Author Topic: Do you think I should hang out with girls even if getting sexual is not my goal?  (Read 464 times)

safa61947

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I am rebooting from PMO for productivity reasons. I'm doing it for myself. I am 31 and much of my life, energy and time is already in the waste because of my addiction. I don't regret it, I enjoyed every second of it, this was a valuable experience to show me that this is not what I want from my life. Like John Petrucci says:

Sometimes you've got to be wrong, and learn the hard way.

I am facing real loneliness here. Today is Saturday, and I will talk to no human. My next human interaction will be Monday morning, at work. I'm a single man living on my own.

I want to accomplish something big in life, even though at the moment I don't know what is this "it", that I strive to accomplish. I felt suicidal in the past. With heavy PMO I felt even more suicidal.

I think if I had a girlfriend I would have to brake up with her immediately because I'm too problematic and ruining one's own life is already enough damage. I don't want to involve someone in this.

TL; DR: Do you think I can reboot for the sake of it, and not to have meaningless sex; for I don't want to get married?

Numezz

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I am 31 and much of my life, energy and time is already in the waste because of my addiction. I don't regret it, I enjoyed every second of it, this was a valuable experience to show me that this is not what I want from my life.
hahahahaha that is really good one

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I think if I had a girlfriend I would have to brake up with her immediately because I'm too problematic and ruining one's own life is already enough damage. I don't want to involve someone in this.
you wouldnt involve someone in your life, nobody can involve you in their life, you involve yourself. in the same way somebody else involves themselves. you are not responsible for others emotions and reactions. im sure you could put up with some problematic girl if you saw potential so there is a lot of girls that would do the same for you.

contact someone on sunday, dont spend the whole day by yourself. living single and on your own is awesome but not in the sense of isolation. if you want to reboot, social life is important so stay in touch with people. if you have nobody to spend free time with, meet someone new.

this is all easier said than done but just take it into consideration. peace and good luck.




DoneAtLast

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I'm not entirely sure I understand the question, but to what I think you're asking:

Rebooting isn't just for the sake of having meaningless sex.  In fact, I'd say the guys who try to reboot so they can hook up are in fact trying to give up porn to turn their lives into something that they imagined while hooked on porn, and they're usually the ones that have the hardest time.  They focus on how good their erections are, spend time fantasizing about all the sex they'll have, and don't have any real motivation to become a better man. 

Developing non-sexual relationships is very, very helpful for rewiring.  With porn we get very specific kinds of rushes and rewards for our "interactions" with our screens, and the other stuff atrophies.  Sometimes it takes some real work and getting out of comfort zones, but it pays off.

The best friends I've ever had have been women.  I dunno... I'm not a "hang out with the dudes" kind of person, and connect with women just as well (better?) than with men.  It wasn't as big of a deal in my own reboot because of this, but for some guys being able to relate to women and understand them as human beings rather than the porn myth nymphomaniacs can really help getting away from porn.  The more you understand women, the more fake porn seems.  The more they seem like someone's daughter who is deeply lost and hurt in life. 

For a long time the lonely weekends were my biggest stumbling block in recovery.  During the work week I'd have no problem being porn free for a good 6-8 months... a day off hit, and the anxiety would hit hard.  Part of the problem would be attempting some social interaction and going out and seeing these happy couples and families and feeling all the more lonely.  I needed to work my way through that in order to fully recover.  Yes, getting out and doing social things will help, but jumping head first into the deep end could be tricky, too.  I had to separate the ones that messed with my head from the ones that were helping.  Figure out what things you're comfortable with.  It could just be going shopping in places where you get along well with the staff and clientele.  If you're a musician, go down to the music store for some strings, and spend some time talking to them.  Game stores, hobby stores, health food places, whatever appeals.  They can be very soft entries to social interaction.  Of course, if you go into the amp room and play "Dance of Eternity" for a half an hour at full volume, you'll probably get booted out!   8) 

If you must be on your own for the day, there are healthy ways to do it.  Setting goals for yourself for the day helps... exercise, chores, practicing an instrument, it makes you feel less crummy by the end of the day having accomplished those things.  Getting outside helps a lot, as it cues to your brain and body that it wasn't just one long night time... staying in your habitat all day can confuse sleep/wake cycles, and further damage mental health.