Very severe PIED. Please read, losing hope and really need advice:(

[SirDrillington]

Sorry If this is long, but it's been a long fucking neverending road for me and I really need your help.  I'm 26 years old and I've been fully impotent for almost 5 years now. I am a very very severe case of what I'm thinking has to be PIED, I have no idea what's going on with me if it isn't. I was hoping you could weigh in on my case and give me some advice because I'm losing hope and it's ruining my life.

I started watching high speed internet porn at the age of about 11. As a kid I was super hypersexual and once I got that first taste of online porn I was hooked. It didn't take long before I was jacking off multiple times a day everyday to that shit. It was a crutch for me and was a Way for me to cope with whatever problems or stress I was feeling. I remember in highschool basically running home from school everyday to jack off to porn. I was also an extremely late bloomer, so I imagine my frontal cortex was even less developed than a regular kids my age. I didn't get a ton of girls in highschool because I always looked very young  for my age. Which just fueled my porn addiction even more.

Fast forward to college and I continued to beat my dick  like it owed me money. Lost my virginity my first year of college to this girl after the bar. Never had any issues getting an erection, Infact, I couldn't stop getting them and was constantly horny.I was so desensitized that I couldn't even cum and I had to picture porn in order to finish. This continued for the next couple years. I'd get laid once in a while and be able to last  forever and would have to imagine porn to cum, all the while continuing my extreme porn habbit and jacking off multiple times a day. But no issues whatsoever with erections.
Fast forward to my final year of college, I was 21 at the time. I took this girl home from the bar to fuck and I suddenly couldn't get an erection, AT ALL. I didn't think much of it at the time and just figured that I had too much to drink. This was the first time that had ever happened to me. In the morning I still couldn't get it up to have sex with her. When she left I tried jacking off and couldn't even give myself an erection. And that is how suddenly my erections have come and gone. I haven't been the same since.
I continued to Jack off to porn everyday with a limp dick praying things would get better, but they didn't. Finally went to a doctor a few months later and I assumed there was something physical wrong with me. Doctor said everything was fine. Blood tests came back fine and he even did an ultrasound of my vasculature which all looked normal. He said that it was likely stress and in my head. The only thing that was stressful at that time for me was school, everything else in my life was and has been prefect and stress free. Nothing that I felt could have caused this. And I feel like I would be able to get an erection at least sometimes when jacking off if stress was the culprit. So I continued to beat my lifeless dick everyday to porn wondering what the fuck was wrong with me.

Took About a year later to discover YBOP and thOught finally I had the answer to my problems. For the first year I did a shitty reboot where I Would still watch porn sometimes (cut way back) but would still masterbate (with a limp dick) to check if I could get hard. Would watch porn once in a while to check and still couldn't get hard to porn. Tried having sex several times in which I couldn't get hard at all. I never had any morning or nocturnal erections. I was fully impotent. I ended up getting some Viagra from my doctor which worked amazing. I'd take half a pill and could Smash coconuts with it.

I ended up moving away from home for work and my dick was still completely broken unless I took Viagra. Decided to seriously give nofap a try. I've basically cut out porn completely for the past 2 years. At the start I would still masterbate every few weeks or so to check my progress, and I still couldn't get it up at all, sometimes would get a half erection but nothing to write home about.  I was also having sex using Viagra with different girls having one night stands couple times a month or so. So was basically doing easy mode nofap. Went to another urologist who basically confirmed what the previous doctor confirmed, that I was physically fine. I asked him if he thought porn/excessive masterbation could have been the cause and he said that it's not possible and he also said it was in my head and it was probably because entire body was stuck in a sympathetic response. But at the time everything in my life was fine and the only thing that was wrong and was giving me stress was the fact that my dick didn't work.

I ended up getting a girlfriend. We dated for about 2 years and throughout that time I was constantly taking Viagra behind her back to have sex with her, which is the worst feeling in the world. Throughout this time I didn't watch porn, maybe once or twice, and I didn't masterbate at all. But we did have sex a few times a week at least. Still was getting zero erections without Viagra. Not even morning wood or nocturnal erections. I ended up telling her everything and what I was going through.  At first she was super supportive. I told her I couldn't have sex for a while because I wanted to do the hardmode reboot to try and fix myself. After a couple of months I very infrequently got nocturnal erections where I'd wake up in the middle of the night with a hard on. This was very infrequent, maybe once every other week or so. But nothing in the morning or during the day. A couple months into my reboot  for my first time I was able to get an erection with my girlfriend for the first time without viagra. It took tons of foreplay and a long ass blow job to get it though. We took it really slow and I had sex with her without cumming because I didn't want to lose my progress. We continued this for a couple more months. Majority of time I would fail but sometimes could get a slow to reach erection and we'd have sex without me cumming. Throughout the day my dick still felt 100% dead and was shriveled and did not get any morning erections but got infrequent nocturnal erections. We ended up breaking up, mainly because I wanted to focus on my reboot and wanted to cut out all sexual stimulation because progress was super slow and felt like it was Delaying my reboot.

Fast forward to now. It's been 9 months that I've gone complete hard mode. No porn no masterbation no sex. Been no porn and no masterbation for close to 2 years already before this.  Been no orgasm for the past 9 months along with continuing no porn no masterbation.. I've been meditating for 30 mins every day. I'm active and go to the gym every day and eat healthy. Everything in my life is perfect and I have zero stress In my life, aside from the fact that I'm still impotent. After a few months I started seeing some minor improvements. Would get nocturnal erections about twice a week. Maybe throughout this 9 months I've had 1 or two morning erections. During the day my dick still feels completely dead.  My sex drive is basically at a zero constantly. And my progress seems like it's not improving. I get wet dreams every three weeks or so and my dick feels even more lifeless for a couple days after I have one. My brain feels like it has 0 connection to my dick. Last week I had sex with two different girls (using Viagra). Thought maybe it would help jumpstart my progress. And now I feel even worse than before. No nocturnal.erections or anything since! Feeling like im back to square one.

If there's any reassurance or advice you could give me I'd really appreciate it. If this is PIED it's hard to believe that my case Is tthis severe. Like I said I haven't looked at any porn in about two years. I'm losing hope and am living life constantly in a state of being bummed out. This is ruining my life. Part of me can't help but feel there's something physically wrong with me that the doctors are missing but I don't know

[screwedup40]

Every case is different, but yours has a lot of similarities to mine.  I just hit three years at the end of April.  My first year was terrible and the next two showed slow improvement with a lot of hit and miss as far as PIED.  The last two months erections have been awesome and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm out of the woods.  That's 3+ years though to get to this point.

 I guess my point is that it can take a long time and you're just not quite there yet.  I think if you keep going you'll make it, you just need some more time.  Hope this helps.

[blckpantha4]

I think you should stop using viagra ...assuming u still do because your body will develop a dependency on it to get hard rather than a real woman. Just be patient man it takes time, focus on your reboot try to rewire  w a real woman dont force sex ... youll stress yourself out. just to clear things up you do have severe pied due to the fact that you masturbated to porn for so many years you became desensitized to the stimulus. hang im there it gets worse before it gets better.

[mousemat1]

The first thing I have to say is that you've admitted to watching porn a couple of times on previous reboots. I think this really slows down a reboot. During my previous reboots I also looked a porn pictures (not videos) because I thought it was just the videos that were doing the damage. I realise now that all artificial sexual stimuli can have a negative effect on your reboot, including replaying porn in your mind when having sex or masturbating. I think think this might be one of your problems.

Of course, everyone is different. Some people can reboot by cutting back on porn and masturbation. This time, because of my past failures, I've decided to really commit to no porn or porn substitutes. I have masturbated 3 times during my reboot. The first 2 times really seemed to set me back. The last time I masturbated gave me the impression that I'm starting to heal. Some people heal after a few months, I did in the past. Now I have a bigger problem.

I'm 7 months into my reboot. I haven't had sex for a couple of years and my penis feels totally disconnected (although that seems to be changing at the moment). You have to be completely honest with yourself. Do you occasionally fantasise about porn scenes? If you do, try to stop it! I would stop using viagra if I were you.

We are pretty serious cases and we've got to totally eliminate anything which can fire up the old porn pathways in our brains. Stay strong and you will heal. Keep posting your progress. It really helps. Good luck!

[Redfire03]

Sirdillington i am 26 as well. I had a normal sex life till i was 18. Then i had 1 year solid of porn and it ruined me, i got married and hid it from my wife till march she found the pills. I an now 80 days into my hardmode and dont plan on going back. My wife left me because of this, i hope that i can overcome this one day. I hate porn so much it ruined us.

[SirDrillington]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm just so fucking tired of having this weight on my chest constantly. I find it impossible to find happiness in anything. It's a shame because the rest of my life is perfect but I'm not happy at all. And it's not something that I can just talk to people about. I feel trapped and it's something I think about every second of every day.  Just feels hopeless sometimes, feel like I should be seeing more improvement than I have been and it always makes me second guess whether it's actually  pied or not.

[mousemat1]

Try not to obsess about your problem. I know it's difficult because this is a really important issue. Try to fill your days with other activities to take your mind of your PIED. If you keep thinking about your PIED or even if you find something to occupy your time you'll still have PIED. It's better to try and weather the storm by keeping your mind active on other things.

My approach to my PIED is that this is my reality now. I just accept that I have PIED and try to relax about it. If I stay on track then I will heal. It's a shit situation to be in, but it's an opportunity to learn something about ourselves. Try to take some positives from the situation.

Do you sometimes wake up with an erection? Can you get hard by touch alone (no fantasy or porn). If the answers to these questions are 'yes', then you probably don't have any physical problems and your problem is in your head.

Just remember, fantasising about porn or even looking at any porn substitutes (lingerie catalogues) can slow down some rebooters progress. Good luck!

[scorpion1386]

Try not to obsess about your problem. I know it's difficult because this is a really important issue. Try to fill your days with other activities to take your mind of your PIED. If you keep thinking about your PIED or even if you find something to occupy your time you'll still have PIED. It's better to try and weather the storm by keeping your mind active on other things.

My approach to my PIED is that this is my reality now. I just accept that I have PIED and try to relax about it. If I stay on track then I will heal. It's a shit situation to be in, but it's an opportunity to learn something about ourselves. Try to take some positives from the situation.

Do you sometimes wake up with an erection? Can you get hard by touch alone (no fantasy or porn). If the answers to these questions are 'yes', then you probably don't have any physical problems and your problem is in your head.

Just remember, fantasising about porn or even looking at any porn substitutes (lingerie catalogues) can slow down some rebooters progress. Good luck!

I know that I'm someone else, but I too can't wake up with an erection nor get hard by touch alone. I did have a semi erection spontaneously happen to me once before, though. Not sure why? Does this indicate that I don't have PIED? I wonder if I do still. My penis is shrunken, unfortunately and I jerked off a lot.

[mousemat1]

Hi scorpion.

Are you saying you have never woken up with an erection or get hard by touch alone or is it just during your reboot?

Obviously, if you can get hard to porn but not to your own touch without porn, then I suspect that the problem is PIED. I should have mentioned this in my reply.

Before starting my reboot I could get hard to porn. The problem was that I couldn't get hard to my own touch without porn or with my partner (which is the reason I started my reboot).

Scorpion, if you jerked off a lot in the past then I guess you were able to get hard (probably while using porn). So, it seems to me that you don't have any physical problems. How long have you been rebooting? Has the problem only started since you started rebooting?

[SirDrillington]

Thanks for the reply mousemat, you make good point and I appreciate you advice. I can only get self stimulated erections SOMETIMES but only if I'm laying on my side, and if I do get hard it takes forever and only about 75% hard. And I don't get morning erections ever, just ones in the middle of the night sometimes. What does this mean?

[mousemat1]

Hi Drill.

At least you are getting nocturnal erections. I think that this would rule out anything physically wrong with you (remember I'm not a doctor though). 

I get nocturnal erections, although most of the time I'm not aware of them because I'm sleeping. The morning erections erections are usually because I need to go and piss. My erections disappear after a few seconds and especially after I stand up.

I can get about 80% hard by touch alone. We just have to be patient. I can't repeat enough though that we need to avoid all porn substitutes, including fantasy. I feel like I'm coming out of the deepest point of my flatline now but I think I've still got at least another 6 months to go. Hopefully not.

Good luck with your reboot. Keep checking in on the forum. It helps keep us focused I think.

[scorpion1386]

Hi scorpion.

Are you saying you have never woken up with an erection or get hard by touch alone or is it just during your reboot?

Obviously, if you can get hard to porn but not to your own touch without porn, then I suspect that the problem is PIED. I should have mentioned this in my reply.

Before starting my reboot I could get hard to porn. The problem was that I couldn't get hard to my own touch without porn or with my partner (which is the reason I started my reboot).

Scorpion, if you jerked off a lot in the past then I guess you were able to get hard (probably while using porn). So, it seems to me that you don't have any physical problems. How long have you been rebooting? Has the problem only started since you started rebooting?

After I got my E.D. through prone masturbation, it shrunk so I'm trying a reboot now. I was checked out by doctors, so I know I'm physically fine. i do get mental depression symptoms, so I have a feeling it's PIED.

[Deadcat]

Sir,

I'm close to 6 months into my reboot and I can't say I'm much different.  I depend on ED meds to get erect and find myself with a mostly dead dick most of the time.  My mind mentally wants to get hard but my body doesn't listen.

Unfortunately, I probably did what Blckpantha4 said not too, after 4 years of not knowing about PIED, I consistently used ED meds (almost daily).  I think my body and mind grew dependent on them and now this has drastically slowed my recovery.  What's worse is I'm married and still take them because I don't want to disappoint my wife.  Every time I do give it up, something happens that causes me to go back.  I'm convinced I need to give them up for complete healing.

Stay strong.  I'm scared that you are so far a long with a hard mode reboot without results.  I am not even 6 months in with a soft reboot which means I could have a long journey ahead.  Stay strong.  I do believe that those who have stuck with the process have been healed. I agree, like me, you likely need to give up the ED meds but I understand why you may not.  Best of luck!