Author Topic: January 1st its gonna be 120 days  (Read 2346 times)

movingrock

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January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« on: September 09, 2017, 10:11:14 AM »
On day 6.

I feel okay, have been following the rules quite easly, except that i havent done anything to do the ACTUAL REWIRE. Despite that, i just learned and have been learning stuff about myself. I figuring out that i am not an attractive person, on the attitude level i mean. I am so arrogante and soo "superior" compared to other people and i feel disgusted and not suprised why there isnt people wanting to hang around with me, it is just not appealing.  With time and some work things will get to better things. I appologise, although i have nothing in concrete to be appologised for because i havent done anything bad to you guys, i want to appologise because i failed as a human being in this part. Good luck lads

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2017, 06:29:54 AM »
Hi Jack Can, yeah slowly but surely changes will come, i just get a bit anxious on how i am going to do the biggest and most important part of the whole reboot, it´s huge and crucial.

It's exactly that that makes me feel that i am more than others, they sometimes are just unaware of things and give attention to things that are stupid and useless as fuck, and certain attitudes that i dont understand why they have. I dont understand how they dont question their own attitudes, and wonder if there is something better in life than this...maybe i am the one who is dumb because they already have asked those questions a long before me and decided to not question anymore.

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2017, 06:45:03 AM »
On Day 8,

Today i figured something very important that can surely change my life, and it plays a huge part on this addiction.
I have to decide very quickly if i want to study, or go to work, because time is little for me at the moment. But i have a very unresolved issues with my parents, especialy with my mother. I am not at peace with her, and that causes me a huge void within me and inner coldness in my chest. It concerns for my decision because, everything that i have been doing in my life have been influenced by this feeling of wanting to reject my mother and family for our past.

Meanwhile it has been quite smooth, although the triggers are starting to happening since yesterday. I have feeling a bit dizzy like feeling, and a feeling of lightness, and a sloppy&lazy mind. Cold showers help, definatly.



movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2017, 11:27:00 AM »
Day 10

It is getting spiritually difficult, i am facing  old stuff that i have been to running away from. NOthing more going on. Execpt that is time to cut out facebook, unnecessary pc usage and net, and to start using the remaining time to build something. This is making me to have an existential crisis.

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2017, 03:01:08 PM »
Day 11
Today was a bad day, i consciously watched just a few seconds of P and some pics as well, but didnt do nothing beyond that. All this has to do with not doing the second part of the reboot, which is the rewiring with the life that i am supposed to be living. Without it, as i am learning, it is impossible to do this process sucessfully. Case closed, abstinance and "monk mode" alone will never work.

Jack Can

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2017, 03:39:17 PM »
You made it to day 11 and you're telling us what works?

Dude, just listen to the people that have actually recovered from PIED and take their advice

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2017, 06:56:22 PM »
Hello Jack Can,

I have been trying to reboot since January 2014,  i now have enough experience to realize by myself that i need to shift where i put my attention while rebooting. IN other words, i should put my attention on living the life i want and not on rejecting PMO.

Yes i have learned alot by reading YBOP since 2014, but it will be never enough for me untill i have my personal epiphany about things, it is how i work.

These posts of mine, are made my way, i write them as if i was talking to myself...i am not writing it to please you. I write them because it helps me to get clear about myself.

I just dont understand your reaction...




Jack Can

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2017, 04:22:12 AM »
sorry, I was just trying the tough love approach.. I just think everyone on this forum acts so sensitively in a way that if you do mess up no one really cares. I feel like weakness is supported and that people wished you would fail just so they'd feel better about themselves. Do you understand what I mean?
« Last Edit: September 15, 2017, 04:35:18 AM by Jack Can »

summercicada90

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2017, 04:27:13 AM »
I agree with the line of thinking you're taking here, Itakeitall; it's a good idea to pursue rewiring at the same time that you're abstaining from PMO.
It might also be a good idea to let the cravings die out completely (or mostly) before you actually go to have an intimate moment with a real woman again. If nothing else, I can see it make-or-breaking a successful rebound from the chaser effect. But yes, it will make it easy to stay away from P if you have a significant other or someone to be committed to; there have even been successful rebooters who wrote in their success story posts that you should get a girl at some point in your reboot because it helps tremendously.

I can also see exactly what you're talking about. Your focus should be on your life and not your reboot; thinking about your reboot can make you think about porn. Deliberately forgetting something requires that you overwrite it with new information and become occupied with something unrelated. I've seen a success story where the OP had disappeared from the forum for a long-ass time and had come back to say it took him two years to fully heal, but he took that long hiatus from the forum because he didn't feel the need to obsess over his reboot.
And in my mind, not obsessing over your reboot, while successfully staying away from porn, means that you decide you're just done with P and fantasy and M forever, whether you're single or not.

I, for one, can't disprove that a reboot is impossible without rewiring, because I've been pursuing it myself since before I started my reboot. I still have yet to have a single sexual encounter in the month that I've been rebooting, but I have some potential girlfriend candidates and one woman of a... different kind of relationship in my life. And although it does seem a bit extreme to be chalking the difficulty of rebooting up to lack of rewiring alone, I can see it being much harder to do without that motivation.
Age 27. Current streak started on 12/10/2017. Started reboot on 8/8/2017 JST
Porn snipped the fuse to my fireworks. No more PMO.
"We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment. We are choosing to be here, right now; hold on, stay inside this holy reality, this holy experience."

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2017, 05:17:43 AM »
sorry, I was just trying the tough love approach.. I just think everyone on this forum acts so sensitively in a way that if you do mess up no one really cares. I feel like weakness is supported and that people wished you would fail just so they'd feel better about themselves. Do you understand what I mean?

I agree as well, pitying other people when they fail are often confused with love. But sometimes that isnt love. I apreciatte what was your intention.

I know that if someone would pity me i wouldnt value that thing, i know it would never solve my problem.

I understand what you mean because i used to sabotage myself since child till i found out about it, that i wouldnt allow me to be happy and excited about life because i would end up alone, people would just get grumpy and irritable around me, and telling me to get away or hurting me physicaly with  a punch or a slap. Thats why i am afraid of being myself and happy, i am afraid of ending up alone by just being happy. Twisted world sometimes, and the irony of this is that most of people have already lived this and knows this consciously or unconsciously. It means everybody wants to be fuckin happy and nobody allows the other to be that way."Look at me i am a rational human being" , really? are you?, that is why  "society is a crazy breed"

That was me ranting sorry xD


movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2017, 05:25:58 AM »
I agree with the line of thinking you're taking here, Itakeitall; it's a good idea to pursue rewiring at the same time that you're abstaining from PMO.
It might also be a good idea to let the cravings die out completely (or mostly) before you actually go to have an intimate moment with a real woman again. If nothing else, I can see it make-or-breaking a successful rebound from the chaser effect. But yes, it will make it easy to stay away from P if you have a significant other or someone to be committed to; there have even been successful rebooters who wrote in their success story posts that you should get a girl at some point in your reboot because it helps tremendously.

I can also see exactly what you're talking about. Your focus should be on your life and not your reboot; thinking about your reboot can make you think about porn. Deliberately forgetting something requires that you overwrite it with new information and become occupied with something unrelated. I've seen a success story where the OP had disappeared from the forum for a long-ass time and had come back to say it took him two years to fully heal, but he took that long hiatus from the forum because he didn't feel the need to obsess over his reboot.
And in my mind, not obsessing over your reboot, while successfully staying away from porn, means that you decide you're just done with P and fantasy and M forever, whether you're single or not.

I, for one, can't disprove that a reboot is impossible without rewiring, because I've been pursuing it myself since before I started my reboot. I still have yet to have a single sexual encounter in the month that I've been rebooting, but I have some potential girlfriend candidates and one woman of a... different kind of relationship in my life. And although it does seem a bit extreme to be chalking the difficulty of rebooting up to lack of rewiring alone, I can see it being much harder to do without that motivation.

Yeah, exactly summercicada90, for me, myself, i am sure that i wont feel sucessful if i dont do the second part of reboot(rewiring)

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2017, 01:01:10 PM »
Day 12

Yesterday i had lots of anxiety and stress because i wanted to figure out what i want in life and nver was sure of what it was, and that forced me to question it...I ended finding out that i am not doing or aproaching what really is important or relevant to me, i was avoiding it and then telling myself(without being aware of it) that i was lost in life, so that i wouldnt have to face the fact that i was running away from it. And then by running away from it it made me anxious and stressfull, irritable and so on, and those feelings would trigger me to PMO.

Then i figured out what is really important to me and anxiety and that feeling of emptiness desappeared for a few moments, and in their place i felt lots of energy and entusiasm, damn it was a great finding. Could only find what really mattered to me because predispose myself with mindset that i can do anything that i want to do. I keept repeating that thought to myself while trying to figure out what i wanted and then it showed up, and it resonated hugely.

I believe in this because, its already a fact that if you use a neuron/thought of sadness, it will only be linked to neurons/thoughts that are associated with that feeling of sadness, like the neuron of crying. And with neurons/thoughts that gives you a feeling of power&freedom, it will link to other neurons associated to the feelings/thoughts/actions of something that you want to do, because we only do the stuff that we do because we believe that we can do it.

Day 13

Today was gratifying to have a few fullfiling interactions, it was good, but still feel fearfull to be myself and become exposed. I was suprised on how people interacted with me in a slightly different way. I am becoming more resilent not much because of the reboot but because i had to write this text in elaborate way for the second time as the page refreshed it self and ended up losing it and finding that i was log off due to long  time being log in. Its not the first time xD

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2017, 03:48:14 PM »
Day 15

Today i went running, and one of two girls who were walking in the opposite way greeted me saying "hey whats up" and i cowardly made my self looking very tired and only said to her, "hi" with a pretended effort, and keept running. I am afraid of being myself, and get nervous and anxious because i dont know if i am going to be able to hide myself, and then i am even more afraid of showing to other people that i am afraid and nervous, it becomes a chaos. At least i know that if i just dont give up and do something about my life, it will be just a matter of time. She was pretty. Both of them.

"Step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you, it will only burn what you are not"  Moji

Good luck

Jack Can

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2017, 03:57:02 PM »
Dude! I bet that girl liked you if she told you hi. You should go talk to her later!  ;)

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2017, 05:29:22 PM »
 :) Yea she did, even if only a tiny bit. Next time ill be more me dispite fears

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2017, 05:28:40 PM »
Well i got hopeless one day and relapsed. I had i huuge fight with my mom, and got very hopeless about my future. It was as if everything was meaningless. BUt i am back.

Today was DAY 1. I am looking forward for a different aproach to my life, because this has become a god damn cicle. I need to express myself freely without instead of PMOing. Still, feel the gains that i earned from those 16 days, more head on on decision making, and learned some stuff. Progress.

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2017, 12:22:29 PM »
Day 2

Nothing special beyond feeling lost. I noticed that while i am on reboot i am not that good to make decisions as i often tend to be think differently from when i am "relaxed" and "reliefed".

Jack Can

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2017, 01:34:16 PM »
Have you ever thought about moving out from your mom's place? Seems like that would solve some of your problems

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2017, 05:02:24 PM »
Hi Jack Can,

I never took it seriously when that idea showed up, i believe i am not brave enough to go forward with such thing. I know that ill have to decide to go forward with it one day. But i do believe i shouldnt do that because i want to get peace between me and my parents. Leaving this house with unsolved issues wont help me much, as i already went to study abroad for years and wasnt at peace and i knew deep down that it all was connected to this issue.

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #19 on: September 26, 2017, 11:59:25 AM »
Day 4

Very sketchy, stared and some stuff on the internet, lol. But going. It looks as if i am trying to control a car but the sonofabitch dont give a fuck.

movingrock

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Re: January 1st its gonna be 120 days
« Reply #20 on: September 27, 2017, 05:27:23 AM »
Again i failed.  At least now i got a tracker. Ill begin a new post with a proper introduction. This one gone for me.