Author Topic: Desperado comes to his senses ...  (Read 1340 times)

Cage Faraday

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Desperado comes to his senses ...
« on: March 13, 2018, 10:33:39 AM »
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet

Now, it seems to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table,
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home

And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows;
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences; open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

Songwriters: Glenn Frey / Don Henley - "The Eagles"


March 28, 2018  10 days PMO FREE complete.


  April 27, 2018  20 days PMO FREE complete.




« Last Edit: April 27, 2018, 08:05:29 AM by Cage Faraday »

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2018, 08:30:55 AM »
DAY 1

I've been here before and here I am again, bruised but wiser.  Went 120+ last year, been serial binging and restarting ever since.  I've re-installed "Pluckeye(Level 2)", cleared all saved files and am ready to move forward.  I curse the day I was introduced to P & MO.  I confess I've allowed these ugly sinful habits to linger, my heart has been corrupted and out of it came my lust for flesh and pleasure to soothe my discomfort, boredom and shame.   I've used PMO to self medicate and numb the feelings of living and it worked, I became numb and disconnected.  I'm ready to reconnect and instead of foolishly trying one more time in my own strength, I'm enlisting RN & Pluckeye as weapons in my defenses.  I admit that on some level I want and enjoy these things that are in fact hurting me, past time to come to my senses...




Day 2

Status:
I Quit PMO.

Notes: 
I noticed right from the start of installing Pluckeye back on my system that I felt a gut level urge to try and search out some porn, to try and penetrate my defenses, but I resisted the urge to try.  Felt anxious for a while before rebuking satan and getting some relief.  Last night I had a dream with an erotic component that was interrupted(thankfully).  I was at a house party of some sort and a woman I didn't recognize was  aggressively trying to perform fellatio on me.  Like most dreams its hard to pinpoint where the dream started, but I felt like I'd been dropped in and landed in that moment.  I wish I could say I immediately resisted, but in the moment I could feel myself getting ready to consent.  Then suddenly things were interrupted and I had to rescue my cat and leave the party.  I know, weird.  As dreams go its not the weirdest I've had, but I'm certain it was my adversary the devil seeking to devour me and drag me back into the pit of PMO.  I'm not going back, I've never been with anyone ever at all except my wife and its going to stay that way.  I also noticed yesterday a strong impulse to check out the ladies, which usually isn't a problem for me, my weakness is being alone with a computer.  This time is different from my previous attempts at PMO freedom, usually it starts out quiet and then the intensity ramps up around day 10, on a monday while my wife is unavailable to me and perhaps we've had a scheduling conflict for fun time.  Then its intense, but this time I've been given the full court press right out of the gate.  Good, I must be doing something right.  Be well my friends, keep up the fight.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:06:18 AM by Cage Faraday »

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2018, 08:09:24 AM »
Day 3

Male
47
258.8
145/83
105

Status:
I Quit PMO.

Notes: 
I had another erotic related dream last night, but to be fair to others I won't share any details, except to say it was an obvious attack from my adversary.  Unlike my previous efforts which were typically quiet for at least a few days, this time is a slug fest all day every day.  I occasionally just get the taste in my mouth for some porn, if you know what I mean.  This battle with PMO is strange, on the one hand I know its bad for me, I know its stealing from me and my wife in many different ways and on one level I do want to be rid of it, but if I'm honest on another level I really, really enjoy it too.  I suppose thats why quitting is so hard for so many of us and why the lasting success rate is so low for recovering addicts of all different stripes.  I can't speak for anyone else and maybe this is true for us all, but for me I've always had a knack for getting lost in thought, just mentally leaving.  I nearly flunked out of 1st grade because I had such a problem with day dreaming, which was a continuing pattern through out my scholastic career and then finally later being diagnosed as ADD, but long after school was a memory.  Everything I've read and learned says its all related, my ADD, my sub-par school performance, my struggle with porn and erotica and my interest in all things that go fast.  One of the components of ADD is low production of dopamine, so us ADDer's tend to seek out risky behavior and careers in an effort to stimulate ourselves into feeling normal, but of course this need leads to fallout in the rest of our lives.  Risky sexual behavior of course can lead to VD, AIDS, infidelity and divorce.  Some get into illicit drugs and crime, which can lead to death and prison.  I'm not sure what life looks like for me post-PMO, I can't take stimulants like most ADDer's because of a sensitivity to artificial stimulants which elevates my heart to dangerous levels.  So I'm a little concerned as to what or how I will be post-PMO without it to elevate me from my natural muted self.  I dunno... ??? 

2:02 pm UPDATE:  Its amazing how the urges coincide with stress.  My wife hurt her knee and is gonna require surgery, my business isn't doing well, bankruptcy is a real possibility, but my gut level want, is to wank myself silly to some porn.  I know it'd only be temporary relief, but here, in this moment, it sounds very enticing.  I'm thankful I reinstalled "Pluckeye" its really keeping me on the rails this time.  I haven't made any efforts to beat my defenses, but just knowing its there, as an obstacle, is comforting and reassuring to me.

« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:06:35 AM by Cage Faraday »

Anothertry

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2018, 07:02:30 AM »
Keep on going.  Not suprised you want this more when you are stressed - who wouldn't long for some escape with all that going on?

I wonder if there are healthier ways of being able to forget about what sounds like a very stressful situation for a while?  We all need time out.

But mostly what I want to say is that I am here, reading this, feeling your pain.  You are not alone in this fight.

Hang in their brother.


Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2018, 08:32:25 AM »
Day 4

Male
47
257.9
139/71
81

Status:
I Quit PMO.

Notes: 
Well Hallelujah!  For the first time in at least a week I had a good night sleep, No erotic dreams, No stress, I feel better and I have hope.  I haven't mentioned it up to this point, but I am a Christian, which makes having this PMO issue an even more serious problem.  I don't like referring to it as a problem, because honestly I see it for what it is, SIN(lust, infidelity, fornication, debauchery, etc...).  Since RN isn't a Christian only or religious based forum out of respect for others and so I won't sound judgemental, I'll just keep calling it a problem, an addiction.  Believe me I have no judgements for anyone struggling with PMO, I know exactly how alluring and addictive it is.  I was introduced to porn when I was 8 by a neighborhood friend, it wasn't something I went looking for.  In the beginning it sounded ludicrous, hilarious and unbelievable as my friend told me about a magazine his dad had where people did everyday things like playing a piano, but without any clothing...  I can still remember the moment, my reaction and then him leading me to where his dads magazines were.  At first seeing those first images was just as funny to me as I thought they'd be, but within a few minutes I could literally feel the dopamine coursing thru my brain, my eyes wide, my palms sweaty and after 30 minutes of turning pages I was literally in a stupor.  Of course at the time I didn't know what was happening to me, but I knew I liked what I saw and I liked what I felt and I knew I wanted more.  Sadly within my friends basement his father had a room dedicated to his seemingly limitless porn collection, stacks and stacks of magazines 2 feet high each.  He had centerfolds that he'd had professionally cut out and placed on wooden plaques hanging on the wall, literally surrounded and immersed in a pornographic pool of images.  From the start I felt a need, a pull, to see more and more.  We'd get together a couple of times a week and waste time flipping thru his erotic library of flesh on parade.  This went on for a few years until cable TV arrived on our street in 1982, I was 12. 

Our house was located in such a way that no TV antenna was tall enough to get reliable reception so my parents got basic cable for our whole house, 3 tv's.  One in the living room, one in my sisters room and one in mine.  Back then it was a plain looking black box with a single knob in the center and only like 30 possible channels.  Being curious I explored all the channels, we didn't get any of the movie channels, but that didn't stop me trying to look thru the distortion on the screen and listen.  Soon I discovered that the last channel was an adult channel and every so often I catch a glimpse of a body part, in motion and with sound...  I had heard friends at school discussing how you could cheat your box and make it give you movies for free, but no one knew how to do it.  With the possibility of seeing naked bodies in motion I was highly motivated and set out to see if I could figure out how to make this happen.  Took the box apart, fiddled around inside and realized the solution was stupid cheap and simple, a 1-1/2 inch long piece of scotch tape blocking the contacts and video porn was mine, 24/7, free and private.  Once the images were in motion and with sound, it wasn't long before my P=Porn progressed to PMO, often... 

So that's how I got started and my progression or digression proceeded like most guys my age, with each advancement in technology brought more opportunity and choice.  At my peak or at the depth of MY depravity I composed erotic stories, erotic recordings and was PMO'ing 3,4 and 5 times a day, even after I got married.  I've made several attempts at quitting and had some successes at times, but when ever a new technology presented itself a new wave of addiction returned.  Mags to Cable to VHS to Internet and DVD, then add in the stresses of life and self medicating was easy and readily available.  When I was introduced to the web in 1998, my third search ever(15 minutes) was for porn.  So anyway that's my story in a nutshell or nut-bag depending on your view point; I'm 47, married, ADD and quitting PMO for the last time.

Be well.

« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:06:52 AM by Cage Faraday »

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2018, 10:16:19 AM »
Day 5

Male
47
257.9
139/71
81

Status:
I Quit PMO.

Notes: 
Slept pretty good last night, had some cravings yesterday but never acted on any.  Have an appointment for my wife to see the orthopedic surgeon on Monday and hopefully surgery will follow quickly there after.  I guess that's all there is to report, just simmering in my own desires letting the clock tick, tick-tock, tick-tock... 

2 Timothy 2:22 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

22 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

Be well as we flee from youthful lusts together, though it may cause discomfort at times.

« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:07:09 AM by Cage Faraday »

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2018, 11:00:12 AM »
Day 6

Male
47
257.9
139/71
81

Status:
I Quit PMO.

Notes: 
Slept good, no more erotic dreams.  I have had some impulses to search for videos now and then, but I've resisted.  I wonder if these urges, these temptations decrease over time, I'd hate to think I have to maintain this level of resistance perpetually.  Honestly a part of me still really wants to dive in head first, but I know what awaits on the other side.  If I did dive in it'd be a few hours wasted searching, edging, followed by 4 or 5 rounds of M to O.  Then afterwards the guilt, the shame and regret would come roaring back and I'd hate myself.  This cycle must be broken, I just hope what I'm left with will be satisfying.  Here, mid-stream is the worst, I have memories of the past and what it can offer, but no clear idea of the future. 

I love the show, "Elementary" and the parallels of Sherlock's heroin addiction to the addiction of porn.  I remember in season 2 I think it is, he remarks to Joan that his addiction is like a leaky faucet and now he's been sober for 2 years and the most his sobriety can offer is not to drip...  I hope and pray there is more at the end of this slog, than simply a faucet that doesn't drip anymore.  I need more.  Please God, let there be more.

[/quote]
« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:07:23 AM by Cage Faraday »

seneca

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2018, 12:17:37 PM »
Quitting pmo and water fasting at the same time? Hate to tell you this good buddy, but that may be tough on a fellow.  A man has only so much will power. 

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2018, 09:53:37 PM »
Quitting pmo and water fasting at the same time? Hate to tell you this good buddy, but that may be tough on a fellow.  A man has only so much will power.
It is tough.  I've actually had a meal here or there opting to make PMO the primary focus.  My health needs the fast, no doubt and I only caved on the meal after going grocery shopping for my wife who is down with a busted knee.  We see the Ortho-surgeon tomorrow @ 3.  I've done the water fasting before and usually by day 3 it gets easier.  Thanks for the encouragement and words of cautious wisdom, I'm listening. ;D  I do confess some frustration, my wife has been struggling with illness and injury and chronic allergic reactions for several years, our sex life has been declining and sporadic at best and the PMO was one way how I coped.  I know its no excuse and I honestly know my wife still finds me attractive and wishes we could return to our former vigorous selves as much as I do, but sometimes it seems to be slipping further away instead of regaining lost ground.  Its hard not to get down and this afternoon I gave in a looked at a few clips, no MO took place, but I know that dopamine was still released and it effected me.  I have Pluckeye installed, but I had it set for 4 hours so I could do some maintenance and while it was down I caved in.  Just got finished deleting the files and I'm resetting the timer to 40 days instead of hours.  I try not to complain or mention my sex life as I've seen other men on here who've gone without for years, so my sporadic love making would be a dream to them, instead of something to mourn the decline of... :'(  Sometimes I think its harder having someone so close, under the same roof, in the same bed and not be able to enjoy ourselves the way we once did and long to again.  Its no excuse, the responsibility is mine, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.  So we begin again, Day 1.

TakeActionNow

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2018, 12:12:10 AM »
Cage,
Recovery is not a straightforward process. There will always be ups and downs. Setbacks should not set you back. Instead they are invaluable experience to understand yourself better.

Keep going my friend.
Dont worry about the number of days.
Focus on improving and improvement plans.
You'd find that you have many other things to work on beyond pmo.
Its wonderful to finnal reconnect with yourself.
Life is more meaningful when we extricate ourselves from addiction.
Let this be your main focus: self connection.

Keep up.your water fasting. This is great. What are the reasons for water fast?
« Last Edit: March 19, 2018, 12:13:55 AM by TakeActionNow »
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #10 on: March 19, 2018, 07:56:09 AM »
Day 1.1

Male
47
257.9
139/71
81

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Regardless of my setback yesterday I am still committed to being free of PMO and excited about moving into the next phase of my life.  I am currently facing many storms financial, physical and spiritual.  My decision to water fast is rooted in everything I mentioned, I want to reboot, my body, my mind and my spirit.  I no longer wish to be who I've been, but I'm not sure what "me" will look like on the other side, I just know I can't continue with how and who I've been.  My biggest hope and prayer is for my wife's health that only God knows for sure what it actually is, not to mention her physical disabilities and injuries.  If I had half my wife's strength I wouldn't be here on RN, but I don't. 

As a child I was labeled a day dreamer, my teacher told my parents I was most likely going to dig ditches or pick up trash, I was told by my father I was too destructive and that I never finish anything.  I can still see myself in my mind, what I was doing when he said it.  My father isn't a mean man, but needless to say he never really understood me, but I'm sure he did the best he could.  So far I have done a good job at wrecking things and failing to complete projects I've begun.  My pastor and my wife both tell me that I should just forget what he said, but every time things start to cave in on me I hear his words again and more often than not, I walk away.  I know I sound depressed this morning and I am, but its one of the typical phases I go thru after a setback.  By tomorrow I will have re-summoned my enthusiasm and focus and be back on track in earnest.  I've never understood why its so important to me to win my father's approval, when I know its unattainable.  But still I go back again and again hoping this time I'll get it right...

« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:07:44 AM by Cage Faraday »

seneca

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #11 on: March 19, 2018, 10:10:52 AM »
Being on RN isn’t a sign of lack of strength, my friend.   I am proud of it.  I screwed up a long time ago and damaged my brain through high speed P and PMO. Now I’m manning up and doing whatever it takes to quit.  You are doing the same and I admire your efforts just as I admire those of every other man here.  We are doing the right thing despite our setbacks and stumbles. 

TakeActionNow

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #12 on: March 19, 2018, 11:28:14 AM »
I think you want to win your father's approval becasue you love deeply and felt that you've disappointed him. I too want to win approval of the girl i loved deeply who left me.

Ultimately we need to learn to accept reality and let go.

Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2018, 08:42:46 AM »
Day 2.1

Male
47
257.9
139/71
81

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Thanks for all the encouragement, guys.  Doc says my wife needs knee surgery which is scheduled for Thursday.  The knee surgery is actually a blessing as she has needed it repaired for a long time.  We'll be on 60% of her income for the next 6+ weeks, so needless to say, some added stress, but I know we'll make it thru.  I made the necessary changes to "Pluckeye" and set the time frame at 40 days.

« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:07:58 AM by Cage Faraday »

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2018, 05:33:37 AM »
Day 3.1

Male
47
257.9
139/71
81

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Day 3.1, just getting prepared for my wife's surgery tomorrow.  We're actually calm, but OMG retired parents are draining.  I'm 47 and being instructed on how to take care of my wife of 23 years... 

"Put gas in car, buy lots of food, don't leave her alone, be afraid, be very afraid, sob-sob, this is terrible, why did this happen?" 

I'm actually relieved this happened, she's needed her knee stabilized since she was a teenager and it was never taken care of.  Now it will be fixed and she can live with less pain and more mobility.  I pray I never have to retire, it totally screws folks up, fear takes over when you have nothing to do but ponder what MIGHT happen.  I will say with all this going on, PMO is the furthest thing from my mind, but its usually quiet for at least a week after a fall.  My short term goal is to eclipse 10 days, then 21 days and then on to day 40 benchmark. 

Be well my fellow booters, we march into history.

« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:08:09 AM by Cage Faraday »

seneca

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #15 on: March 21, 2018, 12:33:24 PM »
Cage, your wife will be happier and her life will be better.  She’s still your in laws little girl. Nothing can be done about that.  Just keep on the right track and everything will go well for you. 

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #16 on: March 21, 2018, 01:26:48 PM »
Cage, your wife will be happier and her life will be better.  She’s still your in laws little girl. Nothing can be done about that.  Just keep on the right track and everything will go well for you.
Thanks, but ironically its MY mother giving me tips on taking care of my wife.  LOL  She retired recently and she isn't one to sit still for long, but she's great.
« Last Edit: March 21, 2018, 03:05:43 PM by Cage Faraday »

seneca

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #17 on: March 21, 2018, 11:16:45 PM »
Oh, that’s funny. 

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #18 on: March 22, 2018, 11:34:42 AM »
Day 4.1

Male
47
257.9
139/71
81

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Back from surgery, didn't go as well as hoped but her knee will be better than it was.  I'm doing well, too much to do, to worry about stupidness like PMO.  Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot.

Later

[/quote]
« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:08:35 AM by Cage Faraday »

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #19 on: March 23, 2018, 12:16:15 PM »
Day 5.1

Male
47
257.9
139/71
81

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Back from first day of physical therapy, things are looking good and the surgery was actually a bigger success than first understood.  They couldn't repair her meniscus, but they were able to clean it up and replace her ACL.  What that means is a shorter and easier recovery than if they had repaired the meniscus, which would've been 6 weeks minimum before returning to work instead of 2 weeks.  We still face a financial hill, but I'm confident we will weather the storm.  It may be cliche' but, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and I believe that.  I also know without a doubt everything is in God's hands and his time table and purpose.  Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot.  Also halfway to my first milestone of 10 days NO PMO.

Later

« Last Edit: March 27, 2018, 06:08:48 AM by Cage Faraday »

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #20 on: March 24, 2018, 01:17:52 PM »
Day 6.1

Male
47
254.7
128/81
87

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
It's been quiet, no immense urges, but I have been busy with caring for my wife post knee surgery.  The few times anything has tried to enter my mind I swiftly bat it down and rebuke satan in Jesus name, harshly.  This all boils down to a battle of thoughts, a battle in the mind, if you earnestly and consistently take your thoughts captive it is a battle that can be one.  Consistency is the key and that's the kicker, if you try and play with the slightest thought, either fantasy or memory, just once, it could and often does destroy a streak.  I hate streaks, I want to be one and done, but practicing self control in many areas is a problem for me and I confess that.  Thats also the reason for my water fast, I need to take control, master my sins and stop living passively.

Later


IWantToLive

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #21 on: March 24, 2018, 01:35:42 PM »
Good of you to make yourself busy for a worthy cause.

That's what love is all about, taking care of your spouse when they need care.

I am a foodie so can't imagine doing a water fast but my best wishes to you on that front as well.

I think I sense an old friend of mine E....man in you, but that may be just me hallucinating :)

Keep going strong!
When the going gets tough, the tough get going

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #22 on: March 24, 2018, 05:10:50 PM »
Good of you to make yourself busy for a worthy cause.

That's what love is all about, taking care of your spouse when they need care.

I am a foodie so can't imagine doing a water fast but my best wishes to you on that front as well.

I think I sense an old friend of mine E....man in you, but that may be just me hallucinating :)

Keep going strong!
You got me.  Just can't stay away.

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #23 on: March 25, 2018, 10:56:56 AM »
Day 7.1

Male
47
254.7
128/81
87

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 7th day PMO FREE, the same length of time as my last fall.  Today I do feel some physical urges, havent had many mental attacks, but I am aware of my junk today.  I'm 3 days from my first goal of 10 days and I'm excited to be this close.  In conjunction with my water fasting I've begun reminding myself that success means acknowledging that, to achieve what I want I have to accept the fact that,

 "I will feel some pain, I will be uncomfortable at times and I must master my urges." 

This is the price I must pay for all the pleasure I have stolen.  In my mind I imagine that a normal brain is like an apartment with a flat floor all the way across.  A man stands on one side of the room and assorted temptations are on the other and as long as you stay on your side the temptations have minimal pull.  Every time I have given in to the temptations the floor tilted a little bit that way and with each progressive indulgence the floor has titled that much more.  Over time I have become inclined to just drift towards the temptations, drawn by naturally by gravity and thus that side of the room becoming the easiest place to be.  Now I'm attempting to get back to the other side of the room, but the re-leveling of the room isn't an instant happening.  It takes time and effort to stay at the top edge of the room where I want to be as I wait on the room to return to level.  My use of "Pluckeye" is like me lashing myself to the wall so when my arms get weak and my resistance wears thin, my pluckeye safety harness holds me safely at the top edge of the room while I rest and regain my footing.

Later

P.S.

Something else I've discovered in using "PLUCKEYE", when I set it up I told it which websites were to be blocked and I only allowed my self to go to the sites I use to pay bills, the sites I do my work thru and RN.  What i forgot were the other message boards and news sites I frequent which I'm currently blocked out of.  What I've discovered is that I must be addicted to them in some way as I found myself at times getting frustrated when I want to go there and can't.  So happy side effect is I'm cleaning house in other ways I hadn't planned.

« Last Edit: March 25, 2018, 11:03:30 AM by Cage Faraday »

Cage Faraday

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Re: Desperado comes to his senses ...
« Reply #24 on: March 26, 2018, 09:41:33 AM »
Day 8.1

Male
47
254.7
128/81
87

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 8th day PMO FREE, I've surpassed my previous fall of 7 days.  Yesterday I had some urges, some random thoughts, but stayed the course.  Whether you want to argue its just my brain messing with me or satan tempting me, I don't care, I say its both.  I'm so glad I am using pluckeye this time, it really helps during my weaker moments.  Follow me, this way to the exit.

Later