Author Topic: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017  (Read 30690 times)

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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #750 on: May 14, 2018, 07:26:47 PM »
addiction to a substance is rarely about the substance.

the addiction exists because there is a perceived solution the substance provides.
but ultimately the substance never does anything to improve the situation.
worse, it keeps the problem in place and adds more issues to it.

What are the reasons i turn to addiction?

1. attention seeking
2. success seeking
3. connection/acceptance seeking
why ?
Perceived lack of attention, success and connection in life
why?
1. the substitute is easier to obtain than reality
2. i did not persist long enough for my goals
3. i was not clear about what my goals were
4. i did not know how to appreciate whatever that i have
why?
1. i was lazy
2. i feared failure
3. i did not have my eyes on success
4. i did not know what i want
why?
1. i did not love myself enough
2. i did not respect myself enough
3. i did not care about what mattered to me

so what should i do ?
1. love myself
2. respect myself
3. make effort
4. be clear about what i want
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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #751 on: May 15, 2018, 05:09:51 PM »
Addressing inadequacies

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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #752 on: May 16, 2018, 05:39:15 PM »
So i understand a little better of myself:

1. running away
2. looking outwards for affirmation instead of inwards
3. about goal setting
4. recognizing my greatness instead of failures


1. running away
most of my life i have been running away to a safe place
i run away because i have a negative mindset
the finale is bad so why persist
but that is wrong goal setting

a. goal setting is about effort, not outcome
we cannot control outcome, but we can control our effort

b. lacking purpose/priority
without the greater purpose or priority, we lose focus and start to dwell on the immediate challenges. burnout is easy
the greater purpose of personal achievement and meaning helps me to overcome immediate losses and persist when things are not looking up.
things cannot be always looking up so i need to keep making effort
eg:
1. i am fortunate to be paid while having the opportunity to improve my work skills
2. i am fortunate to make friends to improve my relationship skills

c. not addressing properly personal needs and wants
because i give up too soon, i never can see through what it is that i want
eventually i do not know what i want
i must persist to see my desires and intentions through


2 looking outwards instead of inwards for affirmation
i am a strong person, yet i constantly look outwards for direction instead of inwards
perhaps this is fear of failure, result of years of running away
this doesnt help me in decision making and understanding personal needs
a. i fear my poor memory is one reason
b. greed for wanting the best but not being practical
c. negative mindset of only seeing the worse




i would be unable to love another properly until i learn to love myself properly
« Last Edit: May 16, 2018, 05:40:47 PM by TakeActionNow »
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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #753 on: May 17, 2018, 04:44:18 PM »
Enduring helps me understand what is truly important.

1. porn fasting
2. water fasting
3. long distance running
4. goal delivery
5. embracing uncertainty

1. porn fasting (engage)(emotion)
the aim of this isnt about dopamine or rigidity.
it is about engaging and enduring our emotional discontent (the root that drove us to any addiction/dependence including religion) so that we may see things clearly and start to manage these issues directly.
only then will these items happen:
1. identify what is unique about ourselves, what do we truly like or dislike
2. identify what is needed for improvement
3. identify our unique strengths and weakness, so that we know better where to apply ourselves best, and where do we need help
4. what is truly most beneficial to us, and what is junk and fluff that drains us

2. water fasting (survive)(sustenance)
this is another interesting ordeal that pushes us to our limit.
the discipline here is to resist the temptation of food and activity, and settle into a state of calmness and lack with only water as a source of comfort and support.
here we learn of enduring when placed in an environment of insufficiency.

Losing weight is minor
Autophagy is better
but the biggest gain is again, when put in a stressful situation like this which one must endure, the unimportant stuff are quickly let go of, and only the important ones remain.
The delusion of imagery and imagination are quickly identified to be false, and only honest helpful real ones (loving family) are treasured because they endure.

3. long distance running (resolve)(survival)
again another difficult task. here the discipline is to continue when the mind, heart and body are all fatigued.
Here we learn about our personal limits when placed in harsh activity.
again, losing weight or timing records are minor.
when distant running we learn of shutting out indulgence signals, negative mindsets, and start building strength, inner resilience and greater self dependence and confidence
Unhelpful factors are let go of because they only add to weight and burden, something we already carry too much of and still must endure
when finished, we gain inner resolve and confidence to do more difficult and demanding tasks

4. goal delivery (discipline)(determination)
here the aim is not about reaching the finale of the goal
it is about the daily effort to delivery what the goal requires:
1. read 1 chapter every day
2. write a journal every day
3. go gym 1 3 5
4. run 2 4 6
5 donate $10 every sunday
etc

5. Embrace change and uncertainty
This is perhaps most difficult.
because there is so much comfort in certainty
this is a mindset issue.
we hold on to certainty because of expectations
and expections are self created, not reality
they bind us to outcomes we desire, but not actual.

Letting go of expectation allows me to receive the world fully
And not have to struggle to keep up with appearances and seek only impossible perfections and ideals


Understand this:
1. life span is limited. mortality is destined
2. only 24 hours a day
3. only 1 life
x Do not waste life
x Do not waste time
x Do not indulge in meaningless activities
x Do not distance/disengage
> Immerse in whatever i do
> Identify what is truly important and necessary
> Build inner understanding, strength, resolve, certainty, self sufficiency
> Learn to let go, change and grow
« Last Edit: May 17, 2018, 05:03:34 PM by TakeActionNow »
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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #754 on: May 17, 2018, 07:52:14 PM »
Letting go is another huge concept

I'm holding on because my life has little
my life has little because
i did not immerse and make effort
i did not take risks
i am fearful of failure
i avoid change and discomfort
in the end i hold on to the little that i have
because my mindset is fixed and unyielding
they are like that because of expectations
because i want things the way i want them to be

this is unrealistic
my thinking is unrealistic
my expectations are unrealistic
my behavior are unrealistic

i need to change
i need to let go in order to let new things in
i need to stop setting standards and accept things as they are
i need to stop being so hard on myself and start receiving all this wonderful world has to offer

let go
let go
let go
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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #755 on: May 19, 2018, 09:00:28 AM »
for the things we love, there is no limit to our capacity

so why do we often find ourselves out of capacity?
1. not involved / immersed / engaged (distracted with other things)
2. emotionally filled ( often because of negativity )

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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #756 on: May 28, 2018, 06:01:25 PM »
It has been 1 year 1 month since I unofficially started.
I cant say I have been clean but I can say that I have changed much
It has been a long journey towards finding myself, and this journey continues.
Here are some key points in my life these last 13 months:

Timeline
Basically gave up life and pursuits for some years already
Met a girl wonderful enough to move me passionately
Lost her because I was too needy
went into deep depression and was suicidal
complete negativity language in my head
struggled to find a job
found a job
struggled in the job (anxiety/depression/negativity)
started to do well in the job
face up to company politics and vicious backstabbing
continued to do well in the job.

Key personal achievement
In the meanwhile, I did several road races, completed a marathon through great pain, became very fit through regular gym, started a fruit diet breakfast regime, cut down on meat and increased vegs, slept and woke early (9 to 4am), started reading. continued people encouragement etc

I am now embarking on a 36hr water fast, not for weight loss, but for autophagy and for mental resilience training.

Main points
1. I am embracing the words i have written: strength / language within my head / goal focusing / independence
2. I have finally recognized the role of a man, wrt self and women
3. I am practicing very deeply "doing what i said i would", and becoming a man of my word, a man others can rely on.

Some recent thoughts
About women:
Woman by their nature is living and alive. They need man as a pillar in their life for stability and support.
This man must support and provide them. That is the root of a man's purpose.
The role of a relationship is not simply of provision of joy and happiness, but it is to actively take away the other's pain and unhappiness, it is to give support.

About porn addiction.
By being addicted to porn, we are not giving, we are taking
we are not supporting, we are depending.
We therefore become valueless.

The attractive man
The attractive man is not one who loves a girl so much as to put her in the center of his universe.
He is a person whose life has purpose and meaning.
He lives beyond himself, and multiplies his offerings to the world
He seeks and achieves events in his life that he finds meaningful to himself and others.
It is not one simply about seeking laughter and joy, but one of peace, balance within, and personal pursuit. To have courage to go where his heart tells him to.
A woman is proud to be with him because she and others look up to him.
She is proud to be with him because he provides, and he has chosen her over others.
He does not have to be a millionaire in terms of money and connections.
He just has to be a millionaire in terms of character and self worth.

The importance of grit and suffering
abstinence from porn is important and is the first step.
it is to wean us from dependence
picking suffering over indulgence is important
it is to build deeper inner resilience
picking deep challenges is important
it says and shows us that we can achieve what we want
entering deep suffering and abstinence is important
it clarifies what is important and helps us to focus and discard the unimportant.

A healthy lifestyle lacking excesses is a virtuous one.
The results are kind and beneficial.

I have simple goals now:
1. to live a good meaningful life
2. to be able to provide for others
3. to embrace my challenges deeply
4. to be one person always, never distracted, always present and engaged.
5. to be attractive to others by being attractive to myself

I wish all of you well and success in your life
« Last Edit: May 28, 2018, 06:06:45 PM by TakeActionNow »
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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #757 on: May 28, 2018, 08:02:08 PM »
I went for a walk this morning and thought more:

1.  there is a limit to giving but no limit in taking.
In porn we take and take and take, but never once gave
this breeds greed, self centerness, dependency, uncertainty

In real life there is always a limit to giving
we must know that limit
we must push that limit
only then can we appreicate

every relationship involves exchange
if we continue to practice taking without giving, we can never understand our relationship with people, with society

2. the strengthening of mind and character begins first with the body, with senses
one just needs to endure (not deprivation)
In exercise. to last longer
in fasting, to last longer

There are items i will give more of:
rest, water, in order to keep going.

in fasting, one understands the power of sensation.
Sense gratification happens on so many levels:
1 food, taste, flavor: feeling of completeness and satiation
2. visual: seeing beauty
3. sound: hearing tones that motivate
4. smell: smelling scent that invigorates
5. touch: having the connection with someone/thing else

long term deprivation is no good. We all need inspiration
but short term fast/endurance is beneficial for cleansing and appreciation


« Last Edit: May 28, 2018, 10:26:17 PM by TakeActionNow »
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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #758 on: July 17, 2018, 09:46:36 AM »
Just wanted to say I am excited to learn of your progress.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #759 on: October 21, 2018, 04:02:36 AM »
Some quick notes:

1. Porn is dependency.
Addiction is dependency.
As long as we are dependent, we rely on external for all of our sense of achievement or success.
This is unsustainable and very depriving.

Porn is external.
Peace from within is true happiness.

2. Porn is unsettling.
It is varied seeking, like social media, fast and fleeting.
One can never be happier through seeking feeds vs reading a book. It is unsettling.

A stable singular is better than a varied uncertainty.

3. We may be suffering from anxiety.
Because of this we seek stability, conformity and certainty.
Porn in the form of images or videos or chat is a form of stability and assurance. When we want it, how we want it.
So its reassuring. But its not natural.

4. We may have low self esteem.
That our outlook is impending failure or doom.
So porn is reassuring success, unlike reality.
It is perfection, and absolute, desired but unachievable.

I feel this because this is how i feel about myself.

So how should i overcome my addiction, dependency, anxiety and low self esteem?

1. Incredible self love.
I depend greatly on external for a sense of love because i cannot generate that feeling from within.
Learning aboutself love and self respect is the first step to recovery.

2. Let go.
Let go of expectations, of demands, of comparison, of conformity. They are caused by anxiety and lack of self control.
Let go and embrace the reality of life, of imperfections, of the moment.

3. Acceptance.
Acceptance of myself, my reality, my life.

I hope this can help you too.


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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #760 on: October 21, 2018, 11:17:32 AM »
So all these years my action speaks my intention:
Porn, computer games, avoidence, denial.
They are all behaviors reflective of:
Avoiding/avoidence reality
Ignoring/ignorance reality
Unchanging/unwilling to change

Fearing failure, i end up failing.

There is only one outcome possible.
Resolve to change, and accept that change is necessary.

To grow, i must first want to grow, and be able to grow.

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Re: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017
« Reply #761 on: Today at 10:39:56 AM »
Habit and selfish/self centeredness

Porn is just another habit.
At this tine you do this. At another time you do that.
So breaking the porn habit is easy. At the usual time, do something else until you form a new habit.

Why is porn addictive? Because it is insatiable
Why is it insatiable? Because it is based on self centeredness
Why is porn self centeredness? Because it only aims to benefit the self.

Think about it.
When we make love to someone else, we hope they have a good experience too. But with porn and masterbation, its all about fulfilling MY needs.
Locking myself away in my room is MY needs
Surfing for hours for porn is FOR ME ONLY
over time we develop a self centered complex.

Why do we develop an overly perfection, self deprecating, low self esteem complex?
Because the assured way of porn and the lack of proper social exchange leads us to be uncertain how to behave properly in public, and how to set realistic standards.

Why do we get negative and depressed.
Because porn is perpetual seeking of pleasure that is unsustainable. There is no joy that is common in human interaction.

So how to break this vicious cycle?

1. Form new habits that generate real and sustainable joy, like execise or healthy reading.

2. Form am aim to help others

3. Set new goals and standards for myself to reach for.

Love and sex is for the other person to feel good.
We are naturally happier when we make others happy too.

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