Author Topic: Another try at an old problem  (Read 7021 times)

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #25 on: August 08, 2017, 09:26:37 PM »
Thanks guys for the feedback.  I think I am going to count it as no porn failure, but M failure.

I have bad knees too, ended my career; and a bad back to boot too. Army to blame for me.

js2004

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #26 on: August 09, 2017, 08:46:07 AM »
I hear ya.  Okay, so then pick yourself up and learn from it and move on. Don't let yourself get to the point where you are contemplating M again.
We can accomplish anything we put our minds to.

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #27 on: August 09, 2017, 07:19:07 PM »
Aug 9 - day 21/1

Not much today, running around town today and wife is at work tonight but no inclination to look at P, but then I never really do.  I would still like to write stories but obviously I won't, but I wrote some great ones! :P

js2004

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #28 on: August 09, 2017, 08:18:33 PM »
Ha, I'm sure you did, and that why you are here bud, they were to great. Stay stronge.
We can accomplish anything we put our minds to.

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #29 on: August 10, 2017, 10:17:28 PM »
LOL - Yeah, just thinking of them makes me smile...um I guess that isn't good huh.  ;)

10 Aug - day 22/2

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #30 on: August 11, 2017, 06:09:30 PM »
11 Aug - Day 23/3

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #31 on: August 13, 2017, 05:09:42 PM »
13 Aug - D25 1/30

Well it seems to me that looking at porn, at least at this point, is not an issue but the urge to M is so I am going to start a new clock and go for 30 days without M.  Myself, I don't think that P and M necessarily go together, one can occasionally M without using P or thinking of it and without a lot of the bad side effects of P, at least IMO.  Even when I did M it was maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks, hardly a problem.  I am also forcing myself not to stop when I see a hot babe on tv and oogle her; did well today, a woman was standing there with no bra on and you could see the entire side of her boob, normally I would have stopped and stared for 5 minutes but today I kept going, but it wasn't easy.

bob

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #32 on: August 13, 2017, 05:25:29 PM »
Jim,

Good to hear that you were able to look away from that tempting imagery. I too struggle with that situation. Its there, right in front of me, and within the realm of its titillation level, it is over the top. And you looked away. That's great.

I have always felt a level of success if I acknowledged her (who ever) as a female, realize she is attractive, alluring, even down right sexy; then I look away. Its as if I am giving her the respect of not visualizing her as an object. Its OK that she is all of the things above. However, she is also a girl, a women, an individual, someones sister, mother, wife, friend. She is not responsible for my reaction. I handle myself with dignity and do not linger with my eyes or my mind.

Its not always easy but as I said; I feel success when the two second rule is applied effectively.

Peace

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #33 on: August 14, 2017, 03:54:14 PM »
14 Aug - D25 2/30

Hi Bob;  Very hard to not freeze the image and stare for sure.  Today on my run I passed 3x 20 something girls in bikinis...God has a great sense of humor!  Of course I was too old for them to look at me, unless I had rolls of cash falling out of my pockets.

As the old saying goes "too bad youth is wasted on the young".

js2004

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #34 on: August 14, 2017, 07:14:47 PM »
Ain't that the truth.  I've been at the beach and there are way to many women in bikinis, it's killing me.  I don't think I have ever walked with my head down as long as I have today.
We can accomplish anything we put our minds to.

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #35 on: August 15, 2017, 03:51:57 PM »
15 Aug - D26 3/30



Hi JS;  In my case I was running across an old logging bridge out in the middle of nowhere, more bears than people in the area which is why I take that route, no traffic.  The girls were going to the falls I guess, who knows if I had hung around maybe I could have seen full nudity.  The beach would defeat me!
« Last Edit: August 15, 2017, 03:55:11 PM by Jimbodel »

js2004

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #36 on: August 15, 2017, 08:36:48 PM »
I'll admit it's tough. But I just don't want the wrath of negitive feelings that will follow.  I just look the other way or keep my head down. If I thought for a second there would be nudity I would really be in trouble though.
We can accomplish anything we put our minds to.

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #37 on: August 16, 2017, 09:17:27 PM »
16 Aug - D27 4/30

Wife is at work, M urge is strong so I played a computer game, listened to a subliminal and came here.  Urge is dropping and I am ok now; glad my wife doesn't work a full week!

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #38 on: August 21, 2017, 11:39:09 AM »
21 Aug - Day 32

My third night of not sleeping, I sure wish I could regularly sleep each and every night, it seems that I will go days with poor sleep (bed at 11, wake between 1-3, fall asleep again between 4-5, up at 8 ) and then have an exhausted sleep like Sunday, slept until 930 which is very late for me.  Of course last night I couldn't sleep so my brain went to thinking of sex stories I could write; time and again I redid my chant and it would go away only to return a few minutes later.  Feeling very tired today, brain weakened so having to fight the urge to write big time.

***well didn't write, but I did M which I am attributing completely to my brain fog, I could fall asleep right now as I type this.  Didn't O, just M. Back to day 0.***
« Last Edit: August 21, 2017, 05:23:04 PM by Jimbodel »

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #39 on: August 22, 2017, 06:14:20 PM »
22 Aug - Day 33/1

js2004

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #40 on: August 23, 2017, 06:00:11 AM »
Keep going forward and don't look back. I have been dwelling on the past lately and really struggling so just move forward. Day 1 or Day 76, the struggle is still the same. It just get more manageable as long as you stick to your program.
We can accomplish anything we put our minds to.

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #41 on: August 23, 2017, 01:39:53 PM »
23 Aug - Day 34/2

Thanks JS; yep everyday is the same, same old thoughts and such.  Lately I have been thinking of all the hot women I won't be able to look at online anymore and going "that sucks"; of course that is just the addiction talking.

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #42 on: August 25, 2017, 01:21:48 PM »
Ok, ran an experiment starting Wed and ending today, I purposely relapsed to see what the effects would be after reading stuff on "your brain on porn", both good and bad.  This is what I found out:

Good:  After a month of not watching porn I was able to get an erection while watching a video, something that was not possible before I rebooted.

Bad:  1.  I started Wed at 4pm writing a story, at 5 I had to stop for supper and to wash dishes and all I could think of was writing.  At 6 I resumed writing and spent until 830 doing so, and even then I had to force myself to stop.  While waiting to write again at 5 I felt excited, like a kid with a new present, and my stomach had butterfly's.  I felt incredibly jumpy like I had too much coffee.

2.  Thursday I couldn't wait to get back on the computer and write more; while looking up something about Klingons (not related to the story) a picture of a hot babe popped up, that is all it took for me to search her and find her naked.  That led to looking for more hot babes which led to videos.  Suddenly I had about 12 videos downloaded and numerous tabs open on screen.  My wife wanted to go out yesterday afternoon but I chose to stay home so I could surf.  Once again at 830 I had to force myself off the computer.

3.  I was worried that my wife would catch me in the act; I was so paranoid that I made sure I shut down my laptop when not on it to make sure no evidence was available, normally I just put my LT to sleep.

4.  I quickly found myself comparing my wife to the women in the videos, and of course she lost.

5.  Today, Friday, I ended up MO to one of my favourite videos, as soon as I was finished I felt bad and deleted all stuff from my computer.  This is the same routine I always followed.

So now back to day 1, but I am glad I did this so I know what the effects would be.  I did learn that M without thinking of P or watching it is not a relapse, at least for me, the effects and feelings are totally different.  I was beating myself over M but I won't anymore, not that I M much anyway.

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #43 on: September 05, 2017, 02:05:33 PM »
Ok, after being pissed off with my wife I have to admit that today I completely failed in every way, so tomorrow will be day 1 again.

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #44 on: September 07, 2017, 03:51:38 PM »
D1.  I am starting to wonder if coming here is really necessary, I should be able to stop looking at P without having to use a false crutch such as a daily tracker.   :-\ Will see how it goes.

TakeActionNow

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #45 on: September 07, 2017, 07:48:15 PM »
Jim,
please dont let up.

Being here is not about days tracking.
It is about personal life journalling.

Through journalling you will understand yourself better.
The triggers and the consequences.
It is about awareness and accountability.

Hopefully you will be able to understand yourself better and map the route to greater happiness and freedom in your life.
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

lyon03

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #46 on: September 08, 2017, 09:55:17 AM »
Like TakeActionNow I'd encourage you to keep coming back. Some of the greatest tools that helped me make it this far were being part of a community; encouraging others; and accepting that I couldn't beat my porn addiction alone. So yes please keep coming back and encouraging others. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.   

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #47 on: September 10, 2017, 04:32:15 PM »
D4

lyon03

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #48 on: September 11, 2017, 07:50:45 AM »
Congrats on day 4. Keep coming back my friend. I'd also recommend reading "Your Brain on Porn."

Jimbodel

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Re: Another try at an old problem
« Reply #49 on: September 19, 2017, 10:50:11 PM »
So I found going day by day just wasn't enough incentive for me, it was too easy to say "it is just a day, what the hell" so last Monday I decided I would set a goal of 1 week.  Saturday I was tempted but I rationalized that I only had 3 days to go to meet my goal and it worked, so 1 week down.  I will continue to strive for a week at a time as it is more of a carrot for me.

1 week.