Author Topic: Rich's 90 Days  (Read 8622 times)

Greenzebra

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #225 on: April 23, 2019, 07:29:24 PM »
Keep with it man, your story is one of struggle and what looks like triumph.

The hormonal effects are insane. Ive been there and am still there.

Keep with it man!

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #226 on: April 25, 2019, 12:27:55 PM »
Thanks, man!  At the public library studying, so this is just a count update.  A more elaborate update will come later today or maybe tomorrow.  Checking in on day 39/90.

I’ll be back later,

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #227 on: April 26, 2019, 04:49:41 PM »
Checking in.  I have been very busy guys.  Saw EndGame last night.  It was amazing!  Besides that, I do need to admit to masturbating twice this week to mental images of women I saw IRL this week.  Although I am doing a soft reboot, I do want to be very careful about this.  I am cognizant of the fact that too much of the wrong type of masturbating could be very bad for when my wife and I do start to rebuild our sex life (my wife has said that she is waiting until I have fixed various things, which is fair).  I am also focused on fixing areas of health, such as losing weight, before being sexually active again.  So, this coming week I am definitely going to put on the brakes on masturbating.  When I do masturbate I am going to try to do long sessions to build up stamina. 

I shouldn’t forget to praise and reward myself for not going back to porn and compulsive masturbation after being surrounded by temptation in this new environment.  Another reason to avoid masturbation: I don’t want to restart compulsive masturbation.

That is all for now.  Back to studying

Day 40/90

Rich

PornHealth

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #228 on: April 27, 2019, 04:18:45 AM »
 I saw one of your goals is weight loss. I’m a personal trainer and just want to add one thing. The key to weight loss is building muscle and maintaining a caloric deficit each day as well as limiting your eating window each day to somewhere between eight and 10 hours and reducing your carbohydrate intake especially refined carbohydrates. Some people get on the treadmill for 45 minutes a day which is just pointless. Focus on building muscle strength with weights and eating in a caloric deficit with sufficient periods of faSting  each day for blood sugar control. I swear man I have seen this formula work in hundreds of people and the diet and exercise industry often gives bad advice. If you get on the treadmill and run without eating a caloric deficit each day, you’re actually going to gain weight. I can’t believe the fitness industry still recommends this kind of diet and exercise program. It does not work. Also pay careful attention to your blood sugar control, carbohydrates are the key dietary ingredient to fat game. The reason is that they spike insulin which causes your body to go into storage mode

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #229 on: April 28, 2019, 06:03:31 PM »
Thanks, Pornhealth.  I already do intermittent fasting, giving up dinner six days a week (I allow myself to have dinner with my wife one day a week).  I am trying to get more committed to this as we move from vacation mode to real ordinary life.  I need to get exercising.  I would love to do strength training, but would prefer not to join a gym, at least not until I have gotten a job (which should happen within this next month).  So, lots of push ups, crunches, and other things that I can do at home.  I will put your suggestions into good use.

I am interrupting my teaching indoctrination (studying) to write a quick update.  I hate that I have to memorize incorrect, unsubstantiated ideas like learning styles (no scientific evidence), to left brain/right brain hemisphericity (disproved decades ago).  Seriously, some of the stuff from my text book is from books written in the sixties and seventies.  Piaget would not have been taken seriously if he wrote today, as almost all of his ideas are based on studying his own children (talk about small sample size).

But I have to take it in stride.  Studying the next two and a half days before my next exam (professional education).

I am already feeling the effects of not allowing myself to masturbate after a day.  It feels like I have so much pent up energy already.  And also it makes it a lot easier to deal with being surrounded by hot women all the time, if I know that I cannot reap the rewards later.  Yes, it feels annoying in the moment.  But just knowing that I will not get hits of dopamine from the experience of looking at women, except for the actual act of looking, changes the experience. 

I feel like I am not yet ready to be sexual yet.  Fortunately, my wife is not rushing me.  I do not know yet whether the sexual energy I feel is enough to do well in the bedroom, and I still worry about not performing in the bedroom like I have the last few times we had sex.  It gets embarrassing and annoying to have to get myself hard.

I hope that simply eliminating masturbation is the next step to reconnecting getting an erection to appreciating my wife.  At least, that is what I think will happen.  I am getting into unexplored territory.

But it is also important to take a look at the difference I have made.  I am 41 days clean of pornography, erotic imagery, and daily masturbation.

Last week I masturbated twice.  I am cutting back on that.  I still feel lust for other women besides my wife, but I feel that getting rid of the rewarding activity (masturbating) will help me reconnect with my wife.

That’s all for now,

Day 41/90

Rich
« Last Edit: April 28, 2019, 06:15:20 PM by HumbleRich »

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #230 on: April 29, 2019, 05:01:34 PM »
Quick post before I get to studying for the rest of the evening.  First of all, I am not going to give myself a hard time for being attracted to women around me.  I have no impulse at all to do anything about it.  I am working on my marriage, and am only interested in my wife.  I don’t know why my hormones are running so wild, but it is nothing that sex with my wife can’t fix.  Speaking of which, I have felt my sex drive grow just in these two days of not masturbating.  I had no idea two days could make such a difference.  I have no idea what a week will feel like.  To sum everything up.  Nothing wrong with looking.  I am finding myself more and more attracted to my wife, and I am more interested in sex than I was last week.  I still do not feel ready for sex yet.  I unconsciously gave myself erections this morning before waking up.  I am going to stop even doing that from here on out to see if I don’t start seeing more efficient erections as a result.  I would like to start feeling something going on by just looking at my wife, and definitely want touch to start making it happen as well.

I feel like I am making progress.  It feels good to be interested in women again in a more active manner, if that makes sense.  My sexuality is less of a creeper, computer lens type of sexuality and more of an attraction to the female form that feels more natural.

Again, I have no plans to cheat, no interest in cheating on my wife.  I feel like my attraction to women around me is just the natural result of an extended time away from porn and a result of a ban on masturbation.

That’s all for now.

Day 42/90
Day 2 without mb

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #231 on: May 02, 2019, 06:51:55 PM »
Checking in on day 45/90
Day 5 without mb

Rich

KittyHawk

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #232 on: May 03, 2019, 02:22:50 PM »
HumbleRich: congratulations on your progress. Yes, you will notice women around you more and you will suddenly also notice them noticing you.  ;D at least that has been my experience every time I managed longer streak. I also don’t want to cheat on my wife but that newly found dynamics of man-woman interactions is just a harmless fun for me. I am comprehending more and more how much the excessive PMO literally castrated me in the past.
If I were a general and wanted to make enemy's male population completely useless, I would just carpet-bomb them with porn.

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #233 on: May 05, 2019, 02:58:42 PM »
Checking in on day 48/90.  About to go out.  Have a great day everyone!

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #234 on: May 06, 2019, 09:21:43 PM »
Checking in on day 49/90.  I am officially farther in this journey than I have ever been before.  It feels good.  Let’s go over the positive first.  I feel more confident and my confidence is growing every day.  I have more self control than I have had in a long, long time.  I have more control of myself in public and when interacting with people.  I no longer have the urge to ogle women.  I can take glances without staring, etc.  It is no longer a big deal to notice good looking people.  The guy who got fired for leering at women on the job, among other things, seems like a distant memory.  Now I have complete control of myself and that feels good. 

And now for the difficulties: I do feel cravings rising a bit.  I have noticed now, as I approach 50 days, my mind will occasionally scream: “I wanna see tits”!  The old pathways pop up every once in a while, but I always just walk away.  I am feeling more control, but also know that I always have to be mindful.

That’s all for the moment.  Will check in tomorrow.

Rich

roundzero

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #235 on: May 07, 2019, 06:53:34 PM »
Hi Rich, keep going. :)
You have a new fan from Japan

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #236 on: May 11, 2019, 07:23:28 PM »
Checking in on day 54/90. 

Rich
« Last Edit: May 12, 2019, 12:10:27 AM by HumbleRich »

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #237 on: May 12, 2019, 12:20:01 AM »
............and then it all fell apart.  Checking in.  I didn’t PMO, at least not initially, but did something much worse.  I was away hiking today, stopped to get a beer, and then came back to town.  I had to go to the store for some things.  I then went to another bar near home and got tipsy.  I then came home, got into a fight with my wife over drinking, and then left.  But I didn’t go to drink more...I went to a strip club.  I ended up spending two hundred dollars there that I wish I could get back.  Needless to say, I will never tell my wife about this.  EVER!  She does not need to know.  For all she knows, I went to have a few more beers before coming back.

What does this tell me?  That I obviously can’t improve one vice while allowing others.  I have resisted it for as long as I could, but it is time to quit drinking too.  I have to discuss the drinking with my wife now.  I get to look forward to that tomorrow morning.

I see now what drinking does to me and I don’t want to drink anymore.

I obviously need to restart the clock.  At least starting from scratch will be more honest.  Tomorrow will be the start of a much harder reboot from pmo, alcohol, and now erotic entertainment.

Rich

O/90

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #238 on: May 12, 2019, 12:35:27 AM »
Most of the time I try to leave room in my journal to let the facts speak for themselves.  I don’t try to hide the unpleasantness.  I don’t write poetics.  But tonight, I truly feel like I can’t fall too much harder than I did tonight.  I can’t find the words to express how difficult this journey will become when I wake up tomorrow.  Facing all my demons at once.  Fighting all of my addictions at the same time.  It will be the hardest thing I have ever done.

There is a silver lining, perhaps.  I have finally realized that “cheap” thrills can numb me for a few minutes.  They can occupy me for a bit.  But they can’t substitute for what’s real.  Alcohol, the warmth of a woman’s flesh.  I see now that none of it can substitute for real life.  If for nothing else, I feel like I have at least realized that touching other women won’t solve my problems or make me feel better.  I am thankful that I didn’t have to cheat to find this out.  I hate that this happened tonight.  But tomorrow is a new day.

No more drinking.  No more PMO

Rich

malando

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #239 on: May 12, 2019, 12:59:07 AM »
That's heavy, Rich. I don't really understand what you did at that strip club - on one hand you said you didn't cheat on your wife there, but it was involved enough to reset your PMO counter. What exactly happened? What lines were crossed? How will you integrate what happened with your mind/ethics, and the direction you are following? Just trying to understand this. I've never been to a strip club, I don't even know what people do there.

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #240 on: May 12, 2019, 05:32:49 PM »
Checking in on the day after.  I missed an AA meeting because I went to the wrong address.  The next AA meeting is at 8:15, so I will be leaving for that at around 7:45 pm.  I actually look forward to the meeting and working on my alcoholism.  Yep, Malando, my behavior last night definitely was against my vows.  But I blame the alcohol.  When I drink I turn into a different person, or a much worse version of myself.  AA meeting tonight.  I think that in concert with my work here at Reboot Nation I will start to see considerable improvement.

Going to keep track of all of my sobriety dates on here, so:

Abstaining from PMO/Erotica: Day 1/90
Abstaining from alcohol: Day 1
Abstaining from candy/soda (helps me to stay sober of alcohol): Day 1/90

Rich

malando

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #241 on: May 13, 2019, 06:03:01 AM »
Checking in on the day after.  I missed an AA meeting because I went to the wrong address.  The next AA meeting is at 8:15, so I will be leaving for that at around 7:45 pm.  I actually look forward to the meeting and working on my alcoholism.  Yep, Malando, my behavior last night definitely was against my vows.  But I blame the alcohol.  When I drink I turn into a different person, or a much worse version of myself.  AA meeting tonight.  I think that in concert with my work here at Reboot Nation I will start to see considerable improvement.

Going to keep track of all of my sobriety dates on here, so:

Abstaining from PMO/Erotica: Day 1/90
Abstaining from alcohol: Day 1
Abstaining from candy/soda (helps me to stay sober of alcohol): Day 1/90

Rich
I understand what you are saying, Rich - although I would suggest it's better not "blame alcohol" as though it's a disembodied spirit that makes you do things. It's part of a suite of behaviours that you are trying to change. I get that. When I quit porn I also had to do battle with my addiction to overeating and sugar in particular. It was part of my suite of behaviours that involved overindulgence and excessive pleasure seeking. I'm not completely out of the woods yet. It's a long slow battle. I think porn was the gateway to the other behaviours. Porn literally makes us insane, you know? I still remember the maniacal fervour of a "good" PMO session. It was like being possessed. It's actually quite frightening. It certainly bled into my relationships in terms of how sexually focussed I was. It was too important. So we are learning to scale back these pleasure seeking traits we have, day by day. Keep trying, Rich, you will get there.

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #242 on: May 14, 2019, 08:55:36 PM »
Checking out

Abstinence
PMO: 3/90
Alcohol: Day 3

Rich
« Last Edit: May 16, 2019, 10:13:35 PM by HumbleRich »

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #243 on: May 16, 2019, 10:14:52 PM »
Checking out

Abstinence:
PMO: 5/90
Alcohol: Day 5

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #244 on: May 18, 2019, 12:26:15 PM »
Shitty: that is in a word how I feel mentally and emotionally today.  I am going through drama with family, but I won’t get into that at the moment.  I don’t know if I would be dealing with everything so well if I weren’t sober.  Our marriage has been better in the past seven days of abstinence from alcohol than in the past months.  I notice a difference in myself, and we have even discussed having sex again once we move to our new apartment in June that has thicker walls (her worry more than mine).  I feel like some form of normality has come into our lives.  Even as we deal with my narc. Mother.  More on that later.

So, checking in

Abstinent of:
PMO: 7/90
ALCOHOL: day 7

I have been going to AA meetings almost every day this week *=(except for the day before yesterday (Thursday) when we stayed at my Grandparent’s when we brought their car back.  I feel that I will continue going to meetings every day next week, but will reduce it to two or one meetings a week following that. 

I am feeling more empowered as I try to control the world less.  Looking forward to things more.  Next week is our wedding anniversary.  Three years.  They aren’t what they could have been (had I been sober), but this woman is the love of my life and I don’t regret a second with her.

Be back tomorrow.

Rich

sadhanapada81

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #245 on: May 19, 2019, 03:13:08 PM »
You can do it man. Believe in yourself. The past does not matter. What matter is here and now. One day. One hour. One minute at a time. Keep going at it.

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #246 on: May 20, 2019, 10:34:16 PM »
Checking in

Abstinent of
PMO: 9/90
Alcohol: 9

Time for bed

Rich
« Last Edit: May 23, 2019, 07:26:41 AM by HumbleRich »

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #247 on: May 23, 2019, 07:29:57 AM »
Checking in

Abstinent of:
*PMO: 12/90
*Alcohol: 12

Rich

OrangeSpider

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #248 on: May 23, 2019, 07:58:15 AM »
Nice work Humble!

sadhanapada81

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #249 on: May 23, 2019, 11:54:20 PM »
You can do this Rich.  Good stuff.