Mortifying - A constant State of Dissapointment

Mortifying - A constant State of Disappointment
I cannot believe I am finding myself a member of a forum concerning ED ? being age 24.
I did not realize porn was the culprit of my ED for years, rather I thought it was a host of other issues. 
My problem isn?t even so much as the ED ? as it is the embarrassment of being hit with the ED. A week ago, I had one of the beautiful ladies I date ? ready to go.

Needless, to say I was not ? this has now occurred 4 times with 4 different people over the past 6 months. ? and it has occurred many more times in the past.
This weekend a girl, a former runway model ? is having a birthday party at a famous club in my city.  We have been somewhat close over the past 6 months, and have talked about sex.
I fear she is expecting it ? and the performance of a lifetime from me ? I have acquired a six pack and look good, and can constantly date multiple people no problem.  The problem is once things get into the bedroom, it doesn?t happen, disappointment looms ? often they initially think it is them, and I inform them it is me, but it is the last we see each other because I can?t face them after the initial embarrassment or they just want to have fun.
Likewise, another girl that I am dating came over Saturday, and we were watching a movie in my bed, and she brought up the fact we had not had sex yet about 100x.  I told her we would talk about it later, but many text blasting me, asking why I don?t find her sexually attractive, why can?t I just ?put out? for her, why am I playing so hard to get. ? it is just soul crushing because I also want to engage in sex ? I simply can?t.

Stumbled on this website about 4 months ago ? was dating another former runway model, absolutely gorgeous and she came over ? of course ED hit.  She was furious and confused ? we still are friends but it is much different now.

I went to a doctor ? had some test done ? healthy, good T-levels ? ugh.
Stumbled on this website- made it 2 months FAB free.
Relapsed.
Made it another month.
Relapsed with the dreaded porn. ? three days in a row.
Made it about another month ? relapsed with porn.
I am now 5 days in, but so disappointed by how slow this process is and how much quicker I need things to pick up.  I mean this is insane. I want this to come and go ? I?m 24 and meeting the most gorgeous women imaginable and even that makes no difference.
Started taking tribulous ? no help yet.

I guess I should say my big question.

What is the time range I am looking at prior to being able to enjoy a partner?


It is worth saying - in the cuddling, foreplay stage - I am good.  Like maybe like 70-80% good. It is when we are ready for it - or they are trying to provide oral.

Gone.

And it is worth saying - when I first started all this - I would get hardly any mw - it would maybe happen twice a week and be at 25-40%

Now it is 5 days a week 85-90%

Good sign my body is getting healthy - but does it mean anything?

First things first man, I feel like you need to take a breath.  You are fine.  Take a moment to navigate around this forum, and you'll see that you are far from alone.  I have been where you are - as have most of the rest of us.  It's a terrible problem to be faced with, and you can't help but wonder if you will ever able to be back to normal.  You just have to believe in the process, and take it one step at a time. 

It sounds like you are doing pretty well with staying way from PMO.  Keep it up!  Your MW should be an encouraging sign that you are on the right track. 

The comment you made about being good for the most part in anything before oral leads me to believe there is definitely an anxiety aspect going on here.  Some people will discount that, but in my opinion, it is a very real factor. 

I suggest you find a girl that you are comfortable with.  She's going to have to be comfortable with you too because you're going to need to be very up front with her.  Be as honest as your pride will let you.  If she goes into any sort of experience with the knowledge that there may be an issue and she's cool with that, the pressure will very much be lifted off of you.  Go slow.  Work your way up to it.  Revert back to your teens where you round the bases slowly.  Don't just jump right in for the kill.  The more comfortable you can be around one another the better. 

Your still very young, and there are plenty more models to go around.  Keep your head up and fight the good fight!

You obviously need to stop looking at porn bro. Start doing stuff that will keep you preoccupied and away from porn/masturbation. Read, exercise, cook, hang out with friends, meditate, focus on your work. There are also ways to up-regulate D2 receptors in the brain which will bring your sensitivity back to normal and speed up the process. These include lifting weights, interval training, cold showers and fasting.

The MW is a very good sign. Everybody has different experiences with it, but I would wait to see if you can get up to 7 days a week because that's what I personally get. In the meantime, use this time as an opportunity to play hard to get with these women who are blowing up your phone. Tell them that you're really busy with work or your family. This will probably make them want you even more.   

Guys thanks so much for taking the time to respond.

-I did read that exercise helps, ironically I was drinking too much and smoking cigs - I decided to totally revamp myself and put aside that along with exercising - doing strength training, HIIT, so I'm glad to hear that helps the process. So I am 3 months out now with no drinking, no cigs, and my six pack looks the best it ever has.

Any other idea's for increasing the sensitivity back to normal to speed up the process? - During meditation (do yoga three days a week) - I am trying that fire breathing idea of almost imagining heat down there - and I can 'feel' mentally the base - but that is it. :/  Nor can I think myself into an erection. :/

And I think that is a great idea to play hard to get!

And staying away from PMO is honestly not that big of a problem for me - I did stumble and messed up as I said - relapsed - I had gotten a text from one of the girls I was dating without any clothes on  - like 10 secs before I was going to shower :/ which turned into 20mins of watching porn - and then I felt like crap about it and messed up and did it again and again. and again over the next two days..-totally back on track tho - absolutely ZERO porn  - I have even avoided watching ANY HBO and watch ZERO TV or anything that could make me stumble up.

Still - At this rate, and with a drastic increase in MW (Today I woke up right after a REM cycle- I use a sleeping app to monitor sleep) - at a raging 100% MW and went to the bathroom - and kept the MW for a good 5-6mins - of course I then fell back to sleep shortly after - but that was encouraging - at the same time I was not thinking like sexual thoughts or anything so IDK - I still can't mentally just get it up like I used to at age 17-18.

This is all just so embarrassing.

And aside from asking for idea's to speed up the process and rewire my brain - any idea on how many more months before sex with a women becomes like no problem.


Also^ any idea's on how to get rid of the anxiety right before the act? - I do indeed get anxiety, almost like a panic attack that I will find myself in this embarrassing situation again - and then ED hits and I go limp like right before the ladies eyes - sometimes WHILE she is trying to provide oral assistance - which is just like... the epitome of embarrassing - I am blushing just thinking back over the past few weeks.

Hey man! Really, truly try not too feel too ashamed about your issues. While it may seem embarrassing at this age to struggle with ED, it's honestly becoming increasingly common...and porn use is the main culprit.

It honestly sounds like you are doing great. You are doing all the right things - exercise, meditating, etc. Just keep avoiding porn and orgasms (for a certain period of time, not forever ) and try to go out and live your life! Gabe always talks about actively pursuing recovery, and I honestly think it is the best piece of advice for new rebooters. Go out and socialize and meet people. Do the things you couldn't do when you were stuck behind a screen forever!

Good luck friend!

Thanks! Congrats on being PMO free for so long!