Author Topic: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log  (Read 1333 times)

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #50 on: September 09, 2018, 10:24:10 PM »
Nice progress mate! Just write anything you feel you need to on here. It really helps.
and as you said helping others is a great way of healing any problem. Just connecting with others (not sexually), is great. Keep those goals in mind
Thanks man! Really awesome how you are on here supporting everyone.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #51 on: September 09, 2018, 10:27:11 PM »
Anyway. Well I am exercising everyday this week. It is really helping a lot. I actually had a sort of crazy day but feel pretty good. I am making progress. I am not 100% where I want to be but I realize I am doing more this month than I was last month. As long as I am progressing that is a good thing.

Not much luck in dating lately but I am grateful to know that when I have luck again, I'll be ready!!!! Wow it feels like yestarday I was writing my first post in here looking forward to getting those first few weeks under my belt, knowing my dick could proabably work and here I am now!!!! Regardless of drama and what not that happened today that is a damn good feeling!

I quit PMO forever. AND Fantasy of the P and fetishes forever. Going to keep things moving and get up with my alarm, schedule my day tomorrow and work to conquer more aspects of my life.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #52 on: September 10, 2018, 08:02:34 AM »
Well, did not get up as early as I would have liked. Still have a good amount of time to get things done. I have some errands to do and will aim to get the most important things done.

Looking forward to my workout today, that has been THE BEST. There is something special about working out everyday, I guess my brain is constantly producing endorphins and serotonin from it. I got woken up by some biting bug, don't think it was a mosquito it was wayyyy itchier and I managed to find and kill it. Oh well, those things happen.

Perhaps I will do a little extra writing, by hand, this morning.

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #53 on: September 10, 2018, 07:54:26 PM »
Going along nice and steady then?
Exercise is great, escpecially lifting weights, because not only does it help to stimulate those feel-good hormones, its also something you can get better at. Seeing how many sets you can do, then the next week increase the weight and sets...
A sense of accmplishment is something that PMO rapes from you, so its a great feeling to have it back!
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #54 on: September 10, 2018, 10:25:22 PM »
Thanks! Yes things are going pretty well.

An update: In reality a decent bit of drama has happened over the last few days. Some of it was bad luck but perhaps some of how I navigated situations had something to do with how it came to a head. The cool part is how I am handling it! I am definitely getting a bit upset here and there, but much less than in the past. I am proud of myself for how I am handling the situations and for being more resilient.

Again, there is more I want to do and accomplish but I am progressing bit by bit and that is great!

I think my increased resilience is in part due to the exercise and in large part due to: I read an interesting thing about how when you have an addiciton your frustration tolerance goes down, in part because of some odd subconcious process that WANTS to be upset, because when upset you reward yourself with the addictive behavior. The good part is, as you fight the addiction and deal with the feelings or do another activities. Your brain adapts and gets less upset by things returning to a healthier state.

I think this is true, at least it is with me. I think as I am putting more time between myself and the addiction, my brain is not looking to be as upset by things and my resilience and frustration tolerance is going up. Being aware of this process is also rewarding, it gives meaning when I am upset.

For example, if I am upset by something I can think "Wow great, I am going to deal with this feeling and thus retrain my grain that feeling upset has NO rewards" It makes an upsetting situation an opportunity to become more resilient and increase the distance between the addiction and me.

That being said; I like to remind myself.

I quit PMO FOREVER! I QUIT FETISH/PORN FANTASY forever.

Those things in my life sucked so bad. Created major risks for me, led me to my worst and riskiest moments and destroyed so many potential relationships and experiences I could have had which really affected my confidence.

Having now quit forever; I am gaining energy, confidence and resilience. I can gain the satisfaction at having become free of the issue. I know MY PENIS WILL WORK lol. And inevitably I will have a good dating life in the future and a good business life too.   

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #55 on: September 11, 2018, 07:32:13 AM »
Hey there. Woke up feeling tired and not too great. Need to figure out my sleep perhaps, haven't slept well last few nights. Tonight, I will plan to be home earlier and perhaps read. I also have not been too productive in the mornings, I think I've been feeling tired and one of my projects, I have been procrastinating on a bit.

Anyway, thats the main thing, get started working on that project again. Not feeling too good this morning but if I think logically really thats the only thing that is amiss. Aside from that I am just tired and may have a mild cold.

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #56 on: September 11, 2018, 07:06:11 PM »
Quote
Those things in my life sucked so bad. Created major risks for me, led me to my worst and riskiest moments and destroyed so many potential relationships and experiences I could have had which really affected my confidence.

Having now quit forever; I am gaining energy, confidence and resilience. I can gain the satisfaction at having become free of the issue.

Thats great! Its good that youve got that ironclad determination to get better and start a new life. Keep that list of things in your life that porn has taken or that have been ruined by porn and check it regularly to remind youself of why youre doing this - escpecially if you feel yourself tempted to PMO. In addition to that list, make another list of all the things in life that you are getting back and that are becomming better because of quitting PMO.
Having these tangible lists of things really helps. Also write it by hand, not electronically.
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #57 on: September 11, 2018, 10:34:15 PM »
Will do thanks! Great point about writing it by hand.... I feel like things sink in more when written by hand.

Update on today: I was moderately productive but did feel very tired most of the day. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight, I have not in a few days. Still working out and doing good stuff. I had some cravings today. I brush them off easily. But having the log is helping me to stay vigilant! I may have no cravings for days at a time (good progress) but they can pop up for sure. So just to be aware of it, control my mind and thats it.

I quit PMO forever and I quit FANTASY about PMO or fetishes forever. Can't wait till that shit is gone! Today, did not feel to good, but I took a lot of positive actions and I have feeling it will pay off tomorrow. I invested in things that are good for me and my brain and I think it will pay off. I am looking it as an investment in my well being and mood bank.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #58 on: September 11, 2018, 10:36:38 PM »
Also just re read my post from this morning! I was so out of it I forgot I had even posted. I may not have felt great throughout the day and am tired right now, but looking back I improved all day! I felt much much better by the end of the day then I did this morning. And whatever cold like thing I may have had is gone! Also I used to get sick a lot and made some adjustments last year and am going on about 9 months without even a cold! That is something to be very grateful for and I am amazed that was even possible because I got many colds throughout my life in the past.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #59 on: September 12, 2018, 09:07:03 AM »
Well, I hate to say it but I fantasized last night again and was triggered. Well at least I am still PMO free. That is more important, I need to get it in my head that it is just as important to cut out the fantasy as well....... I WILL DO IT.

Anyway, I think I just need to make an adjustment. I have very particular constraints on what I can and can not do. I am okay with thinking about sex, but not very particular vivid fantasies related to porn induced fetishes. The distinction is VERY clear, trust me there is not much gray area. Still, I have been fantasizing about sex and women  a lot at night the last few nights. That is a behaviour I can live with. (I want a huge dsitinction between addictive behaviours that I must cut out permanently and other sexuality, I am not aiming to be abstinent a Monk or anything just get rid of the addictions).

Still, at this time that behavior is too triggering! I will cut out any thinking about sex at all at night and in the morning (particularly when in my bed) for the time being. Additionally I will accept that I am not going to fall asleep early. I need to accept this. It is what it is. Lots of people get by on like 5 hours of sleep a night. I can do that for a few weeks and add in naps. Acceptance is key for me here. I think that was always one of my biggest triggers, feeling that I "needed" to sleep. I would lay in bed trying to will my self to sleep when really I was just laying there with a strong craving totally wired with 0 chance of sleeping. The thing to do is leave the bed and just enjoy the time doing something else, reading perhaps.

Anyway, I think I could also use a plan for the evenings. For tonight and tomorrow at minium, I will read in the living room, I know it will be available, from 12-12:30 or 1:00. Then I will listen to audio books until I fall asleep. THAT is key, it really was helping when I did that, I'd just listen and have some distraction for my mind and fall asleep eventually.

Also I am going to go to bed later, I am laying in bed starting at 11:30 or so without a prayer of falling asleep before 1:00 something......

Why not cut out the middle man of laying around for two hours likely getting a craving and go in the bed later.

Okay let me make this more concise:
No more fantasy about girls while in my bed for the time being.
Read in the living room until tired before getting in bed.
Replacement behavior- once in bed listen to audio book on a timer to shut off automatically. 


Now, I am going to take a small action toward one of my goals I have been procrastinating on for nearly a week. If i have extra time, I will change my furniture a bit perhaps.








+

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #60 on: September 14, 2018, 03:09:14 AM »
Damn. Strong craving and feel quite bad. I think I just need to remind myself that this feeling will pass and things will get better. I need to refocus on my goals and believe in myself. I am feeling down about where I am going in life and feel like no woman is interested in me, all sorts of insecurities etc. very down on myself. I ought to remind myself this is just a feeling, it's not an accurate view. And, yeah tomorrow gotta refocus on goals. Eventually things will work out. 

kopp

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #61 on: September 17, 2018, 04:38:44 AM »
It's been 3 days since your last post. I hope you're still doing well.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #62 on: September 17, 2018, 08:40:13 AM »
Thanks for checking in, was doing decently until last night..... fantasized a lot and ended up looking at some images online..... no M PMO etc. though..... but this is something I definitely shouldn't have done.... I guess I will look at the positive, it's a reminder I CAN NOT fantasize since it is so close to other nonsense. Also, I should post more to remember to stay on track. I am feeling a bit ashamed embarrassed and un confident.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #63 on: September 17, 2018, 08:47:42 AM »
You know, I've decided I am going to look at this as a good thing..... I CAN NOT be fantasizing at all, and it NEEDS to be cut out, the fantasy is keeping me like a half step from a very very bad place every time. I am going to view today as day 1. And view the previous days as a nice preparation and weaning of the bad stuff for today which will be the start of being 100% clean. I will NEVER let my mind engage in thoughts about this stuff again or memories of engaging in fetishes close to P. Also starting today I am going to step it up in my life, so that this is not even the main focus.

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #64 on: September 17, 2018, 08:03:08 PM »
wow, that sounds like a close call! Its great that you were able to stop it before it turned into something very bad. Itsa a good lesson in triggers. External sources such as provocative images and things of the like are obvious triggers, but also in this case they can come from unseen sources within such as memories.
Stay alert!
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #65 on: September 17, 2018, 09:23:14 PM »
Thanks! Good point. Yup, need to be more vigilant. Now I know where I need to go. It's not enough to just avoid PMO and half ass the rest. I have to live right and be disciplined, cut all of the triggers out.

Anyway. I ended up having a very good day. I MADE A SCHEDULE. I was crazy for not doing this EVERY day. I got more work done with less effort and it almost makes me a different person. For example, I tend to get a quite anxious about little things. I was going for an outing and would have free time waiting. In the past I could not decided what book to bring and would get anxious about it. Deciding on the book, not knowing what I should get done, nervous I wouldn't get my work done. All a jumble of worry from the smallest thing..... All I had to do was, make a schedule! I knew exactly what I was going to work on and didn't have to put a second of thought into what book to bring, didn't have to put any thought into when will I get this done or that done. It also allowed me to be far far more present..... Makes life easy. "Okay I am working on this for 30 min" I don't need to think ahead. Anyway, going to do this moving forward....

I have about of hour of work SCHEDULED for this evening followed by some nice reading. Also I am going to check in here a bit more often, the three day break was not a good idea.

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #66 on: September 17, 2018, 09:30:06 PM »
Yeah schedules are good to get things off the mind. As are to-do lists and next-action lists. I have a great app called TickTick where I can get all the things that get my attention during the day out of my mind and into a coherent list. From there I can sort them out into next-actions or assign a schedule to it. Plus Im a forgetful fucker and if I dont write things down itll most likely fall through the cracks!
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #67 on: September 18, 2018, 07:17:17 AM »
Yeah schedules are good to get things off the mind. As are to-do lists and next-action lists. I have a great app called TickTick where I can get all the things that get my attention during the day out of my mind and into a coherent list. From there I can sort them out into next-actions or assign a schedule to it. Plus Im a forgetful fucker and if I dont write things down itll most likely fall through the cracks!

Thanks will try those! I am the same way for sure.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #68 on: September 18, 2018, 07:23:50 AM »
I am awake did a tiny bit of exercise which was nice. One thing I noticed is..... not wanting to come and write in the journal if it is not good news. That is silly. First of all if I want this to be helpful to other people, it's probably more useful for you all to see struggle's and how they are overcome. Second of all, often the journal itself, writing in it is what helped me to focus and do well....

For example I want to make my schedule for this morning and did not want to post until I did it. That's a nice sentiment but now is a convenient time to write and I can make the schedule right afterward AND where it is really bad is a similiar idea led to stuff like this "well I fantasized I'll post back when I have a few days without fantasy" which definitely helped lead to the looking at images. It sucked posting the mistakes but it was helpful..... a lot of people  mention accountability on here and that is how it works.....

Anyway, going to keep it simple and from 8:25-8:35 create my schedule for the day. Key is, it'll be a lot of stuff but nothing otherworldly crazy to exhaust myself. I am thinking to perhaps aim for like 80-90% of what feels like my capacity per a day. An even consistent hard work but in a range where I am calm and feel that it can be a consistent habitual work pace/ day. 

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #69 on: September 18, 2018, 01:19:27 PM »
Only have a sec. Just wanted to check in. Had some thoughts that were vaguely connected to fetishes. I was barely even aware of it. Then I became aware of them and said HELL NO. FUCK THAT ADDICTION SHIT. Staying vigilant going to keep that up. Cutting that shit out 100%.

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #70 on: September 18, 2018, 08:06:08 PM »
Yeah, fuck yeah. Cut out that bullshit. Lifes too short to waste it in a haze of slapping your cock to some emanciated crack heads on a screen! Even if you dont have good news, or any news at all, still post on here. Its very therapeutic and a great way to track yor progress.
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #71 on: September 18, 2018, 08:55:28 PM »
Thanks bro! 100%! Great to be reminded of that. Encouragement super helpful right now. Same deal for rest of the day. Had thoughts creeping in but shut them down each time. Just going to keep doing that. I don't want to be  posting on here "I had thoughts" bleh. I want to be posting "thoughts tried to creep in but I shut that shit down!". Thats the aim to shut it down right away.

Clearing my mind, going to enjoy other things in life.

Another point for me I learned... it is great to look forward to dating. But not to expect it too much. I kept feeling like I was going to be dating, should be dating etc. then when it didn't happen it was definetly a trigger.

Sure I want to date, but pining away for it helps nothing. Just keep moving forward, work on my life, sure take action to meet women. But let the results come as they may. Enjoying my life as it is, just being free of the addiction with or without girls.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #72 on: September 19, 2018, 09:02:28 AM »
So. These last few days, I am doing this the right way. Cutting out all of the thoughts. It is very clear the effect on my body is VERY different. I woke up this morning with really strong morning wood. I thought I had had it a few times especially early in the reboot, but honestly this makes me realize I had forgotten what it was like to have a REAL erection. It felt great to have a full erection like that, but there was no craving attached or anything. It was just purely like my body doing it's thing, because I am doing the right things for it now.

A few points
1) Wow, this is good motivation. I REALLY had to cut out ALL of the fantasies and thoughts. My mind was a good bit more clear and it clearly has my body responding differently. When I was fantasizing I was getting either no morning wood or these super bullshit like idk 20% erect crap. Clearly it had a physiological effect on my body and was NOT helping my recovery etc.

2) More MOTIVATION! I can't believe I had forgotten but..... years ago before the addiction was bad. My erections were MUCH harder and larger. This was even as a virgin when masturbating and watching porn..... HOLY SHIT. Things must have been pretty bad, with this addiction. I can't believe I had almost forgotten this or at some point it'd been so long I sort of accepted it... Like "oh yeah, my dick is way shrunken and my erections are not that hard, thats just the way it is". Many what a load of bullshit.

My erections not just with women, but when PMO'ing were always semi erections. I know I am repeating myself but I can't fucking believe it. I had the vaguest memory of what my erections and dick used to be like and almost did not think it was real. The morning wood I had this morning was the reminded like holy shit! I did not imagine it! I actually used to get erections like this! This is what my dick is really naturally like!

Anyway, that's some goddamn motivation to keep this up AND especially cut out all of the fucking fantasy. For my dick to return to the natural state the fantasy needs to be dead and gone forever.

I can ask myself:

Would you rather........

Feel wired and unable to sleep and shaky fantasizing about fetishes you are ashamed of and don't even enjoy in real life, feel nervous and angry the next day oh yeah and HAVE YOUR DICK BE ABOUT HALF OF THE SIZE and HALF SOFT WHEN YOU HAVE AN ERECTION. Oh at least your dick works...... sort of.

Or never do that shit again, likely go on an internet forum a few times a day, to remind yourself and get support to cut that crap out then you feel really CALM, HAPPY and clear headed and you GET YOUR DICK BACK.

This morning wood is a great thing. To an outside person maybe, it would sound weird... but I think a lot of you guys could understand. Getting the morning wood (especially this REAL erection) feels great and is an accomplishment in of itself. Which is cool since it as extra intrinsic motivator and not dependent on me meeting girls or anything like that.

A few last notes: I have decided for today, to control my thoughts in other ways as well. I often imagine confrontations or getting into fights for no reason. I am going to control my thoughts and for today not allow any of those thoughts into my head either. Just because I became aware of how often I do that and it's clearly not healthy. I believe not doing that for a day will save energy since I am not activating my fight or flight system like 6 times a day for no reason and that would build momentum.

Now, in the next 20 minutes I will create my schedule for the day.

 

Stiffy

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #73 on: September 19, 2018, 01:11:52 PM »
I think you’re on the right track. Personally I think creating a do-able schedule for the next day is the best way to operate in life. Humans work better with structure it seems. You will also get a sense of accomplishment when you are able to conplete all the tasks you set for yourself.

I am also working on controlling thoughts. All thoughts, not just cravings. I’m not sure if you are into reading books or not but I have read this one a couple times and would like to recommend it to you. It’s called “The four agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. It goes into detail and is a short easy uplifting read that I think will help you in controlling/changing your thoughts. I’ve also been meditating semi-regularly which I’ve found gives you a better understanding of thoughts and lets you be more shielded from the hold they can have on you.

Keep it up man.

Edit: and for changing thoughts I found this video interesting. You might as well.
https://youtu.be/IGglrntR-9M
« Last Edit: September 19, 2018, 01:20:21 PM by Stiffy »

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Quitting Forever Starting Today- A Log
« Reply #74 on: September 19, 2018, 07:59:04 PM »
Awesome thanks so much bro! Really appreciate the tips. Great to have support in this stuff.