Author Topic: Stiffy is ready to EVOLVE.  (Read 1689 times)

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #25 on: July 27, 2018, 09:16:22 AM »
24 hours without PMO. I think a big issue with my recent relapse has been self-inflicted insomnia. My sleep schedule is irregular. I don’t have a typical job and work from home on a business I’m an owner in on my own time. This has led to 4AM attempts at sleeping and I recently reunited with old friends from high school where I grew up to play PC games. They have been going through the night and I foolishly have done the same. It’s been fun, but it’s messing with me. Gotta stop staying up s late staring at a screen because it’s giving me serious trouble with my sleep.


Haven’t slept a wink last night/this morning and decided to just reset my biological clock and skip it all together. I’ll be working through the day as normal and then hit the sack at a decent time. I’m hoping this will help me set a more decent regular sleep schedule.

PMO I’ve always told myself sent me right to sleep... this could be a major trigger.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #26 on: August 17, 2018, 11:12:38 PM »
I am so fed up with myself.

I haven’t put together a good streak for awhile and I’m just not taking care of myself in general. I think one must not only abstain from PMO but also try to live the best life they can in all areas for better success.

Today I start again. I’m going to write a schedule out for myself tomorrow including excercise and good meals and go to bed at a decent time at a decent time tonight.

This has to stop. I’m just trying to escape, I need to make my reality something worth staying in.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #27 on: August 22, 2018, 04:23:06 PM »
6 days.

Feeling generally very positive about my decision to cut ties with my previous romantic interest.

Empowered.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #28 on: August 24, 2018, 01:27:49 AM »
7 days.

Went on a date with a new girl for the first time in a long time. I’m very interested and it was awesome. I feel hope after such a long time of feeling trapped and like I was destined to love someone who couldn’t fully reciprocate my feelings.

Whether or not this goes anywhere it was still a huge step for me and most definitely out of my comfort zone.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #29 on: August 26, 2018, 10:00:48 PM »
9 days.

What an amazing weekend.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #30 on: August 27, 2018, 02:12:01 PM »
I am glad you made 9 days.
Keep going forward buddy.
Every day without porn is progress.
Even if you relapse, get back on horse.
Keep fighting.
This war is on.
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #31 on: August 27, 2018, 03:40:34 PM »
Thank you. It always is nice to hear from fellow soldiers in the struggle. This is all about love for me. It gives us meaning in this crazy life. Nothing can be more beautiful than the struggle of life and the pursuit of happiness. Overcoming these obstacles and maintaining a positive outlook is beautiful even as we trudge through the muddy waters reaching for greatness.

Much love!

10 days.

Edit: I am just so filled with gratitude for a place like this and all of the people here. I can’t by any means say that I’m as far through this journey as I’d like to be but... regardless of a lack of perfection - my life has changed. When I mess up it’s no longer just completing my daily habit, it’s just a mess up. This habit is a leech of my happiness and I’m sure of yours as well. It just takes changing the way you look at it. Don’t accept it as routine. But accept that you are human and no human here is perfect.  In my view this gives us the strength to keep pushing and striving for a better life. What do they call that? A paradigm shift? I feel it.

If you read this just know that you’re not alone and the beauty in this world is greater than all of the darkness. Let’s rise above the darkness.
« Last Edit: August 27, 2018, 03:54:09 PM by Stiffy »

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #32 on: August 27, 2018, 08:23:59 PM »
Well done mate!
Just keep going and be aware of those triggers. Give it another ten days and youll be feeling great! Youll notice the fog lifting nad suddenly color comes back into your world. Keep it up!
[deleted bad joke]
« Last Edit: August 30, 2018, 10:44:13 AM by malando »
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #33 on: August 28, 2018, 07:03:33 PM »
Thanks mate.

11 days. Was seduced into sex last night. I came twice. Noticing more erections today. Going to limit further sex as much as possible and not even considering PMO.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #34 on: September 01, 2018, 03:42:07 AM »
Relapse.

Funny how negative I find myself getting in the time after relapsing.

I crave the positivity I had before.

~24 hours now.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #35 on: September 06, 2018, 09:38:45 AM »
Yes I can imagine the feeling of despair and pain.
You will get better in couple of days.
Go for more bigger stretch this time.
Length of reboot matters.
Keep weakening your neural pathways
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #36 on: September 06, 2018, 07:32:09 PM »
24 hours.

Very depressed, very negative, feeling helpless.

johnleesmith65

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #37 on: September 06, 2018, 07:34:04 PM »
It’s ok
Don’t lose hope.
You will be ok after few hours.
I have seen it takes 2-3 days to fully recover from loss.
It is part of game, we all feel this.
Stay strong.
Just let this suffering pass away
Don’t bother yourself too much
Life is tough.
Learn to live instead of numbing yourself by use of porn.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #38 on: September 06, 2018, 07:53:08 PM »
Made my eyes water brother. I’m an emotional wreck when I am in this headspace. Thank you for your encouragement.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #39 on: September 07, 2018, 05:26:04 PM »
2 days. Thank god.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #40 on: September 08, 2018, 05:19:20 AM »
Still trucking along. It hasn’t been 24 hours since my last post but posting here helps me.

Still feeling somewhat down. But determined to get out of this dark hole and again to positivity and enthusiasm. It wasn’t long ago that I had that and I believe I’ve identified the causation of my relapse. Working on that will bring me back to harmony.

Quitforeverthenwin

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #41 on: September 08, 2018, 12:14:07 PM »
Keep going man! In my opinion, try committing yourself 100% to quitting this shit forever once and for all. You can do it!

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #42 on: September 08, 2018, 06:43:49 PM »
3 days.

Let’s all give porn both our middle fingers today.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #43 on: September 09, 2018, 04:57:29 PM »
4 days.

Giving up isn’t an option. I’ll fight this to the grave if I must.

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #44 on: September 09, 2018, 08:50:43 PM »
keep going and keep kicking porn in the balls anytime it tries to make you relapse!
porn, to put it lightly, is a cunt. and what do you do with cunts? you get rid of them and banish them from your life!
youre life will become so much better without this cunt in it. kill it, for good.
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #45 on: September 10, 2018, 11:30:56 AM »
Thanks Fappy.

Day 5

I am having cravings this morning.

How am I going to combat this?
Productivity and self-care.
I need to implement positive and nurturing habits for myself in the absence of my destructive habits that allow me to escape reality. Again, as I like to say - creating a reality worth staying in.

Going to cook a delicious breakfast, read positive thought provoking material, pray, meditate, and work.

I meant to go to the gym this morning however that did not happen. Will get in some @ home exercise instead.

Be better than you were yesterday and you will be on the right path constantly.

I will not give in.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2018, 11:32:59 AM by Stiffy »

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #46 on: September 11, 2018, 06:56:36 PM »
Day 6

Annoying day but still feeling good about no PMO. Been waking up earlier & being much more productive. Just gray scaled my phone in an effort to reduce dopamine release from phone use itself.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #47 on: September 12, 2018, 12:47:25 PM »
1 week!

I still haven’t gotten to feeling amazing like I did at the end of August. I feel much better than I did a week ago though. That is for sure :)

I’m pretty happy for a week but I want to make it a month for my next milestone.

I also grayscaled my phone so it is only black and white now. This was to fight phone addiction in general and so far it’s actually making a difference. Turning it off is also  an extra step to go through if I really wanted to enjoy PMO.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #48 on: September 13, 2018, 05:43:24 AM »
Starting today I will focus on what I want/desire out of life and not what I don’t want. I will not live in fear I will live in an attitude of abundance and positivity and a clear idea of what I truly desire out of this existence. The important things. I will create my ideal life.

Stiffy

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Re: Accountability is needed for me.
« Reply #49 on: September 14, 2018, 01:56:48 AM »
8 days. Feeling more positive and creative rather than negative & destructive.