Author Topic: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)  (Read 8143 times)

Jack Can

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #25 on: September 25, 2017, 04:45:49 PM »
IDK dude, there are some sites that help you become better with women, but I've heard some very negative reviews about them from the people here. I think they're interesting and helpful though so, if you want, you could check out rsdnation or simplepickup.

Turn on your brain when you watch it though because they say some controversial stuff. Just pick out the ideas you like and question everything

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #26 on: September 26, 2017, 06:56:44 PM »
Hey man, so by friendzoning myself, I mean voluntarily treating the woman as if she is just a mate even if I am interested because I fear failing in bed and embarrassing myself. Unfortunately this is very common with girls I'm already friends with and girls who I share a social circle with because I don't want that embarrassment spreading through to my other friends. The problem is that these are the women I've already developed a relationship with and probably the best people to interact with sexually. Don't be afraid of failing, that's what I need to keep saying but at the same time I also don't believe there is a rush to jump into bed, essentially my brain needs time to recover.

I know it's cliche mate but fuck all that how to speak to women nonsense, just be yourself, because that's you, being a more confident version and saying what you want to say could be helpful though (if you're fairly reserved), but don't change yourself.

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #27 on: September 28, 2017, 05:52:05 PM »
Day 84

Not much to say but I effectively had a period of being a little horny today which was decent. It did subside fairly soon but it was just a little something that lets me know that I'm on the right path!

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #28 on: October 01, 2017, 02:01:11 AM »
Day 86

Went out for dinner with a girl I used to go to school with. Very good vibe and definitely a mutual attraction. She knows about my situation regarding celibacy and my lack of libido. Exactly what I thought, if you don't make a big deal about it then no one else will. It just is what it is. Didn't make a move but I'm convinced I'm not going to friendzone myself this time. Might be a slow burner but you never know, need to just have the courage to go for it!

Libido is still pretty low and still no real desire to PMO, morning wood in full force though!

andante

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #29 on: October 01, 2017, 05:20:45 AM »
Thank you for your answer man. You're right about just being ourselves, I think that's the most important part, I need to not overthink it etc. Things have to happen on their own. Good luck with your date, I'm glad it's going well! Cheers :)



a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #30 on: October 08, 2017, 04:20:50 PM »
Day 93

This is the point where lots of guys will quit, they've done what they need to do, unfortunately not in this case.

Those 3 months were not difficult for me at all, which is a little bit annoying, just a crazy amount of flatline and i can't see it ending soon. Hopefully the next three months of my celibacy journey will become difficult, then I know I'm recovering. Just got to be patient, focus on other things and remain positive, every day is a forward step!

Haven't tried it on with the girl, mainly because I do not want to. I do find her attractive, enjoy spending time with her, but I have no desire to plant one on her, it's weird but I still dont want to friendzone myself. I compliment her and flirt etc, maybe she's waiting on me to make a move, but I just dont feel like I'm in that place. In all honesty my emotions have been so erratic this last week, feel like i'm two different people.

I'll continue to socialise and work out and ofcourse, no PMO... ever

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #31 on: October 14, 2017, 05:28:50 PM »
day 99

Past week has been an interesting one. I've definitely been more interested in women I'm seeing, more appreciative of their looks and have been a little bit horny. Morning wood has been good and i've been getting out and about socialising. Hopefully this continues.

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #32 on: October 18, 2017, 12:35:00 AM »
Day 103

Now I’ve gotten a little horny, it sort of feels detrimental, I want to masturbate but I don’t want sex, my thoughts also seem to be returning to the porn like material I used to jack off too, where women are treated like pieces of meat etc etc. I’m not giving in but after these past few days, I’m seeing that I have a long way to go still.

andante

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #33 on: October 18, 2017, 04:42:21 AM »
Hey man, hang on! It's normal that your mind is playing tricks with you, it's looking at you winning and tries to fight back one last time!

What I try to do is to look at this thought (when I have a P-related thought), acknowledge it for 30 seconds, and then I say "no thank you" when this happens. Then you may want to try to think of real women and how they could be attractive to you, in a respectful, kind and loving way. But don't think too much once you have done this (should take you 3-4 minutes max), and then try to go do something productive that makes you happy, outside or something :) And remember when you do this it's a small victory against P!



a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #34 on: November 07, 2017, 07:36:14 PM »
Day 123

Honestly, my emotions have been everywhere these past two weeks, incredibly erratic, I can safely say that yesterday was the worst down day I’ve ever had in my 5 year stint with depression and it was followed up with a wet dream that night. Yet today I have a more optimistic view... I’m starting to consider medication to potentially stabilise my emotions or at least get checked up, I’m scaring myself a little. Still no real desire to have sex with women, wake up with morning wood, yet if I ever stand it will turn floppy again or if I’m not wearing underwear too (don’t know why). Feeling lonely yet women who seem interested in me, I’m not interested in them which is a shame.

I’m imagining 6 months of celibacy will be nowhere near long enough, I think it’s more likely going to be around the 12-18month mark.

This is a truly awful life event and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Jack Can

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #35 on: November 07, 2017, 10:03:06 PM »
I've heard someone say that when you get into a flatline you go into a "sexual hibernation" and you no longer are sexual, idk it's kind of how I feel now at day 103

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #36 on: November 15, 2017, 07:18:20 PM »
Day 131

Losing will, feel like it's dead but my boy Noah dropped a video and is making me feel more optimistic, need to stop focusing on the negatives

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #37 on: November 23, 2017, 06:27:30 PM »
Day 139

Not horny, mentally and physically drained, still have morning wood, eating a lot. Winter is setting in, I know I need to get out on dates but I really don’t want to. I just feel nowhere near ready.

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #38 on: December 05, 2017, 04:10:26 PM »
Day 151

Past two days I have been fairly upbeat, not feeling too negative and kind of regained some optimism that I started out with. If I’m being honest, after 150 days I thought I’d be raging, quite frankly nothing has changed. I’m rebooting from a really bad position though, the porn I was watching was not normal, severely degrading to women, so this is a big change for my mind.

Just going to keep going, no matter how down I get, I still never want to revert to porn, so that’s something

ImOnMyWay

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #39 on: December 28, 2017, 08:42:57 AM »
Hey man,

I read your story again and it sounds so very similar to mine. On and off arousal, no urge for sexual interaction with woman at times, etc... What I can tell you is keep going. Keep believing in yourself. Find a way to push to a positive thought.

I remember myself at the 90-120 day mark thinking I was going to be brand new....... WRONG. It has taken me a full year to really find myself. And you want to know what!?! It's working. Slowly but surely it's working. Some days I am not aroused at all. Other days I'm off the wall. It's a cycle we need to learn. Find a way to learn that cycle and what works for you. I did a test one month. I wanted to see how long I lasted without MO'ing and if not MO'ing how it effected my arousal. (This was after a while into my reboot 240 days ish) I found that I got extremely aroused a week or two in. It was so off the wall I was trying to find a way to be around woman just so if the opportunity came up I was ready. If it didn't, that's okay. I dealt with it. I think of it as a battery. I feel like my arousal after a couple weeks is like a fully energized battery. If I decide to MO then the battery depletes a bit. But there's a re-charger. The battery has a chance to recover. I feel like it is natural to MO, but not natural to PMO. So I allow myself that me time. It's life and it's okay.

I have yet to make love to a woman since rebooting, but I now know my cycle, how I'm feeling, when I am really aroused and when I'm not. I feel like I have a huge opportunity this weekend and I am making sure I am fully ready (RE-CHARGED). What I am trying to say here is don't be afraid to test yourself and figure out what works for you. (NO P OBVIOUSLY). Learn your body and don't shame it if something doesn't go correctly.

Woman are attracted to confidence. And I am not talking about just the confidence in talking to woman. I'm talking about the confidence in yourself. It somehow beams out of you when you know to are being your true self.

I hope this helps you a bit. Don't be afraid to ask me any questions either.

Best,

ImOnMyWay

andante

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #40 on: December 28, 2017, 09:09:32 AM »
ImOnMyWay, what you wrote is absolutely true!

Agree with MO as ok once you are far in the reboot, but this advice has to be taken with a grain of salt: it has to be controlled and done at a moment during which you are feeling great (make sure you don't MO because you are feeling down or bored (I made a list of questions to ask myself if I want to MO, to make sure I'm just horny and not bored or depressed etc.). MO has to be done well and also not rushed (i.e. not in a compulsive way), and with real-life thoughts/fantasies (if you think about P, stop and go do something else). Basically we also have to learn no MO in a healthy way (my guess is not more than once a week, and when you are in a good state of mind, and this takes a lot of control!)

Otherwise MOing might be dangerous (slippery slope, P is not far down the way!). Agree about the battery part, and the more you accept it the better you feel, the less you feel frustrated.

A lot of our problem I think is frustration and not accepting the way our body works, and thinking about it too much which creates further frustration. It is very liberating to just "accept" that today you have no sexual energy, and it's ok, maybe tomorrow, tonight or next week you'll be feeling SUPER HORNY! I think it's the same for everyone, sometimes you just don't feel like it. My guess is the less we worry about it, the better we will be. That's where this forum helps a lot, it reminds you of those things as well.



a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #41 on: December 28, 2017, 05:10:24 PM »
Day 174

Only really writing this because of a new reply, so thanks for that! It’s probably a good idea to carry on this blog. I watched “your brain on porn” the other day for the first time (fully through) and it has sort of demotivated me. This problem is very deep and quite frankly I feel like what I have won’t be cured. I’ve changed my brain and the only way it can change back is effectively meeting the right woman who will coach me through it. I’ve even started looking at penile prostheses.. I pretty much started this journey properly this time last year, relapsed in July and have been going strong ever since. Simply waiting for a change does nothing, I pretty much need to have all these awkward failures with women until eventually it works.

Jack Can

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #42 on: December 28, 2017, 06:45:27 PM »
I 100% agree with you. I haven't PMO'ed or MO'ed in over 5 months and I honestly think going any further won't help me at all. I just need a supportive girl to stick by my side as I get through my problem.

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #43 on: December 29, 2017, 06:43:13 AM »
I guess we just need to keep putting ourselves out there Jack! We just need to suck it up and ask out these women!

ImOnMyWay

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #44 on: December 29, 2017, 04:09:56 PM »
Andante,
You make some great points and I agree with you completely.

a_opal,
You will find your balance. I will relate to you that something just wasn't working for me a few months ago. I felt as if I was going to be like this forever, but the moment I started to feel different, better, more in-tuned with my body and how it worked, the better I started feeling. I am accepting what I can and cant do right now. It's a bit liberating I will say. You want to know something awesome too, the moment you start being your true self and accepting your true self is the moment people start noticing you. It'll make you feel fantastic. Girls will notice it and they will in someway shape or form come to you. Put yourself out there and join something. Or, start a new routine in a new area. Something I've done is I've adopted a dog. I now take her for walks in all of these places I've always wanted to walk. Also, the veterinarians are really cute!!! I find myself just stopping in to say hello and letting them see my pup just to make conversation. It's simple stuff like that.

Keep your head up and believe in the process. Sooner or later it is going to work.

Best,

ImOnMyWay

sleepking69

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #45 on: December 29, 2017, 05:19:15 PM »
Hey @ImOnMyWay, I know that this isn't my thread, but I've been reading a lot of your posts here and there and I wanna thank you for the messages you've left. They've been very helpful and encouraging.

I also have some questions I want to ask you, thanks SO MUCH if you choose to respond to them:

Can I ask you...
1. What made you realize you had a problem in terms of sexual function/mental health before your reboot?
2. Can you explain what that change you mentioned was like? Over what period of time did that change take place, what specific changes did you notice, etc etc. And as a whole, how specifically do you feel different compared to before your reboot?

I know this is a lot, but I really appreciate any and all help, this journey means a lot to me.

ImOnMyWay

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #46 on: January 05, 2018, 10:13:03 AM »
sleepking69,

Thanks for reading my posts and letting me know they have helped you. Take a look at my journal. I have almost a years worth of experiences and feelings that I endured through the process. By no means am I 100%. I still have a lot to work on. But take a look at the journal and comment on it letting me know what you think. Hopefully the posts there can help you further.

Best of luck,

ImOnMyWay

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #47 on: January 07, 2018, 04:48:39 PM »
I’m telling you guys, if you haven’t already, you need to watch your brain on porn before you go any further, 1 hour and 15 minutes out of your life. If porn is truly an issue to you that is not a lot of time to invest to learn so much .

Day 184

Well I’ve done 6 months of no porn or masturbation and I’m nowhere near where I want to be but I have not really committed to my re-wiring plans and until I get into that rhythm, I won’t get any better. I have been having urges to wank but I’m holding out, no urges to watch porn though.

a_opal

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Re: The Importance of Rewiring (22, PIED)
« Reply #48 on: January 13, 2018, 09:59:28 AM »
Day 190

I MOd today and it felt fucking great, didn’t do it to porn  but just felt quite horny so bashed the bishop, first time in over 6 months. I potentially think relieving myself fortnightly might be a good way going forward, seems to give you a taste for it. Definely wont be doing it daily as I’ll need some drive but yeah don’t feel terrible about it and don’t feel like I’ve relapsed. Staying away from porn and getting a hard dick is the goal. Feel like that hasn’t been compromised. .