Author Topic: quit for good  (Read 27411 times)

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #400 on: May 02, 2020, 08:57:41 AM »
Day 145
                     121lbs   wow  a loss of 41 lbs since Jan 1st   yesterday  was the 1st time i think I ever did a full proper push up   2 to be exact  but I tell you it was pushiong with everthing I had and actually making a groaning noise.  It may not be much to others  but it has been a goal of mine for years to be able to do push ups   so 2 push ups   another small victory.  I had hit a weight loss plateau  about 2 weeks ago  and that can be quite frustrating  but I have taken the time to educate myself  change my program a bit and just have some patience.  Something I am also learning to be better at

   Thanks for tuning in BigMog   finding new habits was a big part of my recovery  from porn addiction as well as building  confidence in myself  that I am a good person

   Mr Slurps    I never find anything  anyone posts boring  ever   even if 10 different guys and a few gals post it   I may see something that i forgot that might help me if  it all of a sudden pops up  Call it a reinforcing  tool     I learned to play piano a few years ago  and played the same stuff over and over   as much as I found it boring  it just made me a btter player.  Maybe thats an idea for you  buy a cheap guitar and try learning it  its free to learn with all the web resources and the  gals love musicians  and it gives you something to do other than porn   The negative thoughts of my past are also starting to very slowely dissapear as i get further away from my porn use past
 

Hey UkGuy and Shade    Its odd here in Canada how we use both systems of weights and measures  I will discuss my feelings on that at some point as I have some strong opinions on it   I have found that the more I think about my new habits and  the more effort I put in to them the less I think about porn.  This I think is the most important part of my reboot   moving into the life I wanted to live   It is taking  some time to catch up 30 years of  misshandling it    but it is moving along nicely   I am excited as to to what the future might hold

   cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #401 on: May 03, 2020, 10:03:19 AM »
Hey Joe,

congrats on the push ups! If you've never did one, then two is a great accomplishment!

I am curious about your opinions towards the sytem in which one measures! ;)

Regarding the keeping busy and put all effort into it, i totally recognize that it takes away your mind from porn! It's a substitue measure i guess, you take away the P and insert a new constructive activity into there.

Keep going strong like this Joe! I'm rooting for you!


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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

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joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #402 on: May 04, 2020, 08:04:41 AM »
220.2   just need to remember this number  be back on later

    cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

Rookie

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #403 on: May 04, 2020, 08:43:43 AM »
I have been watching some challenges that are posted on youtube more and more (push up challenge, jump rope challenge, plank challenge) and I plan on starting with the push up one...I have a bummed / injured shoulder...this is going to be interesting. But since my wife is very, very active with her workouts, this should be a huge motivator for me. Then maybe, intimacy frequency will increase? Therefore leading to less porn temptation? To me, seems 2 + 2 = 4....

I have been in fitness for a long time, and was very, very athletic in my teens to early 20's...then I didn't have time...work, work, work ,then marriage and then downhill. I contracted chicken pox and pneumonia at the same time at 27...you might say that put a damper on my physical fitness.

We should almost start another blog, collectively about our progress on the fitness side. We each have one for our progress at getting rid of PMO...I think it would be very encouraging to see some progress for the ones that are doing fitness.

And last but not least!! Congrats on your progress Joe!!! Don't stop now.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #404 on: May 04, 2020, 08:04:16 PM »
Day 147

            Whew   what a day   my little post was just postiong my eight so I wouldnt forget it   so its a new low of 220.2lbs  Thats exacty 42.2 lbs dropped since Jan 1st    The only problem was I pulled a muscle in my lower back this morning  while doing some weightlifting   I dont think its anything major  but I'm sure it will slow me down for a few days   and just when I am beginning to feel like I am breaking out of the weightloss plateau ive been in for a few weeks   We'll; just have to wait and see how tomorrow goes as its cardio day

    I dont know when the last time I went this long without porn   I'm gonna guess its been 30 years  or better   I am simply amazed at how well I am handling the isloation at the moment  considering I have 5 children in the house between the ages of 7 and 18  and one wife  and we are all home  at the moment   I dont lose my temper   I am really getting alot done around the house   learning new things  and really have no interest in porn
    I cant say as I hate it or I thihnk its evil per se  but that its no longer for me.  I have alwayts said  I am not one for censorship  or anything like that  but I stongly believe in controls  on certain  things   and the ability for children to wasily axcess porn is a big problem that needs a lot of discussion and changes.  And as always I truly believe  one can become addicted to it,  Its funny how some in the medical  fields or the phycology fields say that you cant become addicted to it as their is no exterior chemical entering the brain ie heroin  alcohol   nicotine etc.   With that logic  how do they explain gambling addictions.   I had a grandmother years ago who  would pretty much go off the rails if she couldnt play bingo 4 nights a week.   She would play untill what was left of her pension cheques were gone(she always did pay her bills)  but all other  money went to bingo.  And I had 2 freinds who  would blow their whole paycheques  on slot machines.  One had to borrow money from payday loan places  to pay his rent.   I thihnk a big part of things is to keeps kids away from this stuff.  For me that is to keep mine busy in other endeavors  sports  music   our service club   etc   And it sure helps to have a clear head with no brain fog

   Rookie  thanks for tiuning in   your support is so appreciated   I have always been lazy when it came to my health   eat too much junk food   too much soda pop  and never enough healthy food and excersise.   I patted myself on the back because I never smoked and I equated that with living a healthy lifestyle   Big surprise at aged 49 when I am 60lbs over weight and couldnt do a single push up.  I honoustly will put that to the education system  as I dont ever recall how different  things(carbs  protein fiber  sugurs  etc)  work on the body   My highaschool gyrmclass taught me  football  basketball  swimming and tennis   We had a few weeks in "in class health"  which was more on reproductive education   than anything else.  Perhaps I will look at the current  curriculum one of these days and see what they are teaching.  I find your idea of a separate blog/journal regarding healthy living an interesting one.  I'm not sure how Gabe  or others here may view it though as this is a reboot site and I have challenged others(mainly partners) on putting alot of emphasis on  the fixing of relationships tellng them that  the mandate here is  rebooting ones brain to reset the dopimine  system.  I usually posted  my progress in  my health and general lifestyle improvments  because I really felt that they were a large part  of my reboot. I dont think I could have done it without  having worked on my health at the same time.
   I know this is a little off topic  but  with members of the partner section telling me I  was wrong  for not telling my wife i was addicted to porn   that  I was being dishonoust  and a liar  yada yada yada  I was having a hard time  moving forward in getting my 90 days  and  resetting the dopimine system   How was that conducive to a sucessfull reboot?  But back to the idea of a journal for us  guys who are  learning healthy lifestyles   perhaps we could try it  and if no one complains  great  but if the boss  or  anyone else does  than gladly  allow it to just be closed.    That or look for another venue  to start one  although that might take me away from coming here, and I do enjoy my time here

    Well Shade  again friends  this is sort of off topic but because I was asked I will explain.   I'll basically explain  it using an example.
IN our grocerie stores  when you buy fruits and vegtables   the price on the card is in bold letters  using imperial(lbs)  the price in metric(kg) is extremely small.  I have heard of some people with impared vision having a hrad time reading it.  Now the scales have large numbers in metric and small numbers in imperial  so of course when you put  your bananas on the scale and the number says 2  its in kg on the scale and some people might mistake that as lbs  and think your paying  x amount of dollars  when in reality its 2.2 times more. I asked a store manager once why they do that and all he could tell me was all the stores do it(they dont all do it) I explained that my wife has impared visoon and could not accurately  figure out how much her grapes and bananas  would cost  and that was discriminatory   He gave me a 1-800 blah blah blah number  for head office.  Of course I got the run around there.  I am uncertain why the grocerie industry in Canada  allows this  or rather why Govt in Canada allows the gorcerie industry  to get away with it.

    well I guess thats it for now   going to jump in the hot tub and nurse my back for a little before bed

   cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

UKGuy

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #405 on: May 05, 2020, 08:55:00 AM »
   I know this is a little off topic  but  with members of the partner section telling me I  was wrong  for not telling my wife i was addicted to porn   that  I was being dishonoust  and a liar  yada yada yada  I was having a hard time  moving forward in getting my 90 days  and  resetting the dopimine system   How was that conducive to a sucessfull reboot? 

Hey Joe - I would try and not get too caught up in this. Given that you said the feedback occurred in the partner section I suspect the feedback was from a lady/wife who had suffered dishonesty and lost trust in her partner, and was projecting that frustration onto you. That's wrong frankly. It assumes that your wife would see the situation the same way as she did. How could she possibly know that? This site should be (and largely is) about tolerance and understanding and support, recognising the fact that those that come here come here with humility and a desire to change. I do think that the partner section is however a little different - I have only had a brief look, but it seemed to me that there were aggrieved people there who's husbands were not yet recognising the need for change in their own behaviours. That makes those partners motivations for being here different to the rest of us. I stay away from that section TBH - largely as I don't think I have anything to learn or contribute to those discussions. As you said to me in your first post to me - there is no right or wrong where disclosure is concerned. You have not disclosed, other have. I have partially disclosed in the sense that my wife knows I have a PMO issue, and am working hard to solve it. She doesn't know the specifics of my past penchant for chat sites, and seen as I'm here and working hard to overcome it, what would it benefit her to know? It would just cause her pain, which I wouldn't want. Hence, the decision I came to. Others may have come to a different conclusion...and it's not my place to have a view on that. It's theirs and theirs alone.

So pleased how things are going for you. Well done and take care.
Live with areté, focus on what you control, take responsibility = Eudaimonia.

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=18284.0

Rookie

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #406 on: May 05, 2020, 11:26:29 AM »
   I know this is a little off topic  but  with members of the partner section telling me I  was wrong  for not telling my wife i was addicted to porn   that  I was being dishonoust  and a liar  yada yada yada  I was having a hard time  moving forward in getting my 90 days  and  resetting the dopimine system   How was that conducive to a sucessfull reboot? 

Hey Joe - I would try and not get too caught up in this. Given that you said the feedback occurred in the partner section I suspect the feedback was from a lady/wife who had suffered dishonesty and lost trust in her partner, and was projecting that frustration onto you. That's wrong frankly. It assumes that your wife would see the situation the same way as she did. How could she possibly know that? This site should be (and largely is) about tolerance and understanding and support, recognising the fact that those that come here come here with humility and a desire to change. I do think that the partner section is however a little different - I have only had a brief look, but it seemed to me that there were aggrieved people there who's husbands were not yet recognising the need for change in their own behaviours. That makes those partners motivations for being here different to the rest of us. I stay away from that section TBH - largely as I don't think I have anything to learn or contribute to those discussions. As you said to me in your first post to me - there is no right or wrong where disclosure is concerned. You have not disclosed, other have. I have partially disclosed in the sense that my wife knows I have a PMO issue, and am working hard to solve it. She doesn't know the specifics of my past penchant for chat sites, and seen as I'm here and working hard to overcome it, what would it benefit her to know? It would just cause her pain, which I wouldn't want. Hence, the decision I came to. Others may have come to a different conclusion...and it's not my place to have a view on that. It's theirs and theirs alone.

So pleased how things are going for you. Well done and take care.

Agreed with everything above here. My wife was suicidal 3 times (2016 - 2018), bipolar 2, we lost an adoption in 2014...now this covid thing, she's working from home with a huge amount of stress (sometimes I visualize the picture of a werewolf coming up the stairs that's making its rounds on Facebook, lol). I don't blame her for it, it's part of the job, and it's stressful. There are at any time, a minimum of 14 people reporting to her when she's doing her own job, and then when she's manager on duty, the entire department reports to her (upwards of 100 people).

Second, she's pre-menopausal right now. Yeah, not a great combination to have in a woman...which are unpredictable in the first place, lol.

So all this to say, I'm not telling her about my struggles, successes or secrets.

And about holding back telling your wife like you were in the other forum...that's like "honey, does this dress make my butt look big"? Well, even if it does make it look like a Mack truck, this is where you say absolutely not.

As we always discuss in the world of theology and bible talk / studies / sermons....context, context, context.

Unless I personally know you, and your wife...I have NO business deciding what is better for either of you. I can definitely give recommendations based on the limited data I have acquired to have some knowledge, but it's still inadequate.

The ONLY thing the board here can do, is give you encouragement, support, and hold you accountable.

If you decide to bring it up with someone else, that's up to you. We're in the same boat. I have a few trusted sources / friends that I will open up to about this. My wife is NOT one of them. She has enough on her plate.

My opinion, that other person was wrong to give you a guilt trip, we don't know if you're suicidal behind the keyboard with a very controlling wife. All these posts might be light humor cause it's your escape, and this could be something to send you over the edge.

All this to say, we are here to support you, and like UKGuy said...and I agree...I stay away from all the other threads aside the ages (I want to see people's progress) and the success stories. I have no business with the other ones...and someone will probably be offended by what I say... I can be very opinionated.

Cheers!!

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #407 on: May 05, 2020, 01:15:53 PM »
Day 148

    Hey UkGuy and Rookie

     Thanks for tuning in.  Atually the conversation  that took place with the "partners"  regarding discloure to my wife actually took place in this very journal  and not in the "partners" section  thats what burns my ass.  I keep my opinions out of the partners section.  I can only imagine the roasting I would take there.  I rarely make a comment in there and its usually in the form of a question.  But what I was referencing was on page 9 and 10 of this very journal  as well as in some  private messages which I dont think would be fair to disclose   I cant say as I dwell on it  at all since it has seemed to stop   The reason I mentioned it yesterday was in the context of  if we should allow a healthy living/fitness journal  to be posted here  or not as  it is not so much related to brain rebooting(the mandate of this site)   and i felt that  people posting relationship advice  on my journal was  getting away from that especially when its just their opinion.. If they want to start threads like that in the partners section  by all means   go for it

   cheers to great conversation

    Post often it helps me it helps you

mr.slurps

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #408 on: May 05, 2020, 11:09:29 PM »
Hey Pal,  I'll put in my 2 cents for what it's worth.  I like hearing about your fitness routines, goals, accomplishments. Since I'm single I can relate to that stuff more than wives. haha As a matter of fact I'm trying intermittent fasting--eat 8hrs, 16 fast.  I lost about 5lbs in 2 wks. I thought it was going to be harder.  My body seems to like going to bed on an empty stomach.
So far I'm doing a good job of keeping my nose out of your marriage scene. I do read the juicy bits (lol) but just to keep up on your state of mind.
My state of mind is so crappy you wouldn't believe it. Sometimes I think I'm a masochist.
There must be a god darn light at the end of this tunnel. I sure don't see it and I just hope to heck it's not an oncoming train.
Keep on truckin

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #409 on: May 06, 2020, 02:16:18 AM »
Hey Joe,

Although this is a forum for getting rid of P addiction, a change in lifestyle will surely attribute to getting rid of porn. No, this is not a fitness forum.. But if getting healthy and attaining the goals that are associated with that are also helping you get rid of your addiction then by all means, go for it!


The whole weight measure system you described in the supermarket is actually pretty messed up! It's simply misleading to the customer and especially for people who have an impairment to their sight, such as your wife. Whole world should switch to metric anyway ;)


Good luck!
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #410 on: May 07, 2020, 07:36:33 AM »
Day 150

                  Things going pretty good   other than the pulled mucle in my back which seems to be on the mend.  It just sidelined my weight loss  goals for a week and when your trying to work your way past a weight loss plateau  it can make an already frustrating  situation  just a little bit more frustrating.  I am handling it well though  getting other things done.  A small building progect in the garden is finished and the taxes are organized and ready for the  accountant. Two progects that were hanging over me.Never once in the last 30 years did I think I was capable of not  spaking my monkey on an almost daily basis.  I question the wisdom of what we were taught in grade school that "masturbation is natural".  Perhaps it is  but certainly not to porn  and I really hope that is something  they have updated today.  I look back and realize  I never  masturbated  untill I saw pictures of nude women.  And now that I no longer see pics of nude women i dont masturbate.  I think I have  maybe 3 times since Dec 10 2019.  I just dont have the urge to.  I seem to have the urge to want to bang my wife on a daily basis  but I was always that way.

     The conversation  recently is focused a little on healthy living in general.  When i write about it it is usally from the point of view on how much  healthy lifestyle changes  really heped me in giving up porn.  Porn is/was such a huge part of our lives that the void left by giving it up is equally huge  and something needs to fill that void.  Healthy habits are really an easy thing to do  Weigh yourself   mark down the number and go for a 20 minute walk everyday for a week.  At the same time  cut back  on some  unhealthy foods for the same week.  At the end  of 7 dsays weigh yourself again  and see if there is a change.  There are good reasons to do this with number 1 being you will be away from porn for those 20 minutes a day.  Your mind will also be on concentrating on not eating  that half a bag of potato chips and can of soda so as to reach your goal of weighing ever so slightly less than when you started.  I found that after I lost the 1st 2 or 3 lbs  I could be successfull at something important.  As I am turning 50 in less than a year I wanted to look forward to being healthy in my 50s  and not have a body thats falling apart and would not allow me to partake in fun things.  It was a pretty good motivator.  Perhaps we need to concentrate on  being motivated to get the things we want and not so much motivated on stopping  the things we dont want.  Look ahead rather than look back.  I looked ahead by wanting to be able to play baseball on my wifes office league.  I wanted to look good on the beach(perhaps a bit shallow to some but were all different)  And I certainly didnt want my friends to think I had no willpower  against junk food   or no disciplan  when it comes to working out.  That I was weak all these years.  Competition can be a powerfull motivator

    I must say its getting harder to come up with ideas on what to write about these days  without covering the same things over  but perhaps that isnt always a bad idea.  If I had some good ideas going back 3 months ago  well that might be 4  pages back on my journal and I dont think  I could expect anyone to have actually read my journal   from the beginning   that would take hours.  So going over the same ground now might give an idea to some new guys   Will have to give it more thought.  At the end of the day I will post what I think is going to help me along 1st and formost.

    Cheers

      Post often it helps me it helps you

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #411 on: May 08, 2020, 02:33:02 AM »
Hey Joe,

I wanted to highlight this specific sentence..

I must say its getting harder to come up with ideas on what to write about these days

If you put that in perspective it actually has a profound meaning in term of that you are actually doing very very well!

Regarding the approach for a healthy lifestyle, the way you do it and the analogy to porn is also very nice! I like the clear and straighforward approach of this.

Keep on going Joe!
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Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #412 on: May 09, 2020, 08:00:14 PM »
Day 152

   Thanks  Shade for tuning in     Couple of busy days gone by   but thats good other then  the crap weather for the month of May.  Back has really improved and I could go for a really nice run this morning  tomorrow I'm going to see about doing a little longer   I have also hit the weights although only doing certain lifts  and using lighter weights  I hope by Monday to be back in routine for the most part
       5 months in and my urges are completly gone and  triggers  are really far and few between .  In one sense  It almost seemed way to easy  but looking back really it has been  almost 2 and a half years since I found this site, and for sure their has been many ups and downs and a few relapses  moments of throwing my hands in the air.  At the moment I am still unsure as to why i havent posted in the success stories section or when I will although I think the time is coming.  I think I now understand what every addict feels ie the ex alcoholic needing to  give up old drinking buddies for fear he may be  tempted.  I know one who quit drinking in 1992 at age 31  I should ask him sometimes if he is triggered in any way  find out how distant the addiction can become from ones self   I dont want to live my life with my guard having to be constantly up.   To me that is almost a form of prison.  The only freedon from that is the elimination of porn 100% and we know thats never going to happen, and perhaps it shouldnt.  But I do think this problem really needs to be adressed somehow   The ability to keep our children away from it.  For the moment  having a clear mind  is going to go along way in  finding ways to keep it out of my childrens lives  and that should be a good start.

   cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

UKGuy

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #413 on: May 10, 2020, 05:11:16 AM »
Perhaps the best way we can keep our children away from negative behaviours and addictions, be they porn, drink, drugs, eating disorders etc is to provide a loving, stable, supportive, non judgemental environment for them to grow up in. That way their emotional needs are more likely to be met and their tendency to look elsewhere for escape is reduced. I know that my ability to do provide that environment for my kids is inextricably linked to my own relationship with PMO - if I am controlled by it, I am distant, tired, clouded thinking, irritable and at times angry, a guy with low self esteem and low zest for life - a suboptimal husband and parent. If I am free of it - I am a fully participating, positive role model as a father. My wife only commented to me this morning how great I had been recently and asked why - although there are many factors, the success I am currently having in my PMO journey is a major component in my behaviour and I told her so.
Keep writing Joe - your progress is an inspiration to many of us.
Live with areté, focus on what you control, take responsibility = Eudaimonia.

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=18284.0

mr.slurps

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #414 on: May 10, 2020, 05:52:44 PM »
In my humble opinion children are overrated.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #415 on: May 10, 2020, 07:11:46 PM »
Day 153

   Hey UkGuy

     Yes it really does help to provide a loving supportive environment   But also  living by example  I think would be a really big part.  If my kid knows I surf porn  than it cant be bad.  Thats the way I though when i was 13 as my father had quite the collection of vhs tapes he would trade with guys he worked with.   That and the empty feeling I had with low self esteem  at that age was the perfect recipie for disaster.

     So instead  we have enrolled our kids in a cultural dance group where the boys learn how to treat a lady and the girls learn how a boy should treat them.  Its not perfect but it seems to be doing the job.  When we take a vacation it is quite often  a club event(we are a german heritage club with  locations all over North America) So we get groups rates etc  but the kids get to meet people all over  and show their stuff  to like minded people.  Colorfull dresses  fun music great food   etc.  Were hoping if anything ever goes sideways they feel they have a 2nd home   someone to turn to  so they dont head for the street  or worse.  Perhaps find a mentor  something I never really had  as my father worked way too many hours  to support ourt family(perhaps thats why he turned to porn)  Long story short his father was killed when he was a baby in WW2  and his mother remaried when he was around 6  they Immigrated to Canada in 1956 when he was 12 so I can only imagiune what it might have been like for him as a teenager  I know he had a magazine collection going all the way back tyo the mid 60s  and I m pretty sure he still had most of that stuff locked away in a chest  to this very day.  It looks like I will be the one to break the  chain  bu not having it accessable in the house.. I understand the internet changes the whole situation and thats why we joined a group  a club if you will.  Wven at 49 years of age I seem to take some solice in what some of the older members have to say.  I cant imagine if I joined even on my own when I was 17  what I might have been able to learn from those men and women  That is the direction I will point my kids both the girls and the boys.

   Hey Mr Slurps

      They can be a bit over rated sometimes  but I do have them  and  they need to be raised  to contribute to society  and not just draw on it.  They will be paying into the social safety net someday(at least here in Canada)

     Cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you

mr.slurps

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #416 on: May 10, 2020, 07:19:31 PM »
Hi Joe,   Sorry about that. I was kidding but it was inappropriate for this forum.
In all sincerity you sound like a good parent/role model.

ShadeTrenicin

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #417 on: May 11, 2020, 02:50:41 AM »
Hey Joe (and UKGuy)

I cannot agree more with your views on having a rolemodel but most specifically on having an understanding non-judgemental environment to grow up in. But the trouble will be on how to shield them from porn, what are your views on that? Forbidding or blocking it will not suffice, it will probably make it more alluring and they will also learn from classmates of it... Even though i'm not a father (yet) i already think about it.. The harmful influence it has on young people and how badly it will influence their sexual development..

Also Joe, Very good news that you feel that the time is coming for you to post in succes stories! And I think it's great that you want to talk to another ex addict about coping with triggers and not wanting to live in prison. I think that you're approaching this in a very healthy way and also foreseeing certain pitfalls in the process after the P-addiction.

Keep it up Joe!

As always, rooting for you
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=17919.0

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #418 on: May 13, 2020, 09:49:39 AM »
Day 156


   One of those days   dont think I'll post anything because it would turn out to be nothing more than a total venting.  But I also wanted to let everyone know I am still clean and feeling good about that

    Hope everyone is doing well

    Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you

mr.slurps

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #419 on: May 13, 2020, 04:27:03 PM »
Hey Joe,  You go ahead and vent away as much as you want. I like to hear from all you guys who are doing well.
(I'm on day 6.)
Probably half the stuff I post is worthless tripe but it is 20 seconds of me and you not jerking off.
Keep going Pal.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #420 on: May 13, 2020, 05:17:28 PM »
Day 156 part 2

          Hey Mr Slurps thanks for tuning in   I suppose the quarenteen is alowely starting to wear on my 2 teenage daughters and the fact that work hasnt started up yet  I usually would have started a month ago and a  wife who doesnt see the stress I am under at  the moment.  I know it will pass.  In the meantime  porn hasnt even entered my mind and my workouts are  improving  although my weight loss plateau still seems to have a hold   I suppose the last 15lbs i need to lose are giing to be the most stubburn

   Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

   cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you


Leonidas

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #421 on: May 13, 2020, 10:09:23 PM »
Exercising thru the quarantine is no easy task... so great job on pulling that off.  Stress is rampant these days... even if some of us don't say a word about it, we probably still feel the effects.  It often helps me to feel better whenever I become aware that many, many people are feeling the pressure socially, economically, emotionally, etc...

UKGuy

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #422 on: May 14, 2020, 03:49:28 AM »
A delayed response to your question Shade, which I'd missed...

I think the challenge with Porn and kids today is a complicated one, certainly compared with the relatively limited access to analogue materials we had in 'our day'. I think the approach may also depend on the gender of kids you are talking to. I guess it's a true generalisation that porn has a greater tendency to 'hook' males, and therefore they are at higher risk of addictive behaviours but also developing a poor image of women. I don't have boys, but if I did, I think I would be introducing them to the wisdom that excessive PMO is unhealthy, dangerous and addictive in the same way that alcohol is. I wouldn't try to stop it. The key message being 'BEWARE'. I'd also be pointing out that many of the things portrayed on line are not accurate representations of real life and I would be definitely speaking out about anything that was degrading to women, particularly anything concerning violent acts.
With girls it's a little bit different I think. I have 2 teenage daughters and my wife and I have had many conversations around 'sexting' to warn of the dangers. This is something thankfully that is well covered at school aswell. The other aspect that, thinking about it, we could do more on is helping them to understand what is natural and normal behaviour in readiness for them perhaps coming up against a boy that has a warped sense of sexuality perhaps as a result of excessive porn consumption. To be honest, I think I will discuss this with my wife - it feels like more of a mother/daughter conversation but one we need to have.
I do think that the big point supporting all this is providing a loving, supportive environment that meets the emotional needs of our children. Re filters - yes. have them. we have them of course because of me, but it's a sensible precaution that also gives a message of 'no, that's not right' shoud the kids get curious or stumble across somthing. Be interested to hear Joe's views also (since I've rather rudely taken over his journal with this! - sorry Joe!)

Hey Joe (and UKGuy)

I cannot agree more with your views on having a rolemodel but most specifically on having an understanding non-judgemental environment to grow up in. But the trouble will be on how to shield them from porn, what are your views on that? Forbidding or blocking it will not suffice, it will probably make it more alluring and they will also learn from classmates of it... Even though i'm not a father (yet) i already think about it.. The harmful influence it has on young people and how badly it will influence their sexual development..

Also Joe, Very good news that you feel that the time is coming for you to post in succes stories! And I think it's great that you want to talk to another ex addict about coping with triggers and not wanting to live in prison. I think that you're approaching this in a very healthy way and also foreseeing certain pitfalls in the process after the P-addiction.

Keep it up Joe!

As always, rooting for you
Live with areté, focus on what you control, take responsibility = Eudaimonia.

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=18284.0

Joel

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #423 on: May 14, 2020, 09:38:12 AM »
Will take me a while to read through this journal but so appreciate this journey being here, so inspiring to see the streak clock up alongside the challenges you face.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #424 on: May 14, 2020, 08:11:51 PM »
Day 157

     A much better day than yesterday  my weight seems to be on average down a little from the last few weeks   ugghhh  the last 15 lbs they say are the toughest and I sure am finding out    Had a romp in the sack last night with the old lady   good times for sure    Also got the call this afternoon to start work again on Monday  so thats another really good thing.   Joel  Thanks for tuning in  My journal is quite long  and from time to time can be a bit repetitive.  Thats because the number of guys who ahve came and went  and sort of asked the same questions   so I  tried to be helpfull and gave the same anser otherwise people would be doing nothing but reading here.  So If you decide to read it   It may take you  more than a few hours.
   UKGuy   It will really take some thought  for talking to my kids reg porn  I have daughters  who are 18 and 16  who we have spoken to about sexting  and were pretty sure they have made it though for the most part   I have a daughter who is 11 but does not have her own device so we know what she is searching and so far  it seems pretty safe.  We also have 2 boys 8 a nd 6  so their time for a chat will be coming before long.  Something tells me that  if I raise them differently than  my father raised me  they may stand a better chance  at not getting wrapped up in it.  I think as long as they are involved in  things  to build their self esteem  and confidence   and we are involved in their lives  things will be different.  Once they are out on their own well there is not much more we can do   so  the time for action is now

  I know this is a bit repetative  but I am so amazed  I never thought i wold go from pmo'ing 3 or 4 times a week for 3 or 4 or 5 hours at a time sometimes  or chatting in a sex chat room for as many as 5  hours for the last  close to 20 years (add in the vhs and maags for 10 years  before that) down to  being  almost 6 months without any pmo  or sext chat   and I think Ive only m 3 or 4 times   I have no urges  anymore  and Ive never felt better emotionally mentally or physically.

    Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you