Author Topic: A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y  (Read 4231 times)

Totte

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A new start (Alea iacta est) 52y
« on: April 19, 2018, 01:09:43 PM »
Hi all!

I am a 52-year-old man on my way to 53 I am married to my love “P”, now for 23 years and still counting. I have a great work that I love, good work friends so should live my life fully, but I don’t something is lacing. For a long time, I thought my problem started whit my performance problem in the bedroom. This performance problem started about few to sex years ago, I have always made my wife happy in bed, even when my problem started I found other solutions to get it to work. We have always had a good relationship in and out of bed. I now know this problem started long before this period.
My porn us started wherry young, it started when I found a porn-magazine in my brother’s wardrobe. Why was I in my brother’s wardrobe, it was pretty innocent just hanging clothes that my mother asked me to do. This was the start of using porn about 13 to 14 years of age. This magazine I found has now gone to using internet porn, true videos and then in to internet porn. The use of internet porn has then gone true starting to want to explore alternative like transsexual, BDSM and so on. After a life time with having porn at my side it escalated when our boy came in to our life, basically all activity stopped because he was and still are a difficult child (will not get in to that, it has nothing to do with my porn addiction). I used porn more and more because we didn’t have a chance to have sex. Now many years later I am here to get better.
When I saw the signs that I got iterated on my wife for no good reason I did understand there must be something wrong, I still love her, but I can’t get turn on any more. Then I contacted the healthcare and the gave me Sildenafil well it helped little, but I fast understand that problem is else ware. Finding out about PED I know now I am a porn addict.

My name is “T” and I am an internet porn addict and I want to get better.

A quote that I live and think about sometime.
“Not everything that counts can be counted,
and not everything that can be counted counts.”


Using DayCount
I will try to answer this 2-3 times a week.
Did I use porn today?                         
What were my triggers?                     
How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
What am I grateful for today?
Sorry for my bad English its not my nativ…

Good links
https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2015/07/how-to-overcome-performance-anxiety/


Quotes:
We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France,
We shall fight on the seas and oceans,
We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
We shall fight on the beaches,
We shall fight on the landing grounds,
We shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
We shall fight in the hills;
We shall never surrender, Winston Churchill
« Last Edit: June 05, 2018, 08:01:07 AM by Tom65 »

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2018, 02:19:42 AM »
Day2:
Started with me tripping but i did not fall.
I will try to answer this questions 2-3 dy's a week.

•   Did I use porn today?                         No
•   What were my triggers?                      Good looking woman
•   How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? Picturing my wife and me together
•   What am I grateful for today?               That all of you on this site sharing
« Last Edit: April 20, 2018, 09:03:33 AM by Tom65 »

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2018, 01:53:42 AM »
Day3
Relapse
Am I supposed to start counting from zero now?

Ooooo just watched Marco Polo and my D started to get hard.
One erotic scene a eastern woman started to have sex with Marco Polo.
Is this good?
« Last Edit: April 21, 2018, 09:39:14 AM by Tom65 »

Marco60

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2018, 10:42:22 AM »
Day3
Relapse
Am I supposed to start counting from zero now?

.....
I would do so, Tom. If you saw the video about the theory underlying reboot, the idea is to break the release of Dopamine stimulated by porn, force the hypothalamus to forget about the artificial stimulation by letting our brain to forget about porn. This would allow the brain to learn again about "normal" erotic stimulation through seduction etc.  Thus we all should really forget anything coming from videos etc. Obviously, we are surrounded by erotic images in advertisements etc., and those we can not avoid to be exposed to.

JedClampett

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2018, 08:38:53 PM »
Marco60:

Good one.  I might add that when we fail, we can still use that failure to be a better person and be
more likely to over-ride those problems the next time.  What I mean is each of those 10 or 20 or 30 days
without PMO is not a waste at all.  It's a chance to get to where we want to be as far as normal stimulation goes.

Marco60

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2018, 01:41:47 AM »
Marco60:

Good one.  I might add that when we fail, we can still use that failure to be a better person and be
more likely to over-ride those problems the next time.  What I mean is each of those 10 or 20 or 30 days
without PMO is not a waste at all.  It's a chance to get to where we want to be as far as normal stimulation goes.
Absolutely true Tom! I only can add that indeed reboot works: I have almost forgotten the porn videos I used o see every day , and when I have fantasies (often early morning, before I stand up), I imagine real situations with women I have been with, rather than those videos, something which I would had not believed before starting reboot.

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2018, 04:02:14 AM »
Marco60:

Good one.  I might add that when we fail, we can still use that failure to be a better person and be
more likely to over-ride those problems the next time.  What I mean is each of those 10 or 20 or 30 days
without PMO is not a waste at all.  It's a chance to get to where we want to be as far as normal stimulation goes.
Absolutely true Tom! I only can add that indeed reboot works: I have almost forgotten the porn videos I used o see every day , and when I have fantasies (often early morning, before I stand up), I imagine real situations with women I have been with, rather than those videos, something which I would had not believed before starting reboot.

Marco60:

Good one.  I might add that when we fail, we can still use that failure to be a better person and be
more likely to over-ride those problems the next time.  What I mean is each of those 10 or 20 or 30 days
without PMO is not a waste at all.  It's a chance to get to where we want to be as far as normal stimulation goes.

Thanks
Yes i agree to start to fade the images of porn and start see how it should be. its not a fail, its one step closer to the goal. i go from PMO 1-2 times a day to one time in 3 days its a step closer.
This will give me one less cause for anxiety. I am very glad i have you here to read and discus this with. 

I started to us this app DayCount
Added 4 counters
Start reboot                      =4days
Fantasy of women i meet   =1days
Days no PMO                    =0days (2/3 of a day)
Days no just MO               =0days

Any more counter i should have?


Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2018, 08:10:27 AM »
Don't know if this is an improvement!

But to day was out and saw several good-looking women and userely my fantasy starts when i see them.
But to day i just saw them and cud just thing she is beautiful and it ended there.
Not going in to fantasy in my mind, is an improvement i think.

T


Marco60

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2018, 01:30:58 AM »
Don't know if this is an improvement!

But to day was out and saw several good-looking women and userely my fantasy starts when i see them.
But to day i just saw them and cud just thing she is beautiful and it ended there.
Not going in to fantasy in my mind, is an improvement i think.

T
I am not sure I understand what you want to say, Tom: did you get excited when you saw a nice-looking woman, as you did when you had no PIED? This would be an improvement!

milogasker

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2018, 02:21:15 AM »
Don't know if this is an improvement!

But to day was out and saw several good-looking women and userely my fantasy starts when i see them.
But to day i just saw them and cud just thing she is beautiful and it ended there.
Not going in to fantasy in my mind, is an improvement i think.

T
I am not sure I understand what you want to say, Tom: did you get excited when you saw a nice-looking woman, as you did when you had no PIED? This would be an improvement!

I get this.... I'm only 10 days in but I used to look at attractive women in the street and imagine what I could be doing with them, a very lustful / wanting feeling.  Now I'm finding that I just view them as attractive people and that sexual lust is not nearly as strong. I'm hoping that after a few weeks more this will be quite a normal thing and I will never again look at women as sex objects.



Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #10 on: April 23, 2018, 09:11:17 AM »
Don't know if this is an improvement!

But to day was out and saw several good-looking women and userely my fantasy starts when i see them.
But to day i just saw them and cud just thing she is beautiful and it ended there.
Not going in to fantasy in my mind, is an improvement i think.

T
I am not sure I understand what you want to say, Tom: did you get excited when you saw a nice-looking woman, as you did when you had no PIED? This would be an improvement!

I get this.... I'm only 10 days in but I used to look at attractive women in the street and imagine what I could be doing with them, a very lustful / wanting feeling.  Now I'm finding that I just view them as attractive people and that sexual lust is not nearly as strong. I'm hoping that after a few weeks more this will be quite a normal thing and I will never again look at women as sex objects.

Yes exactly like it have been looking at a women as a sexual object not as just a beautiful woman.

JedClampett

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #11 on: April 23, 2018, 02:16:17 PM »
Tom65:

Every day without PMO helps us improve our mind for sex.  We will be able to concentrate at the task at hand
rather than having to resort to fantasizing.

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2018, 06:03:08 AM »
Day 6 since reboot
Day 3 PMO
Now let’s make my next goal
Day 10 from reboot from start
and day 7 no PMO

4 days this evning I will go and do workout!

T

Marco60

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #13 on: April 25, 2018, 01:57:15 AM »
You are on the good path Tom : do not give up! NEVER  :) !

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #14 on: April 25, 2018, 03:10:08 AM »
You are on the good path Tom : do not give up! NEVER  :) !

Thanks I do feel the boost you all give me
Thanks

Btw found a link some my have us for
https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2015/07/how-to-overcome-performance-anxiety/

T

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #15 on: April 25, 2018, 10:18:06 AM »
Bad day to day!
I by mistake ended up on a dating site and when I did go off that site a webcam site started.
I ended up seeing a few min this was not fun feel sad now.

Have this ruined my progress?
Btw no PMO

T

Alex48

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #16 on: April 25, 2018, 03:04:08 PM »
I don t think so! I would not put my counter to zero if it is as you tell it. Do not discourage or punish yourself. I think it's more encouraging to think that you did not fall to PMO, even in front of the cam.

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #17 on: April 25, 2018, 07:24:50 PM »
I don t think so! I would not put my counter to zero if it is as you tell it. Do not discourage or punish yourself. I think it's more encouraging to think that you did not fall to PMO, even in front of the cam.

Thanks
That is good to hear, if you put it like that it’s good that I didn’t end up doing PMO.
Thinking in a positive way is creating a positive feeling. I know this but felt horrible after seeing a few min.
T
« Last Edit: April 25, 2018, 10:18:21 PM by Tom65 »

Alex48

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #18 on: April 25, 2018, 09:19:03 PM »
Yes I understand. It seems to me, because it happened to me, that it is more the fear of falling back, that it really happens. I understand that it is also like playing with fire, that is why the need to eviate it. But I do not think we should go back to zero. But one thing is true, we must not treat ourselves badly, but we must be strict in what we do, like the ex-smoker who knows that if he gives a single puff he will smoke again hehe. What works for me is knowing that I am recovering my sex life little by little.
Just a humble opinion!

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #19 on: April 26, 2018, 07:11:44 AM »
Yes I understand. It seems to me, because it happened to me, that it is more the fear of falling back, that it really happens. I understand that it is also like playing with fire, that is why the need to eviate it. But I do not think we should go back to zero. But one thing is true, we must not treat ourselves badly, but we must be strict in what we do, like the ex-smoker who knows that if he gives a single puff he will smoke again hehe. What works for me is knowing that I am recovering my sex life little by little.
Just a humble opinion!

I think that it’s so strange that you know what to do and you don’t.
It’s like you want to fail but you know that you not supposed to.
When I was a child and my mother made cookis, she said take only tree, did I well a few days later there was no Cookiie’s. And then I denied that i took them, I did know by heart that she knows. Any way I denied it was me. I did know I was wrong and did it anyway.
T

Alex48

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #20 on: April 26, 2018, 09:48:40 AM »
You're so right! I think it is part of our human nature !!! And here we are, after having exceeded more than healthy and having to take more rigid attitudes with ourselves, to get out of this situation.
For me, today is like having to decide between two paths, a good sex life or PMO, because both are not reconcilable. What makes me angry sometimes is that I think: there must be many men who do PMO and do not have this problem !!! hehe But hey, we've probably tugged too much on the rope!
I hope you understand my English! it is not my native language

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #21 on: April 26, 2018, 03:53:12 PM »
You're so right! I think it is part of our human nature !!! And here we are, after having exceeded more than healthy and having to take more rigid attitudes with ourselves, to get out of this situation.
For me, today is like having to decide between two paths, a good sex life or PMO, because both are not reconcilable. What makes me angry sometimes is that I think: there must be many men who do PMO and do not have this problem !!! hehe But hey, we've probably tugged too much on the rope!
I hope you understand my English! it is not my native language

It’s perfectly understandable for me! Your English
And there will be relapse under the reboot.
T

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #22 on: April 27, 2018, 03:58:44 PM »
Day 10 of reboot
And day 7 no PMO
It have been a hard time
Did get a mail from some sort of spam and a picture of a lady’s legs and I did get hard.
Well it was only legs in the picture so I guess I can see this as an improvement geting hard of only a picture.
T

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #23 on: April 27, 2018, 11:33:18 PM »
Now I am struggling there is so many feelings and urges that running inside me.
Like I wrote in another post in the forum!

“Like I did this morning had a dream (not a porn) about a woman I meet (before my wife) and the sensual relationship we had. And we never made it in to having sex.
This is normal to think and dream, now I need to NOT take the substitute and watch porn even that my body just screame do it do it. Wife is sleeping and I am wanting to put on the pc and.....”

If I can get true this day I think I can make it.
How do you others endure days like this?

Really Struggling

Totte

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Re: Alea iacta est 52y
« Reply #24 on: April 28, 2018, 07:12:46 AM »
Now I am struggling there is so many feelings and urges that running inside me.
Like I wrote in another post in the forum!

“Like I did this morning had a dream (not a porn) about a woman I meet (before my wife) and the sensual relationship we had. And we never made it in to having sex.
This is normal to think and dream, now I need to NOT take the substitute and watch porn even that my body just screame do it do it. Wife is sleeping and I am wanting to put on the pc and.....”

If I can get true this day I think I can make it.
How do you others endure days like this?

Really Struggling

Confession I just feel! I made it to one week!
And now I will make it longer, this is not a failure it’s a step closer!
One week made me have morning hard-on.
That’s positive! I refuse to see this negative.

Keep on and take one step at a time to the goal.
T