Author Topic: Joyful journal  (Read 1403 times)

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #25 on: October 05, 2018, 02:54:44 AM »
Day 7 without PMO
Last O was with my girlfriend 2 days ago
I've had cravings for the last 3 days.

I went out yesterday. I feel good.

I've seen a (french) video where the guy talks about sexual energy and refocusing it from sex to other things (ie your goals).
You can achieve great things if you focus your energy on it.
It made me understand something : I'm highly focused on sex. I care a lot what girls around me think about me, I look a lot at the girls in bars - sometimes stopping to listen to the people talking to me, being more focused on a stranger' ass. I crave the validation from girls.
I have insecurities about growing old and no longer be able to seduce sexy girls. Those are just negative thoughts that I must stop.
Part of it is because when I was single I used to go to bars to pickup girls, I have a lot of good memories from this and I kinda miss it.
At the moment I'm self conscious about my body because I'm not as good looking as I used to. (went from too skinny to muscular to normal/thin, my body is now soft)

So... let's focus! (on getting my diploma, spending time with friends, and becoming a MUSCLE MACHINE again!)

Hope you're doing well brothers  8) 8)

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #26 on: October 05, 2018, 09:26:59 AM »
Relapsed today, twice :/

Tiredness from going out + no goal for the day + being horny from chaser effect lead to this.
I don't know what to do or think anymore

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #27 on: September 22, 2019, 03:37:00 AM »
Hey guys. It's been almost a year.
My life has changed a lot since. I moved to a new city, in a new flat with my girlfriend, I started a freelancing career. I also had my best streak ever, around 140 days. In fact I think I relapsed once or twice somewhere in the middle but I kept going after that. So yeah, almost 140 days.
Since a month I've been running a bit outside every morning + doing a 45 minutes workout after my run. Best habit ever. Just being outside in the morning is awesome for your mental health and I'd recommend it to anyone.

Another excellent habit has been to write my thoughts every morning and every night. It helped me go from depressed to extremely happy in a few months. I love writing so much now. It's like putting all your negative thoughts to the garbage and making room for positive one instead.

I avoided RN because it worked better for me. Just not thinking about all that stuff instead of being active and involved in the nofap community made it easier. For months avoiding porn was easy - I just had no time nor urge to watch porn.

Still, I relapsed recently. I did bad for the last few days. MO'ing for hours a day to avoid solving a difficult situation I'm in. Also I felt anxiety. After 3 years with my girlfriend, and by seeing beautiful girls in the sunny streets every time I'd go out, I started doubting myself. Was I attractive to these girls? Why are there so few girls in my life? It resulted in me talking to girls online and it was stupid. Huge lost of time. Of Energy. Of trust in myself - why was I doing that? There's nothing to gain.

I've kept on using Rescue time, it's been a year and they sent me a frightening stat: I spent 2x more time on Distracting stuff on the internet (Youtube, twitter, random useless stuff...) than on being productive (I code as a living)

Rereading my journal today helped me, I dropped some good insights in there.

I'll repeat it:

The secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on buidling the new.

It has become even more true for me this year. At my peak, I just didn't care at all about porn, I was just focused on living my life, building my career and my body, meeting new interesting people...

Also, the book The Magic of Thinking Big changed my life.


I'm now officially back on track. Thank you guys for everything. You are amazing people, dedicated to bettering themselves, to go through hell will all the hard times it involves. I love you all and you'll forever be my brothers. May you live in peace, meet the women or men you deserve and achieve all your goals and more.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #28 on: September 22, 2019, 03:53:51 PM »
Glad to hear things went so well for so long!

The secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on buidling the new.

Man^ That is a great quote. I've found when I've been very focused on positive change, self help self improvement etc. has really been the only times I was able to get off PMO. Plus it's such a positive, not just getting off pmo... making life better, enjoying growing.

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #29 on: September 23, 2019, 02:30:13 AM »
Hey :)

Today is... I don't know. I went running outside this morning.
I spent time reading. "The Four Agreements". It's a good book, I had read it a few years ago already and it helped me in the past. It teaches you how you learned wrong stuff about you, how you got limitating beliefs about yourself and how to act now, with 4 easy to understand agreements. I recommend it.

I'm on day 3 of Nofap and day 2 without orgasm.

I'm experiencing anxiety, not too much but still.
I have cravings. For porn and for random stuff. I want dopamine hits. It's hard to work - I want to do everything but work.

Quote
I've found when I've been very focused on positive change, self help self improvement etc. has really been the only times I was able to get off PMO. Plus it's such a positive, not just getting off pmo... making life better, enjoying growing.

Yes! Basically I was so busy that I didn't even think about PMO. And it was when I was alone for the first time and had free time that I relapsed.

New belief to instill in my head : I'm a man of high value.

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #30 on: September 23, 2019, 03:39:42 AM »
I'm supposed to work. I have a hard time focusing. I'm really craving dopamine hits, I've been reading random articles... It sucks. I have to work, come on man, let's go, let's do it, it's not even that hard... it's stressful yes, but not hard...

Free-man

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #31 on: September 23, 2019, 04:22:21 AM »
Sorry to hear about your relapse kopp.
It was a long streak man (140 days)
but it seems that you know how to refocus and go for it.
I really like your quote: The secret to change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old but on buidling the new.
You've got all my support to start again!
Cheers!

Axel_Libre

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #32 on: September 23, 2019, 02:03:45 PM »
Hey Kopp,

I read your first page of your journal and I found it very inspiring man. Thanks for sharing.

Your right, when you stop, you commit yourself to a lifestyle change, otherwise centering your life around stopping an addiction gives that addiction even more power over you.

I'll read the rest of your journal later.

Stay strong bro

kopp

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Re: Joyful journal
« Reply #33 on: September 27, 2019, 03:05:56 AM »
I edged this morning.

It almost always have the same causes:
I went to bed later than usual yesterday, I woke up later, feeling lost and I started using my computer 1 hour and half earlier than usual. (I have a rule of not starting screens before 9, this morning I opened my laptop at 7.30).

I stopped but now my brain is foggy, I'm lazy/lost.

I'll take a cold shower then go to the library to work :)

I want to be serious about NoFap hardmode so even if I didn't O'ed I'll count this as a relapse. So today is day 0.


I'm glad my journal is inspiring you!