Author Topic: Old addict new journey  (Read 746 times)

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #25 on: August 12, 2018, 07:20:52 PM »
Keep your head up... Beating this addiction is possible.... It comes to a point when you have to have the mindset that porn is no longer an option... It’s definitely a war it ain’t easy.. You have to fight with your brain for weeks or months... You have to shut your brain down and resist it.. Your brain is going to play tricks on you and try it’s hardest to make you relaspe... Ignore it and keep on fighting it will eventually give in and porn flashbacks and thoughts will wither away and weaken...
Thank you so much my man.
I really appreciate those words.
It really does helps a lot.
I am trying my best.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #26 on: August 12, 2018, 07:22:20 PM »
Day 0
Relapse twice again today.
Horrible feeling of guilt and shame.
I am starting again, same goal to beat my last best of 10 and reach 2 weeks, 14 days.
My brain has to start self control, focus and concentration.

Don't feel ashamed or guilty, this is an addiction and we are all in the same boat. If it was easy, we weren't here writing journals. You did well and now you will do even better and reach at least the 2 weeks!
Thank you heels.
I am trying my best.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #27 on: August 12, 2018, 07:26:39 PM »
Day 1
I won't lie.
I have spent some time today watching porn, like 10-15 mins.
but overall it was not that intense.
So I won't count it as full relapse, it happened because of chaser effect.
I got first day without porn.
Good thing is that, I have started meditation for like 5 mins 2,3 times a day.

Rest is fine.
I look forward to full recovery.
And wish you all who support me, full recovery.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #28 on: August 16, 2018, 01:25:18 AM »
Day 2
Got 2 days, after lots of ejaculations and rock bottom, completely destroyed.
Trying to recovery loses.
Mood swings, anger, depression, anxiety is starting to kick in again.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

TheRealProof

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #29 on: August 19, 2018, 09:57:43 PM »
Hey,just sit tight. And something that has really helped me, substitute whatever hours you're spending idling around with some shit. It doesn't matter how important, just do it.
Remind me of who i was and why i will not go back

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #30 on: August 22, 2018, 10:25:06 AM »
Hey,just sit tight. And something that has really helped me, substitute whatever hours you're spending idling around with some shit. It doesn't matter how important, just do it.
Thanks buddy
I am listening audiobooks.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #31 on: August 22, 2018, 10:33:33 AM »
Day 5
Got 5 days again.
I got wet dream though yesterday night.
Keeping myself busy.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

achilles heel

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #32 on: August 22, 2018, 02:52:37 PM »
Stay busy and focus on your new life, ignore temporary mood swings of any kind. If you make yourself clear that anger and depression are a result of rebooting rather than your real self, it's easier to move on. You can do it, just keep walking!

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #33 on: August 23, 2018, 09:24:22 PM »
Stay busy and focus on your new life, ignore temporary mood swings of any kind. If you make yourself clear that anger and depression are a result of rebooting rather than your real self, it's easier to move on. You can do it, just keep walking!
Exactly, very well sad
Anger and depression has started to show up.
And you are correct, it happens because of recovery and is not what I am.
I will keep walking forward.

Now biggest battle is with fantasy.
I am trying my best to avoid fantasies.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #34 on: August 24, 2018, 07:44:57 PM »
Got 7 days, 1 week.
Very depressed at the moment.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #35 on: August 26, 2018, 12:44:33 AM »
Got 8 days
Was very high emotionally
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #36 on: August 27, 2018, 02:09:02 PM »
Guys I made to 9.48 days without porn and antidepressants.
Big achievement.
I was extremely depressed and life was looking completely useless.
Colorless life.
Any ways, I have relapsed twice after 9.48 days.
I am feeling better now.
But I am climbing on back of horse immediately.
Climbing the ladder again.
Need to get more days on scorecard.

I turned off the filters, so now putting back the filters and password.

And will keep my passwords at back of my car in trunk.
I am happy I made 9.48 days.
I am disappointed I couldn’t beat the last best of 10.90 days.
Close, but could have done better.
But my body and mind was hurting too much.
Getting back on horse.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #37 on: August 27, 2018, 02:16:00 PM »
Forgot to mention, this addiction has done something in my stomach and digestive track.
When I don’t relapse, it starts hurting there and after relapse it gets normal.
But looks like this time, my body has started to challenge it, feeling different after relapse, still hurting.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #38 on: August 27, 2018, 03:40:17 PM »
Okay this time my goal is 21 days.

Today:

Day 0

21 days to go

« Last Edit: August 27, 2018, 03:42:32 PM by johnleesmith65 »
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

Stiffy

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #39 on: August 29, 2018, 04:11:29 AM »
You got this.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #40 on: August 30, 2018, 08:05:29 PM »
Thanks stiffy

Today day 3

Days to go 18
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #41 on: August 31, 2018, 10:58:54 AM »
Day 4

17 days to go to reach 21

I took antidepressants for 2 days, but again I was found it as a poison, it hurts just like porn.
Temporary high, but no inner healing
Now again without antidepressants and porn.

Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Old addict new journey
« Reply #42 on: September 06, 2018, 09:34:48 AM »
Okay guys I went to 8 days 7 hours and then relapsed.
Back to day 2.
This struggle will continue.
This time instead of 21 days, my goal is to get 15 days striaght.
I have to remind myself continuously that, relapse means depletion of nutrients from body.
One day at a time.
Moving forward positively.
It gets really hard for me on day 7, accumulation of stress and constipation also.
Reboot is painful but worth trillion times
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.