Author Topic: The right mindset to succeed.  (Read 2320 times)

maddream

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The right mindset to succeed.
« on: June 30, 2017, 03:56:09 AM »
Do some people have the wrong mindset?

How are you thinking about this? How are you approaching it?

I'm doing a REBOOT. I intend to complete the reboot, I intend to do it only once.

A reboot is resetting your dopamine system and your sexual arousal system to normal functioning ...I want normal brain function, I want normal sexual arousal, and sexual function. The amount of time required to achieve this, is the amount of time I intend to do no PMO.

I intend to never look at porn again.

I don't want to do no MO for the rest of my life, once a reboot is complete this isn't necessary. I will go back to MO / sex after completion of a reboot. But I won't go back to the same habits, it won't be everyday and I will regularly do no MO, maybe one week in every month or 30 days once or twice a year.

If you are just trying to resist looking at porn for days at a time then relapsing, what are you achieving? If you still want to look at porn but are just abstaining for a period of time, then relapsing, what are you achieving? You are still existing in a state of addiction and relapse.

If you are just trying to beat your personal best nofap total, and relapsing, and going back to porn, and it's within the time frame required for a full reboot, what are you achieving? you are still existing in a state of addiction and relapse.

Instead of doing and having the concept of 'nofap' in your mind, (which implies a temporary state of abstinence) and doing 20 / 30 / 40 or whatever number of days then relapsing, go for complete change, and a complete reboot. Even if it takes a period of months, that's still a shorter period of time than endlessly doing short periods of abstainence and then relapsing.

If I'm experiencing uncomfortable feelings, or urges, do I want to destroy the progress of my reboot or greatly set it back? or do I want to push through to the bigger, long term goal of a normal functioning dopamine system and normal sex life?

I'm not saying I have sussed it, I'm not saying it is easy, it certainly isn't, I'm not saying I have succeeded yet, but I am on the way and I think mindset and having what you want to achieve strong in your mind is important.

Doing a reboot, and experiencing all the withdrawal symptoms and discomfort for a period of weeks / months is horrible, but if you do it right you will only have to do it once, and the pain suffered is much better than living your whole life in a state of temporary abstinence and relapse, and porn misery.

These are just my current thoughts, I'm on Day 48, (It was easy first week or so, then I experienced about 4 weeks of constant intense withdrawal symptoms one after the other ... (bleak) depression, anxiety, insomnia, headaches, migraine, no energy / motivation, flatline, urges etc, but in the last couple of weeks they have significantly eased off)

What is it that you want to achieve?

Hope you have a good day.
« Last Edit: June 30, 2017, 10:07:47 AM by maddream »

William

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2017, 08:09:10 AM »
At OP.  "Like".

carlosba28

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2017, 11:09:30 AM »
Loved it!

This has just been so helpful, I like the "once and for all" approach.

Now, what, other than havig a goal of normality, can be accepted as a functional goal?

In my case, I went from being very lonely to having multiple relationships. Kinda like girls became my new hobby, but that left me empty and brokenhearted.

I think I was obessed with sex and girls, and porn kept it under control.

Now I just wish I could not be thinking of sex all the time, moreover in this particular moment when I have accomplished 2 months no sex (not on porpouse), 1 month no PMO, and 1 day without peeking into porn.

Probably I am just looking for some encourgement because right now I feel as if life was just meaningless.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2017, 12:57:47 PM by carlosba28 »

AscendingFire

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2017, 04:36:54 PM »
Awesome post. Thank you!

Despite, in my opinion all of this has its up's and down's. It's not as easy (you didn't said so, either). For some, failure is part of the proccess until failure being not part of the path any longer. It takes a man to fail several times but carrying on to get to the point when he won't fail anymore with this. Yes! One needs to not wanting it anymore and by that, making a whole new lifestyle, if it's reboot or not becomes irrelevant (since it's a natural proccess in one's brain until it starts working properly again).

Retro Gamer

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    Out of sight, out of mind.
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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2017, 10:43:39 PM »
It's definitely not as easy as we all first think...

Big H

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2017, 11:28:59 PM »
Someone did an e book called easy-peasy method to quitting porn (I think that's what it was called) that's really good and helped me quit porn. An important thing is to miss absolutely nothing about porn. To have no desire at all to go back to it. It's posted on this forum somewhere

maddream

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2017, 04:20:49 AM »
I like this post. Is this your first time trying to quit?
The right mindset and enthusiasm are very important.

I 'tried' to quit about six months previous, but it was an unprepared attempt really, I only really briefly looked at the material available and i don't think things fully sunk in, I lasted ten days... I jumped at the first hurdle really, soon as I started to feel depressed I just looked at porn again. I then just carried on as normal with porn for six months.

I rediscovered 'nofap' again and spent a lot of time researching it, finding out about the withdrawal symptoms etc, i then got rid of all access to porn (which i didn't do the first time) ...I did a load of other stuff, just made sure i was prepared for it.

I'd seen the odd 'porn is bad for you' thread on a forum i use maybe 4 years ago, but i didn't even look at it, i didn't want to know, i wasn't ready to stop.

I think succeeding is a combination of things, being ready to stop, wanting to stop, failing and learning from your mistakes, getting as much knowledge as you can and having goals and motivation to succeed.

eliterexor

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2017, 09:54:39 AM »
I like this post. Is this your first time trying to quit?
The right mindset and enthusiasm are very important.

I think succeeding is a combination of things, being ready to stop, wanting to stop, failing and learning from your mistakes, getting as much knowledge as you can and having goals and motivation to succeed.

Yeah, failures and mistakes is a progress for succeeding but if you do it intentionally, you are now lying to yourself. We really need to make our life to do reboot Mentally, Emotionally and Physically Prepared.

MonkeyShark

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2017, 05:32:08 PM »
I think succeeding is a combination of things, being ready to stop, wanting to stop, failing and learning from your mistakes, getting as much knowledge as you can and having goals and motivation to succeed.

Thanks, great thread!

I have found the single most critical component for me is that I need to be wanting change. As the saying goes "when continuing the way you are becomes more painful than change, you've begun transforming".  This is my gauge for myself and I find it is always in the search to better myself that I step away from the negative things that hold me back.

It may help some to look for those reasons for themselves and keep them at hand short and long-term, maybe in a non-digital form? It helps to have many, many tools in your arsenal, addiction can feel conniving at times. For me, its usually been boredom and stress that create feelings of needing to soothe.

HumbleRich

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2017, 08:00:12 PM »
Personally, I think the key is to aim for the life of a minister or bishop (not a Catholic priest, unless no sex or marriage is your goal).  I am not even joking.  Have you noticed how many recoverimg addicts become ministers?  I don't think it is a coimcedence.  I believe in God and Jesus, and that they are the way out of this mess.  But beyomd that, you do not need to find God to get out.  You just need to find the power in yoirself, which I believe comes from God.  But back to my original point.  The goal is a pure life without sexual immorality, whether you believe in God or not.  That is tne whole poimt of this.  Sex is between you and your wife or girlfriend.  Keep it that way and keep the world and sin out.  If you don't sacrifice the actimg out, you will be stuck in the vicious cycle of list for the rest of your life.   

maddream

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Re: The right mindset to succeed.
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2017, 05:28:53 AM »
I really find all this God shit annoying.

I'm in two facebook groups and alot of people seem to thank God for not having a wank.