Author Topic: I want to discover who I really am.  (Read 196 times)

Jhon

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I want to discover who I really am.
« on: June 18, 2018, 11:55:27 AM »
Hi everybody.

I have been addicted to porn since I was kid, I do not remember how old I was, but I remember fantasying and masturbating with photos of models. I had a magazine that I kept hidden for few years. It some sort of sport magazine, but that was a start. Linger catalogs, and underwear shows were part of my daily trigger. I even used to wake up early to watch Fashion TV channel in order to satisfy my desire. Now I am 29, I am married and I want my life back. I want to be a man, a man who can face pain and disappointment with out having to see porn or naked women to fill myself.

So, today Monday 18 June 2018. I start this journey and I do not want to go back.

4 without porn.






   
« Last Edit: June 22, 2018, 05:03:14 PM by Jhon »

Jhon

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Re: I want to discover who I really am.
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2018, 08:45:21 AM »
Hy guys.

Today is the day 15. The last two days have been full of internal fights. I have stayed stand for 14 days without masturbating, but today I did it. Despite the fact that I did not watch porn, the trigger was a video on youtube. I am still counting today as a victory because I learned something very important about my brain that I can share. When I do not have enough sleep the desire seems to be bigger. To be honest, the desire was not extremely uncontrollable, but I felt that my brain was not working.
I have been reading some articles that show that a lack of sleep decrease or decision-making and problem-solving capacity. That is how I felt this morning, I did not organize my time last night and I was working on the computer until late. I had to wake up early today, and I did it, but the desire of fapping was bigger and my brain was in zombie-mode and had no "thinking" to simply say no.

For whoever reads this, good sleep could be a key point in rebooting, do not give up. Understanding the way your brain works gives you an advantage over it.

Days without porn 15 and counting.
Days without masturbating 0 and counting.

Stiffy

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Re: I want to discover who I really am.
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2018, 04:38:43 AM »
Keep it up man. I admire your effort to stop a habit that was so long standing. I started very young too. Under 10 years old. It has become a crutch and part of ourselves for so long. It’s a difficult beast to slay. Your positivity and ability to step back and really reflect on things will serve you well.

Jhon

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Re: I want to discover who I really am.
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2018, 12:38:45 AM »
Hi Guys,

Starting over. I had a disappointment in my relationship today. I fought for a day until I found myself awake in the middle of the night thinking about how to get a taste of dopamine to help me through it. I do not want to run away from pain and disappointments anymore, I want to stay a face it. However, I could see an improvement in my social life on those 20 days of rebooting.

Days without porn 0 and counting.
Days without masturbating 0 and counting.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2018, 12:44:45 AM by Jhon »

hextonix

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    Ur more than the addiction that tries to define u
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Re: I want to discover who I really am.
« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2018, 01:41:54 AM »
Keep up the good work man!  You’re doing well.  Focus on making a routine that can fill up your time so you won’t be able to do this.  Also, if possible, you make want to consider telling your partner if you haven’t already.  That will make it a lot easier for you because you’ll feel some pressure to quit this.  Either way stay strong and kill this shit dude, you got it!

Jhon

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Re: I want to discover who I really am.
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2018, 09:10:49 PM »
It has been one month since I started the rebooting process, one month of learning about my brain and about myself. On the way, I realized that acquiring knowledge gives you a huge advantage over yourself.

I have had my ups and downs, these past three weeks I lost track of the time and put my recovering situation in a second place. That lead me to relapse again, and today, I got to say something for myself. This is the most important decision in your life, no matter if you get a new job, or if you are away from home, even if you go on a trip for vacation. If you want to be real and present you got to remember that FAP and porn (or any kind of video that acts as a trigger) is just a way to scape the reality while you cheat yourself. With that in mind, look ahead and keep moving.

This is Jhon, I joined the reboot nation 30 days ago.

Days without porn (or any kind of video that acts as a trigger):2

Days without masturbation: 2

It is going to be a long walk, but I am not giving up. And I hope if you read this do not give up, there is going to be a new life on the other side.