Author Topic: Journey to a better me  (Read 29813 times)

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #400 on: March 09, 2018, 10:37:18 AM »
3/9/18

Still feeling very much in my head when I'm around people, I keep imagining scenarios about how they'll react and it's tough to ignore.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #401 on: March 10, 2018, 10:37:48 AM »
3/10/18

Ughhh still in my head, although it's getting better day by day, just gotta keep going.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #402 on: March 11, 2018, 01:09:51 PM »
3/11/18

Yesterday was a pretty good day, I went out and exposed myself to uncomfortable social situations, I'm still anxious about it, but I'm getting more desensitized to it, I just have to do it often and not get lazy with it.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #403 on: March 12, 2018, 09:42:38 AM »
3/12/18

Had a pretty good day yesterdat, but my sleep is ass lately. I may need to get a sleep study done on me or some shit because it's pretty fucking annoying. I'm not sure if it's due to me consuming a can of coke zero at 2 pm (for God's sake) or what it is, but it is definitely getting to my head and upsetting me. I'm also having some issues with my roommate, I try not to get upset about the things he does, but it is tough.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #404 on: March 13, 2018, 09:37:25 AM »
3/13/18

Yesterday was considered successful I guess, although this morning my mind is taken up by all the social conditioning bullshit at my job. Ughhh, I hate that. Where everyone is super polite and always apologizes and is PC as hell, the real world isn't like that though.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #405 on: March 14, 2018, 06:52:28 AM »
3/14/18

Still having a tough time expressing myself, you can't really do anything these days without people getting offended. That's no excuse for not doing anything, but man it doesn't make it easier when you naturally get nervous when everyone is pissed off or offended ugghhh lol.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #406 on: March 15, 2018, 02:48:46 PM »
3/15/18

I had a tough day yesterday, I was definitely in my head a lot and couldn't stop thinking, it's hard not to get lazy during the tough times, sometimes it feels as if I'm never making any progress though, can't get down on myself though, that won't help.

_Someone_

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    Humbleness no matter how big you are, is key
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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #407 on: March 16, 2018, 06:05:03 AM »
How is the progress going for you? I hope all is well. I am just a new starter to no fap, although familiar with YBOP for over 4 months.
I had the past year full of constant relapse every second day with depression but now I hope I make a change.

One tip I can give you if you dont already know is, you can install K9 for your computer and this will protect you from accessing porn. To make sure that you dont cheat yourself when your mind "kicks in" to force you PMO, you can create new gmail account and a password that you will never remember, assign it with the k9 account and make a seperate password for it which you wont remember. There is no way in hell you can ever bypass that.
Alternatively, you can download ColdTurkey for your computer and block all the sites that are time wasting, social media, games or porn (it allows you to import a list of porn videos to add to block list). Note that once you set the timer, there is no going back and the software will be locked. I set my timer to the year 3000 dec, just to be sure.

Another thing you can do which really helps is download an app blocker for your android or iphone. the purpose of this blocker is to prevent other users accessing your internet, contacts, social media or whatever. You can make a long password which you wont ever remember, assign it to the gmail account whos password you wont remember also, and block your safari, internet, google, facebook, etc.. For my android phone I blocked Google PlayStore and Appstore so that I dont cheat myself downloading adult content. I also blocked Settings too so that I can prevent myself uninstalling the blocker. I also hid the blocker so that in order to access the blocker app itself I need to dial a number on the keypad (which I dont remember).

Yea it takes a lot of sacrifice but it is definetely worth it. Make sure you only keep the apps you need (e.g. whatsapp, messages, contacts) and block the rest. We dont need smartphones except for communication purposes. Personally this has given me peace of mind as I cant physically access soft or hard material when my brain kicks in and forces me to PMO.


Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #408 on: March 16, 2018, 12:30:11 PM »
Yeah I know what you mean, I don't even really get urges to PIN much anymore though, it just sounds so undesirable and like a waste of time and mental energy. I agree with the phone thing too, I only use it when I have to or have finished all my work for the day!

3/16/18

I really need to let go of my ego because a lot of this stuff that I think matters really doesn't.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #409 on: March 17, 2018, 12:28:20 PM »
3/17/18

Had a pretty productive day yesterday, got a lot of things done, I'm going to do the same today and tomorrow!

Jz15

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #410 on: March 17, 2018, 04:44:16 PM »
3/17/18

Had a pretty productive day yesterday, got a lot of things done, I'm going to do the same today and tomorrow!

very nice progress man I hope for the best

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #411 on: March 18, 2018, 11:45:48 AM »
Thanks man, appreciate it.

3/18/18

I'm excited for this week, I'm leaving for Arizona on Friday l, it's spr8ng break, so no school, and I get Wedneseday and Friday off work, I'm still going to be productive as I was yesterday though.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #412 on: March 19, 2018, 06:51:38 AM »
3/19/18

Ok, yesterday was a pretty good day, but I'm starting to get pissed off because I can never fall asleep on Sunday night before work, I don't know what it is, but it's really starting to get on my nerves ughhhh.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #413 on: March 20, 2018, 06:51:04 AM »
3/20/18

Slept all through the night last night, so I'm now good haha, I think it's because I'm stuck in my head too much at night, paying attention and being present to my head pressing against my pillow seems to help.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #414 on: March 21, 2018, 12:17:53 PM »
3/21/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday even though it was tough, I need to keep expanding my comfort zone so I can go after what I want though.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #415 on: March 22, 2018, 06:54:43 AM »
3/22/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, did everything I needed to and I'm leaving for my trip on Friday! Let's keep it going!

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #416 on: March 23, 2018, 08:58:02 AM »
3/23/18

Pretty excited! Leaving for my trip to Arizona today! It'll be nice and warm there, tired of the cold haha.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #417 on: March 24, 2018, 09:51:21 AM »
3/24/18

Had a pretty good day today, got a lot of things done and got to relax in my hotel room and chill by the pool! Today should be fun as well!

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #418 on: March 25, 2018, 09:28:28 AM »
3/25/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got to have a fun time in Arizona! Looking forward to today as well! It'll be a long day, but I'm looking forward to it though.

MoJi

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #419 on: March 25, 2018, 10:32:14 AM »
4/3/17

Yet another tough day. It's starting to really get difficult to accept these painful emotions instead of fighting them. For some reason in my class at school we talked about sex, and this instant feeling of shame and depression washed over me, the teacher posted this stat that said something like: most everyone in college has experienced a hook up at one time or another. Instant. Shame. Instant. Depression. Being a virgin, you carry that stuff everywhere you go, it's pretty depressing. It also got me thinking how "pornified" our society is. If most people are just randomly sleeping with some stranger at a party, is that really any different from porn? Obviously it's not all staged and stuff in real life, but it's just fucking some random stranger, and that's it. There's no love or intimacy. You're both just drunk and fucking in the bathroom or whatever. It's pretty difficult to ignore when porn is so mainstream and so accepted, oh well, just gotta focus on me I guess.

Dear Jake,

I feel ya bro, I am a virgin! Never had sex, and I don't know when I am going to have one. Every time I say to myself that: hey you, you can easily start a new relationship and get laid. At the same time I ask my self: why should I do such a non-sense?? Am I just a horny animal whose whole f**king world has been created around his almighty d***k? Should I let my p***s be my leader, my guide through this tough life?
If so, why should I quite porn?? Researches have shown that sex can be addictive as Porn. So what's the point in giving up eye-catching porns??

I have a girlfriend whom I love very much, she moved to France for six months. When she was here, she never wanted to have sex. I could have left here and made new relationships with someone open-minded about sex. But I didn't, I let "love" rule, I saw many of my friends got laid. I don't regret. I love to stay strong against commonly accepted believes.

You are not alone bro, Keep going, you're a strong man.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #420 on: March 26, 2018, 08:55:48 AM »
Thanks buddy, I appreciate that. Yeah it can be really damned tough, but I'm going to keep going!

3/26/18

Had a fun time in Arizona, but it's time to head back home now, and to be honest, trips are always nice, but it's nice to get back into the swing of things.

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #421 on: March 27, 2018, 12:01:33 PM »
3/27/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got to get a lot done and I'm looking forward to get a lot more done today! Feeling like I'm getting a handle on some things that I previously struggled with as well!

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #422 on: March 28, 2018, 09:36:29 AM »
3/28/18

Had a pretty good day yesterday, got a lot of thongs done and my social anxiety is slowly getting better, just need to keep going!

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #423 on: March 29, 2018, 06:50:22 AM »
3/29/18

Got a lot done yesterday, but it wasn't easy, and I keep worrying over and over about stupid things, which is tough, I never know what to write on this thing, do I? Haha

Jake323

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Re: Journey to a better me
« Reply #424 on: March 30, 2018, 06:47:33 AM »
3/30/18

I had a pretty good day yesterday, I got a lot of things done today and I'm looking forward to today as well, gonna push my comfort zone even more today!