Author Topic: Joyful journal  (Read 7006 times)

Sanders

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #75 on: June 18, 2020, 06:19:22 AM »
I'm sad about my counter.
I'm happy about my life.

Great awereness. I can imagine it's a shit feeling now, but you can put it in perspective. Just a bump on the road, you're still going towards the right goal!

Sanders

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #76 on: June 22, 2020, 01:12:42 AM »
Hey Kopp,

Hope you're doing well, missing the excellent days :) You came so far already, you can do even better!

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #77 on: June 23, 2020, 12:51:34 AM »
Today is day 6

Chris, Sanders, thank you for your support, it means a lot.
Chris, I've always been attracted to women... which is a good thing in general... But early experiences of rejection in life altered the way I was thinking about women. I'm doing better now, I still have some work to do about that.

I've been doing great. I work well, I keep working out, I spent time with my brother, I'm teaching my girlfriend's cousin how to swim and I play with her family. I love them.
And I love my girlfriend so much.

I'm alone at my place again. I woke up and thought about women I used to know, but not in a lusting way this time. I was curious what they could have become, why we were not speaking together anymore.
I zapped every light sexual thought as soon as it was coming.

Then I read a bit and went out. I did my first pull ups and chin ups of the year. 6 series of 5-6 chin ups then 4 series of 4-5 pullups.

I feel amazing and in love.

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #78 on: June 24, 2020, 01:12:46 AM »
Day 7

I met with a friend yesterday and we had an awesome time.
But I then slept 2 hours less than usual.
I went outside to workout and stretch this morning.

I spent 20 minutes watching sexy pictures.
Triggers are always the same... poor sleep, a bit of alcohol yesterday, loneliness, screens too early in the morning.

I feel tired but OK overall and it's still early in the morning and I already had a workout, what a wonderful life I'm living

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #79 on: July 03, 2020, 02:19:23 AM »
Day 9
Times flies. I'm moving a lot between two places, it makes being consistent harder and sleep worse but I'm doing okay.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and we still love each other a lot. I'm happy about my relationship.

My muscular gains kinda got paused due to not staying at the same place for more than 2 or 3 days recently but at least I kept the habit by doing mini workouts everyday. I made 6 series of pushups yesterday and I plan to get a full back, triceps and shoulders workout tonight.

I've been feeling a lot of mental fatigue and dopamine desensitization - once again due to have just too much things to handle and too much short term emergencies.

I've been working for my new job for a month now and I enjoy it. I have a 6 months freelancer contract that I hope to keep for more than that. I'm well paid and enjoy my work.

Chris Oz

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #80 on: July 03, 2020, 07:23:00 PM »
Keep at it man!

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #81 on: July 06, 2020, 01:35:07 AM »
Day 12

I've done a "dopamine detox" those last two days: very limited usage of screens and embracing boredom.
I used my screen only to read a workout program on one day and to read about investing the next day. Very limited usage of my phone - I just listened to a podcast yesterday. I finished a book, read the whole workout program and started another book.
I've had a 20 minutes meditation session 2 days ago and a 30 minutes one this morning.
I love it so much! It resets my brain, it sets it up for happiness.

I had a one hour walk with my stepmother while my girlfriend was out with a friend of her. I enjoyed it, she's really interesting and I like her.

I've also had good workouts and good times with my girlfriend. And I'm helping her cousin learn how to swim. And I've helped my brother understand some computer programming concepts. And he agreed to join a boxing club with me in September. I'm so happy about this.

Oh yes I never said it but, 90% of the times I workout, my girlfriend works out with me. It's a good moment we share together.
Getting a more muscular back helps me having a better posture.

Sanders

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #82 on: July 06, 2020, 10:38:32 AM »
Hey man,

Steady progress I see :) Interesting how much you can actually achieve without screens, I should cut down a bit more too. Filling your head up with new and positive things will more and more push the porn out hopefully. So much time and good activities in your life! I'm happy for you.

Chris Oz

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #83 on: July 14, 2020, 06:15:18 PM »
I'm having a go at limited screen use too. I think it would be great for me. Hope to hear more from you Kopp

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #84 on: July 15, 2020, 01:14:15 AM »
Hey guys :) Thanks for your support.
I'm on day 21.

I'll post more later but for now I just want to say I've been doing great so far.
I'm afraid for tonight though. I'll be alone for the first time since my last relapse. I already feel urges this morning - and my girlfriend is still with me for now.

What I plan to do when I get home:
Meditation - 20 or 30 minutes
Workout - 45 minutes (chest & biceps)
Eat and then read. Cut screens at 8, be in bed before 10

Every time I have a strong urge: I'll post here

Sanders

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #85 on: July 15, 2020, 09:41:05 AM »
Hey Kopp,

Happy you're back! Even better to see you're already three weeks without porn! Good luck tonight, seems like you're ready for anything!

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #86 on: July 22, 2020, 06:50:58 AM »
Hey Kopp,

Happy you're back! Even better to see you're already three weeks without porn! Good luck tonight, seems like you're ready for anything!

I wasn't in the end.
I experienced the strongest urges I had in years that night - I was shaking a lot. I relapsed. I did nothing of what I said I'd do.

Thinking about my life has been really painful lately.

On the positive side: I got braces to fix my teeth. Eating is painful and I lost a decent amount of weight in 4 days - I had struggled to take that weight on for 4 months... but hey, I'll get a good smile out of this. I keep on working out, not as good as before but I keep showing up.

I still relapse but not often, and always due to feeling and being lonely. I understand more and more that my real problem is internet addiction more than porn now: I don't watch porn often but I do spend far too much time on internet...

My girlfriend has been wonderful to me lately. I love her so much.

I'm afraid for the future of my country - it's becoming more and more violent and full of idiots.

I'm on day 7. I've been clear 32 days out of the last 34.

Sanders

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #87 on: July 23, 2020, 03:03:05 PM »
Hey man,

I'm sorry to hear what happened. There's a bit of a change of tone in your entry compared to the happier earlier ones, I'm happy though to see that there's positive sides as well! Cling on to the great things and forget about the things you can't control. The future of your country, US?, is something that nobody can really control. I can't really imagine the reality of it though, I can only see it through the media's portrayal.

I hope you can refind your happy spirit again. You're still a great guy and working to become even better. Mind if I ask about the loneliness? Is it corona-specific or are you facing other difficulties in your life? I have similar feelings sometimes, it's though. I can be with a group of people but I don't really feel like I belong. Pretty strange.

Anyways, best of luck again, I like the 32 out of 34 mention. Not looking at the setback as a total failure, you've been so many days without!

Chris Oz

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #88 on: July 25, 2020, 03:28:43 PM »
Sorry about you relapse kopp. I love the positive spirit. Let the love from your girlfriend drive you to keep working hard to quit porn, to improve and make you a better man.

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #89 on: August 24, 2020, 01:18:27 PM »
Hi guys, I don't have much time to write here but I'm doing very well. I'm on day 39, clean 65 days out of  67. Chris, Sanders, thank you for the support, you are amazing people!

Quote from: Sanders
I hope you can refind your happy spirit again.


This is now my top priority and I'm going to work on it :)


I'll come back to answer your question about loneliness, and to catch up on your journals!

Chris Oz

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #90 on: August 24, 2020, 03:44:55 PM »
Wow, nice one.

Sanders

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #91 on: August 25, 2020, 12:42:07 PM »
Hey Kopp,

Welcome back again. You're back on track and made a lot of progress! Keep on going :)