Author Topic: I want to be inspiration for you  (Read 2051 times)

Berens

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I want to be inspiration for you
« on: June 10, 2018, 04:48:57 PM »
Hi, i am Berens, i am 24 years old. I will write things that i hope will be helpful for you. If i make it about you guys and not only about myself maybe i will find more meaning in doing this. Anyway, day 0. Tomorrow i will present some ideas on how can i avoid relapsing. Thank you if you are reading this :)
« Last Edit: September 25, 2018, 05:49:51 AM by Berens »

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2018, 03:37:37 AM »
Day 1
Ok, so i am going to ask myself few questions:
Am i in a place where i could relapsee?
Am i focused and do i know what i have to do?
Do i feel bored or like craving distractions/entertainment?

The goal is to always place myself in circumstances in which i can answer those questions correctly.
Small tip: don't take your well-being for granted. All the additional effort is worth of taking even if you don't feel that at this moment.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2018, 08:20:57 AM »
Day 2
Done some pushups in the morning, taken cold showers and being all the time in environment in which i can’t possibly relapse.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2018, 03:00:48 AM »
Day 4
I have been so busy that i have forget about reboot(brain)nation. Yesterday and today i go to MeetUp events (google it if you don't know what it is) to meet new people and have some social life. Human interaction is a great way to liberate oneself from addiction. Our addiction is proportional to our isolation.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #4 on: June 15, 2018, 08:40:14 AM »
Day 5
I feel lonely and kind of desperate for human interaction. I think it's a good thing. I'll try to contact some friends and give them some attention and interest :).

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2018, 04:50:15 AM »
Day 6
Yesterday we have got a bit closer with one woman that i know and i now can't stop thinking about her. I do recognise that this is my sexual frustration that makes me think so much about her. I will just treat it as another urge and try to focus on something else.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2018, 12:24:58 PM »
Day 7
I feel pain of regret, happiness and optimism.

DocWashington

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    Don't let yourself to do things that make you weak
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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2018, 02:32:41 PM »
You're doing great, man! The first two weeks are always the worst, get through that and it'll be easier!

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2018, 07:16:41 AM »
Thank you Doc Washington. You're right.
Day 8
Today i was feeling more intense urges but i know how to deal with it, right?  8)
I am in a place where i can't possibly relapse.
I got things to do.
I feel optimistic about the future, all the effort i am putting today into the future is worth it!

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2018, 12:09:00 PM »
Day 8
I am thinking about Marnia's Robinson "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" book, i have been reading it on and off for few last months and i about to finish it.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #10 on: June 18, 2018, 01:45:36 PM »
Day 8
Today is a good day. It's a hard day from rebooting point of view but i will overcome this. In two days i go to sport event and in three days i go to public speaking event and on weekend i will meet with friends and being 10-11 days free will serve to make me feel more confident and comfortable. Everything is going well, i do progress in my life outside rebooting and that is what matters.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #11 on: June 19, 2018, 01:41:38 PM »
Day 9
I feel tired but feeling tired is not an excuse to relax on rebooting. Also i feel bored but that won’t last forever. Abstaining from PMO and MO feels so good and is worthy the effort.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2018, 04:12:05 AM »
Day 10
I feel strange, uncomfortable, sad. I feel like desiring a fantasy of being with a woman. And i think that craving to pornography come from that sexual fantasy. And the fantasy is not all about sex. It's about being loved and cared by a woman.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2018, 09:01:16 AM »
Day 10
It's not easy. I should go to sleep earlier and eat healthier to have more energy and to feel better. That would definitely help with going through this day.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #14 on: June 21, 2018, 07:01:12 AM »
Day 11
There is no way back. I get rid of everything that could hold me back.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #15 on: June 21, 2018, 10:07:28 AM »
Day 11
Relapse is a fantasy that i want to believe in.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #16 on: June 24, 2018, 12:23:51 PM »
Day 14
I feel bored but it is just my brain rebalancing. Life is more meaningful now and i don’t want to lose that.

nofapturkiye

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #17 on: June 24, 2018, 02:38:18 PM »
This is hard right  :)  Thats why it means something..

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #18 on: June 25, 2018, 07:21:06 AM »
Day 15
Laziness and comfort are enemies. To reboot successfully i have to push myself into a discomfort even if it just running for 5 minutes and 30 second of cold shower.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #19 on: June 25, 2018, 12:26:15 PM »
Day 15
Today is an incredibly hard day for me. I have taken a cold shower today but i feel bored. I am going to focus on doing what needs to be done And i am going to think about the future. Thinking about the past and thinking about things that i regret can make me feel pessimistic about the future and see no meaning in rebooting.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #20 on: June 25, 2018, 03:43:17 PM »
Day 15
What a strange day. I feel craving for dopamine which is getting out of control. I'll just go to sleep leaving my phone far a way from bed.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #21 on: June 26, 2018, 12:13:09 PM »
Day 16
OMG, i can't believe how beautiful women are, and i don't desire them sexually but i want to connect with them in a friendly and empathetic way. Just make eye contact and smile and make her day. And weather is really cool. Love summer. I feel lucky to be alive.

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #22 on: June 27, 2018, 04:11:28 AM »
Day 17
I feel uncomfortable but those feelings come and go, i shouldn't treat them seriously. Those feelings are short term experiences and short term solutions won't work. I need to think in long terms. I haven't MO or PMO for 17 days and for sure that is going to make feel my body and my brain uncomfortable and maybe i will even have some different moods. But as taoist wisdom says: Acknowledge the desire and satisfaction will follow. So i do acknowledge how i feel right now so i can move on :)

Reboot543210

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #23 on: June 27, 2018, 06:38:47 AM »
This journal is very inspirational! Your approach to this by making it about others instead of yourself is great

Berens

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Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« Reply #24 on: June 28, 2018, 08:01:34 AM »
Thank you, i appreciate your comment  ;)
Day 18
My social life is improving, people are responding more positively and are taking more initiative to talk with me. Also i feel more comfortable to say some joke or just say something in a group and just be spontaneous. Taking an effort on daily basis of cold shower, going out, spending as much time as possible in place where you can't relapse is definitely worth it. Actually if i think about this now, there is nothing that you couldn't do now to avoid a relapse. And reboot is not just about what you do but about a mindset. Mind free of fantasy. It works like this: Sexual fantasy > urge for dopamine > discomfort > arousal in the body > need to release the sexual tension from the body > relapse. You don't need sexual fantasy for anything. Sexual fantasy is justified only when you think about your partner and you know that the sexual fantasy will be made reality. I think that this is a healthy way: Connection with a woman > thinking about her > Connection with a woman. I think that with sexual fantasy we hypnotise ourselves into relapse.