Author Topic: The final countdown  (Read 7182 times)

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #25 on: December 05, 2017, 08:28:57 AM »
Thanks a lot nofap, you're inspiring me with your progress. Good luck!

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #26 on: December 06, 2017, 08:52:55 AM »
Day 15

Damn, it was a pretty hard day. Cravings were strong and that's because of chaser effect. I had a brain fog and was alone at home but I was aware enough to know that being alone wasn't a good idea so I decided to get away from home and I went for a long walk and shopping.

I watched videos about overpizing bodies nowadays and I think it's a pure truth. Social media, internet and especially P enslave us and if we see any naked sexy body we act like dogs with lolled tongues. I am pissed-off that honestly everyone is subject to this brainwashing. That is why giving up P is a huge step to be free and independent.

In the evening I was watching 'Fast & Furious' and honestly it's not the best movie if you reboot but I tried to focus on plot not girls. Anyway we're not able to avoid completely triggers and if we do so there always exists a possibility to encounter a trigger suddenly and then we're not ready to cope with it. Therefore I will try to ignore triggers if I can't except them.

During this night I had a wet dream so today urges are still strong. I have to watch out for facebook because I've just seen a hot friend's photo and I'm feeling aroused. I think that I'm going to read a book or go for a walk.

Anyway I keep going.

Stay strong guys!

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #27 on: December 08, 2017, 07:37:53 AM »
Day 17

Last two days were fine. I had urges time to time but I think that I am more aware and cautious. I didn't have a time to write sth in my journal. I think that I will visit this site less often because I was getting a little bit obsessed  ;) Anyway my motivation is still at the same high level. I think that generally I have much less obsessive thoughts connected with sex and so on. I'm become more relaxed and happy but I know it's still a long haul.

Stay strong guys!!

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #28 on: December 11, 2017, 07:44:05 AM »
Day 20

Last days were quite good, I spent a lot of time with my gf. I noticed that some obsessive thoughts about sex, P and fetishes came back but generally I have more peaceful mind and I really appreciate that because what P wronged most is the peace of my mind. Urges are sometimes 0 and the other time hard e.g. a little while ago I was thinking about PMO and tried to use my good streak as an explanation to have a look at P once again. Obviously there are brain's tricks but I have to watch out.

Anyway I've been just thinking about one thing - the time being addicted and PMO we watch a lot of movies and tons of girls, is this possible that after a reboot I will be bored with one girl? I'm a bit afraid about this idea. I hope that reboot will give me an opposite effect.

I'm going to try some meditations to calm my mind.

Take care  :)

Numezz

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #29 on: December 11, 2017, 09:24:31 AM »
Quote
is this possible that after a reboot I will be bored with one girl? I'm a bit afraid about this idea. I hope that reboot will give me an opposite effect.
with or without porn, humans are wired to reproduce and survive. survival really dont matter if you dont reproduce, reproduction is more important. i think that is why orgasm feels better than food.

im sure you remember the first time you fell in love with your gf, im sure it was feeling just a little bit better than now? maybe it was a lot better. the more often you O with someone, the more brain turns off attractiveness for that person and increases attractiveness for others because we are wired to spread our genes as much as possible before we die (we used to die before 30). in other words your secretary or random girl on the street can become more attractive than your current gf over time. this happens all the time. that is why gary wilson practices karezza. karezza is bonding behavior that includes sex but its not goal oriented. if you want to stay in deeper love with your gf, you need to practice more bonding behavior and less mating (edging and Oing) behavior.

this all makes sense and since gary wilson practices this, i would say its legit. i never practiced karezza though but i did noticed that my, now ex, gf became less attractive even after just 2 years of relationship. i mean, i started thinking about cheating, there were more arguments, less harmony etc. it happens to a lot of relationships if you ask me, really a lot.

we advanced so much from our beginning days, its not necessary to O all the time like before. its not necessary to spread our genes as quickly and as much as possible before we get eaten by the tiger. today is more bonding and less mating era. brain does not know the difference between porn and real girl, when you watch porn your brain thinking you are reproducing with all those beautiful babes. brain also dont know when you O with your gf that you are not Oing inside or making babies with her, brain thinks you are reproducing and why would you keep reproducing, keep watching same video or keep fucking same girl forever? it does not make sense from biological stand point if your main goal is to spread your genes as much as possible. to fight this, brain simply makes your current partner less and others more attractive. easy work.

nothing wrong with changing relationships though, but if you really want to stay in harmony and love you should practice more bonding behavior (karezza). it makes sense. if you dont O as often, your brain will keep thinking highly of your partner just like the first time you were together. it also happens that when some people get back together its good for some time but it goes south later again. this is all very common and i thought about it all and it makes sense to me. it makes sense why it goes south and it makes sense why all the karezza practitioners experience harmony and love more constantly.

gary wilson's wife is writting about karezza. i think reuniting is the name of the site and her name is marnia robinson.
   




dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #30 on: December 16, 2017, 06:56:42 AM »
Thanks a lot Nikola, you have such an imressive knowledge about psychology. I've heard about karezza and its benefits and probably I will try it.

Day 25

Recently I had many ups and downs. Unfortunately obsessive thoughts came back to me, e.g. when I see an attractive girl I deliberate about having sex with her, especially if she fills my body fetishes. So of course I'm constantly horny and it's hard to resist to watch some P. On the other hand I'm more on real girls now and I think less about artificial stimuli. Anyway it's tiresome because I'd like to think more about so many other things because life is not based only on sex but it's often hard to me to focus. I ntoiced that I'm a little bit more confident and truly happy at these moments when my  brain is calm.
I MO'd twice in last 5 days and I know it's not good for me in this stage. I think there are two ways of reboot: with sexual stimuli - it's probably a longer way with harder urges and being more horny but without flitline. And opposite of that wtihout any sexual stimuli - a shorter one with less cravings but with terrible flitline.

I will try to avoid MO as well as sex (perhaps reduce it and make it more gentle).

Stay strong guys!

Nofap901

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #31 on: December 16, 2017, 10:06:23 AM »
Hey bro you'll get through the ups and downs. I'm on hard mode so I don't do MO, but those urges go away for the most part. I think it's worth it to give it up for at least 90 days. All up to you though. Just keep busy and focus on the good things in life! We can do this.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #32 on: December 19, 2017, 10:53:05 AM »
Thanks for your attention Nofap, it gives me more power if I know that the others are following my journal. I think hard mode is probably the best but I'll try to do this reboot in my way, just trying to avoid MO as much as it's possible and probably after some time (maybe after 90 days) I'll return to MO to sensation time to time because I've heard that it's also good for a recovery.

Day 28

So it's 4 weeks without any P or PMO already. I feel pretty good now, in addition time to time I'm truly happy in that healthy way when you know that you like your life. As I said before I had also problems such as mood swings and a huge arousal and obsessive thoughts. Anyway I think that everything's going in good direction. Honestly I had never many problems with ED etc. but I noticed that my MW are almost on a daily basis now. When I PMO'd I rarely had MW.
Now I have difficulties with flasbacks and P-related thoughts but I can control them better then e.g 3 weeks ago.

Stay awake guys and good luck  :D


dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #33 on: December 21, 2017, 08:06:04 AM »
Day 30

Full month without PMO behind me!!

I'm proud of myself but I don't lose focus. Honestly guys yesterday was the hardest day in this journey thus far. I had incredible hard cravings, don't know why but I relapsed around 30 day twice in my past reboots. But do you know why I resisted yesterday? Because of this journal mostly. I can't disappoint you and myself and in addition I've read so many stories in which everyone is so disappointed because of relapse and I don't want to reapeat my mistakes.

First serious battle won, but still prepared for the war.

Take care and stay strong brothers.

Nofap901

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #34 on: December 21, 2017, 11:05:21 AM »
Congrats on a month bro! Keep going. Craving will come and go, but at the end of the day they're all temporary. Good job man.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #35 on: December 25, 2017, 09:16:14 AM »
Nofap thanks bro!

Day 35

I had many ups and downs still but I think everything's going right. I didn't MO for more than a week, I had sex twice with my gf, once yesterday and today I have a big chaser effect. In addition in my mailbox everyday I receive a lot of SPAM with sex dating, so I opened a few today and I saw some naked girls but I shut it up quickly. It's annoying and it can be a trigger for me. I think Christmas time is a little bit more difficult but anyway I keep going. I'm going to add meditations (I've tried couple times and they were really useful) and CBT (strarting from January) to my recovery.

Good luck guys, stay strong, we'll do it  ;)

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #36 on: January 01, 2018, 05:58:32 PM »
Day 42

Well, 6 weeks being free from PMO and P behind me. I would like to write a little bit more because actually I have some reflections to share with you my fellow rebooters.

1. I noticed that my addiction to PMO is not only based on desire to watch a P video but also because of general need to get laid (especially new girls).  And here I want to be very precise - I never was a type of guy who taps a lot of girls and so on, I was always a monogamist and I am with my GF in three-year relationship already and never cheated her what is more I really enjoy our relationship. BUT I don't know if this desire to have sex with another girls is increased by PMO or contrarily it was obscured by PMO (substitute) and now I can see it because I don't PMO. I know that this attitude is NORMAL for us (males) but I think that this desire is too big in my case and it can lead to PMO again. I'll watch my thoughts in the future and think about it.

2. On the other hand in past days I had moments when I honestly appreciated my life, relationship with my girl and so on. That's kind of feeling which I had many years ago when my addiction was not so advanced. But after these good moments my sexual obsessive thoughts always return. I'm thinking about going to psychologist maybe it would be helpful to get my thoughts right.

3. I've just come back to my home after being on the two-month internship abroad. This is really dangerous because at home my cravings are much stronger. I am alone in my room (temporarily I live with my parents) and many thoughts about PMO are appearing.

4. I'm starting CBT now as a kind of self-treatment  ;)

Stay strong friends.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #37 on: January 03, 2018, 06:08:55 AM »
I'm so sorry guys, but I relapsed yesterday. It's mostly because of the fact that I'm at my home which reminds me of PMO so much.

IN SHORT: It started in the evening when I was reading articles about P, I think I started to look on purpose for articles which are against the theory of porn addiction. After that I lost my self-control and gave myself a permission to PMO.

I'm counting yesterday as a day 0, so my reboot lasted 42 days. It's not a length of which I could be especially proud but it's my second best streak anyway. I don't panic and I hope that this time gave my brain a lot of bemefits. Therefore I start counting like this is my:

Day 42.1

to keep my motivation.

Be stronger than me friends, good luck.

Nofap901

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #38 on: January 03, 2018, 09:05:27 AM »
Hey dude just learn from your relapse and get back on! It's a long path, but you can do it man. Get back up!

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #39 on: January 14, 2018, 07:31:54 AM »
Thanks a lot NOfap.

So, a little update in my journal.

Obviously after relapsing I couldn't easily get back to my reboot. I PMO'd 3 days in a row. After that I had a break - 6 days. Now I'm again back in PMO. I think that tommorow I will be able to back to my reboot but I have changed my goals and way of acting. I think hardmode is not a good way for me, sex is our physical neccesity, that is why we're on this page (and keep struggling with pornography).

I will simply replace porn with MO. To be honest I don't care if someone thinks that the only way is O free. Maybe for some of us it is but in my case it creates many problems. My life started to be focused on two things only - sexual desire and neccesity of reboot. It looks like OCD.

I hope that you keep going guys.
Good luck  :D

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #40 on: February 04, 2018, 06:03:26 PM »
Hello again,

last days were fluctuating. I have problems to control myself properly. On the one hand I feel that PMO is in some way bad for me but on the other I look for researches that deny this.

Honestly guys, sometimes I really regret that I found yourbrainonporn and this forum... I know that this website enlightened me but except for porn caused problem it triggers sense of guilt after PMO which I haven't had before I found this website.

I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1.

malando

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #41 on: February 05, 2018, 03:08:39 AM »
Hello again,

last days were fluctuating. I have problems to control myself properly. On the one hand I feel that PMO is in some way bad for me but on the other I look for researches that deny this.

Honestly guys, sometimes I really regret that I found yourbrainonporn and this forum... I know that this website enlightened me but except for porn caused problem it triggers sense of guilt after PMO which I haven't had before I found this website.

I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1.
That's your addict brain looking for excuses to let you go back to PMO. But it's too late, you can't unlearn what you have learned. You will never go back to guilt free PMO, and the reason you even learned about this stuff is because PMO was damaging your life. Forget fantasies like, "I wish I never knew", because that can't be done. And if you never knew, you might also end up with total PIED and a life that's lacking in any direction or purpose. That's what P-addicts have to look forward to. It doesn't end well for any addict.

Trust in the instincts that brought you here. They were trying to help you get your life back. Stop looking back fondly at your PMO past like there was no guilt and no big problem. If there was no problem you wouldn't even be here and you wouldn't be writing "I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1." Your addict brain is BSing you. Be strong and commit to this. PMO addiction leads nowhere good.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #42 on: July 15, 2018, 09:09:15 AM »
Hello again,

last days were fluctuating. I have problems to control myself properly. On the one hand I feel that PMO is in some way bad for me but on the other I look for researches that deny this.

Honestly guys, sometimes I really regret that I found yourbrainonporn and this forum... I know that this website enlightened me but except for porn caused problem it triggers sense of guilt after PMO which I haven't had before I found this website.

I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1.
That's your addict brain looking for excuses to let you go back to PMO. But it's too late, you can't unlearn what you have learned. You will never go back to guilt free PMO, and the reason you even learned about this stuff is because PMO was damaging your life. Forget fantasies like, "I wish I never knew", because that can't be done. And if you never knew, you might also end up with total PIED and a life that's lacking in any direction or purpose. That's what P-addicts have to look forward to. It doesn't end well for any addict.

Trust in the instincts that brought you here. They were trying to help you get your life back. Stop looking back fondly at your PMO past like there was no guilt and no big problem. If there was no problem you wouldn't even be here and you wouldn't be writing "I will try to do a reboot again. Tommorow will be my day 1." Your addict brain is BSing you. Be strong and commit to this. PMO addiction leads nowhere good.

words of wisdom.

What can I say, my day 1 will be tommorow. I'm going to put a different number each day, not many words.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #43 on: July 19, 2018, 12:44:58 PM »
4

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #44 on: November 11, 2018, 09:21:03 AM »
A year has passed since the day I started my journal here. Around 12 years since I started PMO. Honestly I didn't make any progress - still fapping, still can't control myself properly. I would like to rerun my reboot, I will post my progress everyday. Let's start with first goal: 30 days PMO free. Why not 90 or more? Because small steps are easier and as I know from past rebooting, first month is the hardest one.

Take care.

Numezz

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #45 on: November 11, 2018, 10:57:20 AM »
A year has passed since the day I started my journal here. Around 12 years since I started PMO. Honestly I didn't make any progress - still fapping, still can't control myself properly. I would like to rerun my reboot, I will post my progress everyday. Let's start with first goal: 30 days PMO free. Why not 90 or more? Because small steps are easier and as I know from past rebooting, first month is the hardest one.

Take care.
never give up

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #46 on: November 13, 2018, 06:29:45 PM »
day 2 (28 days to the first step)

It's the beginning of my reboot. Today I had some cravings because I was alone at home but it's not so hard to overcome them.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #47 on: November 16, 2018, 08:46:20 AM »
Day 5 (25 days to the first step)

Until now not so hard. I had craving obviously but I know the feeling and I'm prepared (trying to distract attentiong when it's coming)

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #48 on: November 23, 2018, 08:24:59 AM »
Day 12 (18 days to the first step)

Originally I've assumed that I would update my journal every day but nothing special happened during previous days. Really interesting and valuable for me is to track my previous journal and compare single days of reboot. I can draw a conclusion that present reboot is really similar, I had also not so hard days 1-9 but last days are more difficult because my brain's just started to want a P. I had dreams about PMO and sex and also I'm more responsive to all stimuli like YT videos and adverts.

Best luck to all of you.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #49 on: December 13, 2018, 05:28:44 AM »
32 days (the first step took)

So, it's more than a month without PMO. I am hopeful about the future. It's not very hard during this reboot, but obviously I have some ups and downs. I MO'ed three times during last two weeks so it's not a hardmode but it works for me.

Take care