Author Topic: The Journey to take back my life  (Read 1564 times)

Reboot543210

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Re: The Journey to take back my life
« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2019, 05:43:32 PM »
Also does anyone have an experience in which they developed OCD with things from PMO or coming off PMO and what is their suggestion ? Does it get better with time alone or are there things that can help it? Thank you

Reboot543210

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Re: The Journey to take back my life
« Reply #26 on: April 16, 2019, 11:30:31 PM »
Day 49

Struggling right now. The past week hasn’t been good and even this very moment isn’t good. Perhaps out of pride I’m hesitant to just straight out say and admit that  I’ve thought a lot about girls/actresses/porn stars, but for lack of better words that’s what’s been going on with me. I try to believe that these aren’t my real thoughts and they’re just “back of the mind/subconscious thoughts” but I feel very responsible for these thoughts and for putting myself in this predicament especially because when you give into one thought the thoughts get progressively stronger and harder to fight and I know that but I keep letting myself go back here and thinking not good. It’s like I think a thought then mentally say “stop it” and it’s this repetitive cycle I feel like of allowing myself to be tempted by thinking about girls and porn and stuff and then saying stop don’t think that. I feel like I know what I’m doing and it’s not good.

But These thoughts cause me to have insane sensations down low and to get somewhat/semi erect and leak out some (I guess precum). This in itself makes me feel like I’ve failed and am back to square one and makes me want to say well screw it I’ve basically messed up since I’ve basically thought myself into releasing some so let’s just go all the way and PMO binge.Is this true or should I keep pressing on and not give into actually watching porn and masturbating. Is it normal to like screw up by thinking about girls sexually and porn and then it causes you to like get erect but you don’t end up PMOing. This has been going on for a week wtf do I do I feel like I’ve failed in a way but at the same time don’t because technically I haven’t gone into watching porn and masturbating. Am I still in this?

Its so hard. Why is just giving into this binge/perverse thinking so dam enticing like why do I want to give in to it so bad wtf is wrong with me. Like why when a thought comes into my head about a girl or porn or something does my body like start spazzing as though I need to PMO immediately. That’s not normal wtf is wrong with me.

Joost!

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Re: The Journey to take back my life
« Reply #27 on: April 17, 2019, 01:49:33 AM »
Hey man, I just came across your post.
First of all I want to say don't beat yourself up too much about these thoughts, but then again I know it's pretty frustrating to get such thoughts when it's having such an impact on your bodily functioning. One thing that might help gain further understanding into the problem is: 'your' thoughts aren't YOUR thoughts. They don't define YOU! You can't claim them, they come and go like clouds forming and passing by in the sky, who knows what their source is. What I try to do when I have thoughts  that bother me is hold them against the light of God for further examination.

[...I feel like of allowing myself to be tempted by thinking about girls and porn and stuff and then saying stop don’t think that. I feel like I know what I’m doing and it’s not good.

This is a good realization and assessment of the situation on your part. You are giving these thought-clouds space to expand in your awareness because on one hand, it's giving you something; pleasurable escape/distraction from reality. On the other hand you know it's not leading to anything good. Hence you find yourself in this mental and then physical struggle.
The problem is rooted in lust and porn/modern culture presents woman as these objects to lust after endlessly, without it ever leading to true satisfaction. Just think about this for a moment. This is what lust is about. You eat and eat, but you don't get a feeling of satisfaction, so you keep on eating and the more you eat, the more voracious your appetite becomes because still there is no feeling of satiation. And at some point your stomach starts to hurt and you get cramps and what was made to be pleasurable and satisfactory now has become a pain. It's no much different with our sexual desires.
I believe sex is something beautiful if under love. If not, that same sexual itch will become a hellish rash that will take over and ruin your life. So in conclusion I'd put it like this: The desire to be intimate with a woman is good and something God has intended for us. But if we fuel that desire with perverted images, it's like pouring mud into a container with clear water. Once pure of sexual nature, we become filthy and we can't see the other sexe in the pure light of God anymore.

Hopefully my reply can help you in some way. And again don't beat yourself up. God knows your struggling and sees you heart in all things. If you seek His help with this He is able to restore you and give you new appetites that will bring satisfaction to life.  ;)

My bad, I just read in your opening post that you are in love and married. So some parts of my post are probably not relevant to your situation. Excusez moi.

« Last Edit: April 17, 2019, 01:57:36 AM by Joosh »

jixu

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Re: The Journey to take back my life
« Reply #28 on: April 17, 2019, 05:52:54 AM »
First, congratulations on nearing the big 50 day mark-keep going. 

I think a lot of the questions you are asking can be answered by watching the video "Your brain on porn" (link is off to the side on the home page) or the article with the same name (a link is available on the top of the home page).  Best of all would be to buy your own copy and have it available for re-reading in small chunks. 

Without considering the way our  brain's reward circuity works I think fighting this is far more difficult.  It helps to explain how these powerful urges and inclinations develop and how they can be lessened ("re-wired") over time.   It essentially directly answers your question of "what is wrong with me?"

You have a lot to fight for.   Don't bail now.  Have a great day friend !