Author Topic: Rich's 90 Days  (Read 806 times)

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #25 on: September 26, 2018, 01:25:19 AM »
I forgot to mention that I did have a PIED like experience  last week when my wife and I had sex.  Very little connection.  My wife and I don't usually have  a problem with chemistry, and we have it in every other part of our relationship.  The sex was just bad and it was all my fault.  It took me about three minutes of jacking myself off to get hard.  Then sex lasted for around five minutes.  So about average.  I really don't  know if this is pied or not.  I don't know enough about it.  I do know I used to get hard instantly from seeing and touching my wife and I look forward to that coming  back.  I did say that our lovemaking is not as intense as it used to be and she agreed, but said that that is just what happens over time.  She also.said I need to be more romantic if I want that back. 

So now I am all caught  up.  I am.going  to continue  to do a soft reboot.  I don't  think a hard reboot is all it is  cracked out to be.  My wife only likes to have sex about once a week because of her tiredness and anemia.  Right now I can't complain because of my difficulty  getting hard for sex.  I am just focused on rebooting and abstaining from porn and masturbation.  I do not masturbate.  I ejaculate during our sex sessions .  That is it.

Having said all.that, I have noticed a difference building from the reboot.  I already feel more confident in general, things get to me less, I habe much more energy and focus.  It is only five days at this point, so.I know that these things pale in comparison to what will happen later. 

Thanks for taking the time to.follow me in my journey.
I appreciate it.

Rich
« Last Edit: September 26, 2018, 01:42:43 AM by HumbleRich »

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #26 on: September 27, 2018, 10:50:37 AM »
Checking in day 6.

I had a close call where  I Googled a model I saw on a Netflix show and saw revealing photos , but I immediately hit the brakes, stopping myself  from moving on to Reddit or porn,  and masturbating.  I stopped myself from falling into a slip.  Still Reddit free, still masturbation free, still porn free.  I know those images may stay for a while.  Nothing I can do.about that.  But still clean of PMO.  Time to increase  the focus.

6 days clean. 

Rich
« Last Edit: September 27, 2018, 10:56:35 AM by HumbleRich »

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #27 on: September 28, 2018, 03:51:10 AM »
Just want to check in for today, and brag a bit.  My sobriety numbers

Sober of alcohol: 152 Days (sobriety date: April 29, 2018)
Sober of PMO: 7 Days (Sobriety date: September 22, 2018)
Sober of sugar products: 0 Days (Sobriety date:September 29, 2018). I am going to start facing my sugar addiction tomorrow.

Have a great day folks.  And fight those demons!!!

Rich

TurningTheCorner

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #28 on: September 28, 2018, 06:19:47 PM »
Just want to check in for today, and brag a bit.  My sobriety numbers

Sober of alcohol: 152 Days (sobriety date: April 29, 2018)
Sober of PMO: 7 Days (Sobriety date: September 22, 2018)
Sober of sugar products: 0 Days (Sobriety date:September 29, 2018). I am going to start facing my sugar addiction tomorrow.

Have a great day folks.  And fight those demons!!!

Rich

Keep those streaks going!

Kicking sugar is a bear, but it's worth it. I started trying to give sugar up in 2007, but it didn't stick till 2009.

Gary Taubes wrote a book called The Case Against Sugar. It has tons of good info. It really drives home all the reasons to give up sugar for good.

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #29 on: September 29, 2018, 09:56:00 AM »
Checking in on day 8.

Goodnight everyone

Rich

PE30

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #30 on: September 29, 2018, 12:43:56 PM »
Hey, good going. I was a bit worried about you on day six when you were tempted with a Google search, but you've pulled yourself away. Just take it one day at a time, you've got this.
Porn free since 2 February 2018.
Chat room and M/MO free since 28 July 2018.
Fighting on.

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #31 on: September 30, 2018, 08:54:11 AM »
Thanks PE30,

Checking in.  I have quite a bit to talk about but am going to bed, so I will expand later.  I feel pretty good.  No brain fog, my confidence increase has plateaued a bit.  I expect it will continue  to  go up as I begin working out again tomorrow.  Still need to workat  cutting the sugar out.  It should get easier as we aren't on vacation anymore starting tomorrow , so I will be back to a normal schedule.  we had a good vacation/staycation.  We went to a wedding yesterday, which was fun.  Before  I talk about that, though I want to mention that I am noticing that I have  no desire for sex at the moment.  That is a little weird.  But it is probably just the flatline.  I don't know.  On the other hand, a coworker who I was crushing on for a long time, you had thankfully left for another country, went to the wedding yesterday.  For some reason I don't understand I just could not stop looking at her.  I will talk more about it later when I have  more time.  It was checking out and quick glances , not the zombie like leering that goes with PMO.  She  probably didn't notice.  I haven't  been able to stop thinking about her  since, even a day later.  I have actually had some sexual thoughts about her, I am rather ashamed to say.  I am a married man and I do not see myself ever cheating, but for  some reason this other woman  makes me think of things.  Anyway.  More on that later.  I am clean of PMO.  Checking off day 9. Ready for day 10.

See you guys tomorrow.
« Last Edit: September 30, 2018, 08:56:13 AM by HumbleRich »

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #32 on: October 01, 2018, 08:13:51 AM »
Checking in on day 10.  Nothing to report.  Good night!

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #33 on: October 02, 2018, 08:42:31 AM »
Checking in day 11.  No time for porn.  No time for  procrastination.  Good night, folks.

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #34 on: October 03, 2018, 08:48:12 AM »
Checking in day 12.

Good night.

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #35 on: October 03, 2018, 04:47:56 PM »
Good morning, fellas!

Feeling okay.  But, if I am.honest I am getting a little fed up with only being okay.  For the first time in a long time (including when I was fapping and PMOing) I seriously questioned both whether I will pass my teaching exams and whether I actually have what it takes to be a teacher.  When do the superpowers of confidence come in?  I have seen an initial boost of confidence (day 1 through 5), but now on day 13 I have definitely plateaued, with no decrease in either procrastination or insecurity.  When will these symptoms, that I know are at least partially  related to half a life time of porn use, cease and desist?  With six months until we move back to America and take the exams, preparing for new careers and a newnlife back home, I really cannot afford no forward progress on the confidence front.

Rich

achilles heel

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #36 on: October 03, 2018, 05:04:40 PM »
Good morning, fellas!

Feeling okay.  But, if I am.honest I am getting a little fed up with only being okay.  For the first time in a long time (including when I was fapping and PMOing) I seriously questioned both whether I will pass my teaching exams and whether I actually have what it takes to be a teacher.  When do the superpowers of confidence come in?  I have seen an initial boost of confidence (day 1 through 5), but now on day 13 I have definitely plateaued, with no decrease in either procrastination or insecurity.  When will these symptoms, that I know are at least partially  related to half a life time of porn use, cease and desist?  With six months until we move back to America and take the exams, preparing for new careers and a newnlife back home, I really cannot afford no forward progress on the confidence front.

Rich

You answered that question yourself by pointing out half a lifetime of porn use. There are no superpowers, it is hard work by abstaining from porn and constantly challenging yourself. Now you still feel "okay", but your brain will play all kinds of tricks on you to get back its dopamine fix, prepare for entering unexplainable depression and severe withdrawals. Don't let high expectations bring you down if you face hard times!

You set up a good plan on nutrition, exercising and studying. Quitting porn is neccessary to stick to those better habits and the more you advance in terms of your personal goals, you will feel more confident. It's a process and can't be done in a few days or weeks, just stick to your goals and plans and you will like the person you look at in the mirror more and more. This will boost your confidence, just avoiding porn and wait for something to happen won't.

All the best for you!  :)

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #37 on: October 04, 2018, 12:10:28 AM »
Thanks,  Achilles Heel.

Unfortunately, I just PMOed in the middle  of day 13.  I guess that that is 6 more days than my last streak, which is something.  But, of course it wasn't worth it.  And if my wife and I habe sex this weekend this will infkuence that.  Great!  I am so disappointed in myself.  I just couldn't handle the tension any more.  My anxiety was just getting to high.  This was a different kind kf anxiety, though.  I am glad to say that social anxiety was almkst nonexistent.  This was more the anxiety of something else.  Not sure.  I had a break this period  and just couldn't hold it.

There are a couple things I should mention.  I watched some Lady Gagga music videos yesterdyay that I didn't think would effect me, but did.  I am not going to lie.  A lot of her videos are basically porn light.  I have all lf the respect in the world for her as a singer and artist, but why do ber videos need to show off so much?  It all started when I watched the pg music video for her new movie and then I watched some more of her videis.  From now on I will only listen to her music or ppay lyric videis of hers on Youtube. 

Besides that.  Just way too much passivity.  Not enough active activity, like reading, exercising, etc.  Too much passive activity, like watching Youtube.

I will be back later tonight to write down my plan for tomorrow.

Thanms for the support!

And remember fellas.  It ain't worth it.  Stay strong.

Rich

malando

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #38 on: October 04, 2018, 05:12:02 AM »
I watched some Lady Gagga music videos yesterdyay that I didn't think would effect me, but did.  I am not going to lie.  A lot of her videos are basically porn light.  I have all lf the respect in the world for her as a singer and artist, but why do ber videos need to show off so much? 
I think the reason she shows off so much is because her producers have told her that the more sexual content there is in her videos, the longer people watch them. It's designed to hook into this tendency people have of being hooked by sexually charged visual images. It's sad because it's so mainstream now, and everybody is going it, so we're training our kids to get on the train to Pornsville from a young age. Inevitably, a good proportion of them end up exactly there - and eventually, here...

achilles heel

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #39 on: October 04, 2018, 04:24:14 PM »
YouTube is full of triggers, I blocked it for myself because I couldn't handle it. Maybe you should consider the hard way in the beginning too, cut down social media, deactivate pictures at your browser or other restrictions that help you avoiding triggers. It might not be neccessary forever, but during the first time it will help a lot. Also just ignore anxiety and whatever feeling may come up during the first days, this is part of quitting, it won't be easy but you are stronger!

Dj Rascasse

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #40 on: October 05, 2018, 05:18:19 AM »
Yes achilles heel, you are so right, cutting social media is so important not to give the brain food for (porn) thoughts. Unfortunately for us, it seems that monk(ish) life in the first weeks is helping success of rebooting. At least in my case, it is working (day 25). Great streak you had Rich, keep up with the great motivation you have.

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #41 on: October 05, 2018, 09:27:35 AM »
So I slipped again today and tonight...just to make sure that it really was the wrong thing to do.  *roll eyes*  I am so over this addiction.

Symptoms I noticed as I was walking around down town doing chores post relapse.

*completely uncomfortable in my own skin.  Walking around feeling just gross and like everyone is looking at me (they weren't)
*feeling like everyone around me is in on the secret.  That they are judging me
*This weird age related body dysmorphia thing.  I have no idea how to describe it.  But when I look in the mirror after I relapse, my face doesn't look like my face.  It looks old.  But I feel like a fifteen year old.  It is this weird thing where I feel that I am an awkward teenager again, but in reality I'm 32.  (NO, this doesn't happen when I am rebooting and abstaining from PMOing.)
*Yeah, just the feeling that I am immature and don't feel my age (in a bad way)
*social anxiety.  It is back again.  I went to buy movie tickets for tomorrow night and felt really awkward around some other Americans who were there.  I felt like they were in on it.  I felt awkward, and again very inappropriate for my age.
*Irritable. 
*Slight brain fog (not as bad as I have had it before)

I realize now, for the millionth time that PMO is unnatural and bad for me.  I want it gone.  I want to be over it and never see it again.

On to tomorrow!

Rich
« Last Edit: October 05, 2018, 09:33:45 AM by HumbleRich »

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #42 on: October 07, 2018, 07:46:59 AM »
Day  2 clean.  About to go to bed.

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #43 on: October 08, 2018, 08:37:07 AM »
Day 3 clean.  Hitting the sack. 

Good night,

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #44 on: October 10, 2018, 08:44:13 AM »
Checking in on day 5.

Good night, everyone.

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #45 on: October 11, 2018, 01:21:50 AM »
Day 6.  And I definitely feel it.  Social energy is way up.  All types of energy are way  up.  I feel the caffeine I consumed going down, but I do feel that energy.  And oh my God I am.horny.  tbe energy is stro g, but there is wwkalways meditation, or catching a quicknnap.  Remembering that this js what I want.  Not yaving sex with my wife at the moment, so tbere is nowj9ere for tbe energy to go.  That is okay, thouugh.  Learning how to manage the energy.  I am not going to  slip  this ti

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #46 on: October 12, 2018, 10:16:52 AM »
Checking in on day 7.

Good night all,

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #47 on: October 13, 2018, 11:10:34 AM »
Checking in on day 8,

Another day down.

Good night

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #48 on: October 15, 2018, 10:57:52 PM »
Wow, day 11.  That arrived fast.  It has been quite a blur as the days pass by.  I will write more later.  But, I'm going strong.

Rich

HumbleRich

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Re: Rich's 90 Days
« Reply #49 on: October 18, 2018, 08:33:18 AM »
Finished day 13.  Calling it a night.  Good night, folks.

Rich