Author Topic: 95 days now  (Read 3167 times)

JedClampett

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #75 on: April 21, 2018, 08:44:50 PM »
JoePanic:

I think that the jobs I have chosen have led to some isolation.  So I must branch out or I risk losing those jobs.
My thinking is probably wrong.  I want to think that every time I attend an event it is an opportunity to find a way
to go.  Perhaps I can find what I am praying for if I take action.  Like TakeActionNow is teaching us.

It cannot be just a hope, it has to be an action.  So that is why just posting is good for everyone on here.
Keep your posts short though!!!

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #76 on: April 23, 2018, 08:13:02 AM »
Hey Jed   Thanks for reading  and responding with insight    Not sure if I can always keep posts short although most are    Its now day 123 for me with no porn   and only the occasional m   and even then the thoughts during that are of my wife  which I'm really pleased with as  the reminders of routs leading to P use are slowly severing and disappearing   I am somewhat more productive as a result of it   but its still a struggle  at times    Each day gets more easy.  A lot of the issues I have are more or less daily pressures  of a shortage of time  and space to get things done    Sometimes I just throw up my arms and say screw it  I'm not doing them.  Which doesnt always help but it relieves the pressure  for the short term  which keeps me from  chasing the instant gratification of P   I know in a few years  things will ease off as the kids grow up and head out more leaving us with more time and space  This is just a "have patience' issue.

   Cheers    Post often it helps me it helps you

Tom65

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #77 on: April 23, 2018, 12:52:56 PM »
Hey Jed   Thanks for reading  and responding with insight    Not sure if I can always keep posts short although most are    Its now day 123 for me with no porn   and only the occasional m   and even then the thoughts during that are of my wife  which I'm really pleased with as  the reminders of routs leading to P use are slowly severing and disappearing   I am somewhat more productive as a result of it   but its still a struggle  at times    Each day gets more easy.  A lot of the issues I have are more or less daily pressures  of a shortage of time  and space to get things done    Sometimes I just throw up my arms and say screw it  I'm not doing them.  Which doesnt always help but it relieves the pressure  for the short term  which keeps me from  chasing the instant gratification of P   I know in a few years  things will ease off as the kids grow up and head out more leaving us with more time and space  This is just a "have patience' issue.

   Cheers    Post often it helps me it helps you

How is it! do you feel big difference from 90 to 123?
Why I ask is my plan is to keep on doing this to I get to my vacation it’s about 90 day away middle of July. We doing a trip together and can have much time for fun stuff!
« Last Edit: April 23, 2018, 02:31:14 PM by Tom65 »
Tom65
Sorry for my bad English its not my native!

JedClampett

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #78 on: April 23, 2018, 02:08:55 PM »
JoePanic:

I did go to a Garage Sale with my cousins this past weekend.  Believe it or not it was tough to get myself to go.
But I found that I really enjoyed it.

Thank you for sharing with your own difficulties.  Although I have never come close to marrying I can still relate.
Whether PMOing or not, putting things off just makes them tougher to do.

In my case some of the things I need to do could be done in one day.  I have to take care of myself before I
can help others.

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #79 on: May 18, 2018, 10:00:56 PM »
Hey guys    Wow  its been almost a month since my last post    My report is still one of success  I have long lost track of the number of days clean  and I think it is now irrelevant   I dont seem to have any urges to surf smut  these days at all   I am also not seeing any general change in my life at the moment  I think it really is because I'm just way to busy to even think or notice any changes going on     Make love to the wife fairly regularily (she still doesnt know I had a problem and have been beating it)  and I still believe it is best left that way   I guess for the moment  I am just putting distance  between me and the old addiction  for a little while  not even pondering over it  or trying to learn from it or anyhing like that     Hope all are doing well and i'll get some more reading done here  comment   and post a little more of my own


      Cheers

                          Post often it helps me it helps you

Tom65

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #80 on: May 19, 2018, 04:08:38 AM »
Hey guys    Wow  its been almost a month since my last post    My report is still one of success  I have long lost track of the number of days clean  and I think it is now irrelevant   I dont seem to have any urges to surf smut  these days at all   I am also not seeing any general change in my life at the moment  I think it really is because I'm just way to busy to even think or notice any changes going on     Make love to the wife fairly regularily (she still doesnt know I had a problem and have been beating it)  and I still believe it is best left that way   I guess for the moment  I am just putting distance  between me and the old addiction  for a little while  not even pondering over it  or trying to learn from it or anyhing like that     Hope all are doing well and i'll get some more reading done here  comment   and post a little more of my own


      Cheers

                          Post often it helps me it helps you

Good for you and congrats!

Hope I can share this kind of success story in the end.

Tom
Tom65
Sorry for my bad English its not my native!

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #81 on: May 27, 2018, 09:57:03 AM »
I think its been about 10 days  since my last posting   I am now switching the counter  from days to  "its been several months" since I last viewed porn   If I recall  I  made the decision  to begin this  journey on Dec 26th 2017     So about 5 months

     In that time  I have not watched hardcore porn once  no video  no photos exc
     I think I have  masturbated perhaps 5 times  so maybe once a month
     I make regular love to my wife  almost weekly   sometimes we miss a week or its a bit of an off schedule   never an issue for either of us
     I realllly enjoy seeing her  walk around sexy  but it never  leads me to porn
     Morning wood is pretty regular
     I can handle seeing an attractive girl on the sidewalk  and control my thoughts   I may gaze a little longer than I should   but I am a man  after all   I do not
     turn my thoughts to what I would like to do with her
     On occasion  when I do see a sexy  scene in a movie  or a gal on the street  my thoughts do turn to porn and  I  think "hmmm maybe I'll slip down for a
     quick "session online"   but I am easily able to suppress that (my father once told me  that even 10 years after he quit a 25 year smoking addiction he
     would get that feeling  after a nice meal "oh it would be nice to have a smoke"  but I dont think he gets that anymore  He quit in 1982
     

More of my thoughts these days are on how much time I wasted and how can I get that time back  by increasing my efficiency  at life   without pushing my family   as they are used to a certain output from me over the last 15 years  I have had a family    I must be careful for now  as they have no idea that I had this double life and I do aim to keep it that way as I had never  negatively affected  anyone.  I am finding this task to be slowly getting more easy   Its just getting past the  feeling of  "can I ever catch up and achieve what I always wanted  before I run out of time"  I am 47 now   

    I see daily in the news about sexual assault and that the reason is always  a man wanting some form of control over a woman    I'm not sure if I always believe that  I wonder how much is caused by what is learned from modern day porn  online    We have all watched the scenes  and much of it is based on male dominance   so perhaps they are somewhat right in that assessment  I think this control issue is a learned  trait  from what  kids and teens are seeing in online porn   once again proving the whole "brain rewiring" problem    something to really consider discussing further     No being one for censorship   I think its time that  there be more controls put on  online porn access    keeping it out of younger hands    But that is a whole new  discussion

     Meantime I will keep reading here and elsewhere    may not always respond but I do take something away with me

       Hope all are well  need to go out for a while on this nice day

                        Post often it helps me it helps you

Tom65

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #82 on: May 27, 2018, 10:56:01 AM »
I think its been about 10 days  since my last posting   I am now switching the counter  from days to  "its been several months" since I last viewed porn   If I recall  I  made the decision  to begin this  journey on Dec 26th 2017     So about 5 months

     In that time  I have not watched hardcore porn once  no video  no photos exc
     I think I have  masturbated perhaps 5 times  so maybe once a month
     I make regular love to my wife  almost weekly   sometimes we miss a week or its a bit of an off schedule   never an issue for either of us
     I realllly enjoy seeing her  walk around sexy  but it never  leads me to porn
     Morning wood is pretty regular
     I can handle seeing an attractive girl on the sidewalk  and control my thoughts   I may gaze a little longer than I should   but I am a man  after all   I do not
     turn my thoughts to what I would like to do with her
     On occasion  when I do see a sexy  scene in a movie  or a gal on the street  my thoughts do turn to porn and  I  think "hmmm maybe I'll slip down for a
     quick "session online"   but I am easily able to suppress that (my father once told me  that even 10 years after he quit a 25 year smoking addiction he
     would get that feeling  after a nice meal "oh it would be nice to have a smoke"  but I dont think he gets that anymore  He quit in 1982
     

More of my thoughts these days are on how much time I wasted and how can I get that time back  by increasing my efficiency  at life   without pushing my family   as they are used to a certain output from me over the last 15 years  I have had a family    I must be careful for now  as they have no idea that I had this double life and I do aim to keep it that way as I had never  negatively affected  anyone.  I am finding this task to be slowly getting more easy   Its just getting past the  feeling of  "can I ever catch up and achieve what I always wanted  before I run out of time"  I am 47 now   

    I see daily in the news about sexual assault and that the reason is always  a man wanting some form of control over a woman    I'm not sure if I always believe that  I wonder how much is caused by what is learned from modern day porn  online    We have all watched the scenes  and much of it is based on male dominance   so perhaps they are somewhat right in that assessment  I think this control issue is a learned  trait  from what  kids and teens are seeing in online porn   once again proving the whole "brain rewiring" problem    something to really consider discussing further     No being one for censorship   I think its time that  there be more controls put on  online porn access    keeping it out of younger hands    But that is a whole new  discussion

     Meantime I will keep reading here and elsewhere    may not always respond but I do take something away with me

       Hope all are well  need to go out for a while on this nice day

                        Post often it helps me it helps you

Thanks for chairing!
Some day I be there to....

Tom
Tom65
Sorry for my bad English its not my native!

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #83 on: June 04, 2018, 03:45:26 PM »
Wow in the month of June  now  in a few weeks it will be 6 months  clean

     I have to say I am somewhat at a loss   This almost seemed to easy    But I know I must always keep up my guard    As   I  said in  my  last post   my thoughts these days are more on moving forward    than looking back  and telling myself  I know have the time  to  do  some of the things    I always     wanted to do     but "ignored"   and getting passed the feeling that I am not too old to really start them (I'm 47)  We will see   gonna keep it short and see what I can come up with in my adventures   see you all again soon

       post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #84 on: October 01, 2018, 01:10:40 PM »
OMG  where did 4 months go

      I have totally slipped away from this fight   a quick synopsis

       I began to slip sometime in early August   wound up surfing a few sights  and slipped   I felt the conflict at the time which I suppose is good  because I totally  recognized  it   so in the last 2 months I think I have pmo 5 times   the last being 1 week ago   and than it was 3 weeks ago  and 5 weeks ago  so it seemed like every 2 weeks or so   I have recently began reading journals here again and am feeling pretty good about things   so the fight still goes on    The few experiences this past summer  left me not with a feeling of shame  but one of "hmmmm that just was not fulfilling"  like in the past   So I am building upon that  feeling  and working harder at other endevours  to  say " hey  that was really worth the effort"      I don't know if I should honoustly  restart the day counter or   tell myself I  began this journey on Dec 19th 2017    and say I feel I am slowey becoming the winner in the battle

      Opinions?? 


               So back here again to Post often as it helps me it helps you

uncreatedlight

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #85 on: October 01, 2018, 02:03:19 PM »
If you PMOed, I would reset the counter.  This is insidious, and the number of days aren't as important as ultimately being liberated.  Your brain is healed or not.  It doesn't know days!

Keep up the fight.  We are all in this together.

huckleberry

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #86 on: October 01, 2018, 03:53:00 PM »
Sorry you fell off the wagon, but you are 1 week free again. it isn't work giving up because you screwed up... most people do. I heard a guy talking about drugs saying that sometimes people will mess up and take something, and then figure "what the hell" and go on a bender. He was saying it was like you trip and fall down a stair and you say "what the hell" and throw yourself off a building. it was wise I think. So now we're both about a week free of this addiction and let's make it longer and longer together, cool?

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #87 on: October 02, 2018, 11:02:18 AM »
Hey guys  this one is a bit mundane  but another day free  anyway  I am just getting back into alot of reading here and will for sure post more as time goes on  but feeling pretty good all things considered as I am at home off work due to weather  conditions   so have ample opportunity to  surf   but am instead getting little things caught up that have been left behind

     hope all is well    Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #88 on: October 04, 2018, 04:11:42 PM »
More from the mundane  but this time its 2 more days  making a total of  9 days  feeling pretty good about it   some morning wood which is always a good sign(ill blame the wife for that like I always do  I think it  makes her feel pretty good  that she def does it for me at age 44  cant think of what else is making it hard    we'll be back either later tonight or tomorrow

     Post often it helps me it helps you

uncreatedlight

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #89 on: October 04, 2018, 04:17:23 PM »
Congrats on 9 days!  Keep it up.  :)

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #90 on: October 05, 2018, 12:36:22 PM »
Day 10  no urges  I think my 1st reboot back early in the year really had  a positive affect on me   until my slip up   The feeling I have now are  ugghh    its the beginning again and I did 90 days once   and now I need to don it again   and it seems so much longer this time   not from so much the addiction/withdrawal   but just time in general  I want to catch up to where I was to feel successful   this time I think its just a matter of patience   Doing lots of reading   and naturally finding time and effort to do other things   Not even  thinking "I need to do this to keep my mind of P"    just naturally doing things without even thinking of P   which I suppose is really good   the motivations are different

     Post often  it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #91 on: October 07, 2018, 12:52:15 AM »
Day 11   and what should have probably been a tough time for me   but I got through with relative ease   It is Oktoberfest  and I am involved in a group that puts on the festival   so  many of those nice gals in those dresses  that put  everything on display   but the hard work  is where my mind was (most of the time anyway)   came home and made great love to the wife   and now reflecting on the last 11 days and  feeling confident this will be the time  I beat this addiction   Tomorrow  and Monday will be busy days again  and than I am at day 14 again  which for the last 3 -4 months is as far as I was getting  so totally paning to run past that number

      Cheers

                              Post often  it helps me it helps you

uncreatedlight

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #92 on: October 08, 2018, 12:25:43 PM »
Oh man, I love Oktoberfest.  This is making me miss my wife even more.  It was one of our favorite things to do together.  Cherish your wife.  This is leading you toward her.

You are nearing 2 weeks.  Keep it up.

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #93 on: October 08, 2018, 10:12:39 PM »
13 days free now  tomorrow I equal my recent  records  I'm feeling it will be easy to surpass as I am quite busy this week    I have had no urges  at all  Have done some reading and will probably begin posting support  to others in a day or so    Thanks for reading and support

              Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #94 on: October 09, 2018, 07:42:03 PM »
Got the 14 full days in now   super busy tomorrow and Thursday  should be easy to  get through those   Still I have to say  I don't have any urges at all   which feels great   I am still bummed at making over a 100 days  a while back and slipping   even so  after the few slips n they were only 5 or 6 times in the following 3-4 months  so it was really irregular   anyway  back to some reading

     [post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #95 on: October 10, 2018, 09:56:50 PM »
Super short one here  but 15 days down   best record in several months   feeling goooood   tomorrow super busy again   cheers all

       post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #96 on: October 14, 2018, 10:47:21 AM »
Wow  its day 19   where did the last couple of days go     Its been so busy with Oktoberfest  at our cultural club   that I have not had time to even think about pmo   And that should have probably been hard considering all the ladies attending the event and there dirndls   But over the last 10 months I have fought to change the way I think of women   I am def still attracted to them but in a whole different way   I just finished reading another journal and he said a few things that really struck me   and that was the diminished feeling of self worth and trouble accepting gratitude   and I realized  wow this was my life over the last 30 years   But over the last 2 years being involved in this club  I have gotten wonderful compliments and thanks for my great efforts   I have never felt better  about myself
  unfortunately  some of the small issues that drove me to pmo  still exist   and those are a lack of time and space at home  to pursue my other hobby of music   I love my wonderful wife(who has no idea I am in this battle or that I overused porn to the point of addiction) but she is pretty driven and is instilling that in the kids  and there is no changing that   I have to find a way to work around it   Music will be limited for the foreseeable future   the kids will grow up and move out someday and be successful   I am sure I will find the time and space someday   but in the meantime this battle is more important  and  I will build upon my successes

      Post often it helps me it helps you

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #97 on: October 15, 2018, 04:53:58 AM »
starting day 20   feeling really good    this time seems to be somewhat easier than the last time i hit the 3 week mark   could be I am finally winning the battle  we shall see  I will be volunteering  this  evening  for a few hours  so thats good  I am finding my worth
    cheers

     Post often it helps me it helps you

uncreatedlight

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #98 on: October 15, 2018, 09:10:34 AM »
Great job!  First few weeks are definitely the hardest.

joepanic

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Re: 95 days now
« Reply #99 on: October 16, 2018, 02:11:28 PM »
Day 21  3 weeks   I have been feeling better about myself as each day goes by  until today  when  some pesty animals  did some damage  in our yard  and its been frustrating my wife  to no end  and she's grumbling at me like crazy...…  although I love her for every thing she is   We could cure that problem outside if she would not keep us so incredibly busy   She is a pretty driven gal  and I cant always keep up to the schedule  not to mention I have a lack of time and space to get things done   This has actually been a pretty big point of contention between us over the years  and is in some small way a part of my porn addiction as when we argued about these kind of things  she could never budge  or admit that its a problem this crazy schedule  we live in   I would just quietly take out my frustration  watching gals online who  gave their men  none of these problems   But after today I believe she might see the light  and  has said we will clean up the mess out there  and move on from  it and not continue the project(which takes a few solid hours of out time each week   freeing up time  for other things we have on the go  I know this is a bit of a rant   but its easier to just get it out and  tell myself  she is making a small effort  on this point of contention  so shall I   and tell myself   this is worth soldering on     I have no urge to use   and coming here to do this sure is helping

        Post often it helps me it helps you