Author Topic: New to this  (Read 2467 times)

Skeeter53

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New to this
« on: January 15, 2018, 10:19:57 AM »
Single, gay guy in my 50s.  I’ve known that I have an unhealthy reliance on porn for a long time. Since I’m single, most of my sexual interactions are hookups. Lately I’ve had difficulty getting hard during these encounters. 

I generally PMO daily. I tend to do it out of boredom or frustration. I always fap with porn; I don’t even try to do it without porn. Even with porn, I am experiencing ED.

I stumbled onto this web page the other day and decided to give it a try. I haven’t viewed porn since New Year’s Eve. Interestingly enough, I have not had any problems abstaining from porn.  I deleted all my links and I haven’t tried to access porn, although I notice that when I see a picture of someone I find attractive I get a little rush. I realize this is related so when it happens I shut it down.

I definitely have no libido.  I have had morning wood a couple of times since I stopped. I did MO the other day without porn or any other mental stimulation; just physical. I was successful. But I forced myself to do it; it wasn’t because I was horny. I just wanted to see if I could.

I’m a little concerned with what I’m experiencing. I have definitely flatlined, but I have very little temptation to watch porn. From what I’ve read, I would expect more temptation. Maybe it will get more difficult. Any advice?

unchained

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Re: New to this
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2018, 11:15:43 AM »
Hi Skeeter,
What you are experiencing is pretty much normal.  Try not to worry about or overthink what is happening.  Just relax and stay away from porn, you will be fine.

When I made my 1st attempt to quit porn I worried about my dick constantly.  Even though I wasn't using porn I couldn't resist the urge to test my erections when in the shower which usually led to MO.  Later I finally realized that this process becomes easier if you just learn to leave it alone.  Don't worry about checking to see if it works and you will see real results quicker.

Good luck.  So far you have had a porn free 2018.  Congratulations!

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2018, 06:57:28 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement, Unchained

joepanic

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Re: New to this
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2018, 04:28:25 PM »
16 days    way to go   I think you will find it easier as time goes on   I certainly am  and im on day 26 now   just short of a month   I flatlined for a few days at best    I am married so have the stimulation of watching my wife change  which is perfectly fine   it does not lead me anywhere else    The most important thing for me was finding things to do  that could have the same amount of pleasure and stimulation as porn   and its working but my concentration  levels  and  focus on them is still reletivly short(i'm a musician  who lost way to many hours of not playing to porn)  and i even find it hard still to tell myself i need to play for 2 hours  I could easily surf porn for that  but this is a bit harder   but it is getting better for sure    find your hobbies   and start to dig into them deeper for the moment   I'm sure your anxieties will begin to lesson over time

       lots of friends here  for support  read lots  and learn


         Post often  it helps me it helps you

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2018, 08:40:49 PM »
Thanks Joe. I read your journal and saw myself in some of your history. 

One of the things that I didn’t mention in my original post is that I met someone recently who I formed an immediate connection with. Unfortunately we weren’t able to pursue a relationship because of distance. So I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of loss for what could have been. On the one hand I’m happy to know that I’m still capable of caring about someone, but on the other hand I can’t help but feel that this was my last chance for a relationship. The strange thing is that I wasn’t too interested in a relationship before he came along.

I realize that I’m in no condition to start a relationship. I need to fix this problem before I begin to think about one. I can use that as motivation, but I feel so alone that I almost wonder what’s the use. If I’m going to be alone forever, who cares if I can function sexually.  I realize that a big reason I’m feeling this way is because I allowed porn to be my substitute for a relationship. It didn’t seem necessary because I satisfied all my needs with PMO.  It seems like I dug my own grave.

I’m on day 16 and I’m going to keep at it, but the emotional part is so much harder for me right now that abstaining.

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2018, 04:03:53 PM »
Today is day 17. I had a rough night last night as you can see from my post above. I resorted to a dating app to connect with someone I haven’t talked to in a few weeks. Big mistake. Our conversation turned sexual (but no pics), and then I realized I needed to bail. I had every intention of relieving myself through MO, but I decided not to because I was afraid of falling back into my normal pattern. I went to bed but woke up several times during the night. Interestingly enough, I had major wood every time I woke up. Not sure when the last time that happened, but I was pretty happy about.

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2018, 06:23:40 PM »
18 days porn free.  I have a question for everyone. It seems like most guys are going PMO free, while I’ve MO three times without P or any other triggers. I’ve done it only when I’m truly horny, whereas in the past I never got horny. Does anyone think I’m doing this wrong by allowing myself MO on occasion?  I’m single so I don’t have any other outlet right now. Thoughts?

unchained

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Re: New to this
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2018, 08:24:55 PM »
It is generally accepted that the process is faster if you stay away from MO as well as porn.  That said, it is porn that has fucked up your brain, not MO.

The problem I had in the past was that MO led to fantasy which drew me back to porn.  Eventually I gave in to the fact that I had to quit MO as well.

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2018, 09:42:27 PM »
Thanks unchained, I appreciate your insight. I’m really surprised how little temptation I’ve had for porn since I stopped. I’ve gone one month without porn twice and went another two months once in the past. I had a lot of temptation during those times and really wasn’t able to MO without porn or thinking about porn. This time has been different, because I’ve been able to MO without porn or any thought of porn.  I just concentrated on how it felt physically. I’m really happy about that but I’m a little worried that it might not last. I’ll definitely consider it though.

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2018, 05:17:03 PM »
I had an interesting revelation today. I haven’t viewed porn in 20 days and have not been tempted to. However, while surfing the web today, I saw some pictures that I noticed had the same impact on me as porn does. They weren’t pornagraphic at all, but they definitely triggered something in me. I almost MOed, but it scared me a little, so I decided not to. I now see what some others have written about triggers. Interesting how the brain works.

TakeActionNow

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Re: New to this
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2018, 10:31:45 PM »
Skeeter,

it is good to start writing about everything except PMO.
PMO is a habit, and this habit must die
Habits are like living things, only that it lives off of repetition and reminders.
The more focus we give to it, the more it trives and occupies our mind and attention.

Do write more of your life outside of PMO
Gradually increase to ratio from 50:50 to 75:25 to 99:1
It happens when you pay more attention to life outside of PMO
Keep going until your entire being is fully dedicated to anything but PMO, and that is the awesome day PMO dies and drop out of your body like the dead unwanted parasite that keeps on clinging onto your skin.

That is our graduation day.
No longer a student working for the certificate of addiction freedom, but a graduate free from dependence on anti-addiction school.
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2018, 04:15:08 PM »
22 days P free. I think I’ve been flatlining for the last few days. Im forcing myself to get out of the house and interact with other people. It’s helping. Im in a much better place than I was last week.

unchained

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Re: New to this
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2018, 04:45:28 PM »
Good job getting past three weeks.

A flatline is not always such a horrible thing.  Sometimes the low libido makes it easier to not think of porn.

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2018, 08:23:22 AM »
Today marks a full month without porn. I’ve MO’d 3 times, but without porn. I never intended to NoFap, so I don’t consider that a problem, although others might. I don’t really have much temptation to view porn, so I’m happy about that. MW has returned for the most part. Libido is slowly returning but I think I have a long way to go in that department.

I’ve gone two months without porn once in the past, so that is my next goal. February being a short month should help, lol.

I’ve noticed some triggers over the last month, so I plan to work on that over the next month.

Alex48

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Re: New to this
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2018, 11:03:20 AM »
hi Skeeter53. My situation is almost a copy of yours. I'm gay, approaching 50 and without partner for some years. PMO became, as you say, a substitute for a relationship. In my case, I want to be with someone again. But I spent many years in which I spent a lot of time in my house studying for a new career, and PMO became a sweet at my fingertips. I ended up experienced ED in the last three encounters. I felt terrible. Now I have 110 days without PMO, and physically I realize that I am like a bull, every morning wood.
My fear now is to try again a sexual encounter, and the point is that at our age it seems that the only way that works is the app of meetings, which are not the most interesting for me. So looking waht to do.
I recommend the hard mode, not P, M and O. You end up getting used to it. Later you see how you continue. At first I could not believe it was not M for 3 months, but it gets along well.
Sorry of my english!!!!

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2018, 11:35:59 PM »
Definitely a similar story. I’m thinking of trying NoFap for February. Why not take it up a notch? Thx for the advice Alex.

Alex48

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Re: New to this
« Reply #16 on: February 01, 2018, 07:31:29 AM »
That s good idea!
I found something interesting about MO, reading an articles in this site. The thing is that when you MO you have to take care about two things: One is that you do MO you can connect directly to the desire to use P, and that s not a good idea. The other is about something they call "catcher effect",it s when you MO once, and after that you want once and once and again, that could difficult you recovery (y remember perfectly this feeling in the past).
I'm telling you just to consider it. I don t have the true hehe, but mostly men here advice to not MO too in the 90 days.
hugs

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #17 on: February 07, 2018, 05:44:40 PM »
38 days and counting. I really am not tempted at all, although there have been a couple of times where I’ve seen some soft images on non porn web sites. I quickly shut them down without escalating. I don’t think I’ve been in a flatline for a while. Interesting thing is that I feel altogether happier with life.

Alex48

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Re: New to this
« Reply #18 on: February 09, 2018, 11:15:50 AM »
Good Skeeter53! That s the way. Continue with the plan. I m 120 days without PMO and y feel very good!!!

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #19 on: February 19, 2018, 09:31:09 AM »
Today is day 50. I truly feel no temptation to watch porn, but I’m in a weird spot. In some ways I see progress but in other ways not so much. I was on vacation for a week and spent a lot of time on a dating app with the intention of hooking up. It never happened, but I feel like it set me back in some way. On the other hand, I went out to a bar last night. I felt so much more confident and open; I actually spoke to people instead of closing myself off like I usually do. It felt good. I guess it tells me that this is a long process: much longer than I want it to be.

Alex48

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Re: New to this
« Reply #20 on: February 19, 2018, 04:36:58 PM »
Hi Skeetcher, you re wright. i m looking that this is a gradual process. Not magical. I met a man this weekend but we didn t agree in some things and didn t have sex, so i could  not check if i recovered. I have to try again and be pacient. In the middle y don t know what to do with M.
But, even this is not magical, it s better than PMO.
To tell you, in my case, most important changes i felt at 70 days no PMO aprox.

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #21 on: February 28, 2018, 01:11:44 PM »
Today marks 60 days porn-free. I feel pretty good, but might be experiencing a bit of a flat line.

Free-man

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Re: New to this
« Reply #22 on: March 07, 2018, 04:07:56 AM »
60 days man! 2/3 of the goal.
Congratulations!

What does mean flatline?

Skeeter53

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Re: New to this
« Reply #23 on: March 07, 2018, 10:29:05 PM »
Thanks free man. A flatline is a loss of libido or loss of desire. I’ve been experiencing it for several days.

Free-man

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Re: New to this
« Reply #24 on: March 08, 2018, 07:22:46 AM »
Oh then…I have it. I have ups and Downs about it.
Thoughts remains.