Author Topic: PIED Long reboot 1 YEAR still not recovered (I havent relapsed once)  (Read 99 times)

zimbardoo

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First of all, sorry for my english fellow fapstronauts jajaja Im spanish.

Hi guys, I´ve just made one year pornfree. The first month of this year I was pornfree though I MOed, the following 145 days were PMO free, then I introduced masturbation (I masturbated every other day) with O but ALWAYS without P.
First of all, Im 23. I´ve been struggling with PIED since I was 16. Up to that age (16), I was always making out with chicks and had a great live basically. I remember that when I was 16 I started losing my mojo, even though I had a gorgeous girlfriend at the time and I had no stress or any shit going on in my life. I went from being the guy with a constant bonner (just looking at my girlfriend i wanted to fuck her), to a guy with no interest whatsoever in real chicks. I remember once (i was 14) a friend of mine talked to me about performance anxiety and that in my mind I thought "completely imposible that happens to me", I never was afraid of anxiety because I was so horny and I hadnt the slightest bit of shyness in me.

As I said, with no apparent reason I started limpdicking chicks left and right. I consider myself to be handsome and I know how to flirt, so i would always get opportunities to have sex with girls. I couldnt believe it but my libido was nonexistent when it came to real women. So when I was 21, I had enough limpdicking chicks, and I kind of gave up trying. I didnt know PIED was a thing, and i thought that I was the only guy in the world with this fucking emasculating problem.

I KNEW that anxiety was not my problem. But as I didnt consider myself to be addicted to internet porn, it never occurred to me that it could be causing me any problem, even though I used it every day (short sessions though, smthing around 5 mins) and i could not get an erection without it. I also remember scalating to some disgusting shit: gangbangs, bukkakes, orgies, spanking, compilations... And i started spending muuuuch more time searching for the right videos and the right moments of those videos than masturbating. I know recognize that i was searching for constant novelty, even though i didnt scalate nearly as much as many people have (for what ive read in this forum). I never saw nothing too disturbing, and as I said i wasnt addicted neither. I wish i had ended up watching gay stuff or being addicted, that way i would have realised that porn was in fact problematic, but i didnt, and that allowed years to pass with me not knowing what my problem was.

Is spanish and I live in Spain, and here (as in many places I guess jajaja) everybody assumes that porn is this great thing that helps people get educated on sex. In august 2019, I dont even know how, i came across YBOP. As soon as i read the first story about PIED, I KNEW that porn was what had being haunting me the last 7 FUCKING YEARS. I havent watched porn since, and im never going to. Quitting porn hasnt been difficult as i wasnt addicted. I have to say that i noticed lots of changes during this time, more than enough to realise that porn was what had been holding me back.

Since I was 16 ive tried EVERYTHING to solve this problem. I went to the doctor and i told him i was impotent, so i got tested for that but everything was perfect. All my shit was in order, and my doctor told me that my results were more that ok, that they were excellent. So that my problem had to be anxiety. Ok, so i went to this sexologist. He told me a bunch of crap, that didnt work, but is not his fault because he doesnt know about PIED. I´ve also tried VIAGRRA, didnt work. I´ve also tried MDMA, as many people say that it is incredibly afrodisiac, didnt work either.

I have to say, i lost my virginity when I was 16 even though i didnt cum. I have fucked 4 or 5 girls since then, but i havent cum once. I also have to say that even if those occasions i became erect, i didnt feel a thing in my penis. I mean, fucking those girls was as if i was rubbing my finger in a table, didnt feel like sex to me AT ALL. So, somewhere around 10 ocassions i couldnt become erect, and when i did, i couldnt feel a thing or orgasm. I was totaly desensitized to sex with a partner.

From when i was 18 to august 2019 (i was 22), i hadnt had a single spontaneous erection or MW (morning wood), or the slightest hint of libido. And this last year that i havent watched porn i have had lots of spontaneous erections and MW, and there have also been moment when my libido was huge, and moments of total flatline too. More than enough to prove that im on the right track.
Ive been talking with this girl that i like for 2 months now. We have met two times and kissed and cuddled, and the third day i fingered her till she orgasmed. Then she tried to give me a hand job but I stoped her making a lame excuse (told her it was late and i had things to do early next morning, all of it was true, but i mean, if i had been able to become aroused enough to fuck her i would have even if it was the end of the world). I have to say, every time we kissed or even touched i was rock hard erect. But when the oportunity of having sex arised, i was too in my head and too anxious.

I guess that maybe is too soon in my reboot or that maybe i need to rewire a bit more, but i also have to admit that now anxiety is playing a role. I mean, after all those lousy experiences limpdicking chicks, i most certainly have developed quite a bit of anxiety. So im planing to tell her that porn has desensitized me, and that ive had all this bad expiriences, and im sure she will understand. Maybe this is the last straw, and will liberate me from the anxiety of "having to performe once and for all" or "not failing again".

What do you think guys? Have you been in a similar situation? I think that there should be a section for LONG REBOOTERS in these forums (NoFap, reebotnation, yourbrainrebalanced...), because even if Gary Wilson sais that it is more and more common to see cases of young guys that need 1 or 2 years to reboot, in YBOP there are not many success stories of LONG REBOOTERS. I´ve read all there are in YBOP, but there arent much, and most of them are shitty stories of people that say they needed 2 years to reboot but because they were constantly relapsing. Thats not fucking rebooting jhajajaj Of course, if you are relapsing every other week you wont recover soon. A long reboot is when you have finally been able to get over your relapses, and even then, you struggle for 1 or 2 years to reach a good level of sexual health.

I hope this story has been relatable and useful for you guys. Keep on trucking!!