Author Topic: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace  (Read 2710 times)

TakeActionNow

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #25 on: October 28, 2017, 11:32:04 AM »
Yes J,
P is a weird thing: it makes us care less about what is important to us, and care more about what isnt. which makes sense, because while our brain learns through repeated behavior, and through PMO we are now taught to seek external validation for our worth, instead of internal validation through self acknowledgement.

Partner and family "belongs" to us (internally) so they get the blunt of our rejection.
People outside of us (external) get far more attention than they deserve. Our worth is now dependent on their acceptance and endorsement. Its a terrible way to live.

So in that way, P is no different to drugs or gambling.
Families and self are no longer important. Internet and pretty or powerful people are like drug dealers or casinos. We give them far too much credit then they are worth, because we hope to get from them some sense of self validation.

Coming out of P, rather than being dependent on external material as our feel good factor, we now look inwards to discover what is really important to us, and take active steps to accomplish them.

That's real self connection, and this self fulfillment delivers immense self confidence. Something external validation can never provide.

101 days!?!
that's awesome !
keep writing about the new you, and the discoveries of the new you !
forget the old ways. they are not important any more.
The newer better you is all that matters. We must keep and remember what is worth keeping !
« Last Edit: October 28, 2017, 11:46:25 AM by TakeActionNow »
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

jberg

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #26 on: November 02, 2017, 05:14:49 PM »
Reboot Day 106
Yesterday, out of the blue, I started thinking about using P.  I tried hard to find a reason as to why on that day, my mind would consider that as an option, but I could find nothing unusual about the day.  This may be akin to the mystery of why the alcoholic takes that first drink.  Then, as I lay down to sleep, I saw my mind starting to select a memory from the past to re-live, almost like picking a video to watch.  I had to consciously and deliberately switched gears.  It is part of my morning practice to identify possible acting out scenarios and to come up with a plan of what I would do to avoid it.  Some time ago I thought about this very scenario, and decided back then that I would, instead of replaying the tape in my head, picture myself actually accomplishing a positive goal or being the person that I am trying to become.  I lie there imaging myself watching very patiently while my son did all the things he does that usually get me angry.   As I watched myself watching him, I felt a deep sense of compassion for him.  It seems that this is a significant step forward.  I've not only avoided conditioning my brain with poisonous images and memories, but I've replaced that activity with one of positive reinforcement.  So, although I still cannot answer the question about why I want to take that first drink, the act of trying to avoid it has propelled me to take one small step in a positive direction.  If each day is just one step, then the journey of my life in the end will consist of 30,000 such steps.

Andrew Carendon

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #27 on: November 02, 2017, 06:58:30 PM »
Hey buddy, I am in AA have beeen for 26 years. If i don't go to a meeting a day the Porn Demon will have its wahy with me. I know this because I have a Porn Free Sobriety Date as well as a sober date. I am at just about 11 months now with the Porn. and it is onlhy because in Dec. I hit a f'ing huge bottom the likes of which I can't soon forget. Porn has been the "biggest elephant in the room" for a long time. My wife tlod me she will divorce me if i ever use it again. I have a Dumb phone, I am on this site now because I was on this very laptop and I got the idea of going to a porn site...why? because I'm suppossed to be at an AA meeting right now but I chose not to go. Porn is powerful but it can be handled.......one day a t a time by me connecting with others. How many times have I used Porn with other real people around?  ZERO  that tells me something....the bastard Porns wants me alone,  by the way being alone is a trigger but that has gotten easier over time. Thanks for listening. I need to keep going to meetings. AA isn't about alcohol, its about getting me closer to people so I can get closer to God as i percieve him. I pray to a God who loves me. I don't pray to any human, and praying to this God WORKS for me

TakeActionNow

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #28 on: November 02, 2017, 07:23:52 PM »
you've come a long way J !

You take that first drink because of habit.
Nothing more.

Some quick reminders :
1. use positive mantras frequently and obsessively
"I'm the best"
"i feel great"
"come on!"
Crowd out any negative thoughts with mantras and positive thoughts.

2. Fill head with positive thoughts only.
Keep on cycling through your head wonderful things that happen to you every day
focus only on the good, and things you have usually taken granted for, especially your family.

3. keep in your mind goals and ambition like
what am i going to do tomorrow?
what am i going to do this weekend
what would my family like to do
what little thing can i do to make them happy
what little thing can i do to put a smile on their faces?

I went running this morning.
I set a goal of 4k in 4k back
a goal of no walking
when i hit my first goal 4k and touched the gate i was really happy
i did it in 25 min
i told myself to try and make it back by 50 min
i made it back and touched the lift lobby in 49:45
wow I'm feeling super !
All along the way i was mantra chanting
"i'm the best"
Its 830am now and I'm already feeling top of the world.

What I am saying is :
when you have something else to focus on, your old ways and habit will no longer be your central focus. And it becomes easier and easier to leave and ignore them.

You're doing great my friend.
laugh and smile everyday !
It's great to be alive when the brain has nothing but positivity !
« Last Edit: November 02, 2017, 08:13:06 PM by TakeActionNow »
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

jberg

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #29 on: November 03, 2017, 12:33:10 PM »
Reboot Day 107
Thank you, Andrew Carendon and TakeActionNow for your feedback.  Focus on the positive, fellowship with others, go to meetings, and stay connected to my Higher Power--all things I need to hear right now!

jberg

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #30 on: January 26, 2018, 11:30:18 AM »
Reboot Day 191
I feel like I have my life back--no, it's more like, I feel like I have a life!
A few weeks ago, I was so angry at my son and my wife over an incident, that I decided to shut them out forever.  The next morning, I made a phone call, wrote a 4th step, and focused on my part. During the writing, it became clear that I was using anger to cover up the shame I was feeling at having made  mistake. I accept my mistake, acknowledge that I'm not perfect, and join the human race.  Then I was able to move to compassion, gratefulness and love for my family.  This restores my serenity, and brings joy.
On Monday of this week, I was turned down for a promotion, and they gave it to a very young person who does not have the education degrees that I have.  I started to feel anger, jealousy, regret, and shame.
I did a mental 4th step, and moved to acceptance. I see that I really have not been doing my best here at work, while the one who did get the job is a very hard worker, and really deserved the job.  I, too, would have hired her. I now see this as an opportunity to change my game at work.  I can't tell you how happy I truly feel about this, and was able to welcome her as my boss with a sincerely positive attitude.
NONE of this was possible in the days when p**n was still an option for me.
T H A N K   Y O U   A L L  for showing me how to do this!
« Last Edit: January 26, 2018, 02:17:50 PM by jberg »

Marco60

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #31 on: January 27, 2018, 01:06:33 PM »
Hi JB: your story is a great source of inspiration for me. I am 57, divorced, and only in my reboot day 28. It is a great encouragement for me to see that you succeeded  :)!

jberg

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #32 on: April 14, 2018, 01:53:04 AM »
Reboot Day 268
Hello Folks,
Today I was in the grocery store and my radar was on (if you know what I mean).  I was staring a bit too long, and a couple of times I thought about whipping the cart around to follow someone.  I had to remind myself that these ladies don't want my attention.  What they seek is the attention of their husbands, just like my wife is desirous of my attention.  Which reminded me that what I really desire in my heart of hearts is to make a truly intimate and deeply powerful connection with another human being. Heart to heart. Soul to soul.  Who is the one capable of connecting with me at that level?  Not a stranger in the grocery store, or in a chat room, or in the club.
When I came home I decided to write about why I was feeling so dysregulated today?  I recalled that I have been procrastinating again at work this week (avoiding an un-preferred task), and that I was embarrassed in front of my boss in another situation that I stepped into.  This was a wake-up call that it was not a quick fix that I signed up for 268 days ago, so that I can return to my old ways.  Rather, this is new road that I am walking whose sign-posts are integrity with myself, and honesty with others.  When encountering an emotion, I don’t have to annihilate it with a dopamine bomb.  I can walk through it to the other side to receive the powerful message it is delivering. 
The procrastination is from fear of making a mistake.  If I simply acknowledge the fear with acceptance and understanding, then I can see that it is trying to tell me to do good work.  Now I can proceed with care and ask for assistance.  Without acknowledging and accepting the fear, I stay stuck in procrastination.
You get the idea.  Making the real connection with a real person instead of dopamine bombing my true feelings helps me to get out of my head, to get un-stuck in fantasy.  I can comprehend the word serenity and know peace.  In other words: No integrity, no peace!  Know integrity, know peace.

TakeActionNow

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #33 on: April 14, 2018, 04:02:58 AM »
Jberg,
You're completely spot on.
So happy for your insight.
Self Worth, Self Respect, Self Love
Purpose before Person

negativity > depression > ACTION > non-self pity > Goals > growth > STRENGTH > REALITY > Attention > Interests > Challenge > Choice > COURAGE > I LOVE MYSELF > Masculinity > UnBlock > selfheal

jberg

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Re: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
« Reply #34 on: July 19, 2018, 07:59:01 AM »
Reboot Day 365
You've heard it said before: This program REALLY works (but only if I work it!).
I had a job interview for a promotion coming up in a few days.  Every night I planned to do the TON of reading I needed to do to prepare for the interview, but procrastinate instead, and stay up late watching old TV reruns!  My wife and kids are away for two weeks. I'm home alone, frustrated, fearful, and now angry.  I am very tempted to go to the chat room to take a few hits on lust, get high on dopamine, and escape my current reality.  Each day this happens, the temptation to escape gets stronger.  In the past, the only way I knew how to be free of it was to do it; to complete the cycle of acting out, followed by shame, regret, and remorse.  This time, I was able to get out of bed, 10 minutes in prayer (remembering to stay around long enough for the meditation that follows), and make a few phone calls to others in this program of recovery.

The job interview went well.  I have no regrets.  I don't control the outcome. I now pray for the willingness to accept the outcome with the confidence that my higher power knows what is best for me.  Every time this program works when I work it, is like taking another blow at the wall that separates me from all that my Higher Power has in store for me. I built that wall one brick at at time.  Now am tearing it down with each surrender, each phone call, every positive action that I take.