Author Topic: Finally accepted I'm addicted.  (Read 1197 times)

huckleberry

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #25 on: November 06, 2018, 05:34:27 PM »
Hey everyone

Thanks for the great encouragement. I am sorry to say I messed up and had a relapse on Oct. 24. I was at 29 days and I messed up. I saw some suggestive advert (weak, I know) and it got me slowly going down the rabbit hole did I was watching porn again. Yes, I felt really terrible about it and no it wasn't worth it. I was dejected enough my defenses were down and I watched more for the next two days. I started fresh with clean living on the 27th and haven't watched any since. I was on a week's vacation with the family and luckily I'm not so far gone that I compulsively watch with my kids around. I seem to be most vulnerable when I'm working at home.

So, while I messed up, I'm back on the horse and I'm at 11 days. I'm going to try to log in more and hold myself accountable.

jthomas

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #26 on: November 06, 2018, 09:13:21 PM »
You're still on the right track Huck. Put the missteps behind you and draw energy from your success so far.  For the last 29 days, your use has been minimal.  That is excellent! We just can't let that evil seed grow :)

54 days tonight, no porn for me.  I think about it every day but it's staring to get easier.  My working memory is sharper and I'm being more productive in general.  Anxiety is definitely down too.  We can look forward to realizing our better selves when we get thru this.  As you said, lots of support here, lots of powerful stories of struggle and success.  We can be better husbands and better fathers when our actions (in private) are in line with our personal values. 

J.

uncreatedlight

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #27 on: November 07, 2018, 02:18:54 PM »
We all have fallen.  The important thing is that you are still trying.  Keep at it one day at a time.  Pray about it in the mornings and practice the RAIN technique.  Just keep bringing your attention back to the path.  You will get it.

huckleberry

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #28 on: November 08, 2018, 04:29:45 PM »
We can be better husbands and better fathers when our actions (in private) are in line with our personal values. 


This is a beautiful way to put it. I want to do this, and I will. Thanks to you both for the support.

Tomy

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #29 on: November 12, 2018, 06:54:35 PM »
It really helps me to get involved in positive thing. Keep you mind on the positive. I think that's a real help

huckleberry

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #30 on: November 26, 2018, 05:24:10 PM »
Been a while. I was on a business trip away from my family, got weak, and watched some porn. I hate that I feel so powerless about this. I'm trying again, and I really want to succeed this time. As of today this is my 11th day clean. I don't want to mess up again. This stuff really is addictive.

uncreatedlight

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #31 on: November 29, 2018, 09:17:28 AM »
I was just on a business trip too.  I try to plan a new running route when I go on business trips.  It gives me something to occupy my time.  I also try not to drink so much at dinner since it puts me in a vulnerable position.

I can't remember from previous posts; do you have blockers on any of your devices?

huckleberry

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #32 on: November 30, 2018, 12:54:31 PM »
Yeah, coming up with things to occupy yourself on business trips is a good idea. I have another one at the end of next week so that will be a good chance to try it out. I'm at day 15 now so I am going to make this work this time.

I don't have blockers on my devices. To be honest, I'm a bit reluctant to put them on as that will generate questions I don't want to discuss.

huckleberry

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #33 on: December 03, 2018, 12:04:00 PM »
18 days and trying to make this work. Psyching myself up for a business trip next week. I failed my last attempt during a business trip but this time I'm going to succeed.

uncreatedlight

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #34 on: December 05, 2018, 08:26:39 PM »

I don't have blockers on my devices. To be honest, I'm a bit reluctant to put them on as that will generate questions I don't want to discuss.

You let people on your phone?  I jealously guard my phone.  Maybe not for the best!

huckleberry

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #35 on: December 14, 2018, 04:11:56 PM »

I don't have blockers on my devices. To be honest, I'm a bit reluctant to put them on as that will generate questions I don't want to discuss.

You let people on your phone?  I jealously guard my phone.  Maybe not for the best!

Yeah, my wife and I use the same password on our phones. It actually comes in handy sometimes. I don't have any vices except the porn (like I never cheat or anything) so there is nothing on there that would cause a problem.

uncreatedlight

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Re: Finally accepted I'm addicted.
« Reply #36 on: December 17, 2018, 04:51:29 PM »
Yeah, perhaps this is something to aspire to.  Maybe I would still be coupled if we had had that kind of trust in our relationship.