Author Topic: The summer of a dormouse  (Read 1660 times)

Moth-head

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Re: The summer of a dormouse
« Reply #50 on: June 25, 2018, 04:03:23 PM »
Day 120

Had a couple of close calls over the last couple of days.

The first was a job offer I had to do an erotic drawing for an old client. He was offering good money, but I knew his stuff was pretty NSFW, so I told him I was only taking on jobs that were not sexual. It was tempting, because I could convince myself it was only for a job, but I know that I have to get reference pics for these types of drawings and those pics have, in the past, always come from porn. my drawing sessions were very often accompanied, if not over taken by, extended porn sessions. In the end I turned the job down. Client was not happy, but I think I saved myself from a big pitfall.

The second was some research I am doing for a story I am writing. It involves some risque films made in the 1920s. I wanted to do a little research to see the kind of thing they had in those films. I was expecting flapper girls, possibly in their underwear. Who knew they made porn in the 1920s? It also took me onto a porn site with loads of links to other videos. I canned the thumbnails, but got out of there pretty quickly.

I feel guilty that I ended up on a porn site, and part of me knows that when I clicked the link I was probably going to end up on said porn site. I am happy I was able to shut it down though before any PMO was attempted.

Apparently I am not to be trusted at the moment, so I am entering a state of heightened vigilance.

Until next time...

Moth-head

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Re: The summer of a dormouse
« Reply #51 on: July 11, 2018, 03:59:20 PM »
Day 135

Just a quick check in to say I fought through the tough times. Once the stressed dropped away the urges mostly went with it. It also helped to get away for a while and have a break somewhere with limited internet access. Now that I am back ad rested, I seem to be having some smooth sailing again. Really eager to reach my 6 month goal now!

Moth-head

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Re: The summer of a dormouse
« Reply #52 on: July 16, 2018, 03:11:08 PM »
Day 140

Entered some dangerous territory. Had to do some research of figure poses for an art commission I was working on. Found my way back into a porn site and got blasted with some very graphic pop ups. the good news is I managed to ignore the pop ups and the urge to fap. I did a bit longer than I would have liked getting the reference pics though, and I will have to reconsider that kind of work. I thought it would be okay because it involved only implied nudes. Unfortunately there is not a lot of gray area on the Internet between what might go in a sports illustrated swimwear edition and would make even a hardened pornstar go a bit weak at the knees. I have to remember that.

Anyway, the upside is there was no edging or PMO and I got out of there and have not gone back. I am rededicating myself to projects that do not require me to draw scantily clad women, even though that is a genre I particularly enjoy working in, and has proven to be one of my most lucrative over the years.

I had an old client write to me the other day to ask me to do the kind of work I used to do and I had to turn him down because, as I explained, It would require me to do some research on porn sites to draw the right poses, etc. He was pretty pissed off and it was hard to turn down a paying job, but I feel stronger that I did it. He was unwilling to hire me to draw something less sexual and I am pretty certain I have lost a client. I have been trying to adjust my output, but I am not attracting as many clients as I did when I was drawing more explicit stuff. Hopefully this changes, or else I can develop a new outlet for my talents, because it is really nice to get paid for work I enjoy doing anyway.

Moth-head

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Re: The summer of a dormouse
« Reply #53 on: July 19, 2018, 03:42:12 PM »
Day 143

I just want to reiterate, for anyone out there still having doubts. Sex post reboot is infinitely better.

The times I have been having sex with the wife have been so much better. No ED and no DE.

Last night the wife was on top, which is something I have had problems with in the past due to not being able to maintain an solid erection throughout/ This time it was incredible, definitely one of the best sexual experiences of my life. Great to know I don;t have to be stuck with missionary my whole life just because it was the only was I could keep a decent hard on.

And, I have said it before, it is way more intense when you are actually present and not flicking through your porn highlights reel looking to speed up your DE. It makes sex fun again.

Wishing all of you rebooters similar success.

Moth-head

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Re: The summer of a dormouse
« Reply #54 on: July 29, 2018, 03:25:09 PM »
DAY 154

Been having a good run, porn-wise. Temptation has been low and I have avoided silly online tricks that can start me on the porn track. Sex with the wife is still great, and while the frequency is not as high as I would like (but what married man cannot say that?) it is infinitely better than my porn addiction days. I feel like I can properly lose myself in the act, and not just try to imagine other people doing what I am actually doing.

The best discovery I made was a free 3D modelling app I stumbled across. I have mentioned before that I make extra money doing NSFW art commissions. I need reference material to draw my pics and, in the past, this has always come from porn. It was usually soft porn, but that always started the porn-spiral.

Now, with the 3D modelling tools I can create reference figures exactly how I want and, best of all, I do not have to go perusing porn sites looking for reference pics. It means I can still earn a bit of extra income, do something I actually enjoy doing, and remove the porn from the equation. It has been a huge revelation for me.

Can't believe I am approaching nearly 6 months without a PMO. This crushes any previous attempt by months. Determined to make it to a year so that I can move over to the "Success story" side of the board and stay there. I have been inspired by the achievements of so many who have beaten this thing, I really hope I can do the same for someone else one day.

Moth-head

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Re: The summer of a dormouse
« Reply #55 on: August 17, 2018, 03:45:10 PM »
DAY 173

Had a really stressful last couple of weeks. I have no doubt that is my porn trigger, because the desire to go back has been increasing. Hoping now that the work stress is less the pressure will be less. Still I made it through without a PMO or visiting any pornsites and I am a week away from my 180 day goal!

Moth-head

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Re: The summer of a dormouse
« Reply #56 on: August 28, 2018, 02:49:31 PM »
6 MONTHS!

If you asked me 6 months ago if I thought I could go 6 months without a PMO I would have called you crazy. It has not been an easy ride, but it has been totally worth it.

Things I know have changed for the better:

1. Sex life - can't even be compared to my PA days. A dick that stays hard and that I have some control over when I reach my climax is almost like finding you have had hidden superpowers all along. Sure, after 7 years of marriage and 2 young kids we probably don't get down to it as much as I would like, but when we do it is the best either of us has had.

2. Productivity - I have been getting more work done on personal projects, and one of my passion projects is nearing completion now, for the first time ever. This is despite a crazy workload and 2 young kids who demand a lot of time.

3. Self-worth - I no longer have to feel depressed about the hours I waste fapping every night when I should be doing productive stuff. I no longer feel like I am cheating on my wife in some way and I no longer have to worry about my family going through my pc if I should happen to die in a freak accident and discovering my secret life.

I am sure there are more, but I cannot think of them for now.

It has been a great feeling to come so far and feel the benefits. I really hope that those of you out there still struggling in the early stages can stick it out and get to this point. Stay strong

imaquitter

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Re: The summer of a dormouse
« Reply #57 on: September 13, 2018, 01:59:51 PM »
Great achievement! I can relate to a lot in your journal. I didn't use porn so much and I have doubted I'll ever be clean. Your history really encourages me!
First and last real reboot 29. August 2018