Author Topic: to all reeboters up there , give you self another chance.  (Read 478 times)

young shinobi

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to all reeboters up there , give you self another chance.
« on: June 11, 2017, 11:32:06 PM »
The beginning
I have Always been addicted to new beginnings , new years eve, the start of a special months , and somehow I always managed to ruin each and every one of this fresh starts.
 For the last days , weeks & months I have succeeded in transforming  my life into a reality of my worst nightmares , uneducated , unemployed ,unhappy and out of shape of curse. 
I have reached a point where I am no longer willing to continue this path because it is leading toward an end that even my desensitized state can’t handle.
I have also managed to destroy any sense of orientation I had in the past, I am 24 years old now and for the first time ever I have no idea where am I going, I ignore the purpose of my life, I can’t define my self any more , what I am good at , or what path should I follow , writing , science ,fitness ,food, computer programming or any of the branches that can lead me to a fulfilling life style and a passionate tone of work.
My addiction is dragging me down the rabbit hole, the more deeper I get the more my senses disappear  ,  whatever type of talents or gifts I have is dying. getting closer and closer to death.  So why bother doing something different today, cleaning up , praying and asking Allah for forgiveness.
Did I somehow started to listen more  to that deep voice of hope, believing that there is more of you than a tormented life of addiction, that the goodness within is fighting it’s way back to the surface. this habit of writing on the computer seams to have had helped  my case a bit more , I also went to the economical capitol Casablanca with a friend for few times , and getting to  know the commerce world a little bit more made it clear that everyone no matter how poor or unlucky his life might be seams to be trying to cope with the outside world by any means necessary. Giving up is not a choice, letting life get the best of you is ridiculous , everybody is TRYING.
At the light of my current situation where all of my life is turned upside down, no school , no career, no life I believe that this my chance to stop earning this  life and start designing one . I am at the crossed road where I get to choose a direction for my life , and this the beginning I am looking for , my mission now is more crucial than ever , I need to set a curse to my life , I need to find my destination , my vision.
And I couldn’t choose any worst than now, where I stand to be the only life support to my mother and sister, they rely on me more than I think, financially but more important mentally.
They are my responsibility , and the source of my strength no matter how hard I try to deny that.i am somehow there HERO.

« Last Edit: June 13, 2017, 10:57:53 PM by young shinobi »

young shinobi

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the chance
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2017, 10:54:36 PM »
A chance
From where I stand, I feel the strong hold of the ground, since I am on the bear ground, the utter bottom, ground zero, I have lost every bit of my being to this life style, I have ruined my last chance at college, my bank account is on the negative side and I am barely earning a living as a waiter.
What I can add to my list is a disoriented sense of religion, no idea of the future and a chronic addiction that caused me more than I can count.
I can’t say if this my true state, my fundamental nature, since I lost my self-consciousness too, but what is clear to me is that I have now more than ever a golden opportunity to build the life that I’ve always wanted, to create the version of a life that has been swiped away by random life currents, by false dreams and aspiration, by a default sense of pride and stubbornness.
I have no idea where I am going, accept that now I can tell that my dreams start here, with my mother and sister, beyond the conventions of academic hierarchy, I want to learn news tools and acquire a different type of knowledge, far pass the math and science, accept that in order for me to earn that right of learning, and for me to actually do something with my sad little life, I have to give my brain a truss, a break from an endless tread of pornography.
I want to learn new exiting things every day. A week ago, I got a call from a famous call-center, saying that I have been invited for an interview. today I just finished my first day of internship curses, I’ve meet new people, despite my last 2 disastrous experiences in call centers, it seems to have it all, a progressive career and a dynamic workspace.
It was for sure a breath of fresh air compared to that dump where I work as a waiter, today was so good that it took my minds of so many things, academic failure, depressive life style, even PMO, and I kind a gave myself some hope for a better tomorrow.
It feels right this time, one thing is guaranteed, is that I’m going to strive to earn more money one step at a time, the thing I have in mind right now is as close to a plan as it gets.
First, I am going to start working in , and becoming very good in sales, to earn more money, if I can rise above the 10 000 MAD, me, mom and sister are going to get our own place, I will also start a little commerce on the side, baby step at a time, and try to get some kids to tutor. As for my learning, I am interested in a specific type of skills and knowledge, to earn my rightful place in this world I will have to find another way to require this base of information to guide me through my way in life. Everything from behaviors physiology to artistic skills, writing and pencil drawing, web design, blogging, I also want to expand my knowledge in architecture and cooking skills. even if that means to pay for my education.
I am done playing dumb, I am done waiting for the right moment, or the right circumstances to do something, the mind shift I am locking for means taht I have to stop expecting failure before even trying, to stop minimizing my actions and efforts, to gain enough patience with time, and adopting a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset that I have right now.
Nothing is going to change overnight, my biggest hopes is for me to recover from porn addiction by implementing the right habits, to find keystone habit and focusing on the 20% of my 80%[ pareto], and letting everything else fall into place.
Because then I may stand a chance at realizing my plan, and perhaps making my dreams come true,  or at least a peaceful life near my mother and sister. I am still breathing, I’m still waking up every morning, alive and well so that means the best is yet to come, and it’s not over until I win. 
 
« Last Edit: June 13, 2017, 10:58:15 PM by young shinobi »