Author Topic: New study on porn and those who watch  (Read 4369 times)

Gracie

  • Global Moderator
  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1025
    • View Profile
New study on porn and those who watch
« on: May 16, 2017, 07:00:42 PM »
Here are links to study and presentation:

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/results-vary-by-gender-on-whether-pornography-use-leads-to-sexual-dysfunction-300456647.html


https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-05-link-porn-sexual-dysfunction.html

Here is article from a news site:  (I did not use the site itself due to triggering suggestions for clicks)

You think it’s a bit of harmless fun, but watching porn really does affect a man’s performance in the bedroom.

Men partial to perusing a lot of X-rated material are more likely to suffer erectile dysfunction — and it’s because they are so used to looking at kinky images, experts suggest.

And those men who prefer watching their fantasies played out on screen are also less likely to enjoy actually having sex, the study showed.

While experts quizzed both men and women on their porn-watching habits, they only found a link to sexual dysfunction in men.

Researchers surveyed more than 300 men between 20 and 40 who visited a San Diego urology clinic for treatment.

While only 3.4 percent said they would rather masturbate and watch porn than have sex, there was a statistical link between the amount of porn they watched and sexual dysfunction.

Most of those men quizzed admitted to watching porn.

One in four said they watched porn less than once a week, while 21.3 percent said they watched porn three to five times a week.

Five percent admitted to watching porn six to 10 times a week and 4.3 percent said they indulged more than 11 times per week.

Dr. Joseph Alukal, an associate professor of urology and director of male reproductive health at New York University, said: “Visual stimulation will often increase sexual arousal in both men and women.”

“But when the majority of their time is spent viewing and masturbating to pornography, it is likely they will become less interested in real-world sexual encounters.”

“These studies suggest the issue may be trivial in women, but not so for men, and could lead to sexual dysfunction.”

“Sex is half in your body and half in your head and it may not be a physical component driving the behavior, but a psychological one.”

“For this reason, it’s important for physicians to understand the underlying issues leading to the sexual dysfunction prior to suggesting treatment options.”

Dr. Matthew Christman, a staff urologist with the Naval Medical Center in San Diego, told HealthDay the reason porn addicts are at greater risk of erectile dysfunction is that their “tolerance” for sexual stimulation is higher.

He said: “Tolerance could explain the sexual dysfunction, and can explain our finding that associated preferences for pornography over partnered sex with statistically significantly higher sexual dysfunction in men.”

Erectile dysfunction is a very common condition, particularly in older men.

It is estimated that half of all men between the ages of 40 and 70 will have it to some degree.

It is defined as the inability to get and maintain an erection.

The researchers also surveyed women between 20 and 40 about their porn habits but found no link with sexual dysfunction.

The findings were presented at the annual scientific meeting of the American Urological Association on May 12.

Previous studies into porn and its impact in the bedroom have also found that men who watch a lot of racy clips are less likely to be satisfied having sex with their partner.

An Indiana University and University of Hawaii study of more than 50,000 participants who had taken part in 50 previous porn studies found men who watch porn in an intimate relationship are more likely to be less satisfied with their sex life and their partner.

stillme

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 283
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2017, 08:37:20 AM »
While I appreciate these studies, it is kind of frustrating that the focus continues to be primarily on the premise that watching porn lowers men's sexual satisfaction in real life, either through ED/DE or unrealistic expectations.

The problem with porn is so much bigger than that. The objectification of women, the emotional regression, the inability to have meaningful and full relationships with others are also areas that should be explored.

My husband and I both ended up doing counseling with people that specialized in those with porn/sex addiction and one big thing they talked about was the emotional regression that comes with excessive porn use. These people (mostly men) don't just sit around doing things normally associated with teenagers/young adults, they begin to 'think like' teenagers - even beyond porn use. It is the incarnation of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes".

One reason my marriage is virtually dead is because my husband regressed to such an extent through excessive porn use and addiction, that it is no longer as if I am in a relationship with an adult peer. He literally lost the ability to 'adult'. It would be interesting to know exactly what pathways get damaged with excessive porn use.

What I do know is that my husband used to be able to hold an interesting conversation. He used to be able to think for himself. Everything I heard in counseling on what porn addiction does to men in the long run has turned out to be absolutely true for my husband. Basically, that men that turn to porn after they have reached adulthood use porn as a replacement for normal coping skills. They use it for conflict avoidance, anxiety reduction, stress relief, and even as 'treats' to reward themselves. As a result, when they stop porn use, they must work hard (and few every truly succeed) in developing the skills to basically deal with life. My husband dropped porn like a boss, he did fantastic in giving up porn. Where he has struggled is with the ability to develop appropriate skills to replace all those things porn was substituting for. He still runs away when faced with conflict, he just doesn't jack off to porn while he is hiding. He doesn't jack off to porn to deal with anxiety or reduce stress, he just doesn't do anything. This has left his immune system shot and he is extremely susceptible to colds, sniffles, etc. He went from hardly ever taking time off of work due to illness to taking time off of work twice in the past couple of months - all with thing the kids and I easily shook off with no need to change our normal routines. His time used to be focused on viewing porn, jacking off to porn, fantasizing about trying what he had seen in real life (with strangers) and hiding all those things. That is what occupied his time, his attention, his focus. Now, those things are no longer his focus. The problem is, nothing is his focus. He actually thought he had ADD/ADHD because he couldn't concentrate. No, that isn't the issue - the issue is for years he thought of nothing but porn, now that porn is gone - there is an emptiness. He doesn't want porn and has no desire to go back to porn, but now he is stuck, just existing. He is now simply a guy that 'used' to jack off to porn, but doesn't anymore.

My husband no longer seeks porn, but after years of objectification of women, he has to severely limit is contact with the 'world'. He can't watch a lot of television and has to research what types of scenes will be shown in movies. He has to make a plan before going to the beach. He spent years sizing women up sexually, looking at women for his own sexual pleasure and gratification. He doesn't want to do that anymore, but can trust his own mind. When he travels alone, he won't even turn on the television set. He is now locked in a cage of his own creation because he fears where his mind will go if allowed to roam freely.

I don't think my husband was always a narcissist, but I think years of self pleasure and gratification made him develop a lot of those tendencies. He spent years serving his own purposes, it didn't matter if that required him to lie to me, deceive me, put his porn habit above hands on parenting of his own children, and even risking his job by visiting massage parlors (prostitution is illegal here and if the place had been raided, he would have been fired). When everything you do is only for your benefit and you spend years justifying your selfish behaviors and desires, that is a hard problem to break. So yes, he is no longer living life for his own selfish sexual satisfaction. The problem is a "now what?" sort of situation. Okay, it isn't about getting a dick high anymore, but what is it about? He can't help but treat me like a webcam girl. Here is what I mean by that - webcam girls only cared about tokens (money). You want attention? Spend money. You want them to do something for you? Spend money. You want compliments? Send money. Anything and everything was simply about how much money. So now, he is trying to reconnect with his wife and what is his go to method - spending money. I am literally sitting here with boxes of jewelry under piles of paper. I don't want to be brought, it isn't about how much money he spends on me. He thinks by spending lots of money on me that is showing his love or how much he cares. It breaks me heart to see just how far apart we are, it is like he is just the shell of the man he was before porn.

That is what I would like to see studied. Fixing the dick after porn is really the easy part. Yet, study after study after study is all about the penis. I think after a year even my husband would agree - the penis issues were the least of our problems. Yes, it lets you know when you have 'physically' recovered from porn addiction, but that isn't just what porn addiction is about. Porn addiction takes so much more from men than the functioning of the penis.

Emerald Blue

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 796
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2017, 11:40:23 AM »
Stillme, thanks for sharing your amazing insight and experience. If anyone has gone down so deep to understand the roots of this addiction, it's you. Your contribution is a gift, and I certainly appreciate and I'm sure many others do too.

Emotional regression. Yes. I agree with that absolutely. There is something very regressive about this addiction. My husband would readily admit to using porn as a distraction from uncomfortable emotions. Conflict avoidance, absolutely. He can't deal with conflict at all. He freezes like a deer in the headlights if he witnesses conflict. He is never proactive in resolving situations that affect him personally. His excuses for using porn were pretty childish and also quite blaming. If I wasn't out, he wouldn't feel so abandoned, etc etc. I mean, we're talking about me going out for 2-3 hours, and he can't deal with it??! And when it was time to account for his behavior and take responsibility for it, he'd rather throw a tantrum. That isn't normal adult behavior, is it? I also agree that reversing this emotional regression is probably unlikely.

Recovery is a very, very difficult process for a relationship because it takes two. As partners, we want to fix the relationship and we believe we can see what recovery looks like and feels like. We desperately want it to work and we believe we can do it, as a couple. What we don't bargain for is that the addict doesn't have the skills to work through all that needs to be done. They are still stuck in the mindset of not being found out, admitting to only the absolute minimum, blame-shifting rather than owning their behaviour and its consequences.  Some addicts can get past this, others won't but many, like my husband, will only take it so far so recovery means muddling through selective memory, partial truths, omission of important facts, reluctance to communicate, etc etc. So I'm forever stuck in some halfway house where the porn behaviour has gone but the support structure that was built to protect the habit is still there. The recovery of the relationship is compromised and may forever feel incomplete. I didn't expect this at all.

So I would agree, there's much more to recovering from porn addiction than these studies can possibly include. I'm sure the wider effects of porn addiction on relationships and families will be known and researched in time. In the meantime, we just have to forge our own recovery by trial and error.

His porn addiction: you didn't cause it - you can't control it - you can't cure it

Gracie

  • Global Moderator
  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1025
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2017, 03:37:40 PM »
I was asked to pin this here so women that were looking for indicators of possible porn use or just wondering what might be going on in their relationship could have a starting point.  This was not meant to be a post that explained it all or made light of the struggles.  It was simply a start.  That's all.

For those of us in for long time, we must realize there are beginners.  I cannot find fault with studies that show the reaches of porn  If they have to show it over and over again to get people on board then they should go for it.

There are studies that show how women are affected and I have posted those.  I will go back through and find what I have and post those as well.


stillme

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 283
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2017, 06:08:31 AM »
I wasn't disparaging the article, simply giving my opinion. At the same time, I think when it comes to partners of recovering porn addicts, providing for the emotional realities first is a better option. I think my husband and I would have been in a better spot today is we both went in to it realizing the physical part was the easiest part. For instance, all the talk of "reattaching to a real person" as part of the reboot led to definite hysterical bonding on our part, but that 'reattaching' or 'rewiring' was fictional and more focused on getting the body to work rather than truly developing real connection with the partner/spouse.

I honestly think if having a parallel focus on looking at character issues and true change was an integrated part of recovery and looked at as a component of the reboot, it would be beneficial to all of those with partners. But, I think it is becoming clear that the focus of RN and pretty much all sites focused on porn addiction, is the physical aspects of porn addiction exclusively. That is fine, it is just that it sets partners up for a big let down at the end of the reboot process.

Gracie

  • Global Moderator
  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1025
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2017, 06:40:56 AM »
Emerald Blue requested that it be here for this reason:

"Gracie, this would make an excellent Sticky in the Partner's Section because so many women who discover their man has a serious problem with pornography aren't aware of the reasons for why their partner's apparent lack of interest and wouldn't connect erectile dysfunction to an unhealthy relationship with pornography. Too many women feel rejected, put down and criticised when they become aware of their partner's habit. I know the extent of the damage caused by porn addiction far more complex but this info goes a long way to building a solid foundation from which a partner can begin to recover."

I thought it was a good idea as well as many women may not go to the men's area. If we need a sticky for the eGracie, this would make an excellent Sticky in the Partner's Section because so many women who discover their man has a serious problem with pornography aren't aware of the reasons for why their partner's apparent lack of interest and wouldn't connect erectile dysfunction to an unhealthy relationship with pornography. Too many women feel rejected, put down and criticised when they become aware of their partner's habit. I know the extent of the damage caused by porn addiction far more complex but this info goes a long way to building a solid foundation from which a partner can begin to recover.

If we need a sticky for the emotional side of it, I will puGracie, this would make an excellent Sticky in the Partner's Section because so many women who discover their man has a serious problem with pornography aren't aware of the reasons for why their partner's apparent lack of interest and wouldn't connect erectile dysfunction to an unhealthy relationship with pornography. Too many women feel rejected, put down and criticised when they become aware of their partner's habit. I know the extent of the damage caused by porn addiction far more complex but this info goes a long way to building a solid foundation from which a partner can begin to recover."

I agree with EB.  A lot of women looking for answers need this information and may not go to the men's area. If I need to put a sticky for the emotional side of it, then I can. 

Emerald Blue

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 796
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #6 on: May 21, 2017, 07:05:51 PM »
Apologies, Gracie. I thought Stillme had some very interesting points, and her experience and insight has come about as a consequence of her own very painful experience. Perhaps another thread could have been (or could still be) created to give space to the issues raised here to keep everything clear and on topic. Just to say, no one here has said anything out of order but I can see that if there's a sticky we need to make sure we don't lose it's original focus.
His porn addiction: you didn't cause it - you can't control it - you can't cure it

Gracie

  • Global Moderator
  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1025
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2017, 10:25:37 PM »
No need to apologize.  I just feel seeing that there is a need to this information in a scientific way.  As it helps.  I may move your and Stillme's to a different sticky if that would be okay.  Somewhere in my posts I have a study that talks about emotional effects on women from quite some time ago.  Give me a week and I will move this around so it flows a little better.

Gaia

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 4
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2018, 06:59:12 AM »
Thank you for posting this, it had been the most insightful and 'real' thread i have read on my journey to support my husband. The elements on emotional regression i had not read before. So a big Thank You from me. It helps ... a lot.

Gracie

  • Global Moderator
  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1025
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2018, 06:47:16 PM »
Your welcome!  The reasons you state are why it is here!!  If you need anything, let me know!!

Aimee511

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 4
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2020, 12:27:13 PM »
I just wanted to add that ED is just the tip of the iceberg on the dysfunction porn can cause. Not only have I lived through the complete lack of sex & everything this post describes, but I've been physically assaulted. I just to have to park at a local park after dropping my kids off at school cuz he'd wake up so angry in the morning after going to bed at 5am. I couldn't even do that anymore cuz he started hitting me & accusing me of cheating. It got so bad that this man never showered & didn't leave the garage for 3mos at a time. I was being thrown out of movingly cars. I was told I was old & ugly while he referenced that he himself still looked 20. This is a man who ate nothing but garbage, spent 10yrs in a chair never leaving the house. It's not a put down, it's just an example of how delusional a man can become. I always thought it was weird that asking for sex triggered such extreme anger in him. Its bad enough to live with everything you described & if that's not punishment enough, you get your husband screaming in your face after coming in from the garage about how much he hate you, we're growing apart & blames you for lack of sex. When you kept desperately trying & there's nothing you can do fir the simple fact you'll never be a computer screen with 5 open tabs. Sometimes I would start crying so much I'd almost throw up but the abuse would get worse. Now his pushing me calling me a drama queen & insulting my physical appearance. I've done crossfit. I can run an 8min mile. I'm 40yrs old, what exactly am I supposed to look like? I just wanted to add that so other women will know that you can have washboard abs, but it doesn't matter. You can never look good enough no matter how fit you are for the simple fact he conditioned himself to respond to something that does not exist in real life. That part isn't about you. It becomes about you cuz all that has become of him get passed onto you as his brain tried to make sense of the stupid choice he's making. It becomes about you in his own mind cuz he automatically assumes it's your fault he can't be with you. He keeps searching for that evidence he needs to prove that this is normal & that he has to go there cuz you are not doing something right. It's a strange feeling when you're doing laundry in the basement & your husband come down & looks at you as if you were the most disgusting thing he's ever seen. Mentions coming to bed at 3am when you gotta get up at 6am complaining that it took too long for you to get in the mood, even though you still accommodated him. You try to explain, he pushes you to the ground & starts pushing your head up & down on the cement floor while criticizing everything you've been doing. I didn't even know there was even problem before that day. The physical abuse is getting worse. I thought after he admitted a problem, he'd get help. Esp after promising this would stop but he's still living in a garage. No longer employed & now he's threatened to kill me among other things if I even mention that this isn't any better at all. I'm so grateful for this site cuz I've suffered a life of hell in silence for almost 20yrs. Nothing worse than being cornered in a room while your husband pushes your face into a wall while calling you a loser & how a lot of people say he can do so much better. I wonder who those people are since he no longer has friends & his own family no longer speaks to him. ED is just the tip, this man is now completely delusional. I'm so sorry for the long post. I've kept it all secret for so long & I just needed a place to share my experiences. Suffering in silence is no way to live.

joepanic

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 580
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2020, 05:52:53 PM »
Aimee  It is not pornm that is causing him to treat yoiu this way  it is something more  Porn is probably just a bandaid he is putting on.

    What he is doing to you is massive assault and  he needs to be charged for it   it is against the law   he needs serious councelling for anger managment issues  and probably needs to  have some treatment for underlying issues

    In the meantime you need to do what  will make you safe (and any children you have) weather its call the police to have him move out or move yourself to somewhere safe    Also consider legal advice

   

Aimee511

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 4
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2020, 06:53:16 PM »
It wasn't always like this. He got this bad once he started stayed by up all night & not sleeping. In hindsight I could see how it slowly changed the person he was. Vision is always 20/20 in hindsight. I remember before the sex fell off the map that he was taking longer & longer to finish. He'd also send me up to bed & say he had to check emails but would take longer & longer to join me. Most likely cuz he needed to watch porn to get aroused. The things he wanted to do also changed. Not more kissing & touching but moved towards grabbing me, throwing me around & slapping. The abuse only started after attempting to do things that were painful. I know this in hindsight cuz when it started getting really bad, I googled how he was acting & it came up porn addiction. The asked him point blank & he just admitted it. It was hard cuz I didn't undestand. I was always willing to accommodate him & didn't take a whole lot the get in the mood. Sex really fell off the cliff when I wasn't able to do anal sex, it was just too painful. It is the porn, I'm sure of it. I can see very clearly the stages of his addiction once the truth came out. I talked to someone who was once his best friend. He says he hits me cuz he can't handle the truth. I've been to a gynecologist right before sex completely disappeared cuz I started bleeding afterwards & was terrified I had cancer. The positions he grew accustomed to in porn don't work well in real life. I kept trying to explain but since he sees all these people doing it online, he thinks I'm the only woman on earth who has a problem. That & since it's all young girls etc, he just naturally sees it as me not being attractive enough. I guess when you live your whole life obsessed with something you see on tv, it's easy to think you somehow got a defective spouse.

Aimee511

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 4
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2020, 07:14:22 PM »
Before the abuse, I thought he was depressed. He'd basically live in that garage. Never came out to do anything with me & my kids. Wasn't showering. He wasn't always like this. As I aged & he was spending more & more time in the garage, his treatment of me progressively got worse. I think he honestly believed that all these online girls were real experiences. The stress of dealing with him became so bad that I developed a gut no matter how much I exercised. Once the truth came out, it was as if it got lifted & I wasn't crazy. That was 1 thing he'd always do if ever I mentioned it being over 6mos without sex. He'd say I was imagining it or I'm just trying to start problems or I enjoy arguing. Never does it strike him as odd that we should even have to argue about wanting to have sex.  I haven't exercised in a while & my stomach is back to being fit & tone. Now I have the stress of approaching menopause without having been able to enjoy having any sex life of my own. I panic over this a lot. His violent behavior seems to be triggered by trying to communicate about how this is a problem. I'm pretty sure the porn he's escalated to is the really violent porn.

Aimee511

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 4
    • View Profile
Re: New study on porn and those who watch
« Reply #14 on: January 01, 2020, 08:35:35 PM »
I guess if I were to pick out the early stage signs another woman can recognize, it would be staying up later than usual. 11 becomes 2am which becomes 4am & before you know it, he's sleeping next to the laptop & never coming to bed. Another would be taking longer to finish. Esp if he had to stop & complains he's just too hot. Only able to finish with his hand. Closing his eyes & pumping really hard for what seems like forever & if you talk, he asks you to please be quiet. If the things you do become suddenly not enough. He's no longer interested in touching you much even during sex. Like he used to be an attentive amazing lover & now he wants positions where only the genitalia touch & he's pounding very hard. All of a sudden making comments about the way you look or just cutting comments about anyone's looks in general. Having a very negative cynical attitude. Finding ways to avoid having sex. This usually happens after he starts taking a really long time to finish. Anger way out of proportion to the situation at hand. This usually occurs in a man who's no longer sleeping. Developing a ritual of having to check work emails & telling you to wait in bed cuz he'll be right there. The time it takes goes from 10mins, 20, 30 then eventually over an hour. If you check on him, he's agitated or angry. He stops wanting you to touch him. He becomes more controlling & unbearable to live with. Constantly fearing you are cheating. I think this happens cuz he subconsciously knows your needs aren't being met & there are a lot of vids about cheating wives. The earliest sign of all would be spending more & more time on a screen. If you check in, he's jumpy then irritated. Like the sight of you scared him. Empathy for others slowly begins to erode. Only he matters & he begins to think he should be able to order others with the same ease as clicking a mouse. Frustrated if something takes longer than 5s. These last ones usually manifest themselves after the man has been sleeping in a chair next to a laptop for a couple years. He no longer sees human interaction as a connection but rather a transaction. Resentment for his family. Once his wife becomes an obstacle rather than an expression of his new re-wired sexuality, he begins to resent his wife. Which leads to resentment for his children. Being treated as if having material items makes a relationship without any intimacy worth it. I guess 'if' he's paying more for me than whatever he 'may' be paying for online, he logically comes to that conclusion this is a great deal for me! Never being able to attend social functions cuz he's got to stay home & work. Once in a while, normal but if he NEVER goes then gets angry & irritated if you inform him that he never leaves the house anymore, problem. Accuses you of making stuff up & wanting to start arguments when you notice his behavior is really odd. Hygiene falls off a cliff. Stops being interested in socializing. Doesn't seem to mind losing friends. This is just what I witnessed. I hope it helps someone else recognize it before it gets to the point I'm at. But my 1st sign something was 'off' was when it started taking forever for him to finish.