Author Topic: Needing to Heal  (Read 2927 times)

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #75 on: May 24, 2019, 05:05:22 PM »
I have managed to go 11 days since my last relapse, although I have peaked once. But managed to stop myself doing anything completely stupid. So at some kind of progress at least!

My mood is definitely a bit down at the moment though, I'm getting a lot of brain fog at the moment too. I keep mulling over quite a few things in my head although some of it is just complete noise. But anyway 11 days progress for me in comparison to other relapsing I've been through. So my target now is just to try and make another 11 days and see how it goes. I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible. I know there is the 90 day magic number, but I think I do myself a lot better if I keep my target smaller and do a step-by-step.


jixu

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 142
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #76 on: May 26, 2019, 06:30:28 PM »
Great work SG, keep going.  Agree with the idea to keep it simple.  If you are still battling boredom then maybe try a little change in the routine and challenge yourself in something new and different.  Glad to hear of the progress.       

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #77 on: May 27, 2019, 07:16:22 PM »
Sadly relapsed tonight after 15 days. Had been peeking yesterday and let my self away with it tonight too. One thing led to another.  bit annoyed but I know all I can do is start again and go day by day. I've been pretty tired over the last few days and think that played a bit of  a part in it. Plus a little stressed too.

 i had planned to go a month then give some online dating a bash. Seems that was not enough of a reward. Its usually the 10-25 days that I find the hardest. and agian that got the best of me. :(

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #78 on: May 30, 2019, 04:48:29 PM »
Relapsed again tonight. Feel kinda empty and a bit lost. not even uopset, just empty. Constantly feeling alone with this as well. Dont even feel posting here helps anymore. Like no one listens.

Lero

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 722
  • Personal Text
    "Porn" and "Poison" start with the same letter.
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #79 on: May 30, 2019, 05:20:14 PM »
I've had this problem so many times: Having a 15 or 20 days streak only to relapse and then not be able to go back to 20 days and relapse again after only 4. It's frustrating but you are not alone. It's happened to a lot of us. I know you've probably heard this 1000 times but we must not let a relapse go to waste. We need to see what went wrong, to see the mistake and try to avoid it in the future. It's not enough only to say: "Okay, I'll try again." Of course, we must try again but with new information. I haven't been doing a good job at this and I paid the price. Next time I will be more fucking careful.

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #80 on: June 02, 2019, 06:28:38 PM »
Relapsed again. Im a sad pathetic waste of space. Cant even go a few days now. 5 years ive been trying this and i constantly fuck up. Im a constant fuck up and failure at this and most things in life. 35 little to show, mess of a sex life and hardly any one im close to. What the actual fuck am I?

Pete McVries

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 380
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #81 on: June 03, 2019, 11:45:27 AM »
What the actual fuck am I?

Definitely not a sad pathetic waste of space. There is beauty, kindness and strength in you, I'm sure of it. I kindly ask you to stop the negative self talk, it will make everything harder and worse. The solution for your porn problem lies inside of you, you might not have found it yet. It took me 3 1/2 years to manage to cope with the addiction and PIED. Sometimes it takes time. It's a journey. Giving up is really not the answer. It will eat you alive. PMOing while knowing about the dangers and negative effects is like eating rotten candy, you'll get sick of it eventually.

Take care!
My Journal

Seven months clean and counting...

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #82 on: June 03, 2019, 06:19:03 PM »
I have to say I felt awful last night. Absolutely the pits! Feel a little better today, but still quite empty. I've not felt this bad in a while to be honest. It hit me like a ton of bricks within an hour of relapsing. Usually it takes at least a day or so. What was worse is it was the middle of the night. I hardly slept int he end then was up at 5am for work. So its been a bit mad.

I'd previously had an accountability buddy on here but they seem to have gone off the radar and not returned :-( SO i'm going to try and post on this part of the forum a bit more and get more off my chest. Need to switch things up a bit but also take time to see why this keeps happening.

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #83 on: June 05, 2019, 04:37:29 PM »
Another bloody relapse!

Too much peaking and fantasy,

Back to the start

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #84 on: June 09, 2019, 11:53:12 AM »
Made it a day and a half. Feel a bit all over the place, but its a start. I feel I need to dog a little deeper in to feelings and triggers that are keeping me in this cycle. Having had some success a few years ago, it stumps me as to why I now go back to the cycle of relapsing so often. Previous reboots have helped me see things about myself that were causing issues or needed attending to. I sometimes wonder if relapsing after a week or too is an attempt to hijack the chances of doing this again. Like i'm scared i'll find something I dont like, even if what ever I find is the cold hard truth!

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #85 on: June 15, 2019, 06:58:08 AM »
Mad it to six days yesterday but relapsed twice in the space of a few hours.

My main issues seems to be procrastination, especially in the morning. If I awake before my alarm, I tend to lay in bed then start fantasising and touching myself. Whilst this may not lead to much in that moment, Later on with out fail I end up peaking and then..... you can guess the rest. THis morning I got up as soon as I was awake, even if that was half 6 on a saturday. I went back to sleep an hour later as I started to feel tired enough to sleep again. So I think this approach may help - get up and go - do something, anything, other than touch myself and fantasise whilst kidding myslef that I can get back to sleep.

Sentimental_geek

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 95
    • View Profile
Re: Needing to Heal
« Reply #86 on: June 20, 2019, 06:20:29 PM »
SO I have managed 6 days without relapse so far. Its been a bit tough and feeling a bit up and down overall. I've had a coule of days where i've had huge bouts of paranoia and stress. Others when I've been a bit lethargic and somehwat lazy. I have also felt quite emotional at times, including crying a bit earlier. I always find at some point int he first 2 weeks I have a massive emotional outburst at somepoint, and its a healthy thing overall. But today especially, I have had glimpses of feelings of feelings of what can only be described as self pride. Not to say I'm feeling 100% super about everything. But definitely a bit more self accepting
« Last Edit: June 20, 2019, 06:32:19 PM by Sentimental_geek »