Author Topic: The final countdown  (Read 5809 times)

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #125 on: September 27, 2019, 02:11:50 PM »
Ok, so the streak is over and I PMO'd in day 106th. Probably now it'll be really hard to be back on track. Anyway I'm not angry. I'm proud of this long streak  :)

Why did it happen?

a) I was drunk and had no control over my behaviour
b) actually it started much earlier:

I had more than 90 days without PMO and I didn't see real benefits. After that I've reached over 100 days and nothing happened. The problem is we all love wathing p here and if you don't see the huge advantages of being clear it's so hard to be always motivated. Probably I noticed some slight changes but I wasn't even sure because as you know there are always better days.

What can be the conclusion about that?

a) 100 days are nothing and I sholud go for example at least 2 years to see some gains.
b) the hard mode is the only way and if I MO'ed it's not a proper reboot
c) the reboot never gives you huge benefits
d) it depends on a person and all of my 'theories' are bullshit

Anyway I'd like to think about my next reboot. How can I maintain my motviation after 3 months? It's really a crucial thing and please guys, be cautious, especially after reaching these magic 90 days.

Lero

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #126 on: September 27, 2019, 03:05:02 PM »
Ok, so the streak is over and I PMO'd in day 106th. Probably now it'll be really hard to be back on track. Anyway I'm not angry. I'm proud of this long streak  :)

Why did it happen?

a) I was drunk and had no control over my behaviour

I won't start with saying stuff like "Man, I'm sorry for your relapse" and I will say instead: Damn, man, 105 days without PMO is a big success. Your attitude is the right one. Don't focus on "losing 105 days", focus on having reached that number of days. It's not like your progress is completely gone after so many days, as long as you don't engage in a stupid 5 times a day binge (slap me here). As we can see, alcohol was the problem in your case too. It seems that it's a problem with P addicts. It gives us that "I don't care" attitude. This is how I lost my beloved 40 days streak. I literally told myself, out loud in front of the computer: "Man, you will regret this. You will lose 40 days. You want to binge." But I was so numbed by alcohol that I didn't care, I couldn't feel any remorse, any worries, any fear for what I was going to do. I knew I was going to regret it the next day but I didn't care about it. Did I stop drinking? No. I relapsed 3 more times because of alcohol. It was that situation like: "Man, how many times will you repeat the same fucking mistake? Did I tell you the definition of insanity?" I've made the decision to completely stay away from alcohol after I lost a 1 week streak after drinking... just 1 beer. That's right. Can you believe this? I literally can't drink when the streak gets bigger. I relapsed after drinking 1 beer, after drinking 2 beers, so not a big amount of alcohol and I still relapsed.

Quote
I had more than 90 days without PMO and I didn't see real benefits. After that I've reached over 100 days and nothing happened. The problem is we all love wathing p here and if you don't see the huge advantages of being clear it's so hard to be always motivated. Probably I noticed some slight changes but I wasn't even sure because as you know there are always better days.

Man, I don't know, maybe you are a particular case. Feeling no benefits after so long? You post in the 20-29 age section so you are not 50 years old or something. This thing is pretty difficult because, yes, like you said, what motivation should you have when you don't really feel benefits. In my case, only 3 weeks hard mode were enough to make me feel pretty great. Or maybe you felt benefits but expected something else and didn't pay attention? I don't know what to say. You see, sometimes porn is not the only cause of our misery. We might look at it like: "I feel like this because of porn" but there could be other things making you feel bad. I don't know what to say. But anyway, you made it to 100 days, man, you know you can do it, you know what you have to do. Getting the momentum back could be a little tough in the beginning. I made it to 40 days but now, after so many days, I still haven't been able to go past 10 days. I don't know what happens.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #127 on: October 03, 2019, 08:43:46 AM »
Thank you Lero!

I think that after some time of the reboot I'm starting to forget what is the REAL benefit. So I was claer for last 6 days and PMO'd today twice. After that I'm feeling the emptiness.

It's so hard to describe. I don't know guys if you know this kind of feeling. It's like being hopeless, empty as fuck and simultaneously don't care about anything. And i have to stress it: I NEVER have this kind of feeling drugin reboot. Yep, I'm sad sometimes, angry time to time but not this specific fucking emptiness.

And if I tell you that I don't see benefits of rebooting please hit me! Please. And remind me about that.

Lero

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #128 on: October 03, 2019, 08:51:41 AM »
Thank you Lero!

I think that after some time of the reboot I'm starting to forget what is the REAL benefit. So I was claer for last 6 days and PMO'd today twice. After that I'm feeling the emptiness.

It's so hard to describe. I don't know guys if you know this kind of feeling. It's like being hopeless, empty as fuck and simultaneously don't care about anything. And i have to stress it: I NEVER have this kind of feeling drugin reboot. Yep, I'm sad sometimes, angry time to time but not this specific fucking emptiness.

And if I tell you that I don't see benefits of rebooting please hit me! Please. And remind me about that.

I don't know, maybe the opposite of this "emptiness" is the benefit.

dusty

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #129 on: October 03, 2019, 08:54:44 AM »
Thank you Lero!

I think that after some time of the reboot I'm starting to forget what is the REAL benefit. So I was claer for last 6 days and PMO'd today twice. After that I'm feeling the emptiness.

It's so hard to describe. I don't know guys if you know this kind of feeling. It's like being hopeless, empty as fuck and simultaneously don't care about anything. And i have to stress it: I NEVER have this kind of feeling drugin reboot. Yep, I'm sad sometimes, angry time to time but not this specific fucking emptiness.

And if I tell you that I don't see benefits of rebooting please hit me! Please. And remind me about that.

I don't know, maybe the opposite of this "emptiness" is the benefit.

Yep, exaclty, I meant it

achilles heel

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Re: The final countdown
« Reply #130 on: October 03, 2019, 11:52:14 AM »
We were in the same boat and roughly same number of days, I relapsed after 100 days, you advanced another week. I can totally relate to your situation now as it really sucks to get up after coming so far. But this long streak wasn't in vain, it showed us that we are capable of 100 days clean. And if we can make it 100 days, we can make it 200 or even a life long!

I really like Lero's definition: We're in search of the opposite of emptiness!

If you ever have any doubts, remind yourself that you reached a level of despair to search an online community of porn addicts to confess your addiction and search for help! We are here because this is destroying our lives and because we wish to get rid of this more than anything else, now what's the benefit? To reach what you most desired for years!