36 year old virgin dealing with porn addiction and PIED

[MinneapolisGuy]

It's a myth that men are supposed to be walking around all sexually charged all the time. Total BS. We are primed to respond to realistic scenarios relating to real prospects. We are not primed to respond to the thoughts of a previously addicted porn addict who is hyper vigilant about the functioning of his penis. There is literally nothing arousing about that. Aside from the testosterone peak that can happen in the latter stages of the sleep cycle, there's no reason to expect any sort of random arousal. A lot of normal men don't even get morning erections. You need to content yourself with the fact that you've done what you can, and that you have to take the chance of making contact with a partner who attracts you to take this to the next stage. The next stage is to get out of your head, and get into bed with somebody you like and who doesn't make you feel under pressure.

So in your opinion, do you think there's any benefit at all in rebooting beyond this point or have I simply gotten as far as I can go with healing without actual sexual activity?   

Thanks again

I think there is benefit in continuing your reboot just because the longer you have your masturbation/porn habit behind you before you get involved with a woman, the better. I wouldn't suggest you start a masturbation habit now - there's a very good chance it could lead you back to PMO. So in a sense, if you aren't rebooting, what would you be doing? Either you are MO, PMO, or nothing (same as rebooting). It seems to me that if you want to be ready for a real relationship or experience with a woman, you have to keep staying clean.

Despite being a total novice (I'm on day eight), I think Malando is on the right track. He is far wiser with more insight than I on the subject. I don't really see any harm in continuing what you've started. Why undo all this good work as it seems the longer you go the stronger you get, reading from other long termers. Personally, I don't see the problem in aiming for 180 days and if sex happens before that, then great. You've been there before. You relapsed at the four month mark in the past and probably noticed that it sent you on a downward spiral again. It's admirable that you've come so far and I think continuing would be testament to the further progression you could possibly make in this relationship and indeed, with others.

I'm as guilty as anyone of overthinking so can relate, and it's always easier to give advice than take it, but how about taking a step back and like you mentioned earlier. Instead of putting a label (e.g. relationship/friends with benefits) on the relationship, enjoy it for what it is and if sex or a future relationship happens as a result, awesome! I think theres a lot to be said about a relationship built on solid foundations. Getting to know the person, discussing life, what they like, their childhood, dreams & goals, the sex attached to those relations in my experience trumps any quick, fumble in the dark, one night stand scenario. You certainly seem to be getting on like a house on fire!

Either way, you're totally inspirational. You've been through more than most of us could imagine and deserve happiness. We all do. But you especially my man. Keep going with the reboot!

Thank you for such kind words my friend.

No, going back to MO/PMO isn't an option for me nor is it a desire anymore either. In the beginning, there were times when I literally couldn't keep my mind off porn. Now, I can actually go through my day without it being an issue. You've just started but I guarantee you, as hard as it is right now it will get easier. You simply just have to keep fighting those demons and you will succeed. You have to treat this as something where failure just isn't an option anymore.

As far as the woman I've mention in this thread before is concerned, she's been through a lot. She's a had some bad/abusive relationships and she also had some bad experiences with trying to get close to someone and having them reject her. She labels us as 'friends' right now but I out right told her that after meeting her, I have no desire to go out and meet anyone else.

She told me that while she's not ready to be in a relationship right now, she knows what she'd want and that doesn't mean it wouldn't be me. This is hard for me because it just seems as though everything in my life is never just easy. It hurts but right now, I'm willing to try and wait. She's a quality person that I simply don't want to walk away from.

One thing I will say though is that having an actual human being to concentrate on/view as a goal has made rebooting incredibly more easier than other times I've tried before. Having someone around you that you want and stays in your thoughts often helps greatly with keeping your mind away from PMO.

Wishing you and everyone with much success and happiness in life.

Thank you again

Hey no problem man. I guess we differ in the fact that I haven't really given porn or masturbation much thought since I stopped with almost an immediate flatline which hasn't stopped. Not because I've made myself crazy busy, far from it, but more that I just don't miss it. I think I've only had one thought and I just ignored it but I don't want this stance to make me complacent. So personally, I'm fully expecting it to go from easy to much more difficult as the days mount up. I know it's very early days in my journey and I'm expecting a stream of urges to strike in the not too distant future! It would only be natural after all. Its just not acting on those impulses, so it'll be an interesting test. In all honesty, I'm looking forward to that particular mental fight!

Whilst it's great having someone else to focus on, I wouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. I'm finding myself doing that and I know I've definitely done it in the past, which is has probably resulted in me missing out. Yet I always find myself coming back to the idea of that one, even if I'm not sure if it's mutual. I managed to get her out of my head for a while but the thought keeps coming back so it's just another thing to find myself being preoccupied with, whereas I'd prefer to have a clear mind to focus on the matter in hand and progress my own life. So whereas you're finding that its helping, I'm finding it a bit of an ordeal having that thought but we're all different. Besides, I still have a long way to go in my rebooting voyage!

Keep on fighting.

I'm definitely not going to put all of my eggs in one basket but, the idea of having to open up the way I have already with potentially multiple people, multiple times is a stressful thought. Also, I don't want to be someone who shows a lack of understanding and patience with someone who's been so kind and gone out of their way for me.

I know what you're saying though, but I'm just going to try and not worry about this kinda thing too much and just try and focus on being social as possible and interacting with people as much as I can.

Thanks again

[malando]

Ah, ok! That sounds better.

I think you probably could have a sexual experience now. The only thing you have to overcome is your shyness with dating. Also, it takes time to find somebody. By the time you find somebody suitable, you will be physically capable of committing the act.

My I ask, how do you plan on going about finding somebody to be intimate with? Are you looking to find a girlfriend?

Well, being intimate isn't off the table with the woman I've been talking about. We just haven't done anything yet. As far as a girlfriend is concerned, I'd like it to be her but she's just not ready yet. I think the key for me is just to not try and force anything with anyone and just concentrate on being as social as possible.

I see, I thought that situation was not headed in that direction. In that case, I think if you are  comfortable with not being sure where it's heading, and you both feel like getting physically close, there's no harm in giving it a go with her. The main thing is that you're feeling really comfortable with her. There's a good chance that you will load yourself up with pressure because it's your first time, so it's important that you don't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders when you try having sex. You might conclude you're having PIED, but it might be plain old performance anxiety. So work on reducing the anxiety mainly - because PIED is probably not going to be a big problem now. Actually touching a woman for you will be tremendously exciting, I think. It's different from us other guys who have already had sexual experiences with real women and then had porn detract from that. For you as a first timer, and a rebooter, your first touches with a woman are still going to provide a major dopamine hit and I think arousal won't be a problem unless you are caught up in your head and adding pressure to yourself. Just relax and go with it, enjoy the ride! It's so much better than porn if you like the girl you're with.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Ah, ok! That sounds better.

I think you probably could have a sexual experience now. The only thing you have to overcome is your shyness with dating. Also, it takes time to find somebody. By the time you find somebody suitable, you will be physically capable of committing the act.

My I ask, how do you plan on going about finding somebody to be intimate with? Are you looking to find a girlfriend?

Well, being intimate isn't off the table with the woman I've been talking about. We just haven't done anything yet. As far as a girlfriend is concerned, I'd like it to be her but she's just not ready yet. I think the key for me is just to not try and force anything with anyone and just concentrate on being as social as possible.

I see, I thought that situation was not headed in that direction. In that case, I think if you are  comfortable with not being sure where it's heading, and you both feel like getting physically close, there's no harm in giving it a go with her. The main thing is that you're feeling really comfortable with her. There's a good chance that you will load yourself up with pressure because it's your first time, so it's important that you don't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders when you try having sex. You might conclude you're having PIED, but it might be plain old performance anxiety. So work on reducing the anxiety mainly - because PIED is probably not going to be a big problem now. Actually touching a woman for you will be tremendously exciting, I think. It's different from us other guys who have already had sexual experiences with real women and then had porn detract from that. For you as a first timer, and a rebooter, your first touches with a woman are still going to provide a major dopamine hit and I think arousal won't be a problem unless you are caught up in your head and adding pressure to yourself. Just relax and go with it, enjoy the ride! It's so much better than porn if you like the girl you're with.

Honestly it's a complicated situation as both of us are conflicted. She has some reservations about being my first as she's worried I might get attached and hurt. I have some reservations as I there's a big part of me that wants all of her or nothing at all. However, despite these reservations from both of us, we both have expressed still wanting to. So it's not really off the table, it just hasn't happened. 

As far as the PIED is concerned, we've never been in the moment where sex looked as though it was about to happen but we've been all over each other before and I never really got much of a dopamine rush or really hard because it. It's concerning to me because I sometimes wonder that even if I were about to have sex, would my body respond the way I hope it would? Whats interesting is that there were times I was more aroused by something she said to me over text or a thought I had of her than I've been with actually touching each other.

About a month or so ago, I was actually feeling more responsive as I could just think of her and become aroused, my hart rate would go up thinking about being in intimate situations, I was having more sexually charged dreams, etc. But now, all of that has seemed to have disappeared for the most part. That's why I was asking you if you think 90 days was enough for my brain to heal because there's a part of me that still believes that I'm in flat-line. This feeling is very frustrating as I could feel myself feeling like my old self for a little while and then all of the sudden, it just feels like my body decided to take 2 steps back.

Maybe the key for me though is finally seeing how my body/brain reacts to things after going beyond 4 months seeing as how I've never gotten that far with rebooting before?
 

[malando]

Ah, ok! That sounds better.

I think you probably could have a sexual experience now. The only thing you have to overcome is your shyness with dating. Also, it takes time to find somebody. By the time you find somebody suitable, you will be physically capable of committing the act.

My I ask, how do you plan on going about finding somebody to be intimate with? Are you looking to find a girlfriend?

Well, being intimate isn't off the table with the woman I've been talking about. We just haven't done anything yet. As far as a girlfriend is concerned, I'd like it to be her but she's just not ready yet. I think the key for me is just to not try and force anything with anyone and just concentrate on being as social as possible.

I see, I thought that situation was not headed in that direction. In that case, I think if you are  comfortable with not being sure where it's heading, and you both feel like getting physically close, there's no harm in giving it a go with her. The main thing is that you're feeling really comfortable with her. There's a good chance that you will load yourself up with pressure because it's your first time, so it's important that you don't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders when you try having sex. You might conclude you're having PIED, but it might be plain old performance anxiety. So work on reducing the anxiety mainly - because PIED is probably not going to be a big problem now. Actually touching a woman for you will be tremendously exciting, I think. It's different from us other guys who have already had sexual experiences with real women and then had porn detract from that. For you as a first timer, and a rebooter, your first touches with a woman are still going to provide a major dopamine hit and I think arousal won't be a problem unless you are caught up in your head and adding pressure to yourself. Just relax and go with it, enjoy the ride! It's so much better than porn if you like the girl you're with.

Honestly it's a complicated situation as both of us are conflicted. She has some reservations about being my first as she's worried I might get attached and hurt. I have some reservations as I there's a big part of me that wants all of her or nothing at all. However, despite these reservations from both of us, we both have expressed still wanting to. So it's not really off the table, it just hasn't happened. 

As far as the PIED is concerned, we've never been in the moment where sex looked as though it was about to happen but we've been all over each other before and I never really got much of a dopamine rush or really hard because it. It's concerning to me because I sometimes wonder that even if I were about to have sex, would my body respond the way I hope it would? Whats interesting is that there were times I was more aroused by something she said to me over text or a thought I had of her than I've been with actually touching each other.

About a month or so ago, I was actually feeling more responsive as I could just think of her and become aroused, my hart rate would go up thinking about being in intimate situations, I was having more sexually charged dreams, etc. But now, all of that has seemed to have disappeared for the most part. That's why I was asking you if you think 90 days was enough for my brain to heal because there's a part of me that still believes that I'm in flat-line. This feeling is very frustrating as I could feel myself feeling like my old self for a little while and then all of the sudden, it just feels like my body decided to take 2 steps back.

Maybe the key for me though is finally seeing how my body/brain reacts to things after going beyond 4 months seeing as how I've never gotten that far with rebooting before?
 

Yeah, it might have run it's course. I think you want to be totally into the girl who's your first. It will go so much better if you're head over heels for her and just crave to touch her. What you're describing sounds like an arrangement of convenience - neither of you are hot for each other, just keeping each other company until the real one comes along. Doesn't sound that exciting. I never got very excited about girls I had no feelings for. It's empty, boring almost. It sounds good in theory. Any sex is better than no sex, right?. Wrong, some sex is worse than no sex. You've got to be really excited by your partner to really get anything out of it. And yes, it's very easy to lose arousal in a sexual encounter when you're not really into the person. It can get very impersonal and mechanical. I would be very wary of this if I were you. If your primary goal is to lose your virginity, then yes, you can give it a try, but understand that it carries with it certain risks of being unsatisfying, awkward, and possibly even counterproductive if you are not aroused by her when the time comes.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Ah, ok! That sounds better.

I think you probably could have a sexual experience now. The only thing you have to overcome is your shyness with dating. Also, it takes time to find somebody. By the time you find somebody suitable, you will be physically capable of committing the act.

My I ask, how do you plan on going about finding somebody to be intimate with? Are you looking to find a girlfriend?

Well, being intimate isn't off the table with the woman I've been talking about. We just haven't done anything yet. As far as a girlfriend is concerned, I'd like it to be her but she's just not ready yet. I think the key for me is just to not try and force anything with anyone and just concentrate on being as social as possible.

I see, I thought that situation was not headed in that direction. In that case, I think if you are  comfortable with not being sure where it's heading, and you both feel like getting physically close, there's no harm in giving it a go with her. The main thing is that you're feeling really comfortable with her. There's a good chance that you will load yourself up with pressure because it's your first time, so it's important that you don't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders when you try having sex. You might conclude you're having PIED, but it might be plain old performance anxiety. So work on reducing the anxiety mainly - because PIED is probably not going to be a big problem now. Actually touching a woman for you will be tremendously exciting, I think. It's different from us other guys who have already had sexual experiences with real women and then had porn detract from that. For you as a first timer, and a rebooter, your first touches with a woman are still going to provide a major dopamine hit and I think arousal won't be a problem unless you are caught up in your head and adding pressure to yourself. Just relax and go with it, enjoy the ride! It's so much better than porn if you like the girl you're with.

Honestly it's a complicated situation as both of us are conflicted. She has some reservations about being my first as she's worried I might get attached and hurt. I have some reservations as I there's a big part of me that wants all of her or nothing at all. However, despite these reservations from both of us, we both have expressed still wanting to. So it's not really off the table, it just hasn't happened. 

As far as the PIED is concerned, we've never been in the moment where sex looked as though it was about to happen but we've been all over each other before and I never really got much of a dopamine rush or really hard because it. It's concerning to me because I sometimes wonder that even if I were about to have sex, would my body respond the way I hope it would? Whats interesting is that there were times I was more aroused by something she said to me over text or a thought I had of her than I've been with actually touching each other.

About a month or so ago, I was actually feeling more responsive as I could just think of her and become aroused, my hart rate would go up thinking about being in intimate situations, I was having more sexually charged dreams, etc. But now, all of that has seemed to have disappeared for the most part. That's why I was asking you if you think 90 days was enough for my brain to heal because there's a part of me that still believes that I'm in flat-line. This feeling is very frustrating as I could feel myself feeling like my old self for a little while and then all of the sudden, it just feels like my body decided to take 2 steps back.

Maybe the key for me though is finally seeing how my body/brain reacts to things after going beyond 4 months seeing as how I've never gotten that far with rebooting before?
 

Yeah, it might have run it's course. I think you want to be totally into the girl who's your first. It will go so much better if you're head over heels for her and just crave to touch her. What you're describing sounds like an arrangement of convenience - neither of you are hot for each other, just keeping each other company until the real one comes along. Doesn't sound that exciting. I never got very excited about girls I had no feelings for. It's empty, boring almost. It sounds good in theory. Any sex is better than no sex, right?. Wrong, some sex is worse than no sex. You've got to be really excited by your partner to really get anything out of it. And yes, it's very easy to lose arousal in a sexual encounter when you're not really into the person. It can get very impersonal and mechanical. I would be very wary of this if I were you. If your primary goal is to lose your virginity, then yes, you can give it a try, but understand that it carries with it certain risks of being unsatisfying, awkward, and possibly even counterproductive if you are not aroused by her when the time comes.

I am hot for her and I do believe the feeling is mutual. But like I said, it's just a bit complicated because she has trust issues with men right now and I want a relationship with her. I'm not just trying to lose my virginity either because sex isn't the main thing I want from her and I've told her that. I see many things in her that I like that I just don't want to pass up. She stays on my mind often and the thoughts I have are never just about sex.

And far as arousal is concerned, the issue for me isn't just feeling aroused around/about a particular person. The issue for me is that I don't feel much aroused about anything or anyone at the moment. Woman, porn, nothing! In other words, my sex drive feels empty right now. 

[DepressedAndOut]

Ah, ok! That sounds better.

I think you probably could have a sexual experience now. The only thing you have to overcome is your shyness with dating. Also, it takes time to find somebody. By the time you find somebody suitable, you will be physically capable of committing the act.

My I ask, how do you plan on going about finding somebody to be intimate with? Are you looking to find a girlfriend?

Well, being intimate isn't off the table with the woman I've been talking about. We just haven't done anything yet. As far as a girlfriend is concerned, I'd like it to be her but she's just not ready yet. I think the key for me is just to not try and force anything with anyone and just concentrate on being as social as possible.

I see, I thought that situation was not headed in that direction. In that case, I think if you are  comfortable with not being sure where it's heading, and you both feel like getting physically close, there's no harm in giving it a go with her. The main thing is that you're feeling really comfortable with her. There's a good chance that you will load yourself up with pressure because it's your first time, so it's important that you don't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders when you try having sex. You might conclude you're having PIED, but it might be plain old performance anxiety. So work on reducing the anxiety mainly - because PIED is probably not going to be a big problem now. Actually touching a woman for you will be tremendously exciting, I think. It's different from us other guys who have already had sexual experiences with real women and then had porn detract from that. For you as a first timer, and a rebooter, your first touches with a woman are still going to provide a major dopamine hit and I think arousal won't be a problem unless you are caught up in your head and adding pressure to yourself. Just relax and go with it, enjoy the ride! It's so much better than porn if you like the girl you're with.

Honestly it's a complicated situation as both of us are conflicted. She has some reservations about being my first as she's worried I might get attached and hurt. I have some reservations as I there's a big part of me that wants all of her or nothing at all. However, despite these reservations from both of us, we both have expressed still wanting to. So it's not really off the table, it just hasn't happened. 

As far as the PIED is concerned, we've never been in the moment where sex looked as though it was about to happen but we've been all over each other before and I never really got much of a dopamine rush or really hard because it. It's concerning to me because I sometimes wonder that even if I were about to have sex, would my body respond the way I hope it would? Whats interesting is that there were times I was more aroused by something she said to me over text or a thought I had of her than I've been with actually touching each other.

About a month or so ago, I was actually feeling more responsive as I could just think of her and become aroused, my hart rate would go up thinking about being in intimate situations, I was having more sexually charged dreams, etc. But now, all of that has seemed to have disappeared for the most part. That's why I was asking you if you think 90 days was enough for my brain to heal because there's a part of me that still believes that I'm in flat-line. This feeling is very frustrating as I could feel myself feeling like my old self for a little while and then all of the sudden, it just feels like my body decided to take 2 steps back.

Maybe the key for me though is finally seeing how my body/brain reacts to things after going beyond 4 months seeing as how I've never gotten that far with rebooting before?
 

Yeah, I once asked a girl out - as I was talking to her, I didn't feel anything but I knew I was attracted to her physically. I only seem to have felt something when I'm thinking about her. I'm guessing  this because this feeling is induced by the porn pathways...?  I don't know.

Also, I know what you mean about up and down recovery - it's certainly not linear, this PIED recovery thing.

I haven't watched porn since August 2017 (and only 2-3 time since January 2017.) and I've been through at least two hardmodes, and masturbated only occasionally, and I still feel nothing.

The only improvements that I see are nothing more than minor at best. For example, I'm getting the odd spontaneous erection every now and then but it's quite a weak one.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Ah, ok! That sounds better.

I think you probably could have a sexual experience now. The only thing you have to overcome is your shyness with dating. Also, it takes time to find somebody. By the time you find somebody suitable, you will be physically capable of committing the act.

My I ask, how do you plan on going about finding somebody to be intimate with? Are you looking to find a girlfriend?

Well, being intimate isn't off the table with the woman I've been talking about. We just haven't done anything yet. As far as a girlfriend is concerned, I'd like it to be her but she's just not ready yet. I think the key for me is just to not try and force anything with anyone and just concentrate on being as social as possible.

I see, I thought that situation was not headed in that direction. In that case, I think if you are  comfortable with not being sure where it's heading, and you both feel like getting physically close, there's no harm in giving it a go with her. The main thing is that you're feeling really comfortable with her. There's a good chance that you will load yourself up with pressure because it's your first time, so it's important that you don't feel the weight of the world on your shoulders when you try having sex. You might conclude you're having PIED, but it might be plain old performance anxiety. So work on reducing the anxiety mainly - because PIED is probably not going to be a big problem now. Actually touching a woman for you will be tremendously exciting, I think. It's different from us other guys who have already had sexual experiences with real women and then had porn detract from that. For you as a first timer, and a rebooter, your first touches with a woman are still going to provide a major dopamine hit and I think arousal won't be a problem unless you are caught up in your head and adding pressure to yourself. Just relax and go with it, enjoy the ride! It's so much better than porn if you like the girl you're with.

Honestly it's a complicated situation as both of us are conflicted. She has some reservations about being my first as she's worried I might get attached and hurt. I have some reservations as I there's a big part of me that wants all of her or nothing at all. However, despite these reservations from both of us, we both have expressed still wanting to. So it's not really off the table, it just hasn't happened. 

As far as the PIED is concerned, we've never been in the moment where sex looked as though it was about to happen but we've been all over each other before and I never really got much of a dopamine rush or really hard because it. It's concerning to me because I sometimes wonder that even if I were about to have sex, would my body respond the way I hope it would? Whats interesting is that there were times I was more aroused by something she said to me over text or a thought I had of her than I've been with actually touching each other.

About a month or so ago, I was actually feeling more responsive as I could just think of her and become aroused, my hart rate would go up thinking about being in intimate situations, I was having more sexually charged dreams, etc. But now, all of that has seemed to have disappeared for the most part. That's why I was asking you if you think 90 days was enough for my brain to heal because there's a part of me that still believes that I'm in flat-line. This feeling is very frustrating as I could feel myself feeling like my old self for a little while and then all of the sudden, it just feels like my body decided to take 2 steps back.

Maybe the key for me though is finally seeing how my body/brain reacts to things after going beyond 4 months seeing as how I've never gotten that far with rebooting before?
 

Yeah, I once asked a girl out - as I was talking to her, I didn't feel anything but I knew I was attracted to her physically. I only seem to have felt something when I'm thinking about her. I'm guessing  this because this feeling is induced by the porn pathways...?  I don't know.

Also, I know what you mean about up and down recovery - it's certainly not linear, this PIED recovery thing.

I haven't watched porn since August 2017 (and only 2-3 time since January 2017.) and I've been through at least two hardmodes, and masturbated only occasionally, and I still feel nothing.

The only improvements that I see are nothing more than minor at best. For example, I'm getting the odd spontaneous erection every now and then but it's quite a weak one.

Yeah I know I'm attracted to her because I was crushing on her for about a year before we even started really talking to each other. I remember the first time I saw her and my heart rate immediately went up which is something that rarely happens to me unless I find a woman very attractive. And I still get that feeling when I see her or know I'm about to.

As far as the recovery thing goes, I think you're absolutely right. The recovery process definitely isn't linear. Also, I think the way we do seem to get aroused at times is still connected to porn in some way. I think its very possible that being more turned on by a text/thought is directly linked to previous porn use as a text could be considered artificial stimuli which also leads to fantasy which is essentially all porn really is.

I'm sorry you haven't been seeing much more success with your reboot. But just remember, your still doing positive things to help your brain and life recover even if it always doesn't feel that way. It's all up to you but, I would suggest never masturbating again. IMO, all it will potentially do is fire up those old porn pathways again and lead you right back to porn. Some people will say it's OK to masturbate as long as it's without fantasy but that never made any sense to me. How can someone possibility become aroused enough to reach climax without a single thought in their head?

Anyways, good luck with everything. I hope you start seeing the success you're looking for in the near future.   

[MinneapolisGuy]

Day 115

Been dealing with some potentially dangerous feelings on and off for about  the last 2 weeks. During day 100 to 103, I started feeling more aroused but unfortunately, It was only to the idea of porn. Then again 3 days ago I saw something that reminded me of the type of material I used to watch. It wasn't porn or nudity but it did give me flashbacks which got my heart pumping. Then the next day, I found myself looking a few pictures for a few minutes that further put me on edge.

Again, it wasn't porn or nudity but it got my heart pumping and had me feeling on edge with the feeling of wanting to watch porn again. I didn't give in, but this feeling scared me honestly. I could see just how a few actions can lead to others and have you right back to where you started if not careful. I don't feel like I've ruined my streak, but it was definitely a big wake up call that I am not yet out of the woods with this issue. 

Lucky for me though, I was actually scheduled to see my Urologist that day to talk about PIED which I had never done before. I told him what was going on and he assured me that PIED is indeed a real issue and suggested going to sex therapy which I plan on doing.

[Reformed Fapper]

I could see just how a few actions can lead to others and have you right back to where you started if not careful

Triggers tend to have a cumulative effect, a ripple effect. Once you are triggered youll start to see other things which, if you werent triggered in the first place, ordinarily have no sexual conotations. But something in your subconcious is actually looking for things to keep the triggers going in an attempt to get you to PMO.
Here are a few things on triggers  from the notes I used to take as I was rebooting. (This was my personal experience so you may be different)
I identified and characterized three different types of triggers.

Primary trigger - this is the one that sets it off, could be an overtly sexual image or something that creates a vivid memory of porn that youve watched and fapped to
Secondary Triggers - these are the small but powerful triggers that follow after the initial one. These are very dangerous because they can come from nowhere. Seemingly from nowehre anyway. Your brain has been stimulated to urges of PMOing and it will now invent things to act as triggers. Could be something completely non-sexual, but the PMO addicted brain twists it into one. If you see it at any other time it would go unnoticed.
After-Triggers - once the secondary triggers subside, youve got the after-triggers which are triggered by the recollection of the secondary triggers! Fucked up, yeah? Actually being triggered by the memory of a trigger! Inception...

[MinneapolisGuy]

I could see just how a few actions can lead to others and have you right back to where you started if not careful

Triggers tend to have a cumulative effect, a ripple effect. Once you are triggered youll start to see other things which, if you werent triggered in the first place, ordinarily have no sexual conotations. But something in your subconcious is actually looking for things to keep the triggers going in an attempt to get you to PMO.
Here are a few things on triggers  from the notes I used to take as I was rebooting. (This was my personal experience so you may be different)
I identified and characterized three different types of triggers.

Primary trigger - this is the one that sets it off, could be an overtly sexual image or something that creates a vivid memory of porn that youve watched and fapped to
Secondary Triggers - these are the small but powerful triggers that follow after the initial one. These are very dangerous because they can come from nowhere. Seemingly from nowehre anyway. Your brain has been stimulated to urges of PMOing and it will now invent things to act as triggers. Could be something completely non-sexual, but the PMO addicted brain twists it into one. If you see it at any other time it would go unnoticed.
After-Triggers - once the secondary triggers subside, youve got the after-triggers which are triggered by the recollection of the secondary triggers! Fucked up, yeah? Actually being triggered by the memory of a trigger! Inception...

Lol, yup. That's pretty much been the case with me too. It's kinda scary though because I feel once you've been triggered, your brain beings to try and bargain with you about how engaging in your old habits again will somehow be OK or not that bad.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Day 125

Had my testosterone levels tested last week which I hadn't had done since 8 years. Dr. said everything looks good. What's strange though is that my levels are seemingly higher now than before.

2018:

Albumin 4.6 g/dL
Testosterone 951.9 ng/dL
Sex Hormone Binding Globulin   50.7 nmol/L
Testosterone Free (Calculated) 16.66 ng/dL

2010:

Testosterone 483 ng/dL
Sex Hormone Binding Globulin   20 nmol/L

[DepressedAndOut]

Have you been going to the gym?

[MinneapolisGuy]

Have you been going to the gym?

Yeah, I workout a lot. I'm sure that has helped raise my levels but it seems strange that it would be to that degree though?

I'm thinking stress might have had something to do with those lower levels back then though as I was even more stressed out during that time.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Day 149

Not much of an update but was wondering about something and wanted to see if anyone else here had experienced this?

While on my way to workout at the gym this morning, I ran into this girl I had met a few weeks ago at the bus stop. We both got on the same bus and chatted for about 15 minutes until she got off at her stop. I got of a few minutes later but what was strange was that after about 5 or 10 minutes after having that conversation with her, I noticed that my penis had an achy feeling like the kind you experience after ejaculation.

At first I thought maybe it was due to sitting to long and there was some pressure on my prostate that caused this but that wasn't the case either because I had remembered that during the whole time, I had been standing. Also when I went to use the bathroom a little later, I noticed that there was a bit of pre-cum in my underwear.

I found this very strange because during the whole time I was having that conversation with her, I never felt sexually aroused. I did think she was cute, but I never actually felt turned on. I had experienced that achy feeling maybe once or twice in the past but It was just kinda at random and I wasn't even in the presence of anyone at the time and it never resulted in any pre-cum either.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like that before? And what could this possibly mean?

Thanks

[DepressedAndOut]

When I recently went to the speedating event and met up with a girl a few days later, I noticed randomly that there was a little bit of cum in my underpants. But not that achy feeling. It's fair to say that during those few days between the speedating event and my date with the girl, that my thoughts were replaying those moments that I went through with them.

I don't know anything else.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Yeah it's strange. I just hope it's a sign of changes going on in the brain. Anyway...

Day 152:

Not much really has been different in the last 2 months or so. Other than being momentarily aroused during a few days here and there, I mostly have been feeling completely sexless like I'm not attracted to anything at all.

I'm starting to belive what you said about guys like us not ever being able to fully recover from this unless we're activly trying with a partner. I'm thinking just abstaining from PMO by yourself can only bring you so many results especially if you've never experienced sex before. So for guys like us it's probably twice as difficult to recover.

[DepressedAndOut]

Yeah, I agree. A partner is a must at our age, I think. 

[changemylife]

Yeah it's strange. I just hope it's a sign of changes going on in the brain. Anyway...

Day 152:

Not much really has been different in the last 2 months or so. Other than being momentarily aroused during a few days here and there, I mostly have been feeling completely sexless like I'm not attracted to anything at all.

I'm starting to belive what you said about guys like us not ever being able to fully recover from this unless we're activly trying with a partner. I'm thinking just abstaining from PMO by yourself can only bring you so many results especially if you've never experienced sex before. So for guys like us it's probably twice as difficult to recover.

I am not in my 30s but I am almost there. I am 28 right now and I'm also a virgin. I didn't know I had a problem with PMO because I was single and I didn't have the chance to experience ED. I know it wouldn't have been a good thing either but this is what has helped some people realize they had a problem. There was nothing to scare me and make me discover my PMO addiction. Eventually, thank God, my emotional problems have done enough damage for me to wake up and realize I really need to change my life and quit my addictions. I don't have 1 addiction, I have 3 actually. Maybe it's fair to say I'm a broken guy right now. Hopefully in a year or so I will be better.
What I'm trying to do now would've been welcome 6 years ago or so but anyway, let's say "better later than never". I know I'm not 36 years old or whatever and maybe the urge to tell me "Get the fuck outta here, you are just 28, you're not 36!" is strong, but I can relate to what it means to be at an age where you should've had girlfriends and yet have no idea what even a date means.
Also, I have been watching porn since I was 13 or so, at that age where you should develop healthily, not program your brain to this filth. I can certainly say it will be the most difficult thing I will ever do in my life. I'm dealing with childhood habits, like those video games that are considered "shit" for today's standards but for me are the best games cause I enjoyed them when I was a kid. The same with porn.

[BootLoader]

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like that before? And what could this possibly mean?

Thanks

Semen leakage... A well known "side effect" when you go cold turkey PMO. It took me almost 1 year to stop, in the first year of my first reboot some days after the first 7-8 months I had strong morning wood and spontaneous erections, this period of time I had a lot of semen leakage.
I have read that when your semen leakage stop's for 1-2 months, your flatline period is going to end.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like that before? And what could this possibly mean?

Thanks

Semen leakage... A well known "side effect" when you go cold turkey PMO. It took me almost 1 year to stop, in the first year of my first reboot some days after the first 7-8 months I had strong morning wood and spontaneous erections, this period of time I had a lot of semen leakage.
I have read that when your semen leakage stop's for 1-2 months, your flatline period is going to end.

Thanks for the info. I'll be sure to make note of that for the future.

[thephoenix]

Yup.

I totally can relate to this story. Things have gotten progressively worse in the last 5-ish years. I never noticed progressive calling cards like you did. I just woke up a few weeks ago and said enough is enough. Time to kick this once and for all. Now that I’m actually aware of what I’ve been doing to myself, I shamefully admit I like yourself also either have very weak erections or none at all without some form of manual stimulation to get it started. I also got into very screwed up and dark material that has made me question my orientation at times.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Yup.

I totally can relate to this story. Things have gotten progressively worse in the last 5-ish years. I never noticed progressive calling cards like you did. I just woke up a few weeks ago and said enough is enough. Time to kick this once and for all. Now that I’m actually aware of what I’ve been doing to myself, I shamefully admit I like yourself also either have very weak erections or none at all without some form of manual stimulation to get it started. I also got into very screwed up and dark material that has made me question my orientation at times.

Yeah, I've had issues at one point with questioning my own orientation as well. I never said much about it in any of my posts but the stuff I had gotten into in the end was almost 100% TS material.

Like in most cases, I started out with consuming basic material. But once I started having issues with PIED, I began to look for new things to excite me as my old go to martial no longer did. In fact, in the beging of experiencing PIED, I started questioning my orientation as I simply couldn't understand why I wasn't feeling instantly turned on by women anymore.

As this led me to seeking out more shocking materiel, I came across TS stuff and the rest is history. What's really messed up though is that I had to pretty much force myself to get into it as I had no prior interest in watching that kind of stuff. I was just obsessed with chasing a high.

I really feel like that type of programming has done major damage as it has made it even more difficult for me to recover especially as a virgin since I have no prior experience with woman for my brain to revert back to.

By far, getting into porn has easily been the worst decision I've ever made in my entire life.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Yeah it's strange. I just hope it's a sign of changes going on in the brain. Anyway...

Day 152:

Not much really has been different in the last 2 months or so. Other than being momentarily aroused during a few days here and there, I mostly have been feeling completely sexless like I'm not attracted to anything at all.

I'm starting to belive what you said about guys like us not ever being able to fully recover from this unless we're activly trying with a partner. I'm thinking just abstaining from PMO by yourself can only bring you so many results especially if you've never experienced sex before. So for guys like us it's probably twice as difficult to recover.

I am not in my 30s but I am almost there. I am 28 right now and I'm also a virgin. I didn't know I had a problem with PMO because I was single and I didn't have the chance to experience ED. I know it wouldn't have been a good thing either but this is what has helped some people realize they had a problem. There was nothing to scare me and make me discover my PMO addiction. Eventually, thank God, my emotional problems have done enough damage for me to wake up and realize I really need to change my life and quit my addictions. I don't have 1 addiction, I have 3 actually. Maybe it's fair to say I'm a broken guy right now. Hopefully in a year or so I will be better.
What I'm trying to do now would've been welcome 6 years ago or so but anyway, let's say "better later than never". I know I'm not 36 years old or whatever and maybe the urge to tell me "Get the fuck outta here, you are just 28, you're not 36!" is strong, but I can relate to what it means to be at an age where you should've had girlfriends and yet have no idea what even a date means.
Also, I have been watching porn since I was 13 or so, at that age where you should develop healthily, not program your brain to this filth. I can certainly say it will be the most difficult thing I will ever do in my life. I'm dealing with childhood habits, like those video games that are considered "shit" for today's standards but for me are the best games cause I enjoyed them when I was a kid. The same with porn.

Sorry I missed your post. For some reason I missed it while scrolling on my phone.  Anyway, no I don't have a strong feeling to say get the F out, lol. Trust me, just because you're 28 doesnt mean that what you're dealing with is any less serious.

If fact, in some cases I think guys like you who started out with high speed porn at a younger age may have it just as hard or even harder then someone like me when it comes to trying to recover because your brains were still in development as opposed to someone like me who while still a virgin like yourself, was at least an adult before getting heavily into porn.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel broken. Unfortunately, I and many others here know exactly how that feels. But like you said better late then never. It's better that you're now trying to get out of this at 28 rather than at 36. Just like it's better for me to be doing this now than at 46 or 56. I just wish when I was 28, I knew what was going on with me and what I needed to do to try and fix it.

Thanks for the reply and best of luck with everything.

[changemylife]

Thanks, man. I appreciate.

[MinneapolisGuy]

Well I fucked up. Was playing with fire, saw some pictures and ended up ejeculatining without even touching myself. I can't believe I just fucked all of my progress up. This is crazy.