You absolutely did not give the impression that you were just after sex. I know you don't feel that way because I've followed your threads. I just used that example to try and illustrate that when we make those important connections then people are more forgiving about our performances.We are often our own worst critic. Sometimes it feels like the whole world and his cat are against us so the last thing we need is to be against ourselves.Good luck and I'm really looking forward to reading your success story!!!
Thanks for the replies guys. I'm on day 84 right now but currently, I've started to feel the dead dick feeling again during this past 7 days or so which is really frustrating after having had felt those great improvements. As far as the woman is concerned, I was actually texting her last night and decided just to tell her everything about my life since she had said preciously before said that she really wanted to know everything about me. After she read what I had told her, the next morning I received a text from her that was probably some of the most caring and understanding words I have ever been told by anyone in my life. No judgment whatsoever. As far as the sex thing is concerned, I'm still not sure where this might go. We've actually known each other for about a year now, but just didn't talk that much until the last 2 months due to me never really feeling comfortable around other people, especially woman. But during these last two months, we've really hit it off extremely well. I would really love to have a relationship with her, but she's revealed to me that she too has been dealing with major emotional struggles from her past that mostly revolves around previous abusive relationships. There's a part of me that kind of believes she would like a relationship with me too but is just very hesitant when it comes to trusting men. One thing I know for sure though is that we have developed a bond with each other that is definitely mutual.
Day 83This is an interesting update to say the least. Last week, I met up with the woman I've mentioned here before. I was telling her about my upbringing and she jokingly asked if I was a virgin. I said yes, but she didn't believe me at first but when she did, she was a little upset that I didn't tell her before and said that she wasn't so sure about being my first as I would become emotionally attached if things were to be done and over with. But even after this conversation, we still ended up making out in her car and fondling each other. Also despite that fact that we get along great and really like each other, she told me to my disappointment that she isn't looking for a relationship at this time due to her past bad experiences. However, now she saying that despite the fact that I'm a virgin and I may become attached, she'd still like to have sex with me. But, here is my dilemma with this situation. There's a part of me who despite being highly disappointed that she doesn't want a relationship, still wants to just go ahead and have sex with her anyway. Then there's another part of me that thinks that maybe I should just say no and try to find someone else who would like to be in something committed like I would prefer? And on top of all of that, I still haven't told her yet about my PIED issue which is currently very unpredictable. Any and all thoughts or suggestions on this?Thanks again everyone
[Moderator's note: Offensive content deleted. You are getting close to a ban, RF. Your language is juvenile and pointlessly graphic. Clean it up, or find another forum]
I completely disagree with Reformed here. And dude, do you have to be disgusting? Having a casual relationship is not what you should do. You have already said that what you want is a relationship. Having sex with this woman will just make feelings stronger and make it that much worse when she doesn't change her mind.You habe to be honest with her. You habe to be a man and tell her you are attracted to her, but sorry, no relationship, no sex. Don't push yourseof on her. Don't be manipulative. Don't force her into anything.Mame it ckear that you are not one of those creeps and that you want her, but it has to be a relationship that goes somewhere.Let me know if I am putting words in your mouth, but it seems that you want a relationship , marriage, the works Fucking this woman is absolutely the worst thing you could do.Rich
Quote from: MinneapolisGuy on September 24, 2018, 11:44:39 PMDay 83This is an interesting update to say the least. Last week, I met up with the woman I've mentioned here before. I was telling her about my upbringing and she jokingly asked if I was a virgin. I said yes, but she didn't believe me at first but when she did, she was a little upset that I didn't tell her before and said that she wasn't so sure about being my first as I would become emotionally attached if things were to be done and over with. But even after this conversation, we still ended up making out in her car and fondling each other. Also despite that fact that we get along great and really like each other, she told me to my disappointment that she isn't looking for a relationship at this time due to her past bad experiences. However, now she saying that despite the fact that I'm a virgin and I may become attached, she'd still like to have sex with me. But, here is my dilemma with this situation. There's a part of me who despite being highly disappointed that she doesn't want a relationship, still wants to just go ahead and have sex with her anyway. Then there's another part of me that thinks that maybe I should just say no and try to find someone else who would like to be in something committed like I would prefer? And on top of all of that, I still haven't told her yet about my PIED issue which is currently very unpredictable. Any and all thoughts or suggestions on this?Thanks again everyoneYou don't have to answer this, but did you get any sort of erection while doing that? It's really giving my anxiety about how my dick (or mind) react once I get intimate with a woman and, as our stories are similar, I was wondering what the outcome was.
Congrats on the 90 day achievement! That's a big one.As for the flatline thing, don't force it. You'll know when your out of it.
It's a myth that men are supposed to be walking around all sexually charged all the time. Total BS. We are primed to respond to realistic scenarios relating to real prospects. We are not primed to respond to the thoughts of a previously addicted porn addict who is hyper vigilant about the functioning of his penis. There is literally nothing arousing about that. Aside from the testosterone peak that can happen in the latter stages of the sleep cycle, there's no reason to expect any sort of random arousal. A lot of normal men don't even get morning erections. You need to content yourself with the fact that you've done what you can, and that you have to take the chance of making contact with a partner who attracts you to take this to the next stage. The next stage is to get out of your head, and get into bed with somebody you like and who doesn't make you feel under pressure.
Quote from: malando on October 03, 2018, 11:05:37 AMIt's a myth that men are supposed to be walking around all sexually charged all the time. Total BS. We are primed to respond to realistic scenarios relating to real prospects. We are not primed to respond to the thoughts of a previously addicted porn addict who is hyper vigilant about the functioning of his penis. There is literally nothing arousing about that. Aside from the testosterone peak that can happen in the latter stages of the sleep cycle, there's no reason to expect any sort of random arousal. A lot of normal men don't even get morning erections. You need to content yourself with the fact that you've done what you can, and that you have to take the chance of making contact with a partner who attracts you to take this to the next stage. The next stage is to get out of your head, and get into bed with somebody you like and who doesn't make you feel under pressure.So in your opinion, do you think there's any benefit at all in rebooting beyond this point or have I simply gotten as far as I can go with healing without actual sexual activity? Thanks again
Quote from: MinneapolisGuy on October 05, 2018, 07:51:41 PMQuote from: malando on October 03, 2018, 11:05:37 AMIt's a myth that men are supposed to be walking around all sexually charged all the time. Total BS. We are primed to respond to realistic scenarios relating to real prospects. We are not primed to respond to the thoughts of a previously addicted porn addict who is hyper vigilant about the functioning of his penis. There is literally nothing arousing about that. Aside from the testosterone peak that can happen in the latter stages of the sleep cycle, there's no reason to expect any sort of random arousal. A lot of normal men don't even get morning erections. You need to content yourself with the fact that you've done what you can, and that you have to take the chance of making contact with a partner who attracts you to take this to the next stage. The next stage is to get out of your head, and get into bed with somebody you like and who doesn't make you feel under pressure.So in your opinion, do you think there's any benefit at all in rebooting beyond this point or have I simply gotten as far as I can go with healing without actual sexual activity? Thanks againI think there is benefit in continuing your reboot just because the longer you have your masturbation/porn habit behind you before you get involved with a woman, the better. I wouldn't suggest you start a masturbation habit now - there's a very good chance it could lead you back to PMO. So in a sense, if you aren't rebooting, what would you be doing? Either you are MO, PMO, or nothing (same as rebooting). It seems to me that if you want to be ready for a real relationship or experience with a woman, you have to keep staying clean.
Quote from: malando on October 06, 2018, 02:02:55 AMQuote from: MinneapolisGuy on October 05, 2018, 07:51:41 PMQuote from: malando on October 03, 2018, 11:05:37 AMIt's a myth that men are supposed to be walking around all sexually charged all the time. Total BS. We are primed to respond to realistic scenarios relating to real prospects. We are not primed to respond to the thoughts of a previously addicted porn addict who is hyper vigilant about the functioning of his penis. There is literally nothing arousing about that. Aside from the testosterone peak that can happen in the latter stages of the sleep cycle, there's no reason to expect any sort of random arousal. A lot of normal men don't even get morning erections. You need to content yourself with the fact that you've done what you can, and that you have to take the chance of making contact with a partner who attracts you to take this to the next stage. The next stage is to get out of your head, and get into bed with somebody you like and who doesn't make you feel under pressure.So in your opinion, do you think there's any benefit at all in rebooting beyond this point or have I simply gotten as far as I can go with healing without actual sexual activity? Thanks againI think there is benefit in continuing your reboot just because the longer you have your masturbation/porn habit behind you before you get involved with a woman, the better. I wouldn't suggest you start a masturbation habit now - there's a very good chance it could lead you back to PMO. So in a sense, if you aren't rebooting, what would you be doing? Either you are MO, PMO, or nothing (same as rebooting). It seems to me that if you want to be ready for a real relationship or experience with a woman, you have to keep staying clean. Despite being a total novice (I'm on day eight), I think Malando is on the right track. He is far wiser with more insight than I on the subject. I don't really see any harm in continuing what you've started. Why undo all this good work as it seems the longer you go the stronger you get, reading from other long termers. Personally, I don't see the problem in aiming for 180 days and if sex happens before that, then great. You've been there before. You relapsed at the four month mark in the past and probably noticed that it sent you on a downward spiral again. It's admirable that you've come so far and I think continuing would be testament to the further progression you could possibly make in this relationship and indeed, with others. I'm as guilty as anyone of overthinking so can relate, and it's always easier to give advice than take it, but how about taking a step back and like you mentioned earlier. Instead of putting a label (e.g. relationship/friends with benefits) on the relationship, enjoy it for what it is and if sex or a future relationship happens as a result, awesome! I think theres a lot to be said about a relationship built on solid foundations. Getting to know the person, discussing life, what they like, their childhood, dreams & goals, the sex attached to those relations in my experience trumps any quick, fumble in the dark, one night stand scenario. You certainly seem to be getting on like a house on fire! Either way, you're totally inspirational. You've been through more than most of us could imagine and deserve happiness. We all do. But you especially my man. Keep going with the reboot!
Quote from: malando on October 06, 2018, 02:02:55 AMQuote from: MinneapolisGuy on October 05, 2018, 07:51:41 PMQuote from: malando on October 03, 2018, 11:05:37 AMIt's a myth that men are supposed to be walking around all sexually charged all the time. Total BS. We are primed to respond to realistic scenarios relating to real prospects. We are not primed to respond to the thoughts of a previously addicted porn addict who is hyper vigilant about the functioning of his penis. There is literally nothing arousing about that. Aside from the testosterone peak that can happen in the latter stages of the sleep cycle, there's no reason to expect any sort of random arousal. A lot of normal men don't even get morning erections. You need to content yourself with the fact that you've done what you can, and that you have to take the chance of making contact with a partner who attracts you to take this to the next stage. The next stage is to get out of your head, and get into bed with somebody you like and who doesn't make you feel under pressure.So in your opinion, do you think there's any benefit at all in rebooting beyond this point or have I simply gotten as far as I can go with healing without actual sexual activity? Thanks againI think there is benefit in continuing your reboot just because the longer you have your masturbation/porn habit behind you before you get involved with a woman, the better. I wouldn't suggest you start a masturbation habit now - there's a very good chance it could lead you back to PMO. So in a sense, if you aren't rebooting, what would you be doing? Either you are MO, PMO, or nothing (same as rebooting). It seems to me that if you want to be ready for a real relationship or experience with a woman, you have to keep staying clean.Sorry, I misspoke when I used the word reboot. What I actually meant was if you think I should just continue with what I'm doing right now for a bit longer which is just healing alone by myself or do you think that after 90 days, I would be ready for actual sexual activity?Just to be clear, I have no interest in returning to masturbation or porn ever. Even masturbation without porn I feel is potentially dangerous and just an overall waste of my energy. I'd much rather use that energy with an actual person.
Quote from: the_terrible_one on October 06, 2018, 07:41:01 AMQuote from: malando on October 06, 2018, 02:02:55 AMQuote from: MinneapolisGuy on October 05, 2018, 07:51:41 PMQuote from: malando on October 03, 2018, 11:05:37 AMIt's a myth that men are supposed to be walking around all sexually charged all the time. Total BS. We are primed to respond to realistic scenarios relating to real prospects. We are not primed to respond to the thoughts of a previously addicted porn addict who is hyper vigilant about the functioning of his penis. There is literally nothing arousing about that. Aside from the testosterone peak that can happen in the latter stages of the sleep cycle, there's no reason to expect any sort of random arousal. A lot of normal men don't even get morning erections. You need to content yourself with the fact that you've done what you can, and that you have to take the chance of making contact with a partner who attracts you to take this to the next stage. The next stage is to get out of your head, and get into bed with somebody you like and who doesn't make you feel under pressure.So in your opinion, do you think there's any benefit at all in rebooting beyond this point or have I simply gotten as far as I can go with healing without actual sexual activity? Thanks againI think there is benefit in continuing your reboot just because the longer you have your masturbation/porn habit behind you before you get involved with a woman, the better. I wouldn't suggest you start a masturbation habit now - there's a very good chance it could lead you back to PMO. So in a sense, if you aren't rebooting, what would you be doing? Either you are MO, PMO, or nothing (same as rebooting). It seems to me that if you want to be ready for a real relationship or experience with a woman, you have to keep staying clean. Despite being a total novice (I'm on day eight), I think Malando is on the right track. He is far wiser with more insight than I on the subject. I don't really see any harm in continuing what you've started. Why undo all this good work as it seems the longer you go the stronger you get, reading from other long termers. Personally, I don't see the problem in aiming for 180 days and if sex happens before that, then great. You've been there before. You relapsed at the four month mark in the past and probably noticed that it sent you on a downward spiral again. It's admirable that you've come so far and I think continuing would be testament to the further progression you could possibly make in this relationship and indeed, with others. I'm as guilty as anyone of overthinking so can relate, and it's always easier to give advice than take it, but how about taking a step back and like you mentioned earlier. Instead of putting a label (e.g. relationship/friends with benefits) on the relationship, enjoy it for what it is and if sex or a future relationship happens as a result, awesome! I think theres a lot to be said about a relationship built on solid foundations. Getting to know the person, discussing life, what they like, their childhood, dreams & goals, the sex attached to those relations in my experience trumps any quick, fumble in the dark, one night stand scenario. You certainly seem to be getting on like a house on fire! Either way, you're totally inspirational. You've been through more than most of us could imagine and deserve happiness. We all do. But you especially my man. Keep going with the reboot! Thank you for such kind words my friend. No, going back to MO/PMO isn't an option for me nor is it a desire anymore either. In the beginning, there were times when I literally couldn't keep my mind off porn. Now, I can actually go through my day without it being an issue. You've just started but I guarantee you, as hard as it is right now it will get easier. You simply just have to keep fighting those demons and you will succeed. You have to treat this as something where failure just isn't an option anymore. As far as the woman I've mention in this thread before is concerned, she's been through a lot. She's a had some bad/abusive relationships and she also had some bad experiences with trying to get close to someone and having them reject her. She labels us as 'friends' right now but I out right told her that after meeting her, I have no desire to go out and meet anyone else.She told me that while she's not ready to be in a relationship right now, she knows what she'd want and that doesn't mean it wouldn't be me. This is hard for me because it just seems as though everything in my life is never just easy. It hurts but right now, I'm willing to try and wait. She's a quality person that I simply don't want to walk away from. One thing I will say though is that having an actual human being to concentrate on/view as a goal has made rebooting incredibly more easier than other times I've tried before. Having someone around you that you want and stays in your thoughts often helps greatly with keeping your mind away from PMO. Wishing you and everyone with much success and happiness in life. Thank you again
Quote from: MinneapolisGuy on October 07, 2018, 07:59:45 PMQuote from: malando on October 06, 2018, 02:02:55 AMQuote from: MinneapolisGuy on October 05, 2018, 07:51:41 PMQuote from: malando on October 03, 2018, 11:05:37 AMIt's a myth that men are supposed to be walking around all sexually charged all the time. Total BS. We are primed to respond to realistic scenarios relating to real prospects. We are not primed to respond to the thoughts of a previously addicted porn addict who is hyper vigilant about the functioning of his penis. There is literally nothing arousing about that. Aside from the testosterone peak that can happen in the latter stages of the sleep cycle, there's no reason to expect any sort of random arousal. A lot of normal men don't even get morning erections. You need to content yourself with the fact that you've done what you can, and that you have to take the chance of making contact with a partner who attracts you to take this to the next stage. The next stage is to get out of your head, and get into bed with somebody you like and who doesn't make you feel under pressure.So in your opinion, do you think there's any benefit at all in rebooting beyond this point or have I simply gotten as far as I can go with healing without actual sexual activity? Thanks againI think there is benefit in continuing your reboot just because the longer you have your masturbation/porn habit behind you before you get involved with a woman, the better. I wouldn't suggest you start a masturbation habit now - there's a very good chance it could lead you back to PMO. So in a sense, if you aren't rebooting, what would you be doing? Either you are MO, PMO, or nothing (same as rebooting). It seems to me that if you want to be ready for a real relationship or experience with a woman, you have to keep staying clean.Sorry, I misspoke when I used the word reboot. What I actually meant was if you think I should just continue with what I'm doing right now for a bit longer which is just healing alone by myself or do you think that after 90 days, I would be ready for actual sexual activity?Just to be clear, I have no interest in returning to masturbation or porn ever. Even masturbation without porn I feel is potentially dangerous and just an overall waste of my energy. I'd much rather use that energy with an actual person. Ah, ok! That sounds better. I think you probably could have a sexual experience now. The only thing you have to overcome is your shyness with dating. Also, it takes time to find somebody. By the time you find somebody suitable, you will be physically capable of committing the act. My I ask, how do you plan on going about finding somebody to be intimate with? Are you looking to find a girlfriend?