Author Topic: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.  (Read 47616 times)

thimbuk2

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #125 on: October 29, 2014, 07:16:35 PM »
Just stay strong. Porn is NOT an option

unchained

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #126 on: October 29, 2014, 09:40:55 PM »
Hang tough.  Get healthy for yourself...whether it works out with this lady or the next.

I realized something years ago after a bad breakup I didn't want to happen.  Regardless of who you wake up next to tomorrow, next week or next year, or even if it is alone...you will always wake up with yourself.  Do what you need to do to take care of you.

Relationships can be tough.  You are doing good. Stay strong.

rider654321

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #127 on: October 29, 2014, 11:42:40 PM »
Well, so much for the girl friend thing.  I am hoping I can remain strong.

Mate sorry to hear that. But as Unchained has said, get healthy for yourself. You can do this. That way when the next lady comes along you'll be able to handle things naturally without the worry.

I don't know if you have been reading Williams thread in the Porn Addiction folder? He has been making some really good observations for guys who are struggling like yourself. Go here and read post 127

 http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.125

Hang in there mate.

 

PMOVictory

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #128 on: October 30, 2014, 01:05:51 AM »
Keep on keeping on, brother.

Stay strong and receive the Blessing!


Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #129 on: October 30, 2014, 10:33:52 AM »
I did slip. but just once.

This morning I finally installed K9 on my computer and tablet. 

I wrote her a note this morning that ended with "I never want to see you again"  "Get well"  I am so done with her and how much she affected my emotions.

Life is about to get better.
« Last Edit: October 30, 2014, 10:37:03 AM by Havetodothis40 »

Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #130 on: October 30, 2014, 06:46:56 PM »
I feel good right now.  I am not sure why.  I still have some emotional things to deal with after the break up.  I know it sounds quick to you guys, but I have been seeing her since June and it was an ongoing roller coaster of emotions.  I think taking time to sort things out is a good thing. 

I have to focus on me.  I feel good that I finally installed K9.  I am not sure that will truly stop me, but having that extra layer of protection can not be bad. 

I read that post that Rider mentioned and it makes a lot of sense. 

I am really hopeful.  I mean I just went 20 something days, while dealing with her emotional strain.  What can I do with with out that extra stress in my life?  I hope a lot.  I hope I finally have what it takes.


unchained

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #131 on: October 30, 2014, 08:26:55 PM »
Don't over think the slip. Learn from it.

I've had two and realize they slowed my progress, but they didn't reset me to day one like it looks on a counter.

I have read to think of it like a diet.  If you have been good for weeks and weeks and lost 10-12 pounds, all of that doesn't go out the window with one BigMac.  Just don't let it become a binge...and get back on the dang diet.  It is the only way to health.

Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #132 on: October 31, 2014, 01:13:32 PM »
Thanks Adam.  I am not letting this slip get to me.  I moved on.

This weekend I am driving 6 hours to hang out with some good friends.  I think I really need the time in the car just driving.  I also need to talk to people about what is going on in my life.

I talked to my brother over the phone last night.  It really helped me a lot.  I told him about my PIED and he already new about the reddit nofap and your brainonporn and other stuff.  It really meant a lot to me that he was already aware of this issue and I think he worked through it as well.  I do not think his case was severe as mine, but it is good to actually know someone that went through this and understands what it is about.

I really feel good.

PMOVictory

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #133 on: October 31, 2014, 10:58:39 PM »
HTDT

You are on the right track. I'm glad for you that you have cut the cord with the GF. It is something that you have not done emotionally but gave it a lot of thought and tried to work it out for a long time, giving it second chances, etc.
Congrats on installing K9 it is just another step in the right direction.
Taking time out to get to spend dime with good friends sure will do you good.
I'm glad that you could talk to your brother about this and that he knew what you were talking about. Maybe ha can become your accountability partner, This will help a lot for you to get someone to talk to, especially someone that know you on a level like your brother do.

So Stay strong and receive the Blessing!


Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #134 on: November 03, 2014, 12:05:33 PM »
quick update on the XGF.  Friday afternoon I got a text from her asking if I wanted to talk.  I thought long and hard about this and decided to go ahead and talk it out with her.  I figured it was the adult thing to do and I might get some closure or something.

I showed up, she yelled at me for 30 minutes and got some anger out.  I told her how she was hurting me during the relationship and blah blah.  Then she showed me pictures of her kids dressed for Halloween.  Everything after that was a blur, we ended up at my place naked on the floor and ordering pizza.  She was talking about calling off of work and spending the night with me.  She ended up going to work.

The next day I drove 6 hours to my friends parents house and we talked and I got some free advice.  It felt good to discuss this with people face to face.

Long story short, she wants me to take a break from her so I can work on myself.  She wants to work on her self at the same time.  She want's to keep dating this other guy while that happens.  I am cool with us taking a break and working on each other, then maybe retrying this when both of us are in better spots.  I am not cool with her dating jackass while she does it. 

She left her coat at my place, so I returned it this morning.  I wrote a nice long note about how I love her and always will and blah blah blah.  I ended up writing a quicker note saying that I am not a piece of meat you can throw in the freezer until the time is right.  That her wanting to date this other guy, then comeback to me later is wrong and makes her seem like a bad person.

I am glad to report that I think this relationship is finally over.

No onto no PMO and better days.

unchained

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #135 on: November 03, 2014, 01:54:58 PM »
I think you are best avoiding this lady.

Just my opinion, but it sounds like she's  stringing you along.  It's one thing to take a break to work on personal issues, but she wants to date some other dude while she's taking a break from you?  You need to move on, my friend.

Sounds like the emotional difficulties dealing with an unstable gf have made your road tougher.  A supportive relationship can help, but a chic playing mind games will make your struggle harder, if not impossible.

Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #136 on: November 03, 2014, 02:13:11 PM »
Thanks,  I agree she has helped make this a harder road than it needed to be.  She sent me a text a couple hours ago and ended with "last text"  I deleted it and moved on.  Hopefully letting her have the last word will be good enough.

I am actually feeling good, like a weight has been lifted off of me. 


savingmysoul

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #137 on: November 03, 2014, 03:13:33 PM »
stay strong my friend!

Certain things happen for a reason - painfully sometimes, but ultimately at a better place.

unchained

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #138 on: November 04, 2014, 03:31:23 PM »
Hey havetodothis, I noticed you have a good streak going staying away from alcohol.

We're you a heavy drinker before? I need to cut out my own drinking, but wanted to take one issue at a time.  I've heard porn is harder to quit than alcohol, so I decided to take it 1st.

Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #139 on: November 05, 2014, 01:03:04 PM »
My counters are not accurate.  I really tried to keep them up to date, and the main reason I added the drinking one was to see if drinking had anything to do with PMO.  I found that Drinking and Depressed equals PMO.  Depressed with out drinking equals PMO. 

I do try and limit my drinking now.  I know it's not good for me. for several reasons. 

The reason I stopped keeping my counters up to date was the shame I felt every time I added a new PMO date. 

I am seriously thinking of trying to find a group or something to help me with this porn addiction.  I need help.

unchained

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #140 on: November 05, 2014, 01:23:06 PM »
It makes sense to try to get all the help you need.

This forum and ybop, yourbrainrebalanced.com and others are where I turn right now.  In the beginning, I was hoping to go 4-5 weeks done and it would be over.  I am beginning to realize that 27 years of porn will not be erased for a long long time.

Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #141 on: November 05, 2014, 09:21:54 PM »
I found a website for LDS that said that they have counselling about porn addiction.  I hope they are not too "god forward" but I reached out to them. 

I understand and know why some people reach out to the church for this and other issues.  I just have some "church issues" 

Tonight I went for a drive and a great dinner experience.  I feel better.  I hope I wake up in this mood.

unchained

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #142 on: November 05, 2014, 10:39:01 PM »
Glad you are feeling better.  I hope it continues.

As far as your "church issues"...please investigate it deeper yourself.  Please don't keep God at a distance in your life for something caused or created by what a person (s) has done in the past.

Driving has always helped me clear my mind, too.  Proper tunes help as well while driving .

Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #143 on: November 06, 2014, 09:07:39 AM »
I only bring up the religion issue because I am not particular religious and do not wish to become religious.  I just want to change this one part of my life PMO.  But as I research and look for places to reach out to, it seems a lot of churches are offering services for this.  I am not going to close the door just because it is tied to a church, but I am cautious.  I hope that makes sense and does not offend anyone.

That being said, I threw my tablet in the garage this morning.  ( Garage is not attached and a good 100 feet away from my front door) 

Next time the tablet is going in the trash.
« Last Edit: November 06, 2014, 09:13:04 AM by Havetodothis40 »

Albert

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #144 on: November 06, 2014, 01:11:49 PM »
Havetodothis40: I am new here. But if you want my advice. I spend years working and researching about to lose weight. And I tell you: the secret is very simple: RETAKE ! Close your eyes, retake your walk. And 2 or 3 days after you will feel better. If you fail, retake and retrial until you bet. Retake EVER. Don't permit your lapse became a collapse ! My best wishes for all of us !
  First attempt

Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #145 on: November 06, 2014, 04:07:59 PM »
Yesterday, I reached out to LDS for their porn addiction program.

I feel much better today, despite PMOing last night and this morning.  I put my tablet in my garage and may just throw it out.  K9 does not seem to work on it at all.  K9 is working fine on my PC, and lately my tablet has been my porn provider for years.

LDS called me back today.  They would counsel me once a week via webcam/webex.  the sessions would be one on one until They felt comfortable about putting me in a group therapy, (after 10 to 20 weeks.  Each session is about an hour long and the single sessions are 95 bucks a piece.)

I am really considering it.  But I also want to give this some more effort on my own.  I also want to look around for other options.


2heal

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #146 on: November 06, 2014, 08:06:19 PM »
Hi, Havetodothis40.  There is no shame in having to reset your counters.  Those counters are for you and no one else.  We all have those days and we all slip from time to time - you should feel no shame in this.  The important thing is to get back on the horse and carry on.  I come back here every day for motivation to carry on.  I post on my journal just to help myself get through one more day.  I read other journals and success stories to help encourage myself.  You're doing great -  keep it up.  We're all behind you.


Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #147 on: November 10, 2014, 09:56:46 PM »
I am feeling good.

Havetodothis40

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #148 on: November 19, 2014, 08:34:08 PM »
This past weekend I drove to visit a friend.  She is a recovering addict for booze and drugs, but I have known her for years.  We decided to meet up and go on a wing tour.  We basically went from place to place eating and rating their wings.  No booze was involved and it was a great time.

We talked a bit about overcoming addiction and she told me that she starts every day with saying "I will not drink today"  I found this interesting. I have watched some positive thoughts videos and a lot of them say to start the day with saying a positive saying, or a daily goal. 

Since Monday I have started each morning with "I am not watching porn today"  So far it has worked, and I have said it couple times during the day.  I still get urges.  But I seem more resolved.  That could be a number of reasons.  I would be naive to think that I can turn my mind around in just 3 days.  But it feels good to have some sort of method.

One thing I have learned during this process is that reaching out to friends and family can be really useful.

Keep being awesome guys.

PMOVictory

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Re: 40 YO, never married, addicted to porn since 14.
« Reply #149 on: November 19, 2014, 10:47:58 PM »
HTDT this is great news.

YEs people can be a great support, be it family and friends.
Sometimes it just takes somebody to say something that you know and have heard for ages, but they say it in a way that just make the click for you.

talking about saying positive things to yourself.
You could also make a list of positive affirmations starting with "i am..."
This is a great tool for being and staying positive. It gets used in the business world, personal development, healing etc.
You make the list and then you repeat it first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.
Out loud, while looking to yourself in the mirror. I suggest you include other positive things as well. and then you build on it.

A typical "I am..." statement example for you could be.

I am successful in whatever challenges comes my way.
I am a healthy person with a regular exercise programme that keeps me fit.
I am successful in my job.
I am a handsome adorable man.
I am in control of my physical weight.
I am in control of how I handle whatever life throws at me.
I am in control of my emotions.
I am in control of the decisions I make for my life.
I am the best when it comes to saving money for ...
I am perfectly in control of my desire to drink.
I am in control of my decision making.
I am successful in rebooting from porn addiction.
Etc, etc.

But I think you get the idea.
The more "I am" statements you have that cover a wide range of your personal life the better.

Have Fun!

Stay strong and receive the Blessings!