Author Topic: A new chapter  (Read 150 times)

achilles heel

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A new chapter
« on: May 31, 2018, 04:42:25 PM »
Two years ago I started a topic in the age section below, yet I still didn't get rid of this addiction. Now I turned 31 and after relapsing over and over I decided to take some days to really prepare for starting this journey with all seriousness again. I made it up to 4 months before, now it's up to me to repeat this and advance further.

Today was the last time I looked at porn in any form - this includes all kinds of artificial sexual arousal. I will use this new journal as part of my emergency plan for the days when quitting becomes really tough and withdrawals set in. This is the most important task in my life, I will take the previous failed experiences as a guide to final success.

achilles heel

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Re: A new chapter
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2018, 06:16:59 PM »
Day 4

I managed the first weekend and made a good start. Finally I returned to the restrictions on my computer which will help a lot. I took some time to think about long term strategies to avoid the usual relapses.

First I need to point out to myself: There is a reason why I spent so much time on recovery until now. After an initial phase of success I tend to forget how bad I felt after every relapse and how much porn affected my life in a negative way. This journey here is my number one priority in life! No more "A little dose won't hurt!", I have to fight the addiction sneaking in and telling me how it's not that bad. I am not able to control porn nor will I ever be and therefore must stay away from it completely. The biggest problem remains sexting, I have to control my WhatsApp use and avoid conversations about sex with certain girls. I also reduced my social media use as much as possible. This might be the key to not getting triggered especially during the first tough weeks.

achilles heel

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Re: A new chapter
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2018, 10:32:42 AM »
Day 8

Made the first week without trouble, feel the euphoria of the first days and hope this will last a while until it becomes critical in terms of cravings. Will write more when hard times set in.

Andy9120

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Re: A new chapter
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2018, 04:48:12 PM »
Great work buddy.  Keep up the good work.  Such a positive change that you are making in your life. 

achilles heel

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Re: A new chapter
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2018, 07:52:31 AM »
Great work buddy.  Keep up the good work.  Such a positive change that you are making in your life.

Thank you for your support, it indeed is hopefully an important change  :)

Day 12

The second weekend was no problem for me, but I know that the toughest stage is about to come.

I did my best to avoid triggers, but some situations are tough - I am part of WhatsApp groups where pics and videos get shared that are porn-related. I don't feel able to speak about this and neither want to leave those groups so I try my best to delete things immediately.

Another trigger are related articles below stuff I read that include pics of half naked girls, I really need to stay careful.

achilles heel

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Re: A new chapter
« Reply #5 on: June 15, 2018, 12:26:51 AM »
Day 15

The easy start is over, I dream about porn and feel increased cravings, this weekend will be tough. I have to decrease social media and cell phone use and keep my phone out of reach if possible.

achilles heel

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Re: A new chapter
« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2018, 05:26:36 AM »
Day 16

It's a success already that I've made it to the third weekend, I prepared myself for the upcoming two weeks and am convinced to get through the first month.

As I said I dreamed of porn lately and get triggered easily.

Dangerous situations are the same as always: Related news below articles that involve barely dressed girls or WhatsApp groups (with "funny" porn pics) and conversations with girls who used to send me pics at some point before.

I do my best to avoid these and will stay strong when depression hits. This usually happens around day 20 and I have to remind myself that it's the addiction trying to sneak in.

achilles heel

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Re: A new chapter
« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2018, 09:43:53 AM »
Day 18

I'm still doing well despite feeling decreased stress resistance. The next weekend will be really tough. I am prepared for depression and all kind of tricks by my addicted mind. It's up to me to just keep saying "No!" to porn.