Author Topic: quit for good  (Read 11372 times)

jixu

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #200 on: August 15, 2019, 05:40:54 PM »
Joe, that is indeed a lot of progress that you noted.  Good job and may you reduce it even more-keep on keeping on!

BigMog

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #201 on: August 18, 2019, 09:06:53 AM »
Good work JoePanic,
You’ve made great progress and are at the position I would like to be. I’m still struggling with slips but your post definitely helps me to see where I should be aiming and that it is possible to get there.
Thanks!

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #202 on: October 31, 2019, 12:59:16 PM »
wow  where has 10 weeks gone    I guess a quick update on progress   Porn use still way down  but not perfect "yet"    other activities somewhat up  work has been busier than its ever been   As for the online sex chat rooms  usage over the last few months has gone steadily down  with clean spells and little  sessions  but it has now been 11 days  straight clean (as well as probably 15 days straight clean of any porn   no urges today  whatsoever  and i feel pretty good about things

   Now onto why I have not been around on the journal here

       Much thought has gone into the last few months  on this particular   posting

     I'm not sure this  after nearly 2 years is  the right forum  to use as a tool to fight  my addiction .  I want to thank those who have supported me   it is greatly appreciated  and has  in  many ways helped me  along.     I dont want to bring  anyone down and n I feel everyone has a right  to there opinion  and view  but   some months back I was constantly told  by a member  that unless  I did  certain things pertaining to my recovery  I basically would not be able to  complete the process.  Most of this discussion took place in a private chat  so very little of it is referenced in  this particular journal    Even when I approached the subject  in another open journal  here  in RN  so as to  take in other opinions  on the topic i seemed to really take a bit of a "shit kicking"   so i asked the moderator to remove the  journal as i felt it may hinder my  recovery  it took a few days and me having to  ask a bunch or times  before it was removed    I honoustly  believed  that i was welcomed here to  fight and beat my addiction  my way and not be forced to basically use a system created by someone else   If i wanted that I would have joined a 12 step program or something    Once again  I believe everyone is welcome to there opinion  but when I am not  allowed to run my  recovery the way I feel best  than perhaps its best that I eave and find a more suitable forum    I will be giving it more thought before actually making a decision

     as always   post often it helps you it helps me

     

lyon03

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    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
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Re: quit for good
« Reply #203 on: November 01, 2019, 06:16:42 AM »
Thanks for sharing Joe! I agree that there is no one path to recovery. For me personally, after years of struggling, what worked for me was stopping porn completely...forever. I'd tried the gradual or "lite beer" approach and it never worked for me. By "lite beer" I'm referring to an alcoholic who drinks mostly whiskey switching to lite beer and then calling it a victory. Unfortunately, it's still the same thing: alcohol = drunk = addiction. With my porn addiction, I was the worst judge of what was acceptable or not so I stopped looking at porn and porn-lite images (some also cut out erotic literature). Reading "Your Brain on Porn" was a great tool that helped me understand my dopamine addiction. Good luck with your journey brother.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #204 on: November 01, 2019, 10:28:37 AM »
Thanks for the response Lyon

     I totally understand after 2 years of the fight   the different approaches and what works and what doesnt    might I ask how long you have been clean?     I am torn over continuing on here  as I'm no longer sure of the  intent of this forum  I feel some of it has been hijacked  and I'm sure many dont want  to hear me rock the boat,  I pretty much stopped reading certain  sections  of the forum  and will keep my opinions out of there  but this personal journal may contain some opinions or statements some may  highly disagree with and For the sake of my  recovery  you may find yourself  in a massive argument with me so either prepare yourself for that or stay away like I chose to  stay away from areas I disagree with

     Lyon  in no way is that directed at you   its just all I could think of  writing today  things may begin to sound a little more optomistic before long

    so for now  another day    "clean"


    as always post often it helps me it helps you

Rex

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #205 on: November 01, 2019, 01:05:13 PM »
joepanic,

I have to second Lyon, the gradual approach doesn't work.  Sounds great in theory, but I have never read of anyone who was ever successful at beating a PMO addiction with this approach.  Tried this approach for 20 years and it never worked.  Cold turkey with 100% sobriety was the only strategy that ever worked for me.  I was such a bad PMO addict there were many nights I would stay up all night falling to PMO several hours and then would go to work the next day with no sleep.  It was a wretched existence.  I am now 403 days free from PMO.  Here's what worked for me:

1) Turning my recover over to God and asking His help to beat this addiction
2) Praying the Rosary every day (maintaining the daily prayer life)
3) Remaining vigilant by not putting myself in a situation where I could fall
4) Knocking away the impure thoughts, temptations, and urges as soon as they hit the mind
5) Staying clean one day at a time - days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and now over 1 year free from PMO.
6) Striving for 100% purity and nothing less

Remember you did a streak of 85+ days not too long ago.  This shows you are pretty close to kicking PMO forever, get back into a vigilant recovery where you do what worked for 85+ days and just continue that streak for the rest of your life.  The one big temptation during the reboot that tries to pull you back into PMO is that you are somehow missing out on something pleasurable by going cold turkey.  This is a big lie PMO always promises but never delivers.  Only thing PMO gives is misery, suffering, and destruction.

Good luck to you, hope you stay on the board.  Will be praying for you. 

..
Rex
________________________________

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #206 on: November 02, 2019, 06:47:00 PM »
well i guess another day clean   not much to say today  more posting here out of a feeling of obligation i suppose   but in the end clean is clean

     post often  it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #207 on: November 03, 2019, 07:47:03 AM »
and another day  clean

    post often it helps me it helps you

BigMog

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #208 on: November 03, 2019, 04:06:24 PM »
Well done Joe. Another day Clean is like another cheque in the bank.
Whether you go or stay on the forum, and go gradual or go hard mode, I wish you well.

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #209 on: November 04, 2019, 12:39:46 PM »
Thanks Big mog

                      well another day  I think that makes 2 weeks  I think I am most happy that i have been able to get away from the old chat room    I cant say as I even have any interest in it   but its been 2 weeks clean of both p and chat

      Post often it helps me it helps you n               

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #210 on: November 13, 2019, 04:49:35 PM »
uughhh why can i not find somewhere to go to fight this addiction without getting the impression that unless i do it the way of some other guys SO i will never be a good man   uuggghhhh

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #211 on: November 17, 2019, 12:29:06 AM »
So once again  starting over  its day 2 complete   gonna give this another good try   I am coming up on 2 years of discovering this site  and learning all about p addiction   ive had a few good runs  and I'm going to work on one more   i think I might have to block out some on the site here though   So here goes   starting day 3

    cheers


     Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #212 on: November 18, 2019, 08:56:00 AM »
and another day clean  that makes 3   not much more to say

    post often it helps me it helps you

jixu

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #213 on: November 18, 2019, 09:43:41 AM »
Nice work and best wishes on this new start.  It is worth it!

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #214 on: November 19, 2019, 10:28:46 AM »
well that makes 4 days clean   trooping along  quite well

    Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #215 on: November 20, 2019, 01:09:32 PM »
5 days clean of p and sexchat   actually went to the old chat room and made smart ass remarks about what it does to your brain   people actually came to me in private chats  inquiring  about  giving it up  i  told them to come and read things here  not sure if anyone followed my advice

    Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #216 on: November 21, 2019, 09:50:36 AM »
6 days no p no chat  cruising right along

     post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #217 on: November 22, 2019, 08:44:22 AM »
7 days  no p  no chat  pretty quiet staying busy

    post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #218 on: November 23, 2019, 05:44:38 AM »
this males 8 days   alllllll goood

post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #219 on: November 24, 2019, 10:13:58 AM »
now its nine   sorry there is no insight at the moment  perhaps i dont want to jinx anything   but things seem to be going well

    post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #220 on: November 24, 2019, 12:26:30 PM »
2nd posting on day 9

     I suppose I don need to say a little more  some will not like this at all   but I need to say it   

                            The reason for not  telling my wife  about my porn addiction

             

     I will start off with the fact that my wife always  knew I surfed a little porn and it never bothered her (maybe it does but   but it if does and she cant  be honoust how can she(and everyone here expect me to be honoust)      My wanting to quit porn does not have anything to do with her  it has everything to do with me.  Some may say my porn use  may have a major effect on her life or our relationship  that may or may not be true  but it is not the reason  I am giving up porn   I am giving it up  because it  took away from the things i wanted to do in life  I have never experienced PIED  or any other physical side effect   there have of course  been the usuall mental and emotional issues that come with it

   As a young teenager  around 12-13 or so of course I got the curiosity and looked at the dads old Playboy magazines   as I got a little older I was not socially accepted by girls   did very little dating  no highschool girlfriends  and generally led a pretty lonley life I lost my virginity at 23 in a drunkin stuper   I was not a virgin till 23 by choice   for the next 10 years or so I still did very little dating   no serious relationships   although I worked very hard   was not a  druggy  criminal  or anything like that  the gals I knew from 16 to 30 or so  sure liked the brooding  smoking  tough rebels  That wasnt me   I did drink socially  and from time ti time drank a little too much more out of lonliness and depression   although there were times i could feel pretty low and didnt bother with the drink 

    With the reason  why I'm giving it it  out of the way   I will explain why  i am not dicussing my addiction  with her

        We have been married for almost 13 years   together for almost 15 years   In the 2 years  before we were married   our sex life was good   we woud each willingly  jump the others bones so to say.

     Than we got married   and over the coming years  it turned into   if we were going to do it I had to initiate   and it began to bother me   I approached her on it and honoustly gave her the reasons why  it bothered me   being  that  i began to feel as if I had to earn a night in the sack  or I felt she needed to control  our sex life on her terms  and give her the old "pretty please with sugur on top" mentality   It was funny how when I simply said  well when you want some or feel the need for some   just let me know and Ill take care of what you need  in the meantime I'm not initiating and I got some silent treatment  and a look of discust   as if some little piece of power she was holding over me was taken away.   This at times had led me to go and binge on some P in essence  blaming her for a part of my porn addiction

  Now imagine that  If I were to actually say  you are a small part of the problem   The shit would definatly hit the fan   and I'm sure around here in this forum  its not going to go over too well    The partners section  always says   A man should not say    "IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PARTNER  ITS ABOUT ME "  and he is shot down  and told   it has everything to do with  his partner.  Well i guess thats partly true    Yes It has a great affect on the partner  unless  there is a bit of ownership  to take part in.  So quite frankly  if In have to own the problem 100%   than   I'll fight it 100% on my own

  (side note  I see  from time to time   things dissapear as your typing)

 Now    we move on to  some in this forum who  say a lady knows when her  man is sufing porn  but than the so called "D-DAY" comes along   and the explosioin hits .   This could be either  she finds out  or he reveals it.   In any case  some of these relationships rover given the time  and hard work   some completely fall apart and come to an end    Some say I am being dishonoust and deceitfull  by not coming forward and admitting my addictiion to my wife and this is cruel to her.  It it any more cruel than to what she has done to me  by forcing me  to inistiate sex   and not giving me a good reason for doing so

   Lets put out some facts   She is a healthy 45 year old active gal(now remember this initiating issue has been going for 10 years or better)  She does love sex  or so it seems when we are doing it   she def does not hold back in any way   Yes we have kids   we have jobs commitments   we get tired   exc exc  if that is the issue than why when we do it she almost  wont let me  out for air  so to speak     I suppose its her need for some sort of control   i get that  I accept that  we love each other deeply  have jobs that  are not 100% of what our dreams were   but  they pay well  and are allowing us a nice lifestlye  which should allow us to retire comfortably a little earlier than the average    We have great fufilling hobbies and interests  travel together exc exc 

    So in the end I feel in my case its perfectly acceptable  for me to conduct my recovery from porn addiction the way I see fit.

     I dont expect all to agree with me on this   and thats fine   I believe we are all entitled to our opinion here

      As always  post often it helps me it helps you

           

 

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #221 on: November 25, 2019, 10:11:24 AM »
10 days clean

  I did see some images on a movie I watched last night of a nude gal  but  did not allow  it to affect me in anyway  they came and went  I concentrated on  the plot of the movie  instead   after the mnovie I went straight on to bed   had a good sleep   and now here I am with no urges   and no afterthought of the scene  I'll take that as progress

     post often it helps me it helps you

   

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #222 on: November 26, 2019, 01:26:52 PM »
lets make that 11  clean      moving right along

     post oftewn it helps me it helps you 

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #223 on: November 27, 2019, 05:59:58 AM »
Well I guess thats 12 days

    cheers


     Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: quit for good
« Reply #224 on: December 03, 2019, 07:48:19 AM »
wow  day 18  doing pretty good   sort of stepped away from the forum for a few days  to see how i would feel   kind of did good to not think about the whole process

    Post often it helps me it helps you