)

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #72 on: February 14, 2019, 04:26:51 AM »
It's liberating isn't it? I've came across some suggestive material myself a few days ago and I felt nothing. That was an amazing (non-)feeling. And I'm only 39 days PMO free.

It definitely is. The temptation is always there but it is so much easier to resist it.

Morning erections are also becoming more often, definitely things are getting better.

imaquitter

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #73 on: February 15, 2019, 09:47:52 AM »
Day 102.

Someone sent me a Twitter account full of material that I would spend hours and hours on back in days, I looked at it for about 30 seconds and closed it. I didn't get brain fog or that crazy rush.

Great! I'm so happy to follow your progress :D

Thanks man, now it is your turn to do the same :)

I will. I just slipped out of hardmode. Not into porn. I feel that I'm finished with that life.
First reboot, august 29, 2018 (49d, 3xPMO slip, no binging)
2nd attempt, october 19, 2018 90 days w/o PMO!



HM from 10. feb 19

ruuddejong

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Re: Failing to stop for years, thread to keep me accountable
« Reply #74 on: February 17, 2019, 03:22:04 AM »
Day 106 since PM. Day 41 since O.