Author Topic: The party is over  (Read 7646 times)

seneca

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The party is over
« on: January 21, 2018, 11:56:11 PM »
Last year I was clean from January through September.  It was a wonderfully productive and healthy period, one of the best times of my life. Not only for me, but also for my wife.  But since then it has been three days, fail,  two weeks fail, two days, fail, etc.   I’ve read the books and wa he’d the videos, but still I am not getting traction.  I think the problem is that I am operating in a vacuum.  Maybe with this forum I can get back on track. 

Skeeter53

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2018, 04:01:14 PM »
Good luck to you Seneca. I think you should look at what you wrote. You said the 9 months you were clean was one of the best times of your life, not only for you, but also for your wife. You should use that as motivation to get back there. I know that my biggest fear is that quitting porn won’t make a difference in my life. Your words give me hope that it will. I hope you get back there soon.

unchained

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2018, 05:01:39 PM »
Hey Seneca.

January through September is an impressive feat and a really long stretch.  There's no way you did that on willpower alone.  You must have been doing things (many things) right.

I know what it's like to start again and feel that it's hard to get traction.  Look back at what was working for you before and reimplement some of the tools that you helped you succeed last year.

Good luck

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2018, 09:54:55 AM »
Good luck to you Seneca. I think you should look at what you wrote. You said the 9 months you were clean was one of the best times of your life, not only for you, but also for your wife. You should use that as motivation to get back there. I know that my biggest fear is that quitting porn won’t make a difference in my life. Your words give me hope that it will. I hope you get back there soon.

Very wise, Skeeter. I am so glad you pointed that out.  I guess it’s my generally selfish nature that allowed me to miss it.  Pretty sick when you think about it.  But I do remember how happy my wife was during that period. I was vastly more attentive.  I was confident in my ability to have sex at any time. I didn’t have to lie about being late. I did not have to worry that I wouldn’t be able to perform. It was a great time for her.

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2018, 09:59:40 AM »
Hey Seneca.

January through September is an impressive feat and a really long stretch.  There's no way you did that on willpower alone.  You must have been doing things (many things) right.

I know what it's like to start again and feel that it's hard to get traction.  Look back at what was working for you before and reimplement some of the tools that you helped you succeed last year.

Good luck
Greatly appreciated, unchained.  I’ve looked at my journals during that time and they give no clue except that I was happy and strong. Oh, wait.  Here it is.  Controlling thoughts was the key.  I always start by accessing the porn in my mental hard drive.  From there it’s not a slippery slope, but rather a cliff. That’s pretty much it.

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2018, 10:04:58 AM »
4 days.  Every journey begins yadayada.  But I know one thing. I’ m feeling darned happy!

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2018, 10:11:13 AM »
Day 5.  It’s like a relief. No real changes yet. But I love walking down the street thinking i’m A guy who doesn’t use porn.

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2018, 10:01:25 AM »
Day 6.  What the hey.  Going well. No pmo. No porn subs. Way too early for pontificatorus  Rex to emerge.  That’ll be at about 20.   :)

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2018, 09:52:58 AM »
Day 9. This is fun.  No withdrawals besides good old flatline. 9 productive days.  And good news. I have a local, longtime friend who is getting on board with me. We text each other daily with our count. Great motivation.

joepanic

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2018, 10:07:24 AM »
Hey Seneca  Congrats   reach for the phsycological   #10  by tomorrow   What I like to call small victories   add them all up and you win the war with this monster   What do ya have planned for the day?  And def is a big help to have a local wingman  who's got your back

     Cheers  and gooooood luck  today

                  Post often  it helps me it helps you

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #10 on: January 30, 2018, 01:10:39 AM »
How am I going to celebrate big 10? By rockin some porn, how else? No, i’m Joking, jp.  10 really isn’t that much. But damn, if I were into the shit, I would easily have wasted 10 hours in the last ten days.  Imagine what I was able to get done with an extra ten hours. It’s been pretty sweet.

joepanic

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #11 on: January 30, 2018, 06:48:40 AM »
Thats about how Ive been looking at it  "TIME"  getting my time back is a big thing  is time I can use building confidence in myself     time doing the things I always wanted to do   So celebrate doing something you wanted to do

      Cheers

               Post often it helps me it helps you

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2018, 10:06:06 AM »
10 days.  Feeling good and strong. It helps being accountable. I’ll get into a bit of detail when I hit 20.

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #13 on: February 01, 2018, 12:33:49 AM »
Day 11. So far so good.  It all starts with thoughts. Control the thoughts.  Don’t play fantasy.

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #14 on: February 02, 2018, 01:09:49 AM »
Day 12.  Very good.  Feeling great.  Not thinking about porn at all   

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2018, 10:08:36 AM »
Day 13.   Feeling great. No edging. Relapse always starts with edging.  It’s a true gateway drug.  Real edging starts in my head with fantasy.  Just control that. 

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #16 on: February 04, 2018, 12:42:46 AM »
Day 14. Saturday’s are tough. I usually have at least four hours of time that is both unaccountable and private.  Today was no different. But I kept in mind that I am fighting for my gray matter, my very brain.  I can give away my reward center cell by cell, or I can refuse the porn producers, and keep it all for myself.  I refused to entertain fantasies I refused to access that massive collection of porn in my mental hard drive. 

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #17 on: February 04, 2018, 04:50:42 PM »
Day 15.   Saturday is a hurdle.  sunday is easy because I’m never alone. Being accountable helps a lot.  Something as simple as this forum provides a certain degree of accountability. Even though it is anonymous, there is a certain desire not to let other men down, or perhaps not to look weak or failing myself. 

joepanic

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #18 on: February 05, 2018, 12:18:54 AM »
Hey Seneca

           2 weeks  way to go    I find that coming to this site just helps me remember that I have a goal to reach  keeps it at the forefront  of my thinking   and its nice to cheer on others and be cheered on     How are you finding the urges  I find mine being less all he time  although   they pop up at the damdest of times

      Good luck on your 3rd week

      cheers


          Post often it helps me it helps you

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #19 on: February 05, 2018, 11:21:32 AM »
Day 16. Thanks jp. I have a lot of experience in blowing it. So how do I ah doe urges?
1 define them. I saw this or that, and now I am thinking about this or that. Maybe I am playing about an old reliable fantasy, or going back to relive some old experience. But it is still me intentionally playing out what is basically a mental porn movie.  I can start it, and I can stop it.  I have the power and control to turn off the projector and turn my mind to more noble pursuits. 
I often turn my mind to my heroes and how they would behave.
So if it’s that easy,  why do I screw up? Hubris, my friend. I’m healed. I’ve got 16 days. I’m strong. I can handle a little taste.  And then it’s over. 

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #20 on: February 06, 2018, 10:43:30 AM »
Day 17.  Have a healthy regard for the enemy. Not fear, but high awareness of its power.

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #21 on: February 07, 2018, 09:50:19 AM »
Day 18.  This is quite the flatline, I think.  To be expected.  Should end soon.  My job is to control my thoughts. Be aware of unhealthy or dangerous environments. This is the only way I can be the best man I can be.

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #22 on: February 09, 2018, 01:11:37 AM »
Day 19 this is Avery good way to live.

seneca

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #23 on: February 09, 2018, 07:40:04 PM »
Day 20.  Feeling great, but still don’t have enough time in. Don’t feel comfortable pontificating or how to stay clean etc. 

TakeActionNow

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Re: The party is over
« Reply #24 on: February 09, 2018, 09:30:11 PM »
Seneca,
your words and voice are your guide.
The more you verbalize what you want to be, the more you will be able to get there.

Do not worry about what others think.
Trust your own voice.
Speak out often and loudly where you want to be.
You will get there.

You are the best.
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

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