Author Topic: quit for good  (Read 19803 times)

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #350 on: March 16, 2020, 07:44:32 AM »
Day 97   opps   somehow I misscalculated the days mid week last week

      so a week past 90 days   that was pretty easy   Weekend was good  made mad love to the wife on Sat night  and  by her  actions this morning I thinbk she is looking for some action tonight again  all good there    no urges  no triggers  last few days   but I'll continue to keep my guard up   perhaps in a year that wont be an issue.  I cant beleave how far I have came  ' Its a totally different mindset  Gentlemen I suggest you push as hard as you can as you can do this.  No one said it would be easy  it took me over 2 years of serious trying  learning and working to reach this goal

    cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you

RichardUK

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #351 on: March 16, 2020, 08:22:01 AM »
Well done and as we say in England 'keep up the good' work!  I have to say I am a little jealous about you being able to make love to your wife - twice in a day. I would be lucky to have it twice in a year! Take care and keep going.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #352 on: March 17, 2020, 08:19:04 AM »
Day 98

   Thanks for tuning in Richard    there really isnt alot of  posting amongst each other these days

    Opps I think you misunderstood me  We didint do it twice in one day  although we did that a few times years ago when we were younger  but it looks like it could be twice in one week   and that rarely happens   but we have been steady once a week  for years for the most part   It was usually the initiation part that bothered me.   How is one to know if the other person truly wants to have sex when they dont initiate.  It is often said  actions speak louder than words.   I have to take her at her word  that she truely wants to have  sex and truely enjoys it.  Ive always been honoust that if she isnt up to it tahn I would never push her and it woiuld not bother me  all that much.  Now with that being said  i did turn to porn sometimes   but it may or may not have been a lack of sex  or an initiation issue(on occasion there were times we might not have done it for a month because I refused to initiate) that would cause me to turn to porn.  There were many other reasons and one may very well be  the addiction itself.

     This brings me to the topic of causes of the addiction itself.   Confidence being a major one    and again it becomes a what came 1st   the chicken or the egg.   I have found since I gave up porn  that my conficdence in a great many thingas havs really  grown.  When i was little  I did not have a strong voice   and to a degree I still dont believe I have one.  Looking back to when I was a child of around 8 or 9  I recall that  other kids would always mimic  anything I said  over and over again   This is why I believe my voice wasnt strong. It was the sound of my voice  that was used against me  so in time I learned to not even say much if I didnt have to.  This led to me not having strong opinions or putting across my values and  in the end basically being walked over. A horrible downard spiral as a child.  In the end I was simply left behind  and in turn used porn to fill the void.  And after years of that I'm sure my confidence  was eroded even further.
   I truley love my wife as I'm sure she loves me   but there have been  frustrating times on occasion over the years. She really prefers to be in control and has even admitted that its an issue.   Times I almost felt I had to earn a night in the sack.  Thank God  that even in the throws of a porn aaddiction I never allowd that to turn into a major issue.  I got good at using my words  and other actions to deflect and buy time.  This from time to time I could tell would frustrate her  and she would learn to back down a bit.  In a funny way it taught her to show me a little more honoustly in our marraige.   Since giving up the porn I have been more assertive in our marraige  for change.  Change in how our lives are organized   how our finances and home is organized   and small positive results can be reported.  This in turn has made it easier to continue the fight in  kicking porn to the curb for good.  instead of a spiral down its been a slow steady climb up.   I made a silent goal about 3 or 4 years ago  that I would finally be living the life I always wanted to live by age 50   and I just turned 49 yesterday  so things are definatly going in the right direction.  If work goes well this year than I will reach that goal.  If I dont it will be due to external forces. We have an 18 year old daughter  with no  plan  and no job whatsoever.  She's not into booze or drugs  or anything like that and  has a boyfriend who is pretty descent.  but being the oldest in a long line of 5 kids(no jokes on that please we wanted a large family)  It comes a time when  I hoped to be over the hump  with the cost of time energy  and money  it takes to raise children.  If she gets something going  and takes  the responsibility of raising her off us  a little bit  than  I can say I'm done climbing that large hill    That is just one example  of something that might not allow me to reach a goal.  And reaching my personal goals is also a tool in the fight against porn

     I know this might be a bit of a rant but again getting this stuff out has really helped me which in turn has allowed me to more easily help those in my family  reach their goals .  Basically I am throwing some of my baggege out here  and moving forward

      Gonna go hit the garage for a workout   will start posting the health portion of this journal tomorrow

    cheers

    as always  Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #353 on: March 18, 2020, 06:22:57 AM »
Day 99

     Woke up this morning feeling pretty blahhhh  gonna be a long 2 weeks with this virus thing Tomorrow we have a family member returning from Europe so our whole family will have to self isolate  for 2 weeks   kids and all.  Guess its a chance to catch up on some things around the house and a few extra evenings in the sack with the wife  need to blow off some steam right?

    hope all are well   and stay safe

     Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #354 on: March 19, 2020, 06:31:04 AM »
Day 100

      Still not ready  for the  success stories  section yet as I still have a few cravings or urges from time to time regarding old chat  stories exc.   Still feeling blahhh over this whole virus thing  as its now putting so many of us and our plans in life on hold.  Oh well i guess it wont last forever.  I'm off the porn and thats what really matters here   hope the rest are staying healthy and keep pushing hard

       On the health front  woke up this morning weighing in at 232.3lbs  just a touch over  30lbs down from the Jan 1st weigh in of 262.4

   cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you
« Last Edit: March 19, 2020, 09:55:54 AM by joepanic »

wecandoit

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #355 on: March 19, 2020, 03:35:37 PM »
Amazing progress so far, man! 100 days! I have 25 days myself. Wait for me.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #356 on: March 19, 2020, 04:13:46 PM »
Still day 100 here

       Thanks for tuning in Wecandoit      Its been a long fight  as much as I'm at day 100  it actually took me over 2 years to get here  2 years of  reboots of a month here a week there   even one other 3 month reboot .  This one felt different as far back as about 2-3 weeks in   I felt like it was going to be the one.  I think perhaps I had  learned enough and changed other areas of my life  that helped with the success  and like I say  I may be past the 90 day mark but I still don't feel 100%  free of it  so will be here a while longer before I post in the success stories section

    Good going on the 25 day mark   that's almost 4 weeks or a month  or a 3rd of the way there    I found that looking forward to the small victories really helped   I could say hey  25 days in   'only 5 days away from a month  I haven't done that in  almost a year.  or  in 3 days it will be 4 weeks   i can do it  i know I can     There were times while I was driving in my car with the windows up I would yell    'I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS   I'M STRONGER THAN THIS   I WILL WIN  PORN WONT"    just to reinforce what i was doing sort of like a coach to a football team phyching up his players for victory     Sometimes it really helps to be your own cheering section

      Cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #357 on: March 23, 2020, 10:12:56 AM »
Day 104

    wow  where di the last 4 days go   guess with the world turned upside down  we have other things on our mind    I am very slowely feeling like I have broke free from the chat lines   they dont enter my mind as much anymore   I also dont seem to be affected by p subs  as I have seen a few over the last while  It seems I could take it or leave it   which again is good.  I'am totally horny for my wife and  chase her around left and right   mind you I always seemd to have chased her around.  That gal never did go without.   Last night we made it in the sac for a pretty good romp considering the kids are all home from school again this week.  Even when times are tough we still try to make time for ourselves   but it doesnt always work  at least we try though    I am getting back out to the garage for workouts  and will begin  posting progress this week.  We are also taking the time here to  organize and clean up the house and property  exc

    cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #358 on: March 25, 2020, 02:07:25 PM »
Day 105

     Pretty quiet on the forum these days   lets go gentlemen  keep the conversation going  it is one of our most important tools   Not much to say today  been way too busy  in self quarentine  for about another 8 days  or so   getting lots of yard work done with the sun having come out.  So no time to thinbk about porn or chatlines    It seems to get easier every day    Hard party is now realizing my full potential and having the confidence to act on it
 
   ON the health front reached a new low of 231 lbs today   now down 31 lbs  from Jan 1st

   cheers   

    Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #359 on: March 27, 2020, 09:28:56 PM »
Day 107

       Had a feeling today  when my wife left the room for something  or other and it was one of those times where I didnt really have anything to do and the thought popped into my head  oh I could just check out a few pics   havent had that happen in a long time   of course I didnt follow through  I huess thats what it feels like to just put the thought way  and move on   More progress i suppose

    at the end of the day I have never felt better   but it is getting hard to post here with such a smnall amont of communication going on   but will try to get something out every day or 2 for now

    Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you 

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #360 on: March 29, 2020, 05:07:25 PM »
Day 109

     Boredom has sure kicked in with this pandemic   but thats life  its only a few weeks/months out of our long lives    Thank God for having romps with the wife.  IN the meantime the chat rooms are holding less and less appeal to me all the time.  Looking back I can see  how phoney everyone there really was.  Basically it was the ultimate escape.   Escape  one of the reasons we used porn.  So much is made of the reasons why  we used and the thoughts  and views of partners on the matter.  and the reasons why we couldnt quit or relapsed.  There  is a difference and when everyone understands that difference the  ability to quit becomes a little easier

   cheers

   Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #361 on: March 30, 2020, 09:13:37 PM »
Day 110

    Another day clean   I'm so glad I have been able to kick this habit  to the curb what looks like for good  no urges  no triggers  can stumble across a p sub  ie  a scene in a movie   and not be affected by it.   No flatline   no pied   I have regular sex with my wife  for the most part.  confidence is much better  health is much better(lost 31 lbs in 3 months)   Can think more clearely.  And I did it all on my own.  I am still not yet ready to post in sucess section yet  but I see that happening before long.  I want to be 110% sure.  I want to be 110% sure that it is in my past.  Going to stay here  posting and reading for a little while longer   so hope all are doing well

    Cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #362 on: March 31, 2020, 02:26:00 PM »
Day 111

    I know this might be a bit mundane but  its another day clean.  I don't care what anyone says   but it means a lot to me to count the days   it gives me satisfaction in some small way.  The only thing that bugs me at the moment is that with being clean like I am and being able to think so much more clearly  I was hoping to begin working on my professional life  after neglecting it for 20 years  and it is all on hold with the corona virus.  cant exactly take any sort of schooling or join any groups that might help me along the way. So its really down to just  working on my life personally and that is going reasonably well.  I think I will take this time to  continue to  organize  getting into shape  diet ideas that work for me   exercise routines   etc.   It seems it's a little more difficult to  both lose weight and gain muscle at the same time   but I am slowly learning the finer points.  The organizing of our household has slowed down with the kids not able to go to school  and we cant buy things we need or donate things we don't need  etc.   Its the uncertain future that I am having a little difficulty with. Just trying to keep our spirits up  and our confidence in the future  at the forefront.   All this while  staying away from porn  which is now becoming a 2nd nature.  I feel so close to being the man I want to be.  I know I will reach that point soon.

   One thing I have been thinking of is how to  possibly help to continue the fight  against porn in the future.  How that should look.  I want to be able to  openly help in that fight without  telling my wife the extent of my  addiction.  Many here will debate this and tell me I should just tell her.  Let me be clear  that will never happen.  Not because I am afraid of her leaving me but because  of my conservative ways.  I believe in  carrying your own burden and that's just the way its going to be.  For the most part I stay out of this debate unless drawn into it or asked for advice on the matter or my opinion.  We shall leave it at that.  I will start to look for ways to aid in the fight against porn being accessible to minors   and perhaps we will  make some sort of difference.  Time will tell.  I do invite opinions and ideas on how we might do this.  I believe in lobbying  left wing socialist  movers and shakers   politicians etc.   Conservatives on the outside will say it should be controlled only from a moral standpoint although they believe in  more freedom of expression. The very topic to a lot is not acceptable to conservatives.    Socialist on the other hand believe in a great many freedoms  and rights   and I think that may be where to begin the battle.  Will  have to do more research into it.  I have some ideas I may put into action in the near future.  Don't get me wrong  I do not think porn should  should be abolished outright.  I do not believe in censorship or the government needing to babysit us. I believe in checks and balances  and I believe that kids are kids  and not adults.    I think an important piece of the puzzle is to give kids  what they need so they do not seek out porn.  And guide our children in such a way that they don't feel the need to  show themselves online for attention.  If we can get the kids  to  not be involved in porn at all than  we may take away a large portion of what the porn producers  require in the future.  I hope you understand what I am saying or where I am coming from.  Conservative or socialist  it doesn't matter  lets work together to  improve our future.   These kids will need to support us someday  lets give them the foundation they need

   cheers

post often it helps me it helps you

   

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #363 on: April 01, 2020, 11:53:53 AM »
Day 112


                    woke up feeling better than i ever did  did a really kickass  stint of the excersise bike   and today I am weighing in at 228.2 lbs  which is 34 lbs  down from Jan 1st   physically i move far better  weather its doing yeard work or playing on the floor with the kids  I can get down and up without the groans and creaks of someone who is now 49.  I eat such a healthy diet now and have learned so much about proper nutrition I am thinking of looking in on becoming a certified  personal trainer as a part time income  something to take me into retirement.

   All I have left of porn now is the memories and each day they are becoming a little more distant and  I am sure I am forgetting some of the  old scenes  actresses  sites   ect.   In time I hope they  become something that very rarely pops into my mind.  I suppose as I fill my mind with other thoughts they will be there  less and less

     Cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you